The Xindi

Rating: **1/2

Director: Allan Kroeker

Goodness, but the objects of my hobby interests are deteriorating. Both WW[E] and the Star Trek franchise are laboring like the Seattle Mariner offense these days. It was an even call as to whether I hadn’t gotten around to writing this review out of forgetfulness or disinterest.

I was, however, too apathetic to care which.

The first criticism of “The Xindi” appears to be that it was just another ordinary episode rather than the epic story that a season premier is supposed to be. Well, the “epic” in this case was last season’s finale, “The Expanse.” Which, as I recall, drew mixed reviews itself. Ironic, since I recall Voyager being criticized for saving its ep “The 37s” for its second season premier instead of making it the series’ first season finale – which also drew mixed reviews.

What was that Spockian adage? “A difference which makes no difference, IS no difference.”

Moving on to the first scene, right away we’re given a full revelation of the Xindi council and the fact that it is made up of five different intelligent species, all of which ostensibly arose on the same planet.

There has been criticism of this creative decision as well; some say the Xindi should have remained a mystery to the viewers as well as the crew of the NX-01, a conundrum to be slowly revealed over the course of this new mytharc – kind of like we still don’t know who “Future/Shadow Guy” is more than two seasons later.

OTOH, has keeping F/SG’s identity a secret helped get the temporal cold war angle over thus far? I fail to see how, unless he’s part of this new mytharc as well. And recall that it was he whose disclosure about the Xindi sent the Enterprise into the Delphic Expanse to begin with, so perhaps the creative thought is that that’s the mystery in this angle, and that, indeed, the Xindi may be being manipulated every bit as much as Archer & Co.

For my part, I would like to know how it is that the Xindi seem to know the Earth vessel’s every move almost before it’s made. Do they have cloaked ships shadowing the Enterprise? Could they have a spy on board – maybe one of the MACOs, altered to pass as human? If so, how did they manage to do that? And if they can see the humans coming, then isn’t Archer’s mission essentially doomed from the start?

The only thing apparently restraining the Xindi’s dominance is their infighting – described by another Xindi (more on that below) as “all in disagreement as to which [species] is dominant.” From the Xindi council scenes, it seems apparent that the humanoid Xindi are more moderate and/or cautious (naturally) while the cetacean and especially the insectoid Xindi are flat-out paranoid and militant. The latter immediately concludes that Archer’s ship is the vanguard of an Earth invasion and advocates its immediate destruction – more to establish the inevitable future Xindi crackup than anything else, since obviously snuffing Enterprise isn’t going to happen.

Of course, if they did, how would anybody from Earth or Vulcan ever find out about it? Thus is Archer’s mission functionally disconnected from the Xindi’s planned final attack against Earth – unless, I suppose, he manages to track down the Xindi council and persuades the humanoid factions to call it off. Which will cause the insectoids and maybe the cetaceans to go into business for themselves anyway, leading to a Final Showdown. [tm] I’m sorry, did I just give it all away? And if I have, am I really sorry?

When we join the Enterprise, it’s six weeks after the events of “The Expanse,” and the natives, including their captain, are getting restless. They haven’t found any trace of or lead on the Xindi, and Ambassador Soval’s horrific hype about the terrors of the Delphic Expanse have proven, of course, to be sehlat dung. The combination of boredom and failure is really eating at Archer, who is learning why it’s not a good idea to stay angry for weeks at a time.

Or maybe he isn’t learning, since he decides to follow a lead given them by a disreputable freighter captain against the advice of his senior officers. That this was going to lead to his forty-third bout of captivity since this series began was so predictable that I had to fight the urge to start channel-surfing.

The Enterprise ends up at a mining planet rendered all but uninhabitable by the unrestrained emission of every imaginable pollutant into the planet’s atmosphere – to which Archer and Reed take a shuttle minus environment suits anyway. “Just hold your breath, Malcolm.” “Certainly, sir. <wheeze> Anything you <cough, hack, cough> say, <gag> sir.”

The boss of the mining operation, Degra (Randy Oblesby), was precisely what I would have expected Archer to find in a place like that – a small-time crook who was as outwardly distrustworthy as he was ..well, inwardly distrustworthy. A case of a book being entirely judged by its cover.

