The Birth of Smashu Realhard

This story begins 26 levels ago deep in the swamp.

Smashu was born to well to do Parents and she wanted for nothing, she was raised to be a lady in every respect of the word.  But what she wanted most she could not have, she wanted to be a basher. The bashers just laughed at her saying “nowz women ever beez allowed in bashers” This made Smashu cry for she really wanted to be a Basher. She tried hiding that she was a woman, she tried to hide her big troll boobies but it didn’t work for she was the hottest troll in the whole swamp. So they always saw through her disguises. This made Smashu really sad. Then it happened her parents pulled her aside and told her she was to be wed to on the eve of her 22nd birthday. Smashu was very angry but it was the custom of women of high breeding to be married off to well-to-do Trolls. A great contest was held and all the rich and noble trolls tried to win favors of Smashu’s parents and the hand of the lovely Smashu.

For a full month all the trolls of Nobel breeding and most of the members of Green Bloods, and bashers courted her. Non caught her eye but in this matter she had little voice for as tradition stated her parents would pick her mate.

 The big day came and the beautifully Smashu was to be wed to Gukk the leader of the Green Bloods. Smashu did not love him but she had no say in the matter, or did she? After many long nights in the trollish library Smashu found what she had been seeking an old custom where the bride has the ability to ask for a single gift and if the husband refused then the wedding would be called off.

Chapter 2 The wedding day.

After walking down the isle in a dress made of the purest shimmering gnome hide, Smashu removed her vial and stated allowed that she wished to invoke the right of the giving.  (A quite hush moved through the crowd like lighting; the right of the giving had not been practiced in three hundred years)

Smashu said I want Crystal dragon potpie. Surely one as big and strong as you are Gukk, can fetch the items needed to make it

(Gukk).

Smashu You iz much women and meez will marry you, meez will not return to Swamp until meez have all the items meez need to make Crystal dragon potpie.  “Let the word go out to all people. Let it be known that I Gukk will not return to this town till I have the items needed to make a crystal dragon potpie, for my beloved Smashu. Let all able bodied Troll warriors join me, and together we will slay the dragon and bring honor to the good name of trolls everywhere.”

(With this said fully half of the Bashers and Green Bloods took up arms and followed Gukk out to seek the dragon)

(Smashu smiled about how smart she was)

(Two months later)

With her new position as wife of the Green Blood's guild master Smashu had more influence in grobb then she could have ever imagine and the best part of all was Gukk had still not been heard from.

Smashu pushed to have Women allowed in the Green Bloods and Bashers, her fight was meet with a resounding NO, (Smashu’s hopes and dreams were crushed but she still had an ace in the whole, Guild leadership was decided by open combat once a year. The battle was only six months away)

(Smashu’s plan)

Using her Feminine wiles she persuaded the best warriors in the swamp to train her, she trained long and hard, her combat skills grew as did her friendships with the Bashers and Green Bloods.

(The Event)

In the guise of a nurse Smashu entered the arena and bound the wounds of the injured and waited for the right time to make her play for power. Over one hundred trolls were killed or maimed during the fighting, and now it was down to five contestants.  It was time for phase two. Smashu had Her good buddy krill sneak in and write her name on the list of contestant’s list. A very stranger looking Cleric in purple and gold watched from the stands, Strange because her Dark Elf image seemed to shimmer and shift form.

Spidermagi and his pet paced back in forth neverously it was his job to get Allure and Krill out if anything went wrong. 

(The Fight)

Smashu helped carry out a dead contestant then tore off her nurses robe and stood up in the center ring IN full armor. Contestants (Smashu shouted) I hear bye challenge you to a fight to the death the winner to be the new leader of the Bashers.

(I stunned silence sweep through the crowd)

Allure’s guise dropped for a second, and she quickly cast it again.

Krill almost dropped the wallet he was “Borrowing” from a rich upper class Dark elf.

Spidermagi Floated up to get a better view of the arena

“It’s a women,” A contestant shouted.

