UNIONS AND THE DEMISE OF AMERICA

By

Jimmy Joe Meeker

"They found him dead. Him and his whole family. No union needs an honest man."

-George Herlim on the death of Carl Yablonski

First Published in The Wilson County Advocate, Vol. 1, No. 27 ©December 10, 1991 by Donald W. Gillette

It's about time to stop all the Japan bashing going on in this country lately and start union bashing.

Workers put too much faith in their unions.

Unions are the reason America produces second-rate trash. It's not the Japanese. The Japanese are merely filling the need our society has for a decent product that does what it's supposed to do and lasts a long time. The Japanese don't make a better-looking car than the Americans and they don't make one that's as comfortable. They don't make Cadillacs or Lincoln Town Cars or even Fifth Avenues. They make small cars. And baloney to anyone who says a Lexus is more comfortable than a Lincoln. I just ain't so. No matter how hard you try, you can't bump uglies in the back seat of a Maxima without a visit to the chiropractor the next day. The difference between an Infinity and a Cadillac is the difference between a concrete block and a leather recliner.

But Japanese cars will give you 200,000 miles with a couple of oil changes while a Cadillac is hard pressed to reach the 50,000 mile mark without auto-piloting into the dealership every six weeks.

Hell, I used to have a Mazda GLC and the hood was never raised on it. No kidding. Not one savage grease monkey ever looked at the engine in that car. It had 80,000 miles on it when I traded it off for another and it had never even had its oil checked. I traded it because the stench of spilled bourbon was becoming embarrassing. And therein lies the difference between Japanese and American products.

When you buy a Japanese car (made in Japan, not Smyrna), you're buying a car made by a guy who makes around 10 bucks an hour. When you buy an American car, you're buying a car made by a guy with a sixth grade education who glues carpet on the floorboard (and glues it in sideways), makes 20 bucks an hour, and gets free health insurance for himself, his wife, and his seven kids…each of whom will grow up to work at the same American car factory where their old man works.

Company loyalty means absolutely nothing to American workers because of unions. And you can't blame the workers. American companies don't give a hoot in hell for their workers because they know that any moron with a union card in untouchable. And you can't blame the company, either.

Reaching back into my past, I can remember going to company picnics with my father. At that time, he was a member of management: a chemist working for a large manufacturing firm. This manufacturer's employees had no union. Everyone who worked for the company could bring their family to the company picnic. I was 13 years old and to me, that company picnic was the greatest thing on earth until I discovered an old Playboy in a dumpster. Management and workers were friends. There was no conflict. The workers were paid well, had good benefits, and enjoyed the same gratuities as management.

Then someone got greedy. The workers voted in a union.

The company picnics stopped, management salaries and benefits grew, and the workers got a small raise. A year later, the workers got another raise but it was less than that received by management. The workers lost part of their health insurance benefits to pay for their raise, but they didn't quite understand why.

But now I know why. The union did it.

The union misled the workers, played down the demise of their health insurance, and trumpeted the raise they won for their members. Meanwhile, the union continued to bolster the wages of union officers, a pack of demented cretins with no more common sense or morals than the Common Market.

Unions used to have a place in America. Originally, they were instituted to stop "sweat shop" conditions. They did it and they did a good job of it. But they should have stuck to worker's rights and stayed the hell out of worker's wages, contract negotiations, and job classifications.

Unions have priced America right out of the world economy. As soon as an American company starts making a VCR or a car or a stereo made by a bunch of people who make the same money as I do, I'll buy one. Until then, I'm sticking to the best product for the money and I don't care if it comes from America, Japan, Korea, or Istanbul.

It just so happens that right now, Japan is doing what we used to do. They're building the best product for the best price.

Unions have outlived their purpose. They are antiquated Old Folks' Homes for good old boy union officials, most of whom are as corrupt as Richard Nixon ever thought of being. They stink like ripe bass on a summer day. Unions don't have any more concern for workers than I have for the chickens Colonel Sanders tosses into hot oil every day.

You don't have to look any further than Toshiba, located right here in Lebanon, to see that unions suck Town Creek water after a heavy rain. Toshiba could have been a real boost for this burg if it weren't for their union. What did their most recent strike accomplish and how long will it take workers to recoup their lost earnings?

And now, one more reason I'm going to keep buying Japanese.

Japanese women are really cute. That is, until they hit 40 when they turn into ninety year old white women.

And Japanese men are really small. Which means that most of us can beat them up (unless they know karate and then we can hit them with baseball bats) and steal their dates.

No one here gets out alive.

XXX