Limericks and Poems 3

NOTE: All poems, songs, limericks, jokes, puzzles and stories contained in these archives are COPYRIGHTED to the original author. In most cases, the original author is the person who wrote the post.

Some of these posts were edited down from longer posts made to RCTN.


From: pcarroll@theborg.cts.com (Phoebe Carroll)
Newsgroups: rec.crafts.textiles.needlework
Subject: Re: Newsfeeders ... I'm puzzled
Organization: CTS Network Services (CTSNET), San Diego, CA
Date: Sat, 19 Aug 1995 05:37:54 GMT

>There's a continuous flood of news postings slooshing back and forth
>across the world, with unexpected eddies and currents.
>
>Kathy (who's now thirsty, for some reason)
>==========================================
> Kathleen Dyer <mailto:kdyer@crl.com>

Sloshing on the internet the stitching postings go
today they go from hither to hence; tomorrow to and fro.
On Wednesdays California may learn what Boston Tuesday told
and the news that was new in Santa Cruz, in London will be old.
So from a defense department engineer with fears of global chaos
evolved this worldwide party line to amuse, abrade, and fray us.
If we left the computer to sums and subtraction
You'ld never contend with this rhyming abstraction. --Phoebe Carroll


From: jennieb@badgers.demon.co.uk (Jennie Brock)
Newsgroups: rec.crafts.textiles.needlework
Subject: Re: Marilyns Spies
Date: 27 Sep 1995 10:00:53 GMT
Organization: The Badgers' Apollo Retirement Home

In article <449kkm$ggu@newsbf02.news.aol.com>, mlifromll@aol.com (MLI fromLL) writes:
> They may appear in UK...I know of an Italian company that is selling
> shirts. Really smart store owners welcome information from a computer
> person. This gives the store all the latest scoop without having to spend
> all of the time and $$ on the Net. (Or should I say pounds?)
> Marilyn

Hi Marilyn, thanks for that, we'll keep looking. I was thinking about this last night and this came to mind just as I was dropping off to sleep.

Marilyn's spies are out in the cold,
Looking for designs that shouldn't be sold.
On sweatshirts and tee-shirts and other things, too,
We'll buy them all up and send them to you!

Jennie.
--
e-mail: jennieb@badgers.demon.co.uk


From: mcoss@cix.compulink.co.uk ("Melinda Coss")
Newsgroups: rec.crafts.textiles.needlework
Subject: Re: Good thing I read the FAQ ...
Organization: Melinda Coss Designs
Date: Mon, 30 Oct 1995 08:48:02 GMT

> I'm a newbie with half-a-clue, so I read the FAQ. Good thing, because
> I found the limerick site. You people are all wackos, y'know that?
>
> ftp://ftp.crl.com/users/kd/kdyer/rctn_arch/limericks/
>
> Currently laughing too hard to stitch,
>
> ---
> Bobbie
> Compiler of 'Smiling Phases', the Steve Winwood Digest;
> Fan of MontyPython and TwinPeaks - 'NUDGE, NUDGE, COOP,
> SAY NO MORE!' -Gordon Cole

A newbie with access and flair
Read limericks cos they were there,
She giggled a lot,
And fell off her pot,
Then logged off before she went spare.
Melinda

From: pcarroll@theborg.cts.com (Phoebe Carroll)
Newsgroups: rec.crafts.textiles.needlework
Subject: Re: Good thing I read the FAQ ...
Date: 2 Nov 1995 14:08:57 GMT
Organization: CTS Network Services

>Where is Phoebe?.. she should have replied to this one. Anyone
>seen her recently?
>Melinda

So, the newbie thinks we are wacked
because sometimes our brains we have wracked.
To come up with a rhyme
takes us plenty of time.Darling, we're artists--not cracked. I'm
baaaacccckkkk. Phoebe Carroll


From: werpetin@risky.ecs.umass.edu (Katrina Werpetinski)
Newsgroups: rec.crafts.textiles.needlework
Subject: More Silly Songs and Rhymes
Date: 26 Nov 1995 03:39:38 GMT
Organization: I'm *not* organized...that's the problem

I had a little drive time to kill this week and came up with these. Can you tell by the limericks that I was driving across New York:

Stitch, Stitch, Stitch Along
[to Row, Row, Row Your Boat]

Stitch, stitch, stitch along,
This pattern's just divine,
Marilyn, Marilyn, Marilyn, Marilyn,
We love your new design.

