Mad moo commentary:

Yo Joe!

If you get another letter from me, it was incomplete and my computer went funky and said 'your mail has been sent'! Anyway, I love the mad cow moo. Once I get my web page out on the Internet, you can hear my immitaion of a constipated whale!

On Training too hard:

I think maybe I need to get some coffee. I just sent an email to "my foot." It was supposed to be the subject, not the address. My left foot is killing. Running on the dirt isn't so bad but the pavement... One summer when I running like a lot- a lot (those were my 130 weeks) and pretty much out of it. I was looking for the iron. I had put it in the refrigerator. I also found my wallet there a few days later. A couple of days after I got back from the 100K in Japan I had to meet with the vice pres. of this capital management co. I working for at the time. He told me the company was going through major changes, etc. and that we should all cash our checks as soon as we got them. I looked at him and said, "but didn't you hear that a six-mile wide comet is supposed to hit Jupiter this weekend?" He said yes, but what's that got to do with anything? I said, well if a comet that big hits Jupiter on Saturday, we're probably not going to have to worry about the company's future at all. if you know what I mean.

After I left his office and thought about what I'd said, I could not believe it.

==== A supposed assignment actually turned in by two English students:

Rebecca (last name deleted) and Gary (last name deleted) English 44A Creative Writing Prof Miller

In-class Assignment for Wednesday

Today we will experiment with a new form called the tandem story. The process is simple. Each person will pair off with the person sitting to his or her immediate right. One of you will then write the first paragraph of a short story. The partner will read the first paragraph and then add another paragraph to the story. The first person will then add a third paragraph, and so on back and forth. Remember to reread what has been written each time in order to keep the story coherent. The story is over when both agree a conclusion has been reached. ----------------------------------------------------------------

At first, Laurie couldn't decide which kind of tea she wanted. The camomile, which used to be her favorite for lazy evenings at home, now reminded her too much of Carl, who once said, in happier times, that he liked camomile. But she felt she must now, at all costs, keep her mind off Carl. His possessiveness was suffocating, and if she thought about him too much her asthma started acting up again. So camomile was out of the question.

Meanwhile, Advance Sergeant Carl Harris, leader of the attack squadron now in orbit over Skylon 4, had more important things to think about than the neuroses of an air-headed bimbo named Laurie with whom he had spent one sweaty night over a year ago. "A.S. Harris to Geostation 17," he said into his transgalactic communicator. "Polar orbit established. No sign of resistance so far..." But before he could sign off a bluish particle beam flashed out of nowhere and blasted a hole through his ship's cargo bay. The jolt from the direct hit sent him flying out of his seat and across the cockpit.

He bumped his head and died almost immediately, but not before he felt one last pang of regret for psychically brutalizing the one woman who had ever had feelings for him. Soon afterwards, Earth stopped its pointless hostilities towards the peaceful farmers of Skylon 4. "Congress Passes Law Permanently Abolishing War and Space Travel." Laurie read in her newspaper one morning. The news simultaneously excited her and bored her. She stared out the window, dreaming of her youth--when the days had passed unhurriedly and carefree, with no newspapers to read, no television to distract her from her sense of innocent wonder at all the beautiful things around her. "Why must one lose one's innocence to become a woman?" she pondered wistfully.

Little did she know, but she has less than 10 seconds to live. Thousands of miles above the city, the Anu'udrian mothership launched the first of its lithium fusion missiles. The dim-witted wimpy peaceniks who pushed the Unilateral Aerospace Disarmament Treaty through Congress had left Earth a defenseless target for the hostile alien empires who were determined to destroy the human race. Within two hours after the passage of the treaty the Anu'udrian ships were on course for Earth, carrying enough firepower to pulverize the entire planet. With no one to stop them they swiftly initiated their diabolical plan. The lithium fusion missile entered the atmosphere unimpeded. The President, in his top-secret mobile submarine headquarters on the ocean floor off the coast of Guam, felt the inconceivably massive explosion which vaporized Laurie and 85 million other Americans. The President slammed his fist on the conference table. "We can't allow this! I'm going to veto that treaty! Let's blow'em out of the sky!"

This is absurd. I refuse to continue this mockery of literature. My writing partner is a violent, chauvinistic, semi-literate adolescent.

Yeah? Well, you're a self-centered tedious neurotic whose attempts at writing are the literary equivalent of Valium.

You total $*&.

Stupid %&#$!.

The Mooinator!

WoooooHoooooo!!!!!, ditto for being named "New England Runner of the Year"! Keep it up, Mooster, the Mooinator,.....you get the picture.

My habits:

Do you shower right after running? Or do you relax for awhile, and then shower? Or do you bathe? If I run at lunchtime, I usually work for a half hour before showering. Have you ever, or will you ever, train in Boulder, CO? Will you stay at my house? Do you have any pets? Do you run with a scarf over your mouth when it is below 30 degrees F? I can't breathe if it is very cold. Do you ever pick up any chicks when you cruise for babes?

From someone obviously trying to get on this page:

I have this problem, or actually my cat has the problem, but I get to share it with him. Anyway, it seems that whenever I am working at my computer, my cat gets under my chair and farts. I first noticed it when a small green cloud drifted up in front of the screen, and initially, I thought I was having monitor problems. The smell let me know that it wasn't the monitor. Do you have any ideas on how to solve the problem?

More top 10

ten top reasons why the holstein heiffers assoc wants lemoo to be their guest speaker at the l997 chicago convention 10) lemoo wants to run cow town marathon in 97 9)likes to run in middle of herd when racing 8)monastic life probably leaves him horny 7)puts out a certain amount of bs 6)favorite futures speculation is pork bellies 5)refuses to appear in beefcake photos 4)will pose for a drink milk add for a really low endorsement fee 3)will promise not to show any more moo jokes on home page 2)hung like a bull (sorry dan) 1)doesn"t want much moola to appear. thought this up while doing long run this morning. let"s both hope my long runs are more productive in the future. ok, I promise, no more e-mail.

Life in upstate NY (names changed)

Howdy Joe baby! This is Bob and Jim we like are names better than dumbass to. We ran for Cortland State. We are not as good as you yet but we will be. Well maybe me I don't know if Bob will be able to now. The reason is that he is always drilling over this sprinter chick! His mind is on his ***** and not his running. Got any Ideas on how to get the sprinter. Dan wants top know want your best pick up line is. He is thinkking of useing this one tell us what ya think. " Hey **** I am a hrudle jump me" See she also does the hrudles. I told him to just get her drunk. Hey Joe this is Jim. You see the problem is that she likes, Big shot put guys. Not the fat ones but the big stroung ones. She doesn't go for the skinny guys that run around way to many times. Oh well, I'll get her one way or another. Nice job on your race at nationals. You did real well. By the way this is Bob again. We have to go write us back will ya. Nice talking have a nice run today.