“Get her out of here” A judge shouted

“You Can’t” Smashu shouted back “You know the rules, Any contestant that can hold a blade can NOT leave until all the fights are over, it’s the law”

(The judges talked among them selves)

“The Women is right she can hold a blade, so she can NOT leave, till all the fights are over.

Smashu Roared pulled out a wurmslayer and walked towards the closest contestant. “Prepare your self for battle, and your death.”

Brakk Said “Ha a women you are nothing to me, don’t you belong in the kitchen making dwarf chops and giving birth too children”

(Smashu starting to run straight towards Brakk, and just short of him and planted the pole of her wurmslayer into the ground. Using it like a pole vault she slammed into him with a loud thud knocking him onto his back stunned, with a quick flip she was on her feet and it took but one swipe to cleave his head from his body)

“Next victim” Smashu shouted

“Not bad for a women” Skragg said “Now maybe you are ready to fight a real man”

“You not much of a man from what I hear” Smashu shouted back

Skragg’s First attack pierced Smashu’s deeply and before he could withdrawal his blade Smashu Lurched forward and snapped his blade off near the hilt. Blood poured from her wound and the pain sent her into a berzerker rage, she dropped her weapon and picked Skragg up over her head and slammed him head first into the Ground snapping his neck like a twig.

Smashu wounded and bleeding staggered to her weapon, picked it up and stood ready for the last and final fight.

I healing word stood ready on Allure’s lips but a single look for Smashu and Allure knew she should not interfere this was one battle Smashu had to win on her own.

“Grogg I challenge you to one on one combat” Smashu said

“I Except, you have proven your self worthy, but you are no match for me” Grogg shouted.

Grogg made a few fancy moves with his weapon and the crowd cheered

Then Grogg advanced toward Smashu

“I think I will mount your head over my fireplace as a warning to any womenz that would think they are better then men” Grogg shouted

“Maybe you will, BUT NOT TODAY!” Smashu shouted back

(A prayer to innoruuk crossed Smashu’s lips as she prepared herself for battle)

(The two mighty warriors circled each other looking for an opening)

(Grogg struck first a blow that Smashu Parried easily)

(Smashu used the Length of her Wurmslayer to keep just out of reach of Grogg’s much shorter weapons)

(Parrey, thrust, parry thrust, dodge, parry, thrust, thrust, the two titans battled for when seemed like hours, neither ganging or loosing much ground both were evenly matched)

(Smashu had numerous wounds from the battles before and the sword stuck in her shoulder was causing her to loose a lot of blood, she knew she needed to end this fight quick)

(She watched for an opening and waiting for her chance because she knew she would only get one.)

(Her chance came she started to notice that when she twisted a certain way Grogg paused to watch her. Then is hit her, the wound on her shoulder had cleaved her armor and when she twisted just right she was showing a bit more of her self then a properly raised lady should)

(This was Smashu’s big break)

Smashu Raised her arms up over her head and batten her Eye lashes (Grogg Smiled). But it was the last thing that Grogg would ever do. While Grogg was distracted Smashu Swung will all her might and Brought the Mighty Wurmslayer down on Grogg’s Swollen head, with a resounding thud, a crack and a bit of a splat Grogg’s Head Split like an overripe melons.

(The Battle was Smashu’s)

(The judges had no other course of action then too appoint Smashu Guild Leader of the Bashers; She had won the battle, fair and square)

(Smashu accepted her new Job and decreed that any that could pass the test could join the bashers. Smashu named the current Guild Leader as her Second, but something weighted heavy on Smashu’s Heart, she had won and her life long dream had been achieved, but something was still missing)

(About three months after Smashu took guild leadership she called a meeting and proclaimed that her second would rule in her stay and that she would go in search of her husband and adventure)

(Smashu’s Great Adventure)

As Smashu packed up her armor, weapons and as many Gnome chops as she could carry she began to think that maybe just maybe she had been too hard on Gukk, after all he was a handsome man. Besides maybe what she was missing was someone to share her life with.)

Stay Tuned for the Further adventures of Smashu’s Search for Adventure and a MAN.