THE LEBANON CITY COUNCIL

PLEASE DON’T THROW ME IN THE BRIAR PATCH

By

Jimmy Joe Meeker

Originally published in The Wilson County Advocate, Vol. 1, No. 13 (Misprinted as Vol. 1, No. 10) ©September 10, 1991 Donald W. Gillette

What a snooze.

From the look of things, the only members of the City Council who could possibly hope to be elected mayor in 1994 are the three who probably won’t run. Fred Burton, Don Fox, and Jerry Hunt. They’re the only ones who opened their mouths during the entire council meeting.

At this meeting, the council voted to buy a new police car for around $14,000. Gary Keith did wake up for a minute to ask how the city could be sure that “everything [on the car is] supposed to be there.” Then he nodded off again, his breathing became normal, and he entered R.E.M. sleep.

The council also voted to buy new lights for the ballpark when there are some perfectly good lights from Head Homes lying around someplace. The new lights are 1,500 watts and the old ones are 1,000 watts. Correct me if I’m wrong, but when you get above 150, what difference could it possibly make? Even the sun doesn’t put out 1,500 watts, so watch yourselves when you go to see the kids knock a softball around. Wear sunscreen and protective clothing.

Don Fox introduced his concept of a Salary Review Board for city employees and it sounded pretty straight-forward and fair; until he mentioned the members of the board: the mayor, the commissioner of finance, the personnel director, himself, and two regular citizens appointed by the mayor. Still okay. But the mayor has appointed two local bankers to sit on the board.

What? It was impossible to find two citizens who had real jobs to sit on this board? What in the hell do bankers know about how much a real job should pay? Fox went on to say that the board “will be conservative, but, I think fair.” No kidding. How many bankers have you ever met who weren’t conservative?

But Fox thinks they’ll be fair. Coming from a guy who didn’t think city councilors got paid and doesn’t know if the Police Department has Privates in its organization, that statement should make city employees feel very comfortable.

Brer Fox finished his proposal and got a good receipt from the council. But Brer Keith and Brer Smith, they lay low.

Next up was Councilman Fred Burton. He wanted a portion of the Market Street School set aside for community affairs. Market Street School has classrooms, offices, a gym, and a cafeteria. Personally, I didn’t see a problem with giving the gym or the cafeteria to the community.

Jerry Hunt fell on this like a vulture chewing up a rabbit. He made a good case against Burton’s proposal. He was adamant that no one could look into the future.

Wrong. I can. I predict that anyone who screws up the pronunciation of “mesmerized” at the last council meeting and “idiosyncratic” at this meeting will screw up at least one more word at the next meeting.

A spokesman for the Civic League, Harry Watkins, Jr., spoke quite eloquently in defense of Burton’s proposal and I tried to get him on the phone for some comments. He has an unlisted number. Somehow the terms civic and unlisted don’t seem to go well together, but as I said, I tried.

To shut Fred down, the council began camouflaging his proposal by spouting foolishness about desks, chairs, things being attached to the walls, etc. Exhibiting a lack of guys, Fred bowed out.

Moving on, the question of salaries came up again. The council voted in favor of the mayor’s $40,000 by four-to-two. Since Don Fox was the moving force behind his, he asked to suspend the rules and then wanted to know the reasons for the two negative votes. I thought a vote was a private thing, but to reward Fox for this display of browbeating arrogance, and also exhibiting a lack of guts, Jerry Hunt and Jeannie Smith explained their reasons. They should have told him to go to hell.

In the closing statements, the council heaped praise on everyone involved in the Wilson County Fair. And it was a good fair. It was well-organized, well run, within budget, and fun. Which leads to a provocative concept: Maybe we should lay in a healthy supply of “little blue shorts”, throw out the City Council and the County Commissions, and let the Steed Brothers and Randall Clemmons run the whole damned county.

XXX