HEREIN LIES THE ANSWER

SAY WHAT YOU WANT OUTSIDE, THIS IS MY TURF

By

Jimmy Joe Meeker

"Art is long and life is short, and success is very far off."

-Joseph Conrad

First Published in The Wilson County Advocate, Vol. 1, No. 28 ©December 17, 1991 by Donald W. Gillette

As I was leaving WJKM Wednesday, after fumbling through their morning talk show, I was introduced to a woman who, according to the show's host, had wanted to meet me for a long time.

I conceitedly thought that she must be a fan, but I have never been more wrong.

This woman immediately attacked me and wanted to know first, my credentials, then my place of employment, then my address, then a family history. This interrogation puzzled me…it caught me off guard. Until she made her motive clear. She wanted me to answer some questions: Why am I so negative? Why can't I write about the good things in Lebanon and Wilson County? Do I really hate all politicians? Why don't I name my sources instead of using "sources say"? Why don't I run for office if I think I could do a better job? And finally, why don't I move somewhere else?

And each time I attempted to reply to her questions, I was rudely interrupted and forced to listen to her opinions concerning a new addition to some church in Gladeville and the wonderful, caring county politicians who had only the citizens at heart.

As anyone who heard the show (all 4 of you) knows by now, in public I am not the abrasive bastard you would expect me to be. I am polite, open to criticism, slow to anger, and I would prefer to remain in the background and hear all sides of an issue before I make up my mind.

There is a chance that this woman and I could have had a rational discussion after her personal attack on me had run its course; however, all discussion came to a halt when my editor happened to say the word "hell" in the course of conversation. At the mere mention of this word, all discussion ceased and the woman threw up her hands claiming that she would not listen to such trash. I had no idea that religious zealots still existed in our society and I was taken back, but she continued to berate my editor over his "gutter language."

And I agree heartily. They should string the evil son-of-a-bitch up by his thumbs.

As I left the station, I turned to the woman and said, "It was very nice to meet you."

And in the finest Christian tradition, she called me a liar. I beat it out the door before she could pull a gun.

Fanatics are terribly hard to deal with, especially when you're sober, which I was, and I will not make that mistake again.

But it continued to bother me that she wouldn't allow me the opportunity to answer her questions and I started thinking that maybe some of you had the same questions. I'd like to answer them now without caustic interruption or the unsolicited interjection of religious fanaticism.

Why am I so negative?

When I notice something wrong, I mention it. When I notice something right, two things that are wrong take its place. But I am positive on some things. I've written that Town Creek was good for canoeing. I've mentioned that the Wilson County Fair was excellent if you like pigs and jellies. I've even agreed with Don Fox and Terry Ashe in past articles, but there's already a "good news" paper in this county. It's called The Wilson World. I you want positive, but that rag and leave this one in the stands. See…I'm a negative kind of guy.

Do I really hate all politicians?

Yes, I do.

Why don't I name my sources?

I don't have any sources. And if I did, I wouldn't use them because anyone who would tell me something couldn't be trusted anyway. My only source of information is me and most of the time I don't even trust myself.

Why don't I run for office if I think I could do a better job?

If I thought I could do a better job, I would run for office, but if people think it's screwed-up now, they'd be in for one king hell of a treat with me at the controls.

And finally, why don't I move somewhere else?

I haven't moved somewhere else for the same reason people slow down as they pass by a train wreck. I want to see the dead bodies.

No one here gets out alive.

XXX