Limericks

There was a young lady in Rochester,
Who left school for just a semester,
She stitched all day,
And she liked it that way,
Away from the coursework that stressed her.

There was a young stitcher from Syracuse,
Whose temper had quite a short fuse,
When she messed up her count,
The tension would mount,
Best stay far away while she stews.

There was a preteen out in Troy,
Needlework was what brought her joy,
'Til she reached that age,
When the hormones rage,
Now her hobby is chasing the boys.

There once was a boy in the Berkshires,
Who would stitch after having some beers,
He'd get quite stewed,
So his stitches were skewed,
"Oh well, let's have another...Cheers!"

Katrina
werpetin@kira.ecs.umass.edu


From: pcarroll@theborg.cts.com (Phoebe Carroll)
Newsgroups: rec.crafts.textiles.needlework
Subject: Re: Extra Needles -- Doggerel
Date: 29 Nov 1995 00:44:15 GMT
Organization: CTS Network Services

In article <49cuoi$mdr@ixnews3.ix.netcom.com>, marbeth@ix.netcom.com says...
>When are we going to have a go at extra needle limericks? Martha Beth,
>who has NO talent in this area!

When stitching with us, you'ld best prepare
with more than one needle -- say six and a spare
cuz we're floss flingin demons and when we get goin'
where needle might fly, there's no way of knowin.'
If the cat sits too still he may be in trouble
and when husbands get mouthy -- that can go double.
The one little problem we cannot quite get
is how we stitch while we all internet. Phoebe


From: s_g@access1.digex.net (steve and gab)
Newsgroups: rec.crafts.textiles.needlework
Subject: Re: More Silly Songs and Rhymes
Date: 29 Nov 1995 22:02:31 GMT
Organization: Express Access Online Communications, Greenbelt, MD USA

Umm...I've got one...

"Ode To A Peacock"

there once was a stitcher named Wentzel
who picked up a paper and pencil
made a design so complex
it's got me quite vexed
my brain has turned into a prentzel

(I _really_ do love the design I just am so impatient)

gabrielle


From: uazgp@uan2.library.nottingham.ac.uk (Glenis Pickering)
Newsgroups: uk.rec.crafts
Subject: Ode to Harrogate
Date: Mon, 27 Nov 1995 17:01:39
Organization: Library Systems Unit, University of Nottingham

[With apologies to Kathy Dyer & other r.c.t.n. lurkers who do this sort of thing so much better than I]

I ventured up to Harrogate
To the Knitting & Stitching Show
Our Driver said "We'll be there by 10"
But the police car in front said "SLOW!"

[We had a cheeky driver
Another coach us passed
He said "I can tell, they're going your way
By their scarves and woolly hats"!]

I made a little @-badge
I wore it with such pride
But no-one came to talk to me
Where did you all go hide?

Melinda said "I'll see you there
Call in and say 'hello'"
But when I reached the CS stand
Jo said "She's had to go"!

An exhibitor-lady spotted my badge
And said "That's pretty, dear"
But "uk.rec.crafts - never heard of it
Are you SURE they're any of 'em here?"

I wandered round, a tight rein on my purse,
Alone, disconsolate
...But then I found the way downstairs
Salad... Coffee... CHOCOLATE!!!

Back up again, refreshed and bright,
Among tempting goodies for stitchers
To pick and choose in Aladdin's Cave
...Til my cheque-book got the jitters!

Home late, and tired, and not one of you seen,
Where did I go astray?
But what's it matter? What do I care?
It was a SPLENDID day!

Glenis

From: mcoss@cix.compulink.co.uk ("Melinda Coss")
Newsgroups: uk.rec.crafts
Subject: Re: Ode to Harrogate
Organization: Melinda Coss Designs
Date: Tue, 28 Nov 1995 17:32:37 GMT

> Melinda said "I'll see you there
> Call in and say 'hello'"
> But when I reached the CS stand
> Jo said "She's had to go"!
>

The eight hour drive just did me in,
I'm sad we did not meet
I hope you had a lovely day
With lots of chocs to eat.

