AS WE KNOW IT
by perletwo
Spike was flat on his back, a searing pain in his side.
He was looking up at a sky full of stars, unnaturally lit by a ball of light. Just beyond it he could make out the silhouette of a lush female body flying through space, long blonde hair a halo.
Time held its breath, and Spike knew peace and the surcease of pains old and new. A voice murmured in his ear, too low and soothing to make out, like background music.
Then everything sped up with the grinding whine a record held in place on a turntable makes when it's finally released. The world exploded and shattered into billions of glassine splinters.
The searing pain made its way from his side to his head, and everything went black.
Then he awoke with a start, gasping for breath.
"Honey?" came a soft, sleepy voice from beside him. A strong hand slid up his arm to his shoulder, and Buffy pulled herself upright alongside him. "You okay?"
Every cell in Spike's body seized up and froze in shock. "Buffy?! We - you - that is, we -"
Sputtering to a stop, he looked around. They were in a queen-sized bed, in what looked like Joyce's former room in the Revello Drive house. He was sleeping in the nude as usual, but a man's blue silk dressing gown lay across the foot of the bed. Buffy was clad in a girlish cotton nightdress, clearly settled in for an evening at home, not a seduction.
"Spike? Honey? You were dreaming. Looked like a rough one, too." She rested her chin on his shoulder. "Thought those kinds of dreams were my department."
He stared at her like someone he'd never seen before. "Buffy? I - don't -"
As his eyes adjusted to the dark, he made out many of his own old familiar belongings mixed in with those he remembered from Buffy's girlhood room. On a table next to his side of the bed sat a statue from the crypt he'd been fond of, along with his silver lighter and a pack of cigarettes. His favorite red shirt hung on the doorknob to the closet.
Nerves raw, he reached over and lit himself a fag. Immediately she stretched an arm out behind her and passed him an ashtray. It had the feel of a comfortable old ritual. {{But it isn't,}} he thought. {{Can't be.}}
The table on her side of the bed held Mr. Gordo, a framed picture of herself and Joyce, and a space where she'd removed the ashtray. There was also an odd little Siamese-twin figurine...He stretched out behind her to snag it.
They'd painted the insipid groom's mouth red with the blood of the innocent after all.
"Honey, say something. You're scaring me here."
Spike looked up at her, a smile slowly spreading across his face. A hand came up to cup her cheek. "Di'n't mean to, pet," he purred, leaning in for a deep, slow kiss.
Her low moan of delight told him everything he needed to know about the state of their relationship.
When he broke the kiss, he took her chin firmly in his hand and looked hard into her eyes.
"Buffy? Remember, you're the Slayer and weirdness is an everyday part of your life, okay? I'm going to ask you some questions, I have a good reason t'be askin' strange things, an' I need you to put off bein' offended by 'em 'til later. All ri'?"
Eyes wide, she nodded solemnly. He took a deep breath, wishing for a nip of courage from his flask.
"...Are we married?"
Her eyes narrowed, her mouth set in a hard line. "Ye-esss..." she held up her left hand, with the silver death's head and a wedding band, and picked up his own, which sported its twin.
"How *long* 'ave we been married?"
A rumble in the back of her throat suggested her annoyance, but she swallowed it. Visibly.
"A little over two years?" she said, studying his face for clues. But he had his poker face on.
He nodded. That fit. "Ummm...do you have a sister?"
That surprised a laugh out of her. "Whatever you've been drinking to make you forget Dawn, I want some!"
Okay. Dawn still existed. "And...your mother?"
Her expression darkened. "Last year -" Her breath hitched, and he stopped her with a quick kiss.
"Willow? Xander? Anya?"
"All living happily ever after. What's this all about?"
He shook his head. "I'm...not exactly sure myself."
"So - you're saying you don't remember anything that's happened in the last two years." Buffy sounded skeptical.
"No, that's not what I'm sayin' exactly, pet. It's more like, I 'ave memories of the last two years, but they're a different version of the last two years than the one you're describin'." He stubbed out the last of his cigarette, and Buffy put the ashtray back in the empty space on her bedside table.
