Limericks and Poems 1

NOTE: All poems, songs, limericks, jokes, puzzles and stories contained in these archives are COPYRIGHTED to the original author. In most cases, the original author is the person who wrote the post.

Some of these posts were edited down from longer posts made to RCTN.


From: kdyer@crl.com (Kathleen Dyer)
Newsgroups: rec.crafts.textiles.needlework
Subject: There once was a stitcher...
Date: 8 Feb 1995 14:16:30 -0800
Organization: CRL

Having made an inordinate number of serious, responsible posts recently, I decided it was time to stop it. So, here is my original contribution to some silliness.

Ahem...

There once was a stitcher in Boston
Who shrieked when she found she was lost on
The right place to be
On her fabric, you see,
But said, "What the heck!", and she just crossed on.
There once was a stitcher named Blanche
Who died in a chart avalanche
When her entire collection
Fell from the top section
Of storage, and landed on Blanche.

Kathy (who's celebrating because her local cable TV just bowed to public pressure and *isn't* going to stop carrying TNN, and so will be broadcasting all this season's NASCAR Winston Cup races)


From: kdyer@crl.com (Kathleen Dyer)
Newsgroups: rec.crafts.textiles.needlework
Subject: Re: There once was a stitcher...
Date: 9 Feb 1995 11:58:23 -0800
Organization: CRL

And to continue (while being totally tacky and following up my own post)...

There once was a stitcher named Ross
Who loved fibers and fabrics and floss.
They filled up his house,
Left no space for his spouse,
Which made his wife cranky and cross.

Kathy


From: JANEG@UCRAC1.UCR.EDU (J.R.G.)
Newsgroups: rec.crafts.textiles.needlework
Subject: Re: There once was a stitcher...
Date: Thu, 09 Feb 1995 12:43:38 -0800
Organization: University of California, Riverside

This is a great thread, I think they should be stitched .....

There once was a stitcher named Jane
Who bought all of her floss by the skein
Said her husband "That must of cost quite a penny!"
"Well, really", she said "You can never have too many!"

-------------------------------------------------------
What is obvious is not always seen
Or Women are like teabags........
their true strength is seen when they get in hot water!


From: kdyer@crl.com (Kathleen Dyer)
Newsgroups: rec.crafts.textiles.needlework
Subject: Re: There once was a stitcher...
Date: 9 Feb 1995 16:46:03 -0800
Organization: CRL

And here's one just for Martha Beth, who likes to sail...

There once was a stitcher of note
Whose floss fell off of her boat.
It went into the Bay.
"Oh! My Anchor's away!
But, leastwise, this Anchor can float."

Kathy


From: kdyer@crl.com (Kathleen Dyer)
Newsgroups: rec.crafts.textiles.needlework
Subject: Re: There once was a stitcher...
Date: 10 Feb 1995 11:52:55 -0800
Organization: CRL

And yet one more...

There once was a stitcher named Pete.
On the 'net, many friends he did meet.
But this took time away
From his stitching each day,
So he stitched while he typed with his feet.

Kathy (still trying to think of rhymes for "linen")


From: kdyer@crl.com (Kathleen Dyer)
Newsgroups: rec.crafts.textiles.needlework
Subject: Re: There once was a stitcher...
Date: 10 Feb 1995 15:37:28 -0800
Organization: CRL

Still going...

There once was a stitcher named Kay
Who lost her last needle one day,
'Til her husband said, "Ouch!"
When he sat on the couch,
And Kay cried, "You found it! Hooray!"

Kathy (who is quite capable of keeping this thread going for days, but wouldn't mind some company.)


From: dlaird@crl.com (Donald Laird)
Newsgroups: rec.crafts.textiles.needlework
Subject: Re: There once was a stitcher...
Date: 10 Feb 1995 22:37:30 -0800
Organization: CRL Dialup Internet Access (415) 705-6060 [login: guest]

How's this one:

There was a stitcher who absolutely adored linen.
Ther wasn't a store she hadn't been in.
She filled her car
With thing from near and far
So there wasn't room to put her kin in.

Oh well - it was the best I could do...

----------------------------------------------------------------------
Donald Laird dlaird@crl.com
Just say moo!


From: Rae@rces.demon.co.uk (Rhiannon Davies)
Newsgroups: rec.crafts.textiles.needlework
Subject: Re: There once was a stitcher...
Organization: Professional Presentation Services
Date: Sat, 11 Feb 1995 14:45:27 +0000

This has got me thinking about poetry again after many years of (pseudo) sanity

There once was a stitcher from Chartres
Who had no more room for her charts
So she put all her stitchin'
In a jar in the kitchen
How's that for a culinary art

Sorry, once my brain gets going it produces all sorts of trash...

Cheers
Rae


From: robinson@qm.c-geo.siu.edu (Jill Spreenberg-Robinson)
Newsgroups: rec.crafts.textiles.needlework
Subject: Re: There once was a stitcher...
Date: 11 Feb 1995 17:21:03 GMT
Organization: SIU - Carbondale, Molecular Science

Uh oh, you just had to ask! For what they're worth:

There once was a stitcher from Guelph
Who was visited by surprise by an elf
She awoke in the morn
And was terribly torn
To find her stitching had completed itself!

"Mary L. Tod" <mtod@umabnet.ab.umd.edu> writes:
> Mary, living in Baltimore, but native Texan!

For Mary:

There once was a stitcher from Texas
Who loved to stitch zillions of x'es
When she ran out of charts (ha)
She went down to the mart
And filled up the trunk of her Lexus

There once was a stitcher from Singapore
Who thought that her life had become a bore
So she flew off to Spain
In a jumbo jet plane
To become the first cross-stitching toreador

Jill "help - stop me before I rhyme again!"
---------------------
robinson@qm.c-geo.siu.edu


From: werpetin@risky.ecs.umass.edu (Katrina Werpetinski)
Newsgroups: rec.crafts.textiles.needlework
Subject: Re: There once was a stitcher...
Date: 11 Feb 1995 23:57:04 GMT
Organization: I'm *not* organized...that's the problem

Here's my stab at the limericks...

There was a young lady in Amherst,
Who had a mysterious thirst,
She noticed the itch,
And started to stitch,
And now her trouble's dispersed.

There was a stressed woman in Mass,
Who could sometimes be somewhat an ass,
But she ceased to bitch,
When she started to stitch,
I knew that that phase would pass.

There was a young student in Amherst,
Who felt that her studies were cursed,
So she threw down her books,
And picked up her hooks,
In crochet, she has since been immersed.

There was a young lady I knew,
Who wanted to stitch the day through,
So she told off her boss,
Bought needle and floss,
A decision she never did rue.

There was a young lady in school,
Who did cross stitch, embroidery, and crewel,
Knit and crochet,
Could fill up a day,
But none will be finished by Yule.

Katrina

=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=
Who: Katrina Werpetinski Where: werpetin@kira.ecs.umass.edu
What: Anything I can get away with Why: Because I want to
When: Anytime they turn their backs How: That's for me to know...


