From a young man in Boston…

hi

I just read the article about you in running times (forget the homework in five subjects that I have due tomorrow), the latest issue of running times just came and that takes precedence. I feel kind of guilty writing to you now, after the article was published, you know, like I am just jumping on the Joe Lemay bandwagon or something, but, I did know about you earlier this summer, if that counts for anything. Anyway, I am sure that you don't care, so I will shut up. Anyway, you are now my favorite runner because you officially epitomize the hard-core runner.

I mean, I love to run, and so does my best friend, we run to feed ourselves, because it is just something that we have to do. I mean, there are days when you just feel like absolute crap but you still go out and get in your miles. Like during the blizzards last year, we were out in every one, doing 9,10 miles at 8 or 9 in the morning, but other people just don't understand why we do it, and it is impossible to explain to them what drives you. It is like trying to explain how chocolate tastes to someone who has never had any. If you don't put in the miles you just don't understand.

"it's not like trying to explain colors to a blind man, it is more like you are trying to teach archery to a rock; I have absolutely no idea what you are talking about"

even my team doesn't understand why they run. we have lots and lots of talent and we are in incredible shape, but when we race, nobody runs near their potential, and the reason is that they are just not in love with the sport anymore, they are burned out.Anyway, I am a weirdo, you have you're fan letter hanging on the wall, how about your first stalker. Just kidding. After all, its not like I could keep up.

Anyway, by now you probably think that I am some sort of seriously disturbed sociopath who names himself XXXXX and now you will never run Franklin Park again because the next time I might come and watch you. Tomorrow I am going to go and xerox the article on you and give it to my team to read. maybe they will get motivated so that we can win a state championship.

Anyway, my mom is yelling something at me about some college application deadline, so I have to go. I will close by saying, you are a distance god, and if you are ever near Boston and need someone to show you incredible trails to run on, or you need a powerbar ASAP, my name is …………..

We are about 30 min from Franklin Park and we run there a lot, so if you are ever there, we always sit on the rock that is right next to the backstop, on the far lower left hand corner of the field, near the parking lot. I would be honored if you would come over and like sweat near us or something so that we get faster.

Also, you should come to Boston more, because here there are lots of gorgeous babes who chase after distance runners. Really, lots of them, everywhere you look. They roam the streets in waffle racers and mini-skirts and chase anyone who can break 30:00. Really, trust me.

My psychiatric ward attendant just told me that power goes off in 2 minutes, so I better send this, good luck in your Marathons,

And his follow up later on…

I always run badly at Franklin Park too.

I just got a new pair of Adidas Equipment light, which I believe you train in, if not, I will return them and buy the kind that you train in. Get sponsored by Nike and they might make an "air lemoo" OK, actually I am not psychotic and I am joking, except I did just buy the shoes, however I did not learn that they were yours until I got home.

You didn't need to know that, and now you are filling out a request for a restraining order, but that's OK. Anyway, I am writing to say that I like your web page and I was just wondering if you have gotten a lot more fan mail since you were written about in runners world.

just kidding, Running Times. I need to spend less time on the computer, promising to stop harassing you, at least for the time being,

From a fellow who asked me what I eat every day, and then tried to duplicate the training log.

Wow Joe, I feel healthier just reading your daily menu! Are you sure this is good for you?? I mean, where are your chocolate, cream, chips, and dips food groups??? (jk)

Seriously though, the reason I asked is b/c after being inspired by your log this summer I embarked on a real man's training program and basically upped my mileage from 50-60 to 100-130 in a month's time. I've had 8 straight weeks of 97-130, with one dead as hell 19:42 4 mi road race after 2 130 mi weeks. (haven't been able to race since b/c of all these fun Jewish festivals this time of year) Anyway, I noticed I really haven't been eating much more, and always feel depleted, but not hungry. The other problem is that I have yet to run a speed workout, as I'm usually too dead to get it under 5:30 pace. Anyway, I guess it had been coming for some time, but after a hard 18 on sun night and a hard 22 on mon., I crashed. Totally fried. I'm basically taking the rest of this week off and am feeling somewhat better.

I know Fleming advises piling on the miles like pancakes, but I don't know, this just seems like too much (maybe just for me). Seeing as how I'm starting my fall road racing rampage next week, and would like to survive, I'm going to plan B @ 70-90, as I kind of skipped that stage anyway. As far as the eats go, I seem to have got my appetite back, and am eating like the hog I once was, but I still can't ever see myself going sans my standard 5 cokes and 5 lbs of m&m's per day (this habit will be hard to crack). Another factor that isn'tgonna change is my lack of sleep due to my "job," which I am working so assiduously at right now. oh well...

I had now way of checking who this was...

hi! saw your 'running times' cover.....awesome.....good legs.....niiice legs!!!!

From someone in Boulder...

