THE WILSON COUNTY TEA PARTY

By

Jimmy Joe Meeker

Originally published in The Wilson County Advocate, Vol. 1, No. 13 (Misprinted as Vol. 1, No. 10) ©September 10, 1991 Donald W. Gillette

Go ahead. You buffoons on the County Commission hold all the referendums you want concerning taxes. I’m not voting in another damned one and I suspect you’ll discover that no one else is, either. And you don’t have to raise the sales tax by 1% or even 2%. Hell, if you want to, you can tack an extra 25% on everything I buy in the County because I’m not paying it.

From now on, when I walk into Wal-Mart and pick something off the shelf that costs $4.95, I’m paying $4.95. The County can go to hell and the State can join them there for a barbecue.

I already pay Federal income tax and that takes 25% of the money I earn. I also pay gasoline tax and that builds the highways and bridges I drive on. I pay a property tax so I can see a Sheriff’s patrol car cruise my neighborhood once every leap year. And I pay a $50 wheel tax on both cars so I can do something else, but I’m damned if I know what that pays for, so forget I even mentioned it.

But I’m not giving this backwards-ass county another nickel until they show me some progress.

In anything.

I’d take better roads, better schools, better law enforcement, better mousetraps…anything.

But there will be no progress in Wilson County until we get rid of the simpletons on the County Commission.

They’re not very good at balancing books. We’ve seen that. They could use some lessons in civics. They don’t even have a good success rate in the area of choosing which ties goes with which shirt. In point of fact, the only thing I’ve ever seen them do with any aplomb is bitch and moan.

But enough of this gibberish, back to not paying taxes.

There are several ways to do it and not get thrown in jail.

When the girl rings up your purchase, tell her you don’t pay sales tax. This method is quick and easy and sometimes it works.

If she ignores you and adds it on anyway, threaten to come across the counter and bust her in the mouth. Don’t’ really do it, just threaten. There’s not a 19-year-old girl out there anywhere who wants her lip split, so she’ll usually subtract it.

As a last resort, if she calls the manager, tell him the same thing. Then get him off to the side and tell him that if he causes a scene, you’ll kill him. Twitch your mouth a lot and blink every two or three seconds.

(NOTE: This will not work on the guys at the auto parts store or on anyone taller than six-foot-two.)

Anarchy. That’s what I recommend.

Citizens have become so accustomed to the County saying they’ll still respect us in the morning, that nobody cares anymore. We take being screwed by brainless lunatics as part of a typical day.

“Moderation in the pursuit of justice is no virtue.”

-Barry Goldwater

I guess the shrinks were right. I really am losing it. I quoted Goldwater.

But simply sitting back and paying taxes because some tainted geeks can’t manage a budget is not acceptable behavior. As a matter of fact, it’s not even human behavior. It’s dumb animal. We’re like cows being led into the slaughterhouse waiting around for some farm boy to put a bullet in our heads.

Next time you buy something in Wilson County, remember the famous words of ex-First Lady Nancy Reagan.

“Just say no.”