From: nadyacat@swcp.com (Nadya)
Newsgroups: rec.crafts.textiles.needlework
Subject: Re: There once was a stitcher...
Organization: Southwest Cyberport
Date: Mon, 13 Feb 1995 14:57:40 GMT

Well, thanks all for giving me something to think about while I scrubbed the shower. To wit (using the term loosely):

There once was stitcher from Maine
Who thought backstitching was such a pain
That when she got to it
She'd pay others to do it
And set herself crossing again.

Ta da!

Nadya - also working on one for my Oregon friends about a stitcher from Bend whose projects won't end.


From: joxley@ih4gp340.att.com (na8130d00-Oxley)
Newsgroups: rec.crafts.textiles.needlework
Subject: Re: There once was a stitcher...
Organization: AT&T Bell Laboratories
Date: Mon, 13 Feb 1995 19:29:00 GMT

Ok, I've got one:

There once was a stitcher named Faye,
Whose new linen did cause her to say,
"Aida's stiffer than this,
Linen's absolute bliss!"
And she threw all her Aida away.


From: nadyacat@swcp.com (Nadya)
Newsgroups: rec.crafts.textiles.needlework
Subject: Re: There once was a stitcher...
Organization: Southwest Cyberport
Date: Tue, 14 Feb 1995 02:19:05 GMT

Here I go again (This time I was backing up a large database!) First for the Oregonians:

There once was a stitcher from Bend
Whose romances would frequently end
For each broken heart
She'd buy a new chart -
"It works better than chocolate to mend"

And now for my fellow New Mexicans:

There once was a stitcher from Taos
Who'd stitch anything bearing a mouse
When she tired of that
She backstitched a cat
Which chased them all out of her house.

Ya'll better hope I don't have any boring meetings tomorrow!

Nadya


From: steves@south.bri.hp.com ()
Newsgroups: rec.crafts.textiles.needlework
Subject: Re: There once was a stitcher...
Date: 14 Feb 1995 15:09:19 GMT
Organization: HP Analytical Systems - UK Sales Region

And here is mine....

Said my wife, while completing a stitch
"I think that I've just hit a hitch.
I have to confess
That it's stitched to my dress.
I'll have to unpick -- what a bitch!"

Steve South - whose wife would never do anything quite so silly, honest!


From: kdyer@crl.com (Kathleen Dyer)
Newsgroups: rec.crafts.textiles.needlework
Subject: Re: There once was a stitcher...
Date: 14 Feb 1995 10:11:13 -0800
Organization: CRL

I've really been enjoying everyone's contributions to this thread. :-)

Here goes my latest...

There once was a stitcher named Dee
Who tried to stitch when she would ski.
Her needle would go
As she flew 'cross the snow.
Until she (of course) hit a tree.

Kathy


From: nadyacat@swcp.com (Nadya)
Newsgroups: rec.crafts.textiles.needlework
Subject: Re: There once was a stitcher...
Organization: Southwest Cyberport
Date: Wed, 15 Feb 1995 04:46:12 GMT

What _do they pay me for?

There once was a stitcher from Mars
Who needed some largish scroll bars
She came down to Earth
Where she landed near Perth
Now she SR embroiders the stars.

Thanks Kathy!!!


From: werpetin@risky.ecs.umass.edu (Katrina Werpetinski)
Newsgroups: rec.crafts.textiles.needlework
Subject: Re: There once was a stitcher...
Date: 15 Feb 1995 17:41:11 GMT
Organization: I'm *not* organized...that's the problem

There was a cross stitcher with cat,
And every time that she sat,
The feline would nap,
On the work in her lap,
It's hard to keep stitching like that!


From: djpiasko@barrow.uwaterloo.ca ()
Newsgroups: rec.crafts.textiles.needlework
Subject: Re: There once was a stitcher named Dyer...
Organization: University of Waterloo
Date: Wed, 15 Feb 1995 19:55:47 GMT

There once was a stitcher named Dyer,
Who decided a maid she must hire.
She said, "I'm sick of this dirt,
and won't iron this shirt,
But of stitching I never would tire!"

(No reflection on your house-keeping skills what-so-ever, Kathy!) :-)

Dianne


From: eendlw@leeds.ac.uk (D.L. Whiteley)
Newsgroups: rec.crafts.textiles.needlework
Subject: Re: There once was a stitcher...
Organization: University of Leeds
Date: Thu, 16 Feb 1995 08:00:18 +0000 (GMT)

A youth who was tired of sinin'
Chose a hobby by sticking a pin in
Twixt sailin' and surfin'
He found doing stitchin'
With cotton on evenweave linen.

If people dealing with fabric cannot be flexible about rhyming then who can?
:-)


From: werpetin@risky.ecs.umass.edu (Katrina Werpetinski)
Newsgroups: rec.crafts.textiles.needlework
Subject: Re: There once was a stitcher...
Date: 16 Feb 1995 14:14:20 GMT
Organization: I'm *not* organized...that's the problem

For the Michiganders here...

There once was a girl from da Yup,
Who was really quite fond of her hoop,
'Til one day she tried,
Scroll bars as advised,
By the folks in her favorite news group.

There was a young lady from Michigan,
Whose overpowering urge to stitch began,
When she got in her car,
But she never got far,
Cuz she'd always end up in a ditch again.


From: wilcausk@mail1.sas.upenn.edu (Sherri L Wilcauskas)
Newsgroups: rec.crafts.textiles.needlework
Subject: Re: There once was a stitcher...
Date: 18 Feb 1995 04:31:33 GMT
Organization: University of Pennsylvania

I think it's spreading!
Here's my try at things...

There was a Grad Student at Penn;
to relax she'd cross-stitch on linen.
But she now has a dog,
who her lap space does hog,
so to cope, she's now practicing Zen!

There once was a stitcher at Drexel;
she designed patterns pixel by pixel.
But her hard drive went down
and her files weren't found,
so she's back to her old pen-and-ink self!

I suppose I'll have to keep doing schools in the area. Now let's see, what rhymes with Temple? Or Villanova? Bryn Mawr.....

Wandering muttering into the twilight,

Sherri
--
Sherri L. Wilcauskas graduate fellow, UPenn English dept.
wilcausk@dept.english.upenn.edu wilcausk@sas.upenn.edu

a t l a n t i s is sinking but p a r a d i s e is not lost


From: werpetin@risky.ecs.umass.edu (Katrina Werpetinski)
Newsgroups: rec.crafts.textiles.needlework
Subject: Re: There once was a stitcher...
Date: 20 Feb 1995 14:04:33 GMT
Organization: I'm *not* organized...that's the problem

For Allison, Jeanne, and Jodi...

There once were four gals on the net,
Who went shopping the day that they met,
They found a new store,
With cross stitch galore,
And now they're all deeply in debt.

I'm looking forward to lines 1-4 and hoping line 5 doesn't happen. :-)

Katrina


From: "Mary L. Tod" <mtod@umabnet.ab.umd.edu>
Newsgroups: rec.crafts.textiles.needlework
Subject: Re: There once was a stitcher
Date: Mon, 20 Feb 1995 08:37:01 -0500
Organization: University of Maryland at Baltimore

I bet you all thought this thread had dropped - HA! It's BACK!