To entice you to answer here's a sampling of a dumb cow joke: ---------
There were these two cows, chatting over the fence between their fields. The first cow said, "I tell you, this mad-cow-disease is really pretty scary. They say it is spreading fast; I heard it hit some cows down on the Johnson Farm." The other cow replies, "Hell, I ain't worried, it don't affect us ducks."

Thanks,

ps - do you know any fast, single-no-girlfriend, good-looking men in Boulder?

From a high schooler who ran with me at Princeton XC camp during the summer.

I went to the camp this summer and ran in your group. I realize that this means nothing to you, but I don't care. (ed: that was the whole letter)

From someone who works with satellites.

In 1998, a satellite will be sent up with our MOPITT instrument on it, which will measure carbon monoxide and methane. We will be making several passes over CT, as we have learned from your home page that there is a very high concentration of methane located over your home. Keep it up LeMoo, and the northeastern US will have a very mild winter!

A long story that a friend of mine thought must have been about me.

NICE PANTS:

This guy lives in Westchester, NY and goes to school at Ithaca College. For two years, he has wanted to ask a certain girl (who is also from Westchester and also goes to Ithaca) out on a date, but has never had the courage. Finally, one day over the summer, he sees her at home and musters up the courage to ask her out. She accepts, and they make dinner plans for Saturday night.

Friday night, this guy goes out with all of his buddies, and drinks like Prohibition is coming back. Saturday, he is in such bad shape that he can't make it through twenty minutes without either puking or having to take a dump. After several hours of this, he is able to stop puking, but he is still running to the toilet every 20 minutes to do his thing. He doesn't want to cancel the date, because he's afraid he won't ever talk to her again. So they meet in Westchester, and take the train to New York City (about a 30 minute ride).

They get to the restaurant, and he excuses himself during the appetizers to use the bathroom. They enjoy the rest of the appetizers without interruption, but he has to go back again during the entrees. They decide

to get dessert. During dessert, our hero feels another rumbling, but doesn't want to look like a complete bathroom freak, so he holds it. After a few minutes, the rumbling subsides, but he still has a bit of gas

stored up. He decides to let this little bit of gas fly right there at the table (discreetly, of course). Unfortunately, this little bit of gas came with another little surprise. "Oh s---," he thinks (and feels).

Instead of running to the bathroom right away, our hero immediately leans on the arms of his chair to keep from sitting on this surprise. He maintains this yoga position for the rest of dessert, trying to figure out what

to do before his tan pants (a) start to smell, or (b) start to show stains on the outside. He quickly pays for dinner and they leave the restaurant. Oh, by the way, he is walking like a cowboy.

On the way to the train station, they pass the Gap.

"Do you mind if I run in and buy a sweater that I was looking at last week?" he asks.

"No problem, I'd like to look around too," she replies.

They go into the Gap. Fortunately, at the Gap, men's fashions are on the right, women's fashions are on the left. They split up. Our hero grabs the first sweater within reach, and hurries back to the khakis. After selecting a pair that most closely resemble his current outfit, he brings both items to the register. His eyes are on his date (still on the other side of the store) to make sure that she doesn't see him buying the pants. He doesn't even want the sweater, so he says through clenched teeth (just in case his date can read lips from 40 feet away)

"Just the pants."

"What?" asks the Gap girl.

"Just the pants!" (Eyes still trained on his date.)

Gap girl: "Oh, OK."
He pays for the pants and walks over to his date, then they leave the store. They board the train just before it leaves the station and find two seats in the middle of the car. Without sitting down, our hero excuses himself and walks to the bathroom in the back of the car. He gets to the bathroom as the train departs, and quickly rips off his pants and boxer shorts. He rolls them into a ball and throws them out the window.

After cleaning himself off, he opens the Gap bag and pulls out...just the sweater.

****PLEASE TAKE A MOMENT TO THINK ABOUT WHAT YOU WOULD DO IN THIS SITUATION.****
As you must have realized, the only solution is to wear the sweater as pants. So he squeezes his legs into the arms of the sweater and pulls the rest of the fabric tight around his waist. He can only keep himself covered by hunching over. Walking will be a new challenge altogether. Rather than going through the absolute trauma of returning to his seat and explaining (or creating an elaborate lie to explain) the entire

incident, our hero waits in the bathroom until the train stops at the next station. He waits until the moment the train starts to pull away from the station, then dashes out of the bathroom (as quickly as a hunched over cowboy with sweater pants can dash) and jumps off the train. He is lost and stranded somewhere between New York City and Westchester.
He hasn't seen the girl since.

(ed: that wasn't me. (1) I didn't go to Ithica College, (2) The Gap doesn't carry my size.)
 

My first (and only) request for technical help.

I am writing to notify you that I had a problem printing some of the training schedules. Pages 1-10 printed with no problem, but the remaining pages of the schedule would not print (the printing stopped at 8/5). I really need to print the remaining dates of the schedule-thru 10/6. Could you please give me some assistance!
THANKS

(ed: Maybe your print buffer fills up; try just printing from pages 12 and on. Copy the remainder from your browser and paste it somewhere else like Word.)