LETTERS TO THE DOCTOR

Originally published in The Wilson County Advocate, Vol. 3, No. 10 ©March 16, 1993 by Donald W. Gillette

Dear Dr. Meeker:

What’s all this white stuff I saw falling from the sky last weekend? Have people gone crazy? I tried to get someone to listen to me, but they only laughed and said I was nuts. Please help me. I don’t understand.

A Former Blind Man

Lebanon, Tennessee

Dear Dr. Meeker:

I spied on the Sheriff this weekend and all he did was lay around the house in silk pajamas and listen to Simon and Garfunkel records. Does this mean he’s going soft in the head?

Sammy Rotweiller

Lebanon, Tennessee

Dear Dr. Meeker:

What do I have to do with Simon & Garfunkel or silk pajamas? And even if I do own some, what makes you think I listen to Simon & Garfunkel? I swear, sometimes you have to hardest time trying to think up something even remotely funny. Leave me alone.

Sheriff Terry Ashe

The Palace On The Hill

Dear Dr. Meeker:

Thanks for keeping us rich.

The Folks at Market Basket Liquors

Lebanon, Tennessee

Dear Mr. Jimmy Joe Meeker:

If you haven’t heard or seen anything about me for a while, don’t worry. I’m working on a new image. I’ll be back soon with a dummy and I’ll sing the National Anthem while drinking a glass of water.

The amazing thing is that the dummy’s eyes don’t even roll back in his head. Mine do, sometimes, but his don’t.

Mayor Bobby Jewell

One Foot On A Banana Peel, Tennessee