There once was a stitcher named Penny,
Whose designs were all narrow and skinny.
From bottom to top,
She stitched them non-stop,
As her needle flew outie and innie.

(This one was in my head when I awoke at 2 am Sat. morning, but I had to first ask Tinne <Susan Profit> about the pronunciation of her name, which as it turned out, does not rhyme with skinny)


From: werpetin@risky.ecs.umass.edu (Katrina Werpetinski)
Newsgroups: rec.crafts.textiles.needlework
Subject: Re: There once was a stitcher...
Date: 22 Feb 1995 14:40:07 GMT
Organization: I'm *not* organized...that's the problem

There once was a cat so demure,
Who loved to sit in a lap and just purr,
"Oh, no," said her owner,
"You're a generous donor,"
"But I'd rather stitch with my floss, not your fur."


From: ad161@freenet.unbc.edu (Laura Fry)
Newsgroups: rec.crafts.textiles.needlework
Subject: Re: There once was a stitcher...
Date: 22 Feb 1995 15:50:25 -0800
Organization: Prince George Free-Net Assoc.

(It's contagious, but since I am mostly a weaver, I hope you'll forgive the subject matter......)

There once was a weaver from Blaine
Who suffered a terrible sprain.
In order to weave,
She had to believe,
The results were worth all the pain

Laura Fry
Prince George, BC, Canada


From: Mickey Jo C <flymouse@delphi.com>
Newsgroups: rec.crafts.textiles.needlework
Subject: Re: There once was a stitcher...
Date: Mon, 27 Feb 95 19:43:27 -0500
Organization: Delphi (info@delphi.com email, 800-695-4005 voice)

I really liked your poem, here's mine hope you like it.

There once was a stitcher from Centerville,
Who got a particular thrill,
From logging on line
When she had some spare time
In search of, and hoping to find
A group that's one of a kind.
A warning for now
So don't have a cow
Once you have looked,
The stitchers group has you totally hooked.

The last line is a big one with me.<grin> Mickey


From: werpetin@risky.ecs.umass.edu (Katrina Werpetinski)
Newsgroups: rec.crafts.textiles.needlework
Subject: Re: There once was a stitcher...
Date: 1 Mar 1995 23:31:39 GMT
Organization: I'm *not* organized...that's the problem

I think I'm out of limericks. How about a haiku?

Needle pulling floss
Swiftly across the fabric
Creating pictures

I may have the form wrong. All I remember is a 5-7-5 syllable count.

Katrina
werpetin@kira.ecs.umass.edu


From: babygeorge@aol.com (BabyGeorge)
Newsgroups: rec.crafts.textiles.needlework
Subject: Re: Need Moral Support
Date: 5 Mar 1995 23:51:37 -0500
Organization: America Online, Inc. (1-800-827-6364)

O.K. Miriam, this one's for you!! My first limerick!!

(Remember to snap your fingers on the last two words of the last line!)

While Mariam cross-stitched the cat,
She felt that her project went flat.
Our support she did need,
And we gave it with speed,
And she finished her project 'Like that'!!

Good luck and stick with it!! Think of how good it will be to see your stepdaughter excited and that wonderful sense of accomplishment that goes with finishing a project!!!!

Patty Reise
Babygeorge@aol.com


From: werpetin@risky.ecs.umass.edu (Katrina Werpetinski)
Newsgroups: rec.crafts.textiles.needlework
Subject: Re: There once was a stitcher...
Date: 7 Mar 1995 14:00:36 GMT
Organization: I'm *not* organized...that's the problem

I just couldn't let this thread die. :-)

There was a young lady from Atlanta,
Who had every intention and plan to,
Stitch on her horse,
But she couldn't, of course,
'Cause her finger'd get pricked on the canter.

Katrina
werpetin@kira.ecs.umass.edu


From: werpetin@risky.ecs.umass.edu (Katrina Werpetinski)
Newsgroups: rec.crafts.textiles.needlework
Subject: Re: There once was a stitcher...
Date: 8 Mar 1995 14:03:15 GMT
Organization: I'm *not* organized...that's the problem

While at my department seminar the other day, to fight off the craving to crochet, first I sketched out the cross stitch pattern I'm trying to modify, then I wrote these...

There was a cross stitcher named Phil,
Who was a practicing surgeon until,
He sutured with floss,
Chagrinning his boss,
Now he's jobless, but cross stitching still.

There was a young woman on-line,
Who thought her cross stitch was just fine,
'Til she learned new techniques,
From the r.c.t.n. geeks,
And now all her stitching's divine.

Katrina
werpetin@kira.ecs.umass.edu


From: seg3e@holmes.acc.Virginia.EDU (Susan E. Gants)
Newsgroups: rec.crafts.textiles.needlework
Subject: Another Limerick
Organization: University of Virginia
Date: Wed, 8 Mar 1995 19:15:57 GMT

I faded off to sleep last night trying to get a reasonable cadence and rhyme for a limerick. I couldn't resist the challenge. Hope you like the results! I've saved all the ones previously posted also.

A Charlottesville stitcher named Susan
To her local crafts sale went a-cruisin'
To buy scroll-bar parts
Miles of floss, lots of charts
And needles which she always keeps losin'

As others have said - this is a very fun group.
- Susan
--
Susan Gants, User Support (804) 924-4055
ITC-Alderman, University of Virginia
Charlottesville VA 22903 sgants@virginia.edu


From: vosbi001@maroon.tc.umn.edu (Denise L Voskuil)
Newsgroups: rec.crafts.textiles.needlework
Subject: There once was a stitcher..
Organization: University of Minnesota, Twin Cities
Date: Mon, 13 Mar 1995 05:28:13 GMT

My humble attempt at a limerick...

There once was a stitcher of merit
Who shared her home with her ferret.
So much floss he was taking -
His pranks left her head shaking.
She decided she'd just grin and bear it.

This was inspired by my ferrets, who love to steal and chew on the floss bobbins (cardboard) whenever they get a chance. I'd hardly consider myself a stitcher of _merit_, but couldn't find anything better to rhyme. :) I'm just glad they only shed twice a year...

Happy stitching,
Denise

--
vosbi001@maroon.tc.umn.edu
Disclaimer: I'm too low in the hierarchy here to officially
even _have_ an opinion.
grep bait: Canter Siegel


From: Debi@Jobi.com (Debi Heiser)
Newsgroups: rec.crafts.textiles.needlework
Subject: Re: There once was a stitcher...
Date: Wed, 15 Mar 1995 00:04:11 UNDEFINED
Organization: Jobi Enterprises

Okay, here's my first (and probably last) attempt at this:

There once was a stitcher in Austin -
Whose hubby was really exhaustin' -
"More food," he'd grumble -
"More beer," he'd b*t*h -
And the poor girl had no time to stitch.


From: frystak@tesla.njit.edu
Newsgroups: rec.crafts.textiles.needlework
Subject: Cross Stitch Limmerick addition...
Organization:
Date: 20 Mar 95 17:23:32 EST

Hi All!

I have so enjoyed all the limmericks that I decided to try my hand at it. The following is my so-so attempt. By the way Kathy, I would never want to compete with your talent!