Melinda


From: nadyacat@swcp.com (Nadya)
Newsgroups: rec.crafts.textiles.needlework
Subject: Re: More Silly Songs and Rhymes
Date: Wed, 29 Nov 1995 15:48:59 -0700
Organization: Not enough, really

Ok, I'm stuck home with a cold, so I'll play:

There once was a stitcher with chills
Who thought needlework would cure her ills
But her shakes made it crooked
And all viewers mistook it
For the work of someone stewed to the gills.

Nadya


From: jennieb@badgers.demon.co.uk (Jennie Brock)
Newsgroups: rec.crafts.textiles.needlework
Subject: Thanks for the FAQs
Date: 30 Nov 1995 10:49:11 GMT
Organization: The Badgers' Apollo Retirement Home

Kathy works her socks off
Morning, noon and night,
Hoping that she'll get the FAQs
Well and truly right.

We print them and we save them
And read them end to end,
Hoping that they'll teach us how
To knit and stitch and mend.

We all would like to say right now
Thankyou to our Kathleen,
For all the hard work she puts in
To help us with our stitching.

Jennie.
--
e-mail: jennieb@badgers.demon.co.uk


From: djs@efn.org (David Shaidell)
Newsgroups: rec.crafts.textiles.needlework
Subject: Martha Beth's writing
Date: Thu, 04 Jan 1996 20:55:24 -0800
Organization: Oregon Public Networking

I've decided there has been a definite drought of limericks lately so I've decided to rectify that situation.

For you Martha Beth, in honor of your new career.

There once was a stitcher, MB
Who wanted to write, don't ya see?
With keyboard in hand,
A subject she planned.
"French knots are our friends, yessiree!"

Nancy S.
Oregon

Cross stitchers are X rated.


From: mcoss@cix.compulink.co.uk ("Melinda Coss")
Newsgroups: rec.crafts.textiles.needlework
Subject: Re: Smoking Etiquette
Organization: Melinda Coss Designs
Date: Wed, 20 Mar 1996 18:07:47 GMT

> >You all sound a very unhealthy lot... considering you don't smoke.
> >I hope you don't drive cars...nasty pollutants often containing
> >very rude people.
> >Melinda
>
> Excuse me.........rude? that remark is offensive! Funny how smokers
> can
> voice their opinions and scream bloody murder about the violation of
> THEIR
> rights...but what about the rights of non-smokers. My car is not
> causing
> you to spend several days in bed or a week or more in hospital and I am
> rarely intentionally rude.....but I suppose that in some cases I can
> make
> an exception.
>
> Louise ::donning my flame retardant underwear::

I know a designer who smokes
She stitches and twitches and chokes,
She also likes gin
unrepentable sin,
poodles and noodles and blokes.

Flame you? Never... Smoke you out maybe.
Melinda


From: joxley@ih4ess.att.com (Jody Oxley)
Newsgroups: rec.crafts.textiles.needlework
Subject: a limerick for MB & all
Date: 9 May 1996 16:16:39 GMT
Organization: AT&T Bell Laboratories

I couldn't resist Martha Beth's challege--

There once was a stitcher named Di,
With UFO's stacked ceiling high,
"Would you look at this pile?"
Di said with a smile,
"Many more and they'll soon reach the sky!"

Jody ;-)
joxley@ih4ess.att.com


From: @ (Mary Winters-Meyer)
Newsgroups: rec.crafts.textiles.needlework
Subject: Re: a limerick for MB & all
Date: 15 May 1996 16:11:05 GMT
Organization: University of Illinois at Urbana

In <4nbjje$78v@dfw-ixnews10.ix.netcom.com>, marbeth@ix.netcom.com(Martha Beth Lewis) writes:
> Thanks, Jody! That's terrific. Let's have more stitching
> limericks.
> MB, who is a great admirer and a terrible limerick writer

ASK AND YE SHALL RECEIVE! ;->

The @ badge was coming along,
She stitched it while singing a song,
The show would be great,
She just couldn't wait,
To wear her new badge in the throng!

OR

There once was a stitcher named Mary,
Who faced a new project - quite scary,
The folks in this group,
With their needles and hoops,
Gave support without being contrary.

