The Birth of Waaugh
This story begins deep in the swamp.
Broogg Kneels down and mops the sweat from Gjoogl’s Forehead,
Broogg Speaks to the doctors “Shez been in labor long time, she good strong Women but even meez can see her weakening, are youz surez wife and baby beez ok?
Doctor Moolks Examines some chicken Livers and states that the baby will be arriving soon and that there is nothing to worry about.
Gjoogl speaks
Broogg “did Smashu get here yet?”
Gjoogl speaks
“Not yet Pookie Meez send wordz to her from bard meez sure she would not miss birth of Her little Sister, she beez her”
Deep in the gray a Blue Streak zooms across the landscape
Mileron Shouts “I have a Message for Smashu!! I have an important message for Smashu Grumbleingbelly”
Mileron Spots a Corpse, then another, then a another, then a trail of destruction something deep inside tells him to follow the trail of corpses and so he does, zooming a break neck speed the Little Blue bard Follows the Trail of monsters corpses all the way to the temple. Looming before him is the temple and near the base a great battle rages between what seems to be a wall of Snake men and an unseen foe.
As Mileron approaches a battle cry is hear so great a sound is this cry that both the heavens and the earth shake.
“Troll Smash”
“Troll Kill”
“Troll Weapons youz blood wills spillz”
Then one by one the Snake men Breath there last and Mileron can see clearly what was going on there was a small group of adventures in the midst of the din Smashu, Beltalun, Lilesprite, and Tendiwen stand triumpently over the cold bodies of there foes.
Mileron Approaches them and states
“Smashu I have searched the world looking for you, you mother is about to give birth to her second child and she would like you to be there”
Smashu Speak
“A baby??? Meez mommies is having a baby? Meez gotz to go meez not want to miss that, meez mom might need meez”
“Hummz itz troll custom to bring a gift for the new baby, meez think custom states gift for the birth of your second child is an Elf”
(Mileron and Tendiwen Back away slowly)
“Bah meez not eat you, youz both friend and friends are not on Today’s Menu”
(Mileron and Tendiwen Look relived)
“Meez need to go there Fasts Tendiwen can youz sends meez there with your majiks?”
Tendiwen Speaks
“Sure let me cast the Spell”
Tendiwen Cast his spell and in a blur of Gold and green Smashu is once again in South Ro.
Smashu Runs towards the Swamp and on the way she notices a Young elf being chased by Orcs, Smashu Runs up taps the orc’s on the shoulder and when they turn around Smashu yells BOO!!!” The orc’s faint
The Elf Tells Smashu thanks you for saving his life.
Smashu Speak
“Don’t thank meez yet, meez needs gift for mommies and youz it”
In one swift motion Smashu grabs the young elf and shoves him in a backpack. And is once again running towards the swamp.
Smashu arrives just in time to here her Mother screaming Waaugh!! Waaugh!!!! Waaugh!!!!!
Smashu Speak
“Meez here what can meez do to help? Meez brought Elf Seez him fresh”
Broogg Speaks
Place him in the cage with the rest of them and go boil some swamp water for your mother, and its good to see you again honey”
Two hours later one very Tired Gjoogl lays in bed hold a fresh squiring baby.
Gjoogl speaks
“What should we call our new daughter?”
Broogg Speaks
“Meez named her Waaugh cause youz keep screaming that during labor”
Gjoogl speaks
“Waaugh…. Waaugh….. Ok meez like thatz” “Smashu Honey come in here and meet your new little sister”
Smashu Rumbles into the room chewing on a Gnome Cookie
Smashu Speak
“Oh she’s tiny can meez hold her?”
Gjoogl speaks
“Ok, but be careful she is frail, Don’t pick her up by the ears, no no youz need to support her back more”
Smashu Looks down at her baby sister and Smiles a trollish smile… (Kind of like the one she uses right before eating a halfling but turned up a bit more on the sides)
At Smashu Request an Army of Bards over flowing with mail journey to the far corners of the globe and give unto all manners of man and beast the same message
“Waaugh Is Smashu Little Sister and meez protect her, anyone that harms her in the slightest way must face my Wraith”
The Lesson
Little Waaugh had grown up to be a fine young troll warrior and she was excited about her Big sister coming to town to give Her a bashing lesson.
She was so excited she was driving her parents Nuts hoping and skipping around the house singing “I getz to barsh stumpies, I getz to barsh stumpies”
Her parents were looking forward to seeing there oldest daughter again and they were even more looking forward to get there youngest one out of the house for a bit of peace and quite, and maybe they might find the time to play wicked Troll and the naughty maiden.
It was shortly after sunrise when Smashu rumbled into her parent’s house with a Smile on her face and a gift for her little sister.