"So are they better or worse than my version?" The corner of her lips was quirking up adorably, and he longed to kiss her again.
"Worse, I think. Darker." He sighed. "I think...we got together 'cause of a spell Willow did in your version, didn't we? That was when you bought Mr. and Mrs. Big Pile O'Dust there." He waved in the direction of the bride and groom figurines. Buffy nodded.
"I think our two versions of history agree up to that point. Around there. Did the spell not get reversed? Is Giles still -"
"- wearing his eyes out reading in bed, thank you very much. The spell certainly did get reversed."
"Then 'ow the bloody 'ell - oh. Did we get 'itched before Will put everything back like it was?"
"Yeah. We did exactly what Willow's spell compelled us to do - got married." She grinned. "Took us a lot longer to fall in love for real, though. A few broken bones, a little blood spilled here and there..."
He smiled. "Will was 'eartbroken over Oz leavin' at that point," he mused. "But the spell got fixed, things got better, Willow found Tara..."
"Tara?" Buffy's voice held blank surprise. "Who's Tara?"
"You don't know anyone named Tara?" Buffy shook her head, and Spike nodded. Things were falling into place. "Pet, I think I better tell you about my version of the last two years, an' about the dream I just 'ad..."
"So, let me see if I've got this right," Buffy said, pulling her knees up to her chest. "In your version of history, after Oz left Willow became a lesbian and took up with this Tara person." Spike nodded. "You and I never got married, kept hating each other in fact, and I had a long relationship with somebody named Riley."
"You don't know Riley in this timeline?" Spike couldn't keep the grin off his face. "If it helps any, you ran into 'im the night Will did that spell, when you went out an' bought the O'Dusts there." He nodded to the bride and groom figurine.
Buffy looked stunned. "THAT guy?! I was sleeping with *that* guy?!" She shook her head. "Okaay. Did I just *want* to be bored to death? Well, maybe, if I wanted him and not you." She sighed. "All right. In this timeline we cleaned a covert military operation called the Initiative out of town, they're the ones that chipped you. Did *that* happen in your memories?"
"Yeah. But you bein' involved with Riley was part an' parcel of those events, 'cause he was one of the Initiative boys."
"Well, that's certainly not how I remember it going down. Can we skip this part? The next big thing to happen in my memories is Glory. You know about Glory, right?"
Spike looked down at his chest; the scar where Glory had performed home surgery on him was there. "Yeah, luv. Dawn appeared - you know that, right? That she 'asn't always been 'ere?" Buffy nodded. "- an' Glory wanted her Key, was tearin' all over town to find it. There was monks an' knights an' scabby-lookin' Glory-worshippers all over town at that point." He paused and looked at Buffy, who nodded again.
"And in the middle of all that, Mom...Mom died." Spike nodded and kissed her forehead gently. "Did I go on a vision quest with Giles, talk to the First Slayer?"
"I think 'my' Buffy's said something about that, yeah. I wasn't there - Glory 'ad me." He gestured to the scar on his chest.
"Yeah, that tracks with my memories. So you know about the riddle - 'death is your gift', right?" Spike nodded. "And did you - did your Buffy - find out what that meant?"
Reflexively he held his breath. "Did *you?*"
She nodded, eyes wide and haunted, and he closed his eyes. "Yeah, luv. My Buffy died."
Buffy put her arms around his neck, and they held each other close for several long moments.
Finally he pulled back. "My Willow brought my Buffy back with a circle of four. Tara was in that circle. If that's not how it went down 'ere, then 'ow -"
"Same. Just, somebody else in Tara's place, I guess. I was - not in a position to tell, at the time." Her eyes skittered away from his face, and his fingers unconsciously moved to stroke the knuckles of the hand nearest him. "I don't know how I would've gotten through it if I hadn't had you..."
Spike cleared his throat nervously, looked away. "What's that about?" Buffy demanded.
"Slayer, you, ah...you *didn't* have me. In my version of events. Di'n't want me, in fact. Not 'til, like - what's the date?"
"March 1," she said. "2002," she added as an afterthought.