So she started to do something new.
And designed her own stitching to do.
Many thanks go to all,
Tho' the first one was small,
Many others may soon join the cue!

++++++++++++++
Mary Winters-Meyer | mjwmeyer@uiuc.edu
University of Illinois | Management Methods Analyst
Urbana - Champaign | Department of Student Financial Aid


From: reereep@aol.com (ReeReeP)
Newsgroups: rec.crafts.textiles.needlework
Subject: Re: a limerick for MB & all
Date: 15 May 1996 13:36:48 -0400
Organization: America Online, Inc. (1-800-827-6364)

I downloaded the limericks off of KDyer's WWW page the other day and laughed my butt off reading them (and I was at work, so several people looked at my really strangely as they passed my "cube"). I thought I'd give this one a try:

There once was a stitcher named Ree,
and she stitched until she couldn't see,
Said her Dear Husband John
"Ree, all the lights gone.."
That's when Ree stuck it right in her knee.

or

There once was a stitcher named Ree,
Who wouldn't get up and go p**,
"Just this one row", she lied
Now Ree's linen is dyed,
But it's not done the right way - with tea...

Sorry folks, it's been a long time since I've tried to write a limerick...

-Ree
What lies behind us, and what lies before us
are tiny matters, compared to what lies within us.


From: pcarroll@adnc.com (Phoebe Carroll)
Newsgroups: rec.crafts.textiles.needlework
Subject: Re: a limerick for MB & all
Date: 16 May 1996 01:53:13 GMT
Organization: adnc.com

A noble form, the limerick!
It sets the heart a glimmerink
In humor and fun
It sure beats the pun
but sometimes can cause a needle sitck.

Be careful, limericks are definitely off topic -- some are off color too. Just for you from Phoebe


From: mcoss@cix.compulink.co.uk ("Melinda Coss")
Newsgroups: rec.crafts.textiles.needlework
Subject: Re: a limerick for MB & all
Organization: Melinda Coss Design
Date: Thu, 16 May 1996 09:17:09 GMT

pcarroll is having some fun,
with limerick, needle and pun,
she's back on the ball,
three cheers from us all
and those who don't like it can run.
Melinda


From: Cindy Swafford <cswaff@ix.netcom.com>
Newsgroups: rec.crafts.textiles.needlework
Subject: Limericks
Date: Wed, 15 May 1996 16:28:22 -0700
Organization: Netcom

There once was a stitcher named Cindy,
Whose needles would get rather bendy,
She tugged and she pulled
On those needles of gold
Till they snapped! And that was the end-y.
--
Cindy


From: venech@aol.com (Venech)
Newsgroups: rec.crafts.textiles.needlework
Subject: Re: Limericks
Date: 17 May 1996 05:48:22 -0400
Organization: America Online, Inc. (1-800-827-6364)

Okay...here's one...

There once was a stitcher called Nia
Who stitched till she couldn't see-a
She got real cross-eyed
Then the Dazor lamp died
Oh, what a tragedy-a.