There Once was a stitcher so fine
Using 50 count linen devine
Till her glasses she lost
At a terrible cost
She can't finish that project on time.

or

There once was a stitcher so fine
Using 50 count linen devine
Till her glasses she lost
At a terrible cost
Without glasses she's ever so blind.

Happy stitchin'

Isobel
--
-------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Isobel Frystak F.A.T.A.L.
Clifton, N.J. I have seen his star in the East!
frystak@tesla.njit.edu


From: Cyndi Craig <cyn21@unm.edu>
Newsgroups: rec.crafts.textiles.needlework
Subject: limerick of sorts
Date: Mon, 20 Mar 1995 18:42:29 -0700
Organization: University of New Mexico, Albuquerque

Here's my stab at poetic creativity...

There once was a stitcher
Who had fallen in a rut
She went to school all day
And had no time to play (or stitch)
And she wanted to just say ...um...(rhymes with rut!)
So here she sits in front of a computer
Not at home, for she is a commuter!
And not at home because she is a procrastinator
And I have five papers to write for tomorrow!!!

Well, you can really tell I'm procrastinating, but it was just Spring Break and Lord knows I COULD NOT DO HOMEWORK over the break!!!

This is just to let everyone know I am back and suffering severe withdrawal from this group---has anyone else developed carple? tunnel syndrone as a result of the net????

Cyndi.....I put the PRO in procrastination!!


From: aq562@FreeNet.Carleton.CA (Malcolm Moody)
Newsgroups: rec.crafts.textiles.needlework
Subject: Verse from an octogenarian
Organization: The National Capital FreeNet
Date: Sat, 20 May 1995 21:12:45 GMT

My 80 year old mother is visiting from England. Yesterday I showed her my 6 pages of limericks and songs I had printed out from rctn. While she was drifting off to sleep last night she came up with the following verse.

Good gracious me
What's this I see
Floss at only thirty three
Quick where's my list
A chance not to miss
To fill my box with colours bright
And cross stitch on from morn to night

I should explain that my mother pays more than double that price for floss in England. Here in Ottawa 33c is the best we can do, but maybe Michaels will have a special when they open in June. It is great to have someone to stitch with, Mother is doing Leading Pumpkin from the Garden and I am busy with Life is Just a Chair of Bowlies. I was in the middle of a picture for my daughter when I saw a post about chair of bowlies and had to start it right away for my SIL, it didn't take much to tempt me away from my picture of 15 shades of grey! My mother brought her TW Peacock tapestry with her for me to see, it is a masterpiece, she completed it in just 5 months, now you understand the last line of her poem!

Chris (and her Mum)

--
Chris and Malcolm Moody Well, We shared everything else
aq562@FreeNet.carleton.ca for 25 years so why not an e-mail address?


From: kdyer@crl.com (Kathleen Dyer)
Newsgroups: rec.crafts.textiles.needlework
Subject: Re: Your get well wishes needed
Date: 7 Jun 1995 19:40:15 -0700
Organization: CRL

Malcolm Moody (aq562@FreeNet.Carleton.CA) wrote:
> As many of you know (I have boasted many times about my 80 year old
> stitching mother) my mother has been staying with me for the last month.
> Yesterday she was admitted to hospital with heart failure. She has
> enjoyed reading all your posts and has her own copy of all those
> limericks. It would make her day if I could take her some get well
> wishes from you all. She has taken her stitching with her and the nurses
> have already exclaimed over "Leading Pumpkin from the Garden". She will
> now be staying in Canada a little longer, the doctors say it will be at
> least 2 weeks before they will let her fly back to England. She was due
> to leave tomorrow.
> Thank you
> Chris

I'm so sorry to hear about your mother. We send her our best wishes.

And, just for your mother...

Once a stitcher from England fell ill,
So the nurse claimed, "It's time for your pill."
"I'll take it," she said,
"When I'm done with this thread"
Or this row. Yes, I promise I will."

May she have many more years of stitching ahead of her.
Kathy


From: pcarroll@theborg.cts.com (Phoebe Carroll)
Newsgroups: rec.crafts.textiles.needlework
Subject: more limericks
Organization: CTS Network Services (CTSNET), San Diego, CA
Date: Sun, 11 Jun 1995 21:40:07 GMT

It's all Kathleen's doing! I am not responsible---I am irresponsible :)

We stitchers donít yearn for the seashore.
We find sun and sand a complete bore.
Weíd rather be stitchiní
in parlor or kitchen.
What else could a holiday be for?

When looking for charts at the mall
Sarah suffered a terrible fall
though her broken knee
kept her home donít you see,
It didnít bother her stitching at all.

Of all the shops in the world I have been in
I prefer one with floss, charts, and linen.
And a sampler or two
maybe twenty would do
Then Iíd stitch Ďem from begining to enden.

Each sampler has letters A to Z
to teach the young stitcher to read
making a neat stitch
may not make her rich
But to a rich husband could lead.

A stitcher with husband so tight
resorted to tricks really bright
to hide all the cost
of her linen and floss
she wrote bogus checks left and right.

Said the matron with a slam of the door
"Iím off to the cross stitching store,
and you if youíre clever
wonít ask again ever,
why, with all of this floss, I need more."

Iíve been teaching my daughter to stitch
she thinks Iím a royal witch
for each stitch that she gets right,
she rips for fortnight
and beginning each strand is a bitch.

Lay fibers with care little stitcher
Add colors and hues to make richer
the sampler you make
because the care that you take
will give its own life to the picture.

--phoebe


From: bklahn@mercury.sfsu.edu (Barbara Klahn)
To: KathyDyer@aol.com
Date: 95-06-12 14:38:50 EDT

Hi Kathy, I just discovered the limmericks and couldn't resist sending one. On the internet I didn't have the option of send to the stitchers group...so here's my limmerick to add.

There once was a girl named Fawn
Who stitched from dusk to dawn
When asked when she slept
she pronounced that she kept
her zzs while moving the lawn.

thanks barbara


From: me :o)
Newsgroups: rec.crafts.textiles.needlework
Subject: Re: Limericks (Was Re: Your get well wishes needed)
Date: 16 Jun 1995 21:16:41 GMT
Organization: neither here nor there

I don't know if it counts as funny but I find it extremely amusing.

As most of you know by now I'm working on the Precious Moments Noah's Ark Well, the second day I was working on it, I was using the DMC metallic thread and trying to get out a knot when the needle slipped right off the thread into a crack where the sofa pieces meet. I haven't seen it since.

I have moved the sofa (it's a sectional that takes up half the living so this was no easy feat) and it's not under it, it's not in it, it's NO WHERE!!!!!!!!!!!

The amusing thing is that Bob (my SO) walks on tip toes whenever he comes into the living room now. Just the look on his face (is this the day I step on it?) is enough to get me started.

Just thought I'd share this with you, and maybe Kathy could come up with a suitable verse?