Little Waaugh torn open the elf Skin wrapping and beamed a Big smile at what she saw, a Centi War hammer all for her.
Read the Inscription “Smashu Said”
Engraved in flowing script on the handle was the following written in Troll
“The iz Stumpy Smasher, if found return to Waaugh or Smashu hunt youz down and eatz youz… Lovez Big Sister”
Waaugh give her big sister a trollish hug and off they went to learn the ways of the trolls
Wherz are wez going “Waaugh asked”
Wez going to Riverdale therez lots of stumpies there (Smashu Replied)
Waaugh was skipping and dancing and carrying on, as a young troll should when she heard a gruff voice coming from behind her.
“Halt in the name of Freeport Guard”
“Dirty Troll you have spoiled your lands you will not spoil ours”
The Freeport guardsmen caught up with Waaugh and it was only then that Waaugh noticed how far away from Smashu she had gotten, but she stood her ground and readied her self to do battle. The guard Pulled out a two handed sword and raised it above his head and prepared to cleave the young troll into, Waaugh held her ground then started to smile when she noticed something the guard didn’t see, she noticed Smashu quietly standing behind the guard with a big smile on her face.
Smashu Grabbed the guard’s hands with one of her own and picked him up off the ground. (Youz gotz problem with meez little sister being here? (Smashu Asked)”
The guard glanced around for help: looked at Smashu and swallowed hard “Nope no problem here I was just about to welcome your lovely sister to East Commons”
“Humz meez though youz gave all new people presents whenz they getz here, (Smashu Said”
“You are right I must have forgot here you go little lady please take this sword in the name of the Freeport Guardsmen and welcome to east common (The Guard runs off towards the zone)
(Ok herez the plan meez go getz a stumpies guard then meez hold him and youz barsh himz, and don’t leave this spot”
Smashu lumbers off to get a halfling guard and Waaugh steps on a few bixbies while she waits, what seems like hours later (but was only a few minutes) Smashu Lumbers back with a backpack squirming over her shoulders.
Smashu Reaches into the bag and pulls out a halfling
Smashu grabs the little man by the shoulders and holds him firmly to the ground
(Ok wez ready to start now, wez start with a simple slam, Waaugh youz Lower your shoulder and ram it into him as hard and you can)
Waaugh gets a good running start and slams into Deputy Flox as hard as she can. So quickly that Waaugh doesn’t notice Smashu Slams the Guard in the same spot sending a splinter of bone into his heart killing him instantly.
Deputy Flox slumps to the ground in a bleeding heap.
“Whoo Hoo good job little sister youz hit himz hard youz kill himz in one blow, maybe youz take my place and help control the stumpies population”
Smashu Reaches into the bag and pulls out a halfling
“Ok this time youz swing your hammer around and hit his leg as hard has you can.”
Waaugh summons up all of her strength and swings the war hammer in a mighty arc slamming it into the halfling just above the knee, the force of her swing sends Waaugh spinning like a top giving Smashu lots of time to Snap the guard’s leg like a twig and send him into a heap on the ground.
“Youz did it again youz a natural born Warrior now wez try something a bit harder”
Smashu Ties a knot in the bag so the haflings don’t get out, ok meez teach youz combat basics Smashu spent the better part of the day showing Waaugh how to handle axe, sword and shield, how to parry thrust and dodge and even a bit of riposte.
Now for a test
Smashu Reaches into the bag and pulls out the last halfling, (As she pulls him out she whispers to him, “meez sister better win or meez eat your whole family, Youz understandz meez??” The guard nods
“Ok Waaugh, meez stand back and youz get this one and remember what meez showed youz and youz be find”
The Guard Dodges a few blows and then connects a hard blow to Waaugh’s head (This blow sends Waaugh staggering back a few feet) The Guard raises his sword again and is about to slash Waaugh a second time but a low growl from Smashu reminds him of his place in this battle and her pretends to trip and fall over.
“Getz him little sister before he can get up”
Waaugh Brings her hammer down on the guard’s head with a resounding thud and the fight is over.
Waaugh does a little victory dance and give Smashu a big hug for teaching her.
“Come on lets pick up what’s left and go back home mom can cook a feast to honor youz fighting skills”
Smashu and Waaugh return to a locked house, Odd this door never locked, Smashu Knocks on the door loudly
“Just a second her parents yell we are washing the floor one second”
Smashu and Waaugh Look at each other knowingly and wait for the door to open to enter.
Waaugh tells the tale to her parents and her parents smile and congratulate her on a job well done. After a feast of roast halfling Smashu leaves but not before hugging her sister one more time and stating aloud she would be back to teach her sister more as often as she could.