*snicker*
First try, laugh please...*grin*

~~~ Venecha ~~~


From: reereep@aol.com (ReeReeP)
Newsgroups: rec.crafts.textiles.needlework
Subject: Re: Limericks
Date: 17 May 1996 08:42:54 -0400
Organization: America Online, Inc. (1-800-827-6364)

I laughed, I snickered...

There once was a stitcher who said,
"Forget the plain needle and thread,
Give me needles of gold,
dyed silks pale and bold"
and I'll stitch 'till I'm blind or I'm dead"

Oh...it's addictive.

-Ree
What lies behind us, and what lies before us
are tiny matters, compared to what lies within us.


From: Jennifer Aikman-Smith/Nick Smith <dragondr@nbnet.nb.ca>
Newsgroups: rec.crafts.textiles.needlework
Subject: Stitching Limerick
Date: 17 May 1996 16:29:52 GMT
Organization: NBNet.nb.ca

Hi, here's one from a designer's point of view:

There once was an artist who said,
"I've got some designs in my head.
Now thank goodness I stitch,
Or there'd sure be a hitch,
'Cause they're made up of Xs of thread!"

Jennifer Aikman-Smith Dragon Dreams


From: werpetin@risky.ecs.umass.edu (Katrina Werpetinski)
Newsgroups: rec.crafts.textiles.needlework
Subject: Re: Owning one needle
Date: 14 May 1996 13:49:00 GMT
Organization: I'm *not* organized...that's the problem

"I know I've been somewhat of a grouch,"
Said the man to his wife on the couch,
"But I felt I should mention,
You should pay more attention,
Cuz I keep finding your needles, yee-owch!"

I don't lose my needles, but I tarnish/rust them. DMC needles were the absolute worst. I ruined those in a matter of days. I tried gold and platinum without much luck. I finally decided to be wasteful and go for quantity rather than quality. So I bought a pack of Susan Bates needles (they were the cheapest at the time) and lo and behold, they are holding up great.

Katrina
werpetin@kira.ecs.umass.edu


From: jennieb@badgers.demon.co.uk (Jennie Brock)
Newsgroups: uk.rec.crafts,rec.crafts.textiles.needlework
Subject: Christmas Poem - completed. (Long)
Date: 22 Sep 1995 13:10:49 GMT
Organization: The Badgers' Apollo Retirement Home

Hi everyone,

Here is the completed work from all you clever peole out there. Thanks to EVERYONE that contributed, and I hope you all enjoy it:-)

Jennie.

CHRISTMAS UFO's.

Christmas is a-coming but I haven't time for that
'Cause I really must get finished Auntie Julie's pretty hat.

But Uncle Ted, who's such a dear, has got an old black cat
Which I promised him a picture of - and then there's Cousin Pat.

She just wants a runner, 'cause her dressing-table's bare,
And my daughter wants some friendship bands to give to her friend Clare.

There's Christmas cake and Christmas pud and mincemeat all to make,
And George, who lives across the road, needs a - garden rake?!
(My starter)

I knitted and knitted all through the night,
But it looks like Mom's sweater will not be right.

I stitched for my brother throughout the day,
Will it be finished in time? I'd say no way!

My nephew was hoping for a quilt for his bed,

Well, maybe I'll finish it -- before I'm I'm dead.
(from Candace)

Christmas is a-coming and my love Lloyd's gifts are void
'Cause with TW and MLI putting out pretties I've no time for his.

Mom is still waiting for her pillowcases which last year I promised
and brother Jay looks for his tools to be stitched.

Brother and sister with young'ens around expect a tree skirt, sometime.
While Daughter and family know Christmas from me will usually
arrive around the fourth of July.
(from Sarah without a muse)

The cake band looked so pretty when I saw it in the mag
But with only one third stitched, its looking rather sad

The cards are much more urgent - that's another post I've missed
I wish I could remember where the heck I put that list.

It's probably in the middle of the mess I call the kitchen
I promise I will have a look as soon as I've done stitchin'

Christmas is a coming and the world is full of cheer
How about I save these gifts to stitch another year?
(from Sue in Leicester)

I said I'd make a cross stitched band to hide the sides of cake
But with UFO's and housework it's for 1998!
(from Jane Partridge)

The twins wants some condoms and a cross stitch condom holder,
The son, a brand new Pentium but he's a little bolder,

