A Droll Sketch
"I say, waiter, this salmon isn't half as good as the one I had here last week."
"Can't see why, sir. It's off the same fish."
To Help You Recover From All The Media Hub-Bub About Campaigns
by
Jimmy Joe Meeker
Originally published in The Wilson County Advocate Vol. 2, No. 45 ©November 10, 1992 by Donald W. Gillette
Try Some Old Fashioned Fun
Genuine Examples of Mirth From Previous Centuries
A Merry Rhyme
No, no for my virginity,
When I lose that, says Rose, I'll die;
Behind the elms last night, cried Dick
Rose, were you not extremely sick?
-Matthew Prior
(1664-1721)
A Bawdy Jest
A Gentleman happening to turn against an House to make Water, did not see two Young Ladies looking out of a Window close by him 'til he heard them giggling; then, looking toward them, he asked, what made them so merry?
'O! Lord, Sir,' said one of them, 'a very Little Thing will make us laugh.'
-From Joe Miller's Jests
(1739)
A Droll Sketch
"I say, waiter, this salmon isn't half as good as the one I had here last week."
"Can't see why, sir. It's off the same fish."
-From Punch
(March 1898)
You Could Possess the Equivalent of a Vanderbilt Education
Not everyone gets a chance to go to Vanderbilt University, but intelligence and wide-ranging life experience may have provided you with the equivalent of a Vanderbilt education or better! Take this quick test and see.
1. At a formal dinner, the tiny little fork way over on the left is for:
a. Oysters.
b. Throwing on the floor in a drunken snit.
c. Banging on a glass to make a stupid toast.
2. On a single-breasted blazer, which button is always left undone?
a. The lowest or bottom button.
b. Perot in '92.
3. Are you an ecologically minded socialist who plans to make $200 grand a year and own three Porsches and a Saab by the time you're 40?
a. Yes.
4. Can you accept having a football team that can be whipped by anything in high school, learn to talk like your jaws are wired together, and find a tweed sports coat six sizes too big?
a. No.
b. If I have to.
Answers: 1: a, b, or c. 2: a. 3: a 4: b
Cheering Thoughts If You're Over Forty
1. You'll never have to take another final exam or write another term paper or ever learn how to do anything you don't already know how to do again, ever.
2. If your parents get on your back, you can have them committed to an old age home.
3. If somebody doesn't want to sleep with you it's really no big deal because you'd just as soon go home and go to bed anyway.
4. You no longer look funny smoking a cigar (unless you're a woman, in which case you no longer look funny with a cigarette holder).
5. Cops listen to you. If you accidentally leave your driver's license home, they'll let you go and come back and show it.
6. You have a perfect excuse for being lousy at sports.
7. When you want to claim to have done something you never did, you can say it was "years and years ago" and everyone will believe you.
Cheering Thought If You're Under Twenty-one
1. You're under twenty-one.
Cheering Thought If You're Between Twenty-one and Forty.
1. Well, actually, if you're between twenty-one and forty, life is kind
of a drag, but at least you can legally drink in every state, so go ahead
and have a stiff one.