ON THE RADIO
by perletwo

/If you think that love isn't found on the radio/
/Then tune right in you may find the love you lost/
/'Cause now I'm sittin' here with the man I sent away long ago/
/It sounded really loud/
/They said it really loud/
/On the radio/
~ Donna Summer, "On The Radio"
Xander was washing dishes while Anya dried. The radio hummed along in the background while they bickered amiably about the wedding invitations.

"Hullo, you're on the air, this is the Romance Doctor. Chosen in California, what can I do for you tonight?"

"Umm, yeah, hi? I, ah, I'm ah, I'm really confused..." The sudden appearance of a familiar voice in the kitchen made Anya and Xander both go still.

"That's okay, dear, happens with a lot of our callers. Just take your time and take it easy."

"Well...aah...there's this guy I've known for a, a few years now. The thing is, when I first met him? We, ah, we were competitors. Rivals. I mean, really *bitter* enemies. We got the better of each other...professionally, I mean...a few times apiece and we really, *really* hated each other. Every time we'd see each other we'd just get out the sharp implements, y'know?"

"Uh-huuhh...I'm guessing that's just the beginning of the story, Chosen..."

"Yeah. A couple years ago he...ah...started working for my company. That, that was hard enough, I mean, this guy I had all this bad history with I all of a sudden had to see every day."

"Friction in the workplace is never an easy thing," came the lady therapist's soothing voice. "How'd you handle it?"

"Well, at first it was kind of okay, 'cause everybody else I work with, they all knew the story with this guy and they didn't trust him either, he just, the Powers That Be kinda forced his presence onto us, y'know? It was like, it was alright for me to keep right on hating him. People, they - they got to expecting it of me, y'know? And, and, he was the same pig he always was, so that helped..."

The talk show host listened to Chosen in California's gulpy breathing a moment, then prompted, "But something changed? Recently, from the sound of it?"

"Yeah..." A dry sob sounded over the air, and Xander and Anya looked at each other, alarmed. "It, it was about a year ago almost. He, he'd been acting really weird and defensive around me and...well...he cornered me at, at work, and he told me he - he *loved* me. That, that all the time we'd been mortal enemies he'd gotten to really respect me and, and, being around me all the time...that he'd fought it and denied it but he was going crazy...loving me."

"Some people would feel really good hearing something like that," the host said. "Then again..." A high, shrill laugh burst over the phone line.

"I'm not one of 'em. I was - like I said, he's still the same vile, amoral, revolting - I was horrified. Disgusted. Told him so. Told everybody at work. They were understanding. Helped run interference, keep him from - bothering me."

"But you still had to work with him."

"Yeah. Right around that time things got - kinda crazy, there was a, a hostile takeover threat? And the Powers That Be made me the point person to fend it off and I had to use all the resources I had - including him - I had to trust him - professionally, I mean - with a lot. More than I ever would have if it was up to me..." the caller's voice trailed off.

"And?"

"And. He came through. Beautifully. And he made sure I knew, it wasn't because he cared about the job or the Powers That Be - he came through for *me.*"

"So. I'm guessing that must've shaken up your image of him some?" the Relationship Doctor prodded.

"Yeah...I mean, he took some pretty bad hits - professionally - things that took a long time to come back from. For *me.* I wasn't - I wasn't prepared for that. And then - well. Then..."

"Yes?" came the host's voice after a long moment. "Does this have to do with the crazy work stuff?"

"Yeah," the caller said thinly. "I, I won. I kept the hostile takeover at bay. But I - I kinda had to fall on my sword to do it. I lost, I lost *everything* -" a gulpy sob. "An-and in the middle of it all my Mom died...everyone, all my friends, were wonderful, they did everything they could think of to help me, but I was - I hurt so *much* -"

"They couldn't reach you?"

"Yeah." A shaky breath. "I was like, totally numb. And the more my friends tried to help, the more I felt - pressured. Totally alone. Except..."

"This guy? The pig?"

"Oh. You've heard this story before?" Both women laughed lightly. "Yeah. He, he kinda kept an eye on me. Hung back when I was overwhelmed, stepped up to the plate when I needed somebody. Best thing was, it was like, whatever it was I was feeling? That was okay. No matter how messy or, or inappropriate. He was - easy. To be around, I mean."

"It sounds like you became friends."

"Sort of. But, well - mortal enemies."

"What I've found, Chosen?" came the soothing voice. "There's a world of difference between what people do for a living and who they really are."

"Oh. No. Not us. No. We, we take our work home with us. What we do is who we are."

"Y'know, I doubt that. I really do," the therapist said. "It's a big part of who you are, maybe, but what you do is almost never all of who you are. However. I'm guessing you're not calling because everything's going so well with this guy?"