There's turkey to be fattened and holly for the hall,
I think I'll go away this year and let them do it all.
(from Melinda)

Oh no! Grandma is hoping to get a new liver
We can't find a donor whose willing to give her.

Failing all that we need something for Pops
Before Grandma's cirrhosis, I was thinking of Schnapps.

My sister wants a pony, but we've only got a flat
My father wants a motor yacht, but he hasn't got the hat.

One brother wants a motor bike, but we haven't got a shed
And as we live up on a hill, he'd be better with a sled!

My mother wants what she won't get - a bit of peace and quiet
For Christmas Day at our house is like a full-scale riot!!!
(from Ruth Marler)

Mother wants a tablecloth - and matching coasters would be great
Granny'd like a brand new quilt, but I think that'll have to wait!

Pauline said she would like some cross-stitched stockings for the tree,
I just wonder when I'll ever get some time that's just for me.

Merry Christmas to my family, I hope that you're all reading,
Cos by the time that christmas comes, it's supplies that I'll be needing!
(from Katie Craigen)

Jennie wants us all to add a line
To her Round Robin Christmas rhyme.

Other folks have thought of some
But for me the rhymes WON'T come!

Look at Ruth she's done us proud
She had me laughing right out loud!

Melinda's verse is somewhat rude,
I do hope no-one here's a prude?

Oh Phoebe, give me grandma's drink
The alcohol may help me think....
(from Rosemary Powell)

Grandma is hoping to get a new liver
We can't find a donor whose willing to give her.

Failing all that we need something for Pops
before grandma's cirrhosis, I was thinking of Schnapps.
(from Phoebe)

The snow is falling thickly messing up my hair
I throw away my toupe to give my scalp some air

It lands upon a snowman bringing him to life
He rolls a jolly snowball to make himself a wife

The cat is on the rooftop glaring at the mice
He thinks that they can't see him as they're skating on the ice

Sliding down the tiles he launches from the gutter
But the ice is thin as cat goes through with a splutter

The water's very cold and the cat is freezing quick
The mice all drag him out and shout "Look - cat on a stick!"
(from Mr. Kerry McCandlish)

--
e-mail: jennieb@badgers.demon.co.uk


From: mcoss@cix.compulink.co.uk ("Melinda Coss")
Newsgroups: rec.crafts.textiles.needlework
Subject: Seasons tidings
Organization: Melinda Coss Designs
Date: Sun, 17 Dec 1995 11:06:10 GMT

To all my new friends round the world
I wish you Christmas cheer,
I thank you for the laughter
You've really made my year
May every stitch be even,
And every dream come true
I send this season's post with love
To one and all of you.
Melinda


From: pcarroll@adnc.com (Phoebe Carroll)
Newsgroups: rec.crafts.textiles.needlework
Subject: Seasonal Greetings
Date: 19 Dec 1995 00:23:58 GMT
Organization: adnc.com

This season as we spread the joy
of candlelight and Mary’s boy,
you’ve brought light and pleasure too
in what you say and what you do.
Thanks for every helpful hint
every clue to size and tint
in thread, and linen, floss and wool.
From mine to yours, a blessed Yule. Phoebe Carroll


From: terric@starbase.neosoft.com (Steve and Terri)
Newsgroups: rec.crafts.textiles.needlework
Subject: Holiday Wishes
Date: 19 Dec 1995 16:48:30 GMT
Organization: NeoSoft Internet Services +1 713 968 5800

To all in this great group of netters:
You've taught me to stitch so much better,
Provided me lots
Of support for French knots --
And made sure lots of chocolate was et here!

I hope your holidays are wonderful, and you get all the stitching done you want to!

Terri

--
Steve and Terri Carl
terric@neosoft.com


From: Christine-Ann Martin <Chris@aion.demon.co.uk>
Newsgroups: rec.crafts.textiles.needlework
Subject: Re: Timid Tester
Date: Tue, 12 Mar 1996 19:30:45 +0000
Organization: All Stitched Up

On Sat, 9 Mar 1996, akenda wrote these words:-
>I am trying to de-lurk. I am also trying to post this message. So, did
>anyone actually read this?

De-lurk successful.
Message posted correctly.
Message read by me in England :-)

What's more, I feel an "Ode to a De-lurker" coming on...

Hello to Alta, there's a warm welcome here
The stitchers newsgroup that's full of good cheer
