PAVED WITH GOOD INTENTIONS

DOOM AND MADNESS ON THE ROAD TO ROADS

By

Jimmy Joe Meeker

 

First Published in The Wilson County Advocate, Vol. 3, No. 15 ©April 20, 1993 by Donald W. Gillette

 

      Sometimes in this business you have to eat some crow. You don't like it, but with a little salt and half a bottle of Wild Turkey, it'll eventually go down.

So let me tell you about Road Superintendent Val Kelley:

            Somewhere around two years ago, when the Road Superintendent post was up for election by the County Commission, there was a big hub-bub about whether or not Val Kelley was qualified for the position. Well, according to my interpretation of the law, he wasn't.

            I've since been told by The Wilson County Advocate's publisher that because I'm not a lawyer, I can't have a legal opinion…but that's a matter of opinion…it's his opinion, so I suppose it's legal, but it's still an opinion. In countering this ruthless charge, I told the publisher that since he wasn't a Doctor of Metaphysics, he couldn't have a metaphysical opinion. He agree, but told me I was nuts…an opinion (legal or otherwise) that I could not dispute although I did recall an old axiom about a pot and a kettle that I could have used as a come back…

            Anyway, back to professional journalism.

            During all the fol-de-rol about who was qualified for the position of Road Superintendent, this newspaper did some considerable, in-depth investigative work…probably some of the best that's ever been done by any local newspaper concerning county politics…and discovered several unusual things about the situation. First, Kelley's application for the position was incomplete to the point of embarrassment; second, he did not meet the qualifications (either in experience or education) required for the job; third, that he wrote himself a letter of recommendation for the position on Tennessee Department of Transportation stationery; and finally, that he resigned from his post on the County Commission even before he was elected Road Superintendent. Coupled with all this, his major backing on the Commission, West End Commissioner Gilbert Graves, admitted that in his opinion, Kelley wasn't qualified for the post.

            Because of these discrepancies, County Executive Don Simpson asked for something called a declaratory judgement (I think) from a Chancellor over the qualifications required for a Road Superintendent…but he didn't get one. He didn't get one because the District Attorney wouldn't join in the suit despite the urging of most Road Superintendents in Tennessee who also wanted to know what it took to be a Road Superintendent which proves, if nothing else, that what it doesn't take is a lot of smarts. Most people thought Simpson did what he did because he wanted his old pal, George Harding, to be re-elected to the position, but I don't. I think he just wanted a judge to say yeah or nay on Kelley's qualifications so the bullshit would cease and county business could get back to normal. Or paranormal in the case of Wilson County.

            During the entire demented episode, while this newspaper was on Kelley like white on rice, someone (nobody knows who) began calling the paper's advertisers and threatening their businesses. These hapless entrepreneurs were told that if they didn't pull their ads out of The Wilson County Advocate, their business was going to do down the tubes. And some of them believed it. For a couple of weeks, it was touch and go.

            But that's all history now. Kelley was elected and since that time, I have to admit, he's done a pretty good job.

            Journalism is a pretty strange game. What you are is a hired geek of sorts, digging around and spouting off about all manner of madness. A professional can admit an error but a professional can never apologize. And I am, after all, a professional. So…Kelley was never qualified to be Road Superintendent. But now that he is, he's proven that the qualifications required by the state don’t add up when it comes to doing the job.

            I did a little checking on Kelley's duties and job performance when he worked for the Tennessee Department of Transportation and discovered he had a lot to do with getting funding for construction projects. According to the information I got, he was evidently pretty good at it, too. He may have never picked up a shovel in his life, I don't know, but his recent statement that Wilson County is getting the shaft from the feds and the state when it comes to the fair distribution of bucks from the gasoline tax is right on the money. And he isn't sitting on his thumbs crying about it, either. He's been to every national politician I can think of and he's brought the cold, hard facts with him. Amazingly enough, they're beginning to listen. Out of the 20 cents Tennessee collects for every gallon of gas sold at the pump, counties get 5 cents. The Department of Transportation gets the other 15 cents to maintain around 13,000 miles or roads, both state and federal. Kelley contends that the mathematics is screwed up someplace and that counties should be getting more of their fair share of the gasoline tax.

            Cash is where it's at in the road business. Kelley could just sit back and let the roads go to hell in a hand basket, but he's trying to get money to fix them--money that shouldn't come out of county property tax revenues if there's a couple of million somewhere we could (or should be allowed to) use instead.

            But in the meantime, he's trying to finance his $2 million, 50-mile road repaving plan with a 12-year capital outlay note that lets the county borrow money at 4.5% interest. The proposal is in that dark and treacherous limbo knows as "committee" now. If it makes it through the Road Commission, it goes to the Financial Management Committee and then to the brain trust of the County Commission where those Einsteins will play with it for a couple of weeks before deciding they don't know what the hell it is.

            They'll pass it--not because it's good for Wilson County, but because someone with some sense will tell them to. Collectively, they're too stupid to figure out how to make change for a dollar.

 

"I think I'll have kidneys. I left mine on the road out there someplace."

-Jack Nicholson in Easy Rider

 

            Like most of you, I drive on county roads all the time. It's pretty damned depressing to have your tires aligned every other month only to hit a pothole the size of Rhode Island on your way home. Kelley wants to resurface around twenty five short roads in the county. And it's the little ones that'll wrench your teeth from their sockets.

            So have at it, Val. It'll be nice to see some progress for a change.

            No one here gets out alive.

XXX