Jenn

jlmaples@ingr.com

From: iheinz@llnl.gov (Ines Heinz)
Newsgroups: rec.crafts.textiles.needlework
Subject: Re: Limericks (Was Re: Your get well wishes needed)
Date: Fri, 16 Jun 1995 16:24:51 -0800
Organization: LLNL

I'm not Kathy, but here's my attempt:

There once was an S O named Bob
Whose lady a needle did lob
On tiptoes he'd walk
And how he would talk
'bout needles the sofa did rob

From: pcarroll@theborg.cts.com (Phoebe Carroll)
Newsgroups: rec.crafts.textiles.needlework
Subject: Re: Limericks (Was Re: Your get well wishes needed)
Organization: CTS Network Services (CTSNET), San Diego, CA
Date: Sat, 17 Jun 1995 10:35:36 GMT

In article <3rssbp$988@b30news.b30.ingr.com>, me:o says...
> Just the look on his face (is this the day
> I step on it?) is enough to get me started.
> Oh, I do love a challenge!

You should all see the look on his face
as he walks at a gingerly pace
To avoid all the wincing
my sweetheart goes mincing
Because of the needle misplaced.

stitch pretty --phoebe (also not Kathy)


From: pcarroll@theborg.cts.com (Phoebe Carroll)
Newsgroups: rec.crafts.textiles.needlework
Subject: more limericks?
Organization: CTS Network Services (CTSNET), San Diego, CA
Date: Tue, 20 Jun 1995 00:52:35 GMT

He lost his wife on the newsgroup
and we are such a helpful and cool troup
we asked all around
and finally found
Her peacefully stitching on Kathy's back stoop.

Is it floss or six stranded cotton?
Doesn't matter if it's got a knot on
You still have to clip it
hide it or nip it
Befor the mistake is forgotten.

;) --phoebe


From: purchud@Direct.CA (Paul Urchuk)
Date: Wed, 21 Jun 1995 22:34:17 -0700
To: kdyer@crl.com
Subject: There once was a stitcher....

June 21, 1995

Hello Kathleen Dyer,

I was just surfing the Internet looking for information on Needlework Guilds when I came across your lymricks file.

My mother has joined the White Rock Semiahmoo Needlework Guild in White Rock, British Columbia and I was hoping to find some interesting information for her.

I would never have guessed I could find such treasures as in your file.

I will definately be doing more reading about rec.crafts.textiles.needlework.

Here is my contribution.

There once was a stitcher in Vancouver,
Who became an Internet user,
She takes time for stitches,
And makes a few glitches,
And so is quite good with her Hoover.

>From a beginner stiticher, beginning are always great.

Teresa Karchewski, Vancouver, BC Canada


From: r.i.powell@rl.ac.uk (Rosemary Powell)
Newsgroups: rec.crafts.textiles.needlework
Subject: An Ode to Penny Peberdy ..Was Re:Penny...UK Xstitch group
Date: Thu, 22 Jun 1995 10:30:59
Organization: DRAL

In article <3s41fv$qci@imp.demon.co.uk> Penny Peberdy <penny@peberdy.demon.co.uk> writes:

>Penny Peberdy is alive and well, but somehow my postings
>either don't get to the group. or stay there for so little time,
>that only a few people see them.

>That is partly why I'm trying to set up the UK group,
>in the hope that as WWW pages or whatever, there will
>not be this problem...Penny

(With Apologies to Kathy - but I couldnt do a limerick!) I have listed all the British stitchers names I can think of just now, apologies to all those I have omitted, and also apolgoies if any of you I've mentioned are NOT interested in Penny's proposals.

Ode to Penny Peberdy

There was a keen stitcher named Penny
Who thought that there were not very many
British stitches yet
In our newsgroup on the 'Net.
So she said 'I'd better
Send out a letter
To all the magazines in England,
To say, please join our happy band!'

Well here we are, to name but a few:
There's Rosemary and Rae,
Lesley and Lindsey,
Margaret and Melissa,
and Jackie and Jenny...

All the rest of you I've missed -
Please add your names to my list....
So, here we are Penny!
Now its up to YOU.

Rhyming Rosemary


From: "Daphne O. Klemme" <dklemme@ucs.indiana.edu>
Newsgroups: rec.crafts.textiles.needlework
Subject: Argh! Limericks
Date: 23 Jun 1995 13:46:13 GMT
Organization: Indiana University

Well, I went and looked at Kathy's limericks and this morning I wrote two:

There once was a stitcher from Bloomington,
Whose colors began to bleed and run!
She wept and she sighed,
She moaned and she cried,
And then she exclaimed, my works doomed again!

There once was a girl who used linen,
She "X"ed and she "O"ed,
She merrily sewed,
And then she was stitching and singin'!

The second one doesn't work so well, but it does rhyme!

Happy XSing!
Daphne

Mrs. Daphne O. Klemme | Physics Department
Email: dklemme@indiana.edu | Indiana University
------------------------------------------------
Any opinions expressed here are my own
and do not reflect those of Indiana University
------------------------------------------------

From: "Daphne O. Klemme" <dklemme@ucs.indiana.edu>
Newsgroups: rec.crafts.textiles.needlework
Subject: Re: Argh! Limericks
Date: 23 Jun 1995 14:23:02 GMT
Organization: Indiana University

Of course I just noticed that limerick number two is missing a line:

There once was a girl who used linen.
At once she began stitchin' and pinin'
She "X"ed and she "O"ed,
She merrily sewed,
And the she was stitchin' and singin'!

A wicked way to get linen to rhyme with anything!

Happy XSing!
Daphne

Mrs. Daphne O. Klemme | Physics Department
Email: dklemme@indiana.edu | Indiana University
------------------------------------------------
Any opinions expressed here are my own
and do not reflect those of Indiana University
------------------------------------------------

From: Quiddity@usa.pipeline.com(Phoebe)
Newsgroups: rec.crafts.textiles.needlework
Subject: Re: Argh! Limericks
Date: 23 Jun 1995 22:38:55 GMT
Organization: Quiddity@usa.pipeline.com

There once was a girl who used linen
Who thought usin' anything else was sinnin'
So she bought out a store.
She'll never need more
To keep merrily stitchin' and grinnin'.

(Oy....and I was SO sure this was one thread to which I'd never contribute.)
--
Phoebe

Figure out how to be a mensch. Then use the knowledge. JHSL


From: mcoss@cix.compulink.co.uk ("Melinda Coss")
Newsgroups: rec.crafts.textiles.needlework
Subject: Limerick Fever
Organization: Compulink Information eXchange
Date: Tue, 27 Jun 1995 08:36:45 GMT

There was a young girl from Capri
Who cross stitched a cloth for her tea
When covered in ham,
egg sandwich and jam,
Her errors were quite hard to see.

There was an old girl from St. Swithin,
Who thought she'd cross stitch for a livin'
She stitched till she itched
and quite visibly twitched
Then she said 'thats enough folks I give in.'

Oh dear, you've got me at it. Something tells me I should get back to work....
Melinda Coss


From: pcarroll@theborg.cts.com (Phoebe Carroll)
Newsgroups: rec.crafts.textiles.needlework
Subject: Re: Limerick Fever
Organization: CTS Network Services (CTSNET), San Diego, CA
Date: Tue, 27 Jun 1995 22:08:41 GMT

Kathy and Melinda you see
write limericks for our ng
their meter of their rhymes
is a sign of our times.
They're both just as busy as me.

