SHE HAS A WONDERFUL PERSONALITY
A Translation Into English Of Almost One Hundred Words & Phrases Used by Sisters, Mothers, and Aunts To Describe The Human Face & Figure
By
Jimmy Joe Meeker
First Published in The Wilson County Advocate, Vol. 5, No. 29, ŠAugust 10, 1993 by Donald W. Gillette
Athletic (girl)
Muscular, thighs like tree trunks, great big shoulders, real biceps
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Big-boned (girl)
6’6", huge hands, giant nose and face.
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Delicate (man)
Queer.
_____
Fair-complected
Pale with ugly moles.
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Mediterranean
Has hair on her upper lip.
_____
Friendly face
Goofy-looking.
_____
Shy
Goofy-acting.
_____
Dignified good looks
Old enough to be your mother.
_____
Gracious
Even older.
_____
Healthy glow
Great big girl who sweats a lot.
_____
Tiny
Dwarf girl with a face like a rat.
_____
Very nice (girl)
Not pretty enough to be a threat and would never ask you to marry her.
_____
Very nice (man)
Queer.
_____
Graceful
Hard to figure; probably means bad breath.
_____
Pleasant-looking
Not pleasant looking.
_____
Girl next door
Homely.
_____
So Nice
Real homely.
_____
She has a wonderful personality
Extremely homely.
_____
She takes after her father
Big and homely.
_____
Aquiline
Big nose on a rich girl.
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Striking
Even bigger nose than aquiline, but not quite as rich.
_____
Handsome (woman)
Like aquiline, but richer.
_____
Classic features
Like striking, but might be part Italian.
_____
Fine-featured (girl)
Long, skinny nose and no chin.
_____
Fine-featured (man)
Queer.
_____
Classic features (man)
Big nose.
_____
Roman features
Real big nose.
_____
Strong features
Huge nose.
_____
His face has a lot of character
Huge nose, pockmarks, lines, scars, eyebrows that grow together, lots of hair in ears.
_____
Sensual features
Big, wide nose, huge lips, looks like a gorilla.
_____
Coarse, sensual features
Looks like Yassir Arafat.
_____
Quiet good looks
No good looks at all.
_____
Aristocratic good looks (girl)
Quiet good looks with money.
_____
Aristocratic good looks (man)
Queer.
_____
Dark, brooding good looks
Jewish psychotic.
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Cute (girl)
Under 5’1", blond, turned-up nose, 20 pounds overweight.
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Cute as a button
Similar to cute, but pie-faced with a nose like a pig.
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Womanly
Fat.
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Full-figured
Huge hips, real fat.
_____
Statuesque
Tall and fat.
_____
Earth-mother type
Young and fat.
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Motherly
Old and fat.
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Talented
Fat and twirls the baton.
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Bubbly
Fat but fun at cookouts. Owns a nice car.
_____
Fun to be with
Insane, but likes to drink a lot.
_____
Good sense of humor
You can call her boat-hips and she won’t get it.
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Beautiful hair
So fat you can’t see her eyes. Approaching critical mass.
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Cute (man)
Only a little fat, but real short.
_____
Big-boned
Fat.
_____
Robust
Fat and outdoorsy.
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Large
Tall and fat.
_____
Athletic
Will be fat when he gets old.
_____
Vivacious
Manic-depressive scarecrow on a diet pill jag.
_____
Delicate (girl)
Anorexic.
_____
Delicate (man)
Queer.
_____
Amusing-looking
Actually physically deformed.
_____
Rawboned
Huge, dirty person who can’t count above eight.
_____
Unusual face
Ugly in a truly surprising way.
_____
Pleasingly plump, a little on the plump side, portly, or rotund
All kidding aside, this person could get a job with any carnival sideshow in the country.
APPENDIX A
Words of phrases the use of which
indicates that the person so described is ugly to the point of rendering
euphemism almost impossible.
Going through an awkward stage.
Good with children.
Nice to his/her parents.
Such a help around the house.
Beauty’s only skin deep.
Looks aren’t everything.
APPENDIX B
A phrase which, while not directly
descriptive, usually indicates a seriously dangerous situation
They have a daughter your age.
APPENDIX C
Euphemistic phrases used by
members of our own generation to describe the human face & figure
Very attractive, but not my type
Hideous shrew married to your best friend.
I really like her as a friend
Call the zoo.