Which isn’t to say that he was a cardboard cutout. The scenes between Degra and Archer are played out in such a way as to remove any possibility of successful deceit or artifice. Degra is a small fish in an even smaller pond, but it’s HIS pond, and he knows it – and knows that Archer knows it, too. Archer knows what Degra is but is so driven to find out anything about his homeworld’s attackers that he’s going through the motions anyway, in the hopes that he might still pick up something. To borrow a Bismarckean aphorism, the cap’n knows he’s the horse and Degra is the rider, and the realization does nothing to improve his dark mood.

Turns out there IS a Xindi in the mine – a humanoid, as it happens – which Degra allows Archer to confirm by helpfully providing him with one of the Xindi’s severed fingers. Pity I forgot to look for that missing detail when he, Archer, and Tucker were climbing up that plasma conduit later.

Yes, the Xindi – which Trip briefly threatens to throttle “just for the hell of it” – quickly becomes their ally after the two Starfleeters learn, too late, that – natch – all the miners there are really prisoners, forced to work as slaves until they die from all the pollutant emissions. And to think it only cost Archer half a liter of liquid platinum, too – Degra must have been feeling generous that day.

Miraculously, the mine that nobody can escape from can’t hold the Xindi who couldn’t escape without the humans’ help. At least when Kirk and McCoy did this with Martia on Rura Penthe, Kirk himself pointed out the implausibility of it in the dialogue and it proved to be a setup. Here the jarring inconsistency just…is. Which make it fitting, I guess, that the trio had to wade through the mine’s sewage treatment tanks to get to the plasma conduit.

Of course, they don’t make it – proving either that Degra isn’t a complete moron or that Archer is – which opens the door for the MACOs to make their first kick-ass appearance in action. Nothing profound about it, but then they’re not there for compelling drama. Rousing action is the direction of this series now, and as such they fulfilled their purpose. Indeed, I was pleased to see them take a couple of casualties, even as they were mowing down all the bad guys with ridiculous ease.

There wasn’t much on the Reed-MACO rivalry angle, but maybe they’ll get to that as the season progresses.

Unfortunately, there was plenty on the “T’Pol gets naked and Tucker mistakes her massage offer for a sexual proposition leading to another awkward moment” [tm] angle. Now I will freely admit that Jolene Blalock has a tremendous set of hooters, and I like her wardrobe upgrade and her more Vulcan-like eyebrows and slightly altered hairstyle, but for the love of God, do B&B REALLY have to call such blatant attention to it..them…whatever? And then pull back from it as if to say, “Ha ha, we gotcha again!” I’d have rather seen Trip get a heaping carnal helping right there on the floor than T’Pol’s feigned misunderstanding of Trip’s natural conclusion about her intentions. I mean, how long has she been on that ship that she doesn’t know how a human male will react to a gorgeous woman getting naked and proposing mutual massaging? Frankly, it makes T’Pol appear dumber than a box of rocks, as if her blonde roots will start showing at any moment. I’d have loved to see Trip tell her so to her face, but I guess that would scotch any chance he has of getting into her pants.

That Phlox served as the pimp for this encounter – again – is…well, continuity, of a sort. I guess those who can’t do, set up others so they can watch.

The Xindi miner is killed in the MACO’s firefight, but manages to give Phlox the coordinates to what he says is the Xindi homeworld before he croaks. Archer takes the Enterprise there only to find a mass of debris where the planet should have been, whose composition matches that of the first Xindi weapon. Archer expresses perplexion that the Xindi homeworld that was supposed to be destroyed four centuries hence can already have been destroyed decades ago.

Of course, that might not have BEEN the Xindi homeworld. After all, ol’ nine-fingers wasn’t exactly a paragon of honesty, as when he tried to frame Archer and Tucker as his kidnappers when they were re-captured. Or the Xindi might have moved to a new homeworld – after all, their council must be SOMEwhere.

Archer’s decision? The only one he can make – go further into the Delphic Expanse.

All things considered, it was pretty much what I expected.

I wish I knew whether that was a good thing or a bad thing.

Next week: another “spatial anomaly threatens the ship while hardheaded aliens try to take it over” angle [tm]