Ben wants to stitch only bugs
while his mother would settle for hugs
and to stitch something sweet
or particularly neat
that would meet with comments other than UGHHHS.

oh we are naughty----Phoebe Carroll


From: Barbara Ingersoll <barbarai@bnr.ca>
Newsgroups: rec.crafts.textiles.needlework
Subject: Re: Kits & cost & limericks?
Date: 28 Jun 1995 23:28:51 GMT
Organization: Bell Northern Research

Hi,,,

Some stitchers really love kits (that's me),
Some stitchers say kits are for nits (designer's they be),
Some like to spend bread,
For every color of thread,
But a kit stitcher gits only the bits that fits (to a tee).

Sorry, but I've been working for 15 hours and my program still doesn't work, and I don't think it ever will, and I would rather be home stitching (on my kits).

Regards, Barb
(Raleigh, N.C.)


From: mcoss@cix.compulink.co.uk ("Melinda Coss")
Newsgroups: rec.crafts.textiles.needlework
Subject: Re: Limerick Fever
Organization: Compulink Information eXchange
Date: Thu, 29 Jun 1995 22:13:48 GMT

>Do more! Do more! These are great!

>Chris

You asked for it Chris!!!

In Surrey there once lived a gent
Whose needle was horribly bent
'If you straighten this Miss,
I'll give you a kiss'
so she tried, but she failed and he went..

'Lets do some quilting' she said,
As she patted her old mother's head,
Ma replied, with a grin,
'I'd rather drink gin'
So she put the old lady to bed.

There once was a girl and a bloke
Who stitched just as fast as they spoke,
When talking in rhyme,
They stitched double time,
and treble, when telling a joke.

Melinda.


From: mcoss@cix.compulink.co.uk ("Melinda Coss")
Newsgroups: rec.crafts.textiles.needlework
Subject: Re: Limerick Fever
Organization: Compulink Information eXchange
Date: Fri, 30 Jun 1995 08:06:56 GMT

Oh dear, here comes another one....

There was an old lady from Neath,
Who got her thread caught in her teeth,
In a glass by her bed
Sat teeth, needle and thread
With her sampler dangling beneath.

Melinda.


From: mcoss@cix.compulink.co.uk ("Melinda Coss")
Newsgroups: rec.crafts.textiles.needlework
Subject: Re: Limerick Fever
Organization: Compulink Information eXchange
Date: Fri, 30 Jun 1995 08:06:58 GMT

>Ben wants to stitch only bugs
>while his mother would settle for hugs
>and to stitch something sweet
>or particularly neat
>that would meet with comments other than UGHHHS.

I'd take that young fella in hand,
Just tell him that all bugs are banned
If he still won't agree
Put him over your knee
And then he just might understand.

(Don't mean it, I'm sure a hug and a bug on a rug would be much better) Incidentally, in my new book 'The Cross Stitch Garden' you'll find patterns for a bee, a dragonfly, a grasshopper, a ladybird and a snail... they are all quite small but you could repeat them in rows to make an interesting picture.... seems I have something in common with Ben.
Melinda.


From: reise@usa1.com (reise@usa1.com)
Newsgroups: rec.crafts.textiles.needlework
Subject: Poem for INC chat...
Date: 30 Jun 1995 03:22:12 GMT
Organization: USAinternet, Inc.

This was written a while ago about our Saturday morning chats...

We had gathered together this Saturday morn,
For out Internet Needlework Chat.
We were searching for news of the needlework kind,
(But don't limit ourselves to just that!)

Skyhooks greeted us all, BabyGeorge put on tea,
"Where is everyone?" was asked by SusanP,
As we chatted with anticipation of fun,
SusanP was cross-stitching, her RR was not done!

Mrs Bill and Kdyer and fourlegs did appear
And the truth was yet to be seen,
Our cross-stitcher Kdyer announced her new drug,
'Twas not cross-stitch! It's known as caffiene!

Denise came on board, Indymeri came too,
Caron fibers were mentioned (well, actually two)
Wildflower Specialty threads, namely flame and burnt toast,
Are used on Angel of Autumn to lavish their host.

More stitchers assembled and brightened our day,
As we LOL'd and we chatted the hours away
We survived a "Netsplit" and as you can guess,
We had too much fun (Cross Stitch wards off distress).

We met with new chatters, and we talked of new things,
And we brought up our patterns and MLI's Angel wings,
With information flying and ideas by the score,
We banged heads and tackled this small little chore...

Kdyer's performance did require a dress,
So we created one from the craft we know best!
The design, it is privy to those who come chat.
And my poem will end just as simple as that!

(hope you enjoyed it!)

Patty
reise@usa1.com OR BabyGeorge@aol.com


From: fgovinzo@future.dreamscape.com (Haji)
Newsgroups: rec.crafts.textiles.needlework
Subject: Re: Limerick Fever
Date: 30 Jun 1995 19:27:22 GMT
Organization: CompuStitch

Well yet another limerick! It comes from my 5 yr old's point of view.

My mommy is forever a cruis'in,
to the Cross stitch shops she goes choosen
fabric, needles and floss.
She says " I'm still the boss!"
So this argument, I am a los'in.


From: pcarroll@theborg.cts.com (Phoebe Carroll)
Newsgroups: rec.crafts.textiles.needlework
Subject: Re: Limerick Fever
Organization: CTS Network Services (CTSNET), San Diego, CA
Date: Sun, 2 Jul 1995 02:21:32 GMT

Ben and Melinda a stitching
He finds her designs are bewitching
but his mom wants a heart
and for her part,
all the crawlies just leave her itching.

Melinda's the coss of it all
Ben started stiching last fall
and won't lift a needle
unless it's for a beetle
or creepy things ready to crawl.

I love this thread. Phoebe Carroll


From: slmrn@cc.usu.edu (Angel)
Newsgroups: rec.crafts.textiles.needlework
Subject: Re: Limerick Fever
Date: 3 Jul 95 11:18:36 MDT
Organization: Utah State University

It's not bugs, but I just had to de-lurk with this:

There was a young lady named Pott
Whose nemesis was the french knot
She'd twirl it and twist
But success she quite missed
For the know t wouldn't get caught; it was naught!

Then Miss Pott who faced knotting with dread
Found a new way come into her head
She gave it a try
With confidence high
But the knot missed the spot, snarled her thread.

Poor Miss Pott with great heat now maintains
That the French had gone to great pains
Their tight little knot
Is a terrible plot
By the DMC folks to sell skeins!

Hope you like it!

Angel Crane (who hates french knots)s)


From: djs@mailhost.efn.org (D. Shaidell)
Newsgroups: rec.crafts.textiles.needlework
Subject: Limerick - Delurking
Date: Mon, 03 Jul 1995 19:15:10 -0800
Organization: Oregon Public Networking

I've been lurking around this NG for several months now and I love you guys! I had a hysterectomy in April so was rather under the weather. To cheer me up and give me something else to think about other than pain, my DH found you all for me. Only trouble is, reading the NG takes away from my stitching time. Oh, you too?

