By

Jimmy Joe Meeker

There's a lot to talk about this week.

Forgive me for jumping around, but my eyes felt like billiard balls by the end of the Council meeting.

Aside from the raise to be effective with the mayoral election, the biggest bombshell at last week's City Council meeting was dropped by Councilwoman Jeannie Smith: she's had all she can stand. Don't look for her on this year's ballot.

I spoke to Ms. Smith on Wednesday and asked her one question: "Why?"

After she hedged that question, I asked her if she was tired of beating her head against the wall.

"Well," she answered, "I guess that comes with the territory."

Ms. Smith didn't rule out seeking another city office in the future, saying she "would keep [her] options open," but did indicated she needed a rest from city government.

I don't know about Ward Four, but I'm going to miss her. Each time I've interviewed her, after wading through the usual political gibberish, she gave me an answer. Oh, she beat around the bush, never came right out and said what she meant, but I always got something. I hope she reconsiders.

Well, enough of this sentimental clap-trap; on to business.

Utility bills are still big in the City of Lebanon. At the end of the fiscal year, the city writes off any uncollected utility bills. The council wants to know how much is owed and who owes it. Don Fox wants the names kept secret so these deadbeat, no-bill-paying skuzzballs can still get a MasterCard.

Evidently he's never read, understood, or heard of either the Freedom of Information Act or the Privacy Act of 1974.

This ain't Moscow, Don--if you get to know, we get to know.

Councilman Bobby Wynne wants to hear the names of these welchers: he might want to make sure that business in Lebanon don't sell them anything on credit.

I like that. It makes sense. And, as we all know, anything that makes sense is banned from the City Council.

Wynne impressed me at this meeting. He's the only councilman who will admit that he wants to know what's going on. Wynne wants a meeting with the city codes inspector. He's still tired of the slums in Lebanon and he wants the codes inspector to either shit or get off the pot. I've still got that knife, Bobby. Call me.

Councilman Gary Keith, forever the protector of the taxpayer and forever looking for a headline, wanted to know why some city employees get to drive government cars outside of Wilson County to their homes every night.

Nobody knew. To take it one step further, why should city employees get to drive their cars for personal business at all? Gas, oil, and depreciation come out of the citizens' pockets. If they can't afford to buy a car on the salary we pay them, they can't work for us.

And I want to talk about Jeff. Now, I don't know what Jeff does, but it has something to do with public works. Every council member asks Jeff questions. I want to ask Jeff a question: Jeff, can you speak English?

When Councilman Jerry Hunt asked Jeff, "What in the world are you telling me? I felt as if I had found a kindred spirit.

No kidding, this guy talks faster than the guy who did those Federal Express commercials. He had about two thousands words to say Tuesday night and all I picked up was "right of way--right now---sure---sure---safer---sure---projects."

Slow down, man! Life is too short.

Councilman Fred Burton was advised that the city council had passed an ordinance stating that the city will not go on private property to cut down trees.

Hey, Fred:

Number One: Where were you when you voted for this?

Number Two: Repeat after me: House insurance.

And by way of closing, Mr. Hunt, the word you were desperately searching for is "mesmerized." It comes from a theory of Dr. Franz Anton Mesmer and we know it today as hypnotism.

At the count of three, we will all wake up and remember nothing.

No one here gets out alive.

XXX