"No. We - it was all so good for awhile and then -" Another sob. "We fought. Badly. He told me - he said a lot of things I didn't want to hear. Truth hurts, y'know? And we -" The caller's voice trailed off, came back in a whisper. "We had sex. Right then, in the middle of - of the fighting. We - had a *lot* of sex."

Xander and Anya stared at each other in horror. "We gotta get over there, Ahn. Now." She grabbed her purse from the kitchen table and they ran. Once in the car, they turned on the Relationship Doctor again.

"Regrets?"

"Ohhh yeah. And more fighting. I, I couldn't just let it be - easy - he got mad, I got mad, one of us said something, I don't even remember which - the other said something back and -" Sound of deep breathing, gathering composure. "It was pretty low on the Richter scale, as our fights go. But it - hurt - so much more."

"You let him in."

"Yeah." The voice twisted painfully. "And I shut him out again. I know - I know it's the right thing to do."

"Are you sure you shut him out because it's the right thing to do? Or is it because you're afraid? Of him, or maybe of those things he said you didn't want to hear?"

"Maybe." Tiny, tiny voice. "But there's no future, we'd never be - just - normal? And - how can I be with somebody who's so willing to hurt me?"

"Is he, though? You said this last fight wasn't so bad, in itself. It was mostly just that he was laying hard truths on you. Did I get that right?"

Silence on the other end, then, "oh. You can't see me nod. Yeah."

"You said he said he'd grown to respect you. And he'd respected your limits when your life fell apart. Right?" Another small 'yeah'. "Maybe he thought you were strong enough to handle the truth now. It sounds like you're both pretty strong personalities."

"Uh-huh. But, see, I'm not. Strong enough. Not for this."

"Not by yourself, maybe. But if he tried to make you face it, maybe he wants a chance to come through for you again, like he did - last year, you said?"

"About that. But he - I -" Another deep breath. "It'd never work."

"You sound very sure of that."

"I am."

"Well then, there's one thing I don't understand," the host said. "If it's all that cut-and-dried, then...what can we do for you tonight, Chosen? Why'd you call?"

" 'Cause...'cause I -" the voice twisted again, fighting tears. "I miss him. I miss - being with him. I miss fighting with him, even. And I - *want* him."

"Sexually."

"Yeah. I swear I didn't - until the night it happened, I had no idea - I'd never looked at him like that. Not even after - he told me - what he told me."

Xander gunned the engine. "Please God, don't let the wrong person be listening to this show tonight."

Anya patted his arm. "That cheerleading movie, Bring It On, is on cable tonight. I bet he's watching that right now," she said soothingly.

"Sounds like you're fighting your own feelings more than you're fighting him, Chosen."

"Yeah. I was hoping you could help me with that. 'Cause it's really hard."

"Well, I could," the host said. "But just as a general rule we here at Relationship Clinic don't like it when people repress. It's a therapist thing. We know from experience, it usually ends up hurting more than it helps."

"W'l then is there anything you *can* do?" the caller sniffled. " 'Cause this hurts like he-like blazes."

"What usually helps," the host said in a hypnotic tone of voice. "is to get your real feelings out in the open. For you to look at and face up to, at least, even if you don't feel you can share them with him."

"I - I miss him..."

"You said that..."

"I'm - so scared..." the caller whispered.

"Sounds like that's not something you're real used to, Chosen," the host murmured. "But it's not a crime to be scared. Even people who aren't as strong as you get scared of this kind of stuff. I do too. Everyone does. It wouldn't be scary if the relationship wasn't so important."

"It is...that's the thing...he snuck in when I wasn't looking and became important...ohgod this is hard..."

"I know..."

"I -"

Xander ran a red light.

"I love him."

Anya paled. Xander's face turned red. Anya snapped the radio off.

Two minutes later they turned onto Revello Drive, and five minutes later they were in the Summers' driveway. Xander dashed through the wide-open front door, past a confused-looking Willow, and dashed up the stairs, Anya and Willow hard on his heels.

At the top of the stairs they pulled up short to avoid plowing into Dawn, who stood at her sister's open bedroom door, eyes huge and both hands over her wide-open mouth. Little high squeaks emerged from behind her hands. "Oh no..." Xander said, and Anya forced her way around his side to see.

The telephone receiver hung by its curly cord off the end of the nightstand. The Relationship Clinic hummed out in stereo, from Buffy's clock radio and from an ancient AM-FM transistor radio that had seen better days, dropped carelessly on the floor.

And Buffy stood in the middle of the bedroom floor, in the circle of Spike's arms, kissing him like there was no tomorrow.

"Chosen? Hello? Chosen?" came the therapist's voice from three speakers. "I'm afraid we've lost our connection to Chosen in California. If you're out there, Chosen, we're all pulling for things to get better for you..."