The limericks finally got me to delurk as I love to read and write them. I just couldn't stand not sharing the one I wrote about my DH as a thank you for finding the NG. So with apologies to all beforehand, here it is:

There once was a hubby named Dave.
One day to his wife he did rave,
"Projects, floss and a loom;
Cross stitch leaves me no room.
I'll just have to go live in a cave!"

Nancy S.
Oregon


From: "Rosemary I.H. Powell" <Rosemary@dozyrosy.demon.co.uk>
Newsgroups: rec.crafts.textiles.needlework
Subject: Midnight Limericks
Date: Mon, 03 Jul 1995 18:18:44 GMT
Organization: None

There once was a lass name K. Dyer
To cross stitch was her greatest desire -
But once on the 'Net
Stitching she would forget,
As her phone bills climbed higher and higher!

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

There was a young stitcher Melinda,
Cross stitching you'd always find her.
She said 'My designs'd look
Just great in a book,
Instead of all tucked away in a binder.'

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

The once was a woman named Powell
Whose wish was to be wise as an owl
So to be true to her word
This wily old bird
Surfed the 'Net in search of ... something to rhyme with Powell and owl,
Which came to her in bed last night, but she's forgotten now - ah well!

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

This is a great way to pass away sleepless nights, but you need to write them down if your inspirations evaporate like the morning dew.

How my mother would love all this, she would entertain us in her bed with rhymes and limericks as a treat when we were small! Like Kathy she could come out with endless streams of them.

========================================================================
Rosemary
========================================================================


From: "Daphne O. Klemme" <dklemme@ucs.indiana.edu>
Newsgroups: rec.crafts.textiles.needlework
Subject: Re: Limerick Fever
Date: 5 Jul 1995 16:07:54 GMT
Organization: Indiana University - Physics Department

Here is another limerick:

Should I choose Aida or Linen she said.
The choices tumbled round in her head.
She stewed and she stewed,
'Til she finally choosed.
I think I'll start knitting instead!

TTFN,
Daphne

Mrs. Daphne O. Klemme | Physics Department | Any opinions expressed here
Email: dklemme@indiana.edu | Indiana University | are my own and do not
------------------------------------------------| reflect those of Indiana
------------------------------------------------| University


Cow magnets are large magnets inserted into cows' stomachs so that any metal they eat is caught by the magnet rather than passing through the digestive system. Some needleworkers like to keep a cow magnet around to help find needles that have disappeared into sofas and carpeting. --KMD

From: kdyer@crl.com (Kathleen Dyer)
Newsgroups: rec.crafts.textiles.needlework
Subject: Re: Cow Magnets???!--Kathy Dyer, please read
Date: 5 Jul 1995 09:36:53 -0700
Organization: CRL

Martha Beth Lewis (marbeth@ix.netcom.com) wrote:
> Kathy, we are all waiting with baited breath for your limerick on cow
> magnets! Martha Beth

Hah! A challenge! :-)

Her sofa on needles would chow,
So a magnet meant for her brown cow
A stitcher held near
The sofa. "Oh, dear,"
As the needles came flying. "Yee-ow!!"

Kathy
--
============================================
Kathleen Dyer <mailto:kdyer@crl.com>
------------------------------------------------------------------
"Time has little to do with infinity and jelly doughnuts."

From: sen@tiac.net (Sarah Newberry)
Newsgroups: rec.crafts.textiles.needlework
Subject: Re: Cow Magnets???!
Date: 5 Jul 1995 01:48:53 GMT
Organization: The Internet Access Company

Well, I'm not Kathy, but will these do?

A magnet inside of a cow
Someone figured -- don't ask me how --
Would be just the thing
To make sharp things cling
So that Bossy need never say, "Ow!"

While wandering through the NG
We all were astonished to see
That cow magnets could
Be used for our good
To keep needles from slithering free.

You guys are a bad influence! :-)

-Sarah Newberry
(posting from my new home account -- ta da!)

From: pcarroll@theborg.cts.com (Phoebe Carroll)
Newsgroups: rec.crafts.textiles.needlework
Subject: Re: Cow Magnets??? and limericks
Organization: CTS Network Services (CTSNET), San Diego, CA
Date: Sun, 16 Jul 1995 05:16:42 GMT

In article <3u44j0$6cb@news2.delphi.com>, lkaplan@BIX.com says...
>Marjorie Holme wrote:
>>Well, that's the word from the farmer for your edification. I've had
>>a cow magnet for several years--it's great--a really really strong
>>magnet. I just never asked about it before. Marjorie
>>
>
>Does it attract a lot of cows? Doesn't this get the local farmers kind of
>upset?
>
>Seriously, I wouldn't put it too near your computer!
>
>-Len (Susan's DH)

Len, With the problems some of us have with our pets, the cows woiuld be more callenging than erasing the disk drive...I have tried and tried to stitch and type at the same time--No success-- but chewing gum and walking are a problem for me too.

I put my cow maget to use
and shur 'nuff a big cow came thru
but she got in my floss
and my newsgroup was lost
cuz she went in the computer room too. --Phoebe Carroll

From: <jhouchin@texoma.com>
Newsgroups: rec.crafts.textiles.needlework
Subject: Re: Limerick
Date: 18 Jul 1995 01:06:02 GMT
Organization: Internet Texoma, Inc.

You guys are just having too much fun with this limerick thread! Can I play too?

There once was a cowboy named Hoss
Who had quite a penchant for floss
Other cowpokes would snigger
As the projects grew bigger
It's a good thing that fella's the boss!

The careless young stitcher yelled "Owww!"
"I've got to find those lost needles, but how?
A friend on the net
Said "What you need to get
Is a magnet that's made for a cow!"

Yep, I was right. It is loads of fun!

Terri Houchin

From: mcoss@cix.compulink.co.uk ("Melinda Coss")
Newsgroups: rec.crafts.textiles.needlework
Subject: Re: Udder cream - HELP
Organization: Compulink Information eXchange
Date: Mon, 7 Aug 1995 12:13:12 GMT

> The thread continues{
>
> >> Oh come now...this is really milking this joke dry! Butter find a new
> >> catchphrase...
> >> --Carla
> >
> >I hardly dair-y add to this thread, as perhaps we should moo-ve on to
> >other cattle-ysts of discussion.
> >
> >Kathy
> >
> May I as cow to quit? Cheese, it's hard! PC
>
>
> I guess I'll just have to kowtow to your superior wordsmithing.
>

These cows have got us muddering
'bout creams and teats and magnet things,
The moo-d around is cluddering
The ng for our udder things
Lets leave this meadowland alone
And moo-ve to talk of butter things
So 'pat' this thread
Upon the head
Enough of bovine stutterings.

Melinda

From: Kim Clare <kaclare@gdwest.gd.com>
Newsgroups: rec.crafts.textiles.needlework
Subject: Limerick
Date: 13 Jul 1995 23:03:24 GMT
Organization: Computer Sciences Corporation

There's this Internet chat about udder cream
That's been travelling across my computer screen.
And cow magnets, no less!
Plus the limericks (they're best!)
All in all, the group's been just an utter scream!

(Sorry, but I couldn't resist any longer.)