"Not 'til about two, three months ago did you decide you wanted me to 'elp you through it - or, or anythin' else - an' I was pretty much a last resort."
Buffy digested this in silence. "Well," she said finally, "I *did* reach the right conclusion and let you love me, eventually. How bad could it be?"
Spike shifted a bit further away.
"Honey?" She caught him by the arm. "How *bad?*" She tugged at him, but he refused to meet her eyes. "Oh. GOD. I didn't - did I - did the other me *hurt* you?"
"Wasn't anythin' I couldn't take," he said finally. "Glory did worse. I knew why you were doin' it, an' anyway it's not like you were sayin' anythin' that wasn't true - I *am* evil, not 'uman -"
"Stop!" Buffy silenced him by throwing herself into his arms and kissing him passionately. "You don't get to talk like that about my *husband,* dammit! You sure as hell don't act evil, not to anyone in this house. And if you're not human, I don't want to know about the alternative." She kept her arms tight around him, using her Slayer strength to keep him from pulling away. "And if I ever get my hands on this other me -"
"No! No, Buffy, it's not like that - you - the other you - she's 'urtin', luv. She's 'urtin' bad. The Scoobies all expect 'er to be all shiny an' chipper an' grateful to be alive - were you in Heaven, luv? When you -" Buffy nodded, eyes closed. "So was she. An' she's got all this bitterness an' pain she doesn't think she can show to anyone. I'm a safe place to put it all. An' I'm glad to take it, if it 'elps 'er."
Buffy stared at him blankly, then shook her head and laughed. "You love her. Even after whatever it is she's done to hurt you."
"W'l, yeah," he said, surprised. "It's not like I've never done anything to 'urt 'er - you - now is it?"
"Amazing," she said. "Hel-LO? I went through all the same things she did, remember? Got all the pain and bitterness and need to be all perkiness too, and yet I've managed never to do anything to you you might want to compare to what Glory did. I mean, I know I haven't been much fun to be married to the last few months, but -"
"What with bein' new to this timeline an' all, I'm just guessin' here, y'understand," he said. "But I'd think it'd have somethin' to do with you - this you - knowin' you 'ad a family. A husband. Somebody that'd never dream of leavin' you?"
Comprehension dawned. "Ohh yeah. Those old abandonment issues. I'd forgotten. I ditched 'em after Glory tortured you. I figured if you would let yourself be put through all that for me - hell, not even for me really, for Dawn - you were pretty well invested." She pecked his cheek. "I know you're not goin' anywhere."
"Course not, luv. Where would I go?" He smiled. "Been everywhere already, Ducks. I know what's out there. Nothin' that 'olds a candle to what I got right 'ere in this 'ouse, that's for sure."
"So, c'mon," Buffy said, cuddled into his side. "Tell me how it is you got here from wherever it is you were."
"Well, first off, it's a little fuzzy. Like tryin' to remember a dream, which is what it's startin' to seem like." Buffy nodded, settling down comfortably. "There was a goddess. Not like Glory, an, an energy being. It got - well, 'born,' I guess - 'cause of some kinda spell that went outta control. It needed an avatar - a physical form. Tara was sorta in sync with it, I think, like telepathically? She volunteered, an' jumped into the energy sphere, merged with it."
"Okay. That explains why she's not here. But why don't we remember her?"
"She - there was this moment where time stopped," Spike said, eyes far away. "I could hear her talkin' to me. She said I was a true friend, an' she wanted to give me a last gift..." He looked down at her. "I think, I think maybe she rewrote history, luv. Maybe she had to take 'erself out'a the timeline anyway so she could assume godhead, so she changed somethin' else for me while she was about it."
"Fixed it so we got married when we were supposed to?" The little line Buffy got between her brows when she was thinking hard appeared.
"So I'd 'ave a Buffy that loves me back," he said, amazed.
"So what do we do?" she asked.
They stared at each other blankly.
"Dunno, luv," he said. "Do we really need to do anythin'? Is there even anythin' we *can* do?"
She sat back against her pillow. "I don't know. I guess we play it by ear and see."
"Good." He leaned over to kiss her. "I think I could get to like this timeline..."