Kim Clare


From: ad231@freenet.unbc.edu (Doug Fry)
Newsgroups: rec.crafts.textiles.needlework
Subject: Re: Limerick Fever
Date: 4 Jul 1995 17:52:01 -0700
Organization: P.G. Free-Net Association

There once was a fellow well tangled
In his SO's cross stitching all mangled
He just did not know
That you did not sew-sew
There now is a fellow well mangled.

Doug Fry Prince George, BC, Canada
Proofread carefully to see if you any words out.


From: iheinz@llnl.gov (Ines Heinz)
Newsgroups: rec.crafts.textiles.needlework
Subject: Needle and Waterbed limerick was: Re: Needle Eating Sofas
Date: Thu, 06 Jul 1995 13:07:22 -0800
Organization: LLNL

In article <3sm7co$81a@vixa.voyager.net>, delphigl@voyager.net wrote:

> Your post brings back memories. My SO and I both cross stitch and in the
> winter time we would stitch in bed. Well, he used his pillow for a pin
> cushion and missed one. One fateful night, he awakened to water spraying
> in his face. His needle had poked not one, not two, but THREE holes in
> the waterbed mattress right next to his face. Needless to say, this
> never happened again; and shortly after our waterbed was replaced by a
> box spring and mattress, and he always accounts for his needles. :)

I had a few free minutes, so I thought I would take a crack at a limerick about this. I hope it meets with your approval.

Her mattress a needle did loot
And for it her SO did root
When the needle he met,
His face got quite wet
While making Steph's waterbed moot


From: jennieb@inthis.badgers.demon.co.uk (Jennie Brock)
Newsgroups: rec.crafts.textiles.needlework
Subject: Re: Limericks
Date: 7 Jul 1995 08:38:50 GMT
Organization: The Badgers' Apollo Retirement Home

I'm almost out the door, on my way to Devon for the weekend, but I just thought of these and had to post before I went.

A very good friend called Annette,
Was unable to surf on the net.
Her modem was dead
And her face was all red
'Cause her phone she forgot to connect!

Now magnets they come in all sizes,
For fridges and watches and cowses!
They fit in your pockets
Or fly up in rockets,
But cowses?...now that's the surprises!

Back on Monday! Jennie.
--
e-mail: jennieb@badgers.demon.co.uk


From: di@stat.tamu.edu (Di Michelson)
Newsgroups: rec.crafts.textiles.needlework
Subject: Re: Funny Things That Happen While Stitching
Date: 7 Jul 1995 19:03:29 GMT
Organization: Dept. of Statistics, Texas A&M University (KNOT!)

To stop my cat from chasing my tatting thread ball as I tat, and for cleanliness reasons as well, I put the ball in a ziplock baggie and dropped it on the floor. Going to pull some more thread out a while later, it was not moving...Bullet (cat) had her claws in and would *not* let go.

which leads me to:

There is a young woman who tats
In spite of the will of her cats.
The thread they do like
To chew, paw, and bite
And tangle in chair legs and mats.

(hey! tat's my first!)

--Di
di@picard.tamu.edu


From: map@romanus.ocunix.on.ca (Margaret-Anne Park)
Newsgroups: rec.crafts.textiles.needlework
Subject: Limericks
Organization: Private Node, Ottawa ON Canada
Date: Sun, 9 Jul 1995 01:20:46 GMT

There once was a quilter named Maggie
Who noticed some patchwork was saggy
She pondered and sat
Then noticed her cat
With the stitching foot was playing taggy

(Okay, so I invented a new word -- at least it rhymes)


From: "Rosemary I.H. Powell" <Rosemary@dozyrosy.demon.co.uk>
Newsgroups: rec.crafts.textiles.needlework
Subject: Re: Limericks and dead disks
Date: Sun, 09 Jul 1995 17:21:10 GMT
Organization: None

Yesterday I was finishing a document I was writing; like a good girl I saved it to a floppy. I usually save to hard disk as well but our computer is just about to burst it is stuffed so full!!

Later my husband picked up the disk looking for an empty one, loaded it and (NO NO - he DIDNT format it, but) found it was unreadable! My language was unprintable. I went to bed later with a bad migraine, and woke up this morning with a limerick, also a bad one... :-(

There once was a lass who saved to disk
The files whose loss she could not risk.
But yesterday that disk was DUFF
So after all she lost her stuff!!
And mark my word, she felt S_O_O_O pissed!

Husband has tried everything he can lay his hands on to try to read the **** thing, he reckons the first sector is (physically) damaged: any one got any bright ideas?? I personally think it must have swallowed a COW MAGNET.

I am hoping to get a new PC to solve the bursting at the seams problem (so we'll have a his and hers) but :-( I WANT MY DATA BACK...
================================================================
Rosemary E-Mail to:
Home: Rosemary@dozyrosy.demon.co.uk
Work: R.I.Powell@rl.ac.uk
Remember you read it first on RCTN
=================================================================

From: <jhouchin@texoma.com>
Newsgroups: rec.crafts.textiles.needlework
Subject: Re: Limericks and dead disks
Date: 11 Jul 1995 04:15:38 GMT
Organization: Internet Texoma, Inc.

Sorry to hear about the hard disk problems. To make you feel better, here's the limerick I emailed to you that you said to post. (Remember folks...blame it on Rosemary. It was her idea!)

There once was a woman named Powell
Whose wish was to be wise as an owl
As she uttered the word
This wily old bird
Sat on a needle and let out a howl.

OK So it's not great. I know what you mean about those great ideas evaporating by the light of day though!

Terri Houchin

From: jennieb@inthis.badgers.demon.co.uk (Jennie Brock)
Newsgroups: rec.crafts.textiles.needlework
Subject: Re: Limerick Fever Rosemary, please read.
Date: 12 Jul 1995 11:04:29 GMT
Organization: The Badgers' Apollo Retirement Home

Okay Rosemary, I read your post and this came to mind:

Rosemary's husband has got himself lost
Under the files and the disks and the floss.
She threw them away,
But early next day,
She discovered she'd thrown out the 'boss'!

Sorry!! Jennie.

--
e-mail: jennieb@badgers.demon.co.uk


From: tresch@mps.ohio-state.edu (Nancy C. Tresch)
Newsgroups: rec.crafts.textiles.needlework
Subject: limericks, limericks everywhere...
Date: Tue, 11 Jul 1995 10:04:27 LOCAL
Organization: College of Math and Physical Sciences
Keywords: limericks

Hi all --
I was happy to see the limerick thread revived. I just recently finished catching up on those in Kathy D.'s web page. Too great. I was inspired:--

There once was a stitcher in Ohio
And too many charts she would buy-o,
They were piled around,
She started to drown,
So she'll stitch until she will die-o.

A stitcher at OSU,
Had a cold, and was going "Achoo!"
She sewed and she sewed,
And she blowed and she blowed
When done, you might say she blew.

A stitcher with eyes of brown,
Hated to see anyone frown,
So she pulled out a chart
And created some art,
And now, she's the toast of the town.

HEE HEE. Not too bad for a first try. I hope it's not my last. Keep up the snickers everyone.

Nancy C Tresch
Ohio State University
--All standard disclaimers apply--


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