We do not flame and we do not bite
But welcome you to join us tonight.

You have a problem? Then post to us!
We'll sort it out or fully discuss;
Your French knots are useless? There's a stain on your work?
Then here you'll find answers, but you'll have to de-lurk!

If it's friends you require, you're in the right place
Of newbie mockery there is really no trace
Once apon a time we were all 'newbies' too
so we do understand how hard 'tis for you.

A silent lurker can feel quite alone
So tap out your message, make yourself known!
Don't be shy, come right on in
You've nothing to lose and great deal to win :-)

Chris
--
Christine-Ann Martin Internet: chris@aion.demon.co.uk
Nottingham England


From: Gerry and Jean Brucia <brucia@iamerica.net>
Date: Sat, 16 Nov 1996 21:46:08 -0800
To: kdyer@crl.com

Have enjoyed reading the limmericks, but since I'm new to all this "web-stuff", I don't know how else to send you one of mine. Hope you don't mind an e-mail. This is my first:

A platinum needle is fine,
And silk threads and Gingher's divine,
But if you're impatient
And care not for placement,
Those stitches won't be worth a dime!

Hope this is enjoyed.--Jean.


From: reereep@aol.com (ReeReeP)
Newsgroups: rec.crafts.textiles.needlework
Subject: Welcome new readers; ignore our bickering, it must be the heat!
Date: 12 Jul 1996 17:42:10 -0400
Organization: America Online, Inc. (1-800-827-6364)

In article <7c7cc$d150.15c@NEWS>, beasleyrap@popalex1.linknet.net (Michelle) writes:
>I've been reading this ng for about two weeks now. I really LOVE it,
>(with the exception of one ridiculous thread:^) ). Thanks to you
>people, I dragged out all of my UFO's and actually started stitching
>on one the other day!

Welcome Michelle,

I know how you feel about the group. I'm relatively new, too (compared to some, I've only been reading since March or so...) and I'll warn you, it's addicting.

So far, I've managed to:

- Learn to stitch on linen
- Buy a floor stand and multiple sets of qsnaps
- Complete my DMC floss collection
- Mail order Danish Flower Thread to complete a chart that I got in a trade from someone in *Germany* - Start on my collection of Caron WaterColours
- **Designed** two wedding presents (one for an actual **commission**)

I've got to stop reading this thing.....you know how much $$$ all that adds up to? Yea, right, like I'd ever stop now. Too much invested ;-)

Here's a limerick to commemorate it:

There once was a newsgroup online,
Which I read and thought that was fine,
Till I learned all these tricks,
like thread don't like licks
'specially after a long sip of wine!!!

Okay you guys, let's get it back together here and welcome Michelle with open arms.

-Ree
If a man does not keep pace with his companions,
perhaps it is because he hears a different drummer. Let him
step to the music he hears, however measured or far away.
Henry David Thoreau


From: Jennifer Aikman-Smith/Nick Smith <dragondr@nbnet.nb.ca>
Newsgroups: rec.crafts.textiles.needlework
Subject: A Limerick "ode to floss change colours"
Date: 14 Jul 1996 00:13:15 GMT
Organization: NBNet.nb.ca

Hi everybody, hope this adds some fun to the group...

In my USO pile can be seen,
The emergence of one common theme...
"I'll sure find these vexing,
Because when I'm X-ing
I'll need the OLD grey 4-15!"

Jennifer Aikman-Smith, Dragon Dreams inc
http://www.digiverse.com/dragondreams.html


From: reereep@aol.com
Newsgroups: rec.crafts.textiles.needlework
Subject: Thanksgiving Limerick for You All!
Date: 27 Nov 1996 15:39:48 GMT
Organization: America Online, Inc. (1-800-827-6364) (1.13)

Here's a little ditty :

There once was a turkey who thought
of a way to stay out of the pot -
By bribing the cook
with a new cross stitch book
'til the family discovered the plot.

Happy Holidays Everyone ;-)
Much love to you all.

-Ree (reereep@aol.com)
When late morning rolls around and you're feeling a bit out of sorts, don't worry; you're probably just a little eleven o'clockish.
-Pooh's Little Instruction Book
(inspired by A. A. Milne)


From: "J.B. Rupp" <jessicat@tabbygnat.com>
To: <kdyer@wco.com>
Subject: poetry
Date: Tue, 27 May 1997 17:12:29 -0700

I sent my father some of my favorites from your 'poetry' section (he believes in, and avidly extoles the virtues of light and nonsensical poetry) and he replied:

There once was a girl, I recall,
She'd sew, she'd compute, and she'd Mall.
Everything was fine
'Til she ran out of time
Then all she could do was bawl.
by Bartly Betts

Jessica /\ /\
o o jessicat@tabbygnat.com
><


From: Homes4U <aheins@visi.net>
Newsgroups: rec.crafts.textiles.needlework
Subject: limericks
Date: Wed, 28 May 1997 19:17:09 -0400
Organization: VisiNet InterNetNews site

Ok, Kathy I got the hint! I'll start if off
There once was a lady crossticher

HELP! I am no good at this!

From: "Dandalions" <dandalion@NOTworldnet.att.net>
Newsgroups: rec.crafts.textiles.needlework
Subject: Re: limericks
Date: 29 May 1997 00:13:52 GMT
Organization: Hugs & Stitches

There once was a lady cross-stitcher,
Who was stitching an MLI picture...

Next...?

Sara
--
Murphy's Law Misquoted - Anything that can go wrong will
Newton's Law Misquoted - What goes up must come down
Cole's Law - Shredded cabbage and salad dressing

From: Kathy Dyer <kdyer@wco.com>
Newsgroups: rec.crafts.textiles.needlework
Subject: Re: limericks
Date: 29 May 1997 01:26:03 GMT
Organization: WCO

Dandalions <dandalion@NOTworldnet.att.net> wrote:
> There once was a lady cross-stitcher,
> Who was stitching an MLI picture...

> Next...?

There once was a lady cross-stitcher,
Who was stitching an MLI picture
When she spilled her grape drink.
Screaming, flew to the sink,
"Lots of water!! I don't want to pitch 'er!!!"

Though what she was doing drinking grape juice next to her project, I'll never know.

Kathy
--
============================================
Kathleen Dyer Counted Cross Stitch, Needlework and Stitchery Page
<mailto:kdyer@wco.com> <http://www.wco.com/~kdyer/xstitch.html>

From: Cindy Swafford <Cindy_Swafford@pacibm.org>
Newsgroups: rec.crafts.textiles.needlework
Subject: Re: limericks
Date: Thu, 29 May 1997 08:57:23 -0700
Organization: Pacific IBM EFCU

There once was a lady cross stitcher.
Who was stitching an MLI picture...
She used floss of real gold
Made a mint when it sold
And now is a much richer stitcher.

From: catfanceee@aol.com (CatFanceee)
Newsgroups: rec.crafts.textiles.needlework
Subject: Re: limericks
Date: Thu, 29 May 1997 00:33:32 GMT
Organization: AT&T WorldNet Services

On Wed, 28 May 1997 19:17:09 -0400, Homes4U <aheins@visi.net> wrote:
>Ok, Kathy I got the hint! I'll start if off
>There once was a lady crossticher
>
>HELP! I am no good at this!

There once was a lady cross-stitcher
Who was polite and never a gritcher.
She dabbled in design,
And all in due time,
She became a much richer cross-stitcher!

Forgive me... I see the first line of a limerick, and I compulsively finish it. What can I say? It's a sickness... LOL! :-)

>^..^<
-- Cat

From: Homes4U <aheins@visi.net>
Newsgroups: rec.crafts.textiles.needlework
Subject: Re: limericks
Date: Fri, 30 May 1997 19:15:12 -0400
Organization: VisiNet InterNetNews site

Thanks to all that sent inspiring email telling me I, too, could write beautiful, uplifting poetry. I now present (drum roll) my magnus opus...Standing ovation, please

There once was a lady crosstitcher
Who sat in a chair made of wicker
She stitched all the day
In a magnificent way
And never got one penny richer!
TA DA thank you, thank you, autographs will be signed in the portico.

New thought

There once was a chart made for stitching...

From: wisniski*@teleport.com
Newsgroups: rec.crafts.textiles.needlework
Subject: Re: limericks
Date: 31 May 1997 16:56:18 GMT
Organization: very little
Sender: -yp- @ip-newport1-15.teleport.com

In article <338F5F80.7E4E@visi.net>, Homes4U <aheins@visi.net>
wrote:
>New thought

There once was a chart made for stitchin'
Of a still-life of herbs for the kitchen.
But the colors galore
In the chart made her sore,
And she is doing less stitchin' than bitchin'.

Marsha

From: mcoss@cix.compulink.co.uk ("Melinda Coss")
Newsgroups: rec.crafts.textiles.needlework
Subject: Re: limericks
Organization: Melinda Coss Design
Date: Sun, 1 Jun 1997 17:49:37 GMT

> Ok, Kathy I got the hint! I'll start if off
> There once was a lady crossticher
>
> HELP! I am no good at this!

There once was a lady cross stitcher,
Who kept all her beads in a pitcher,
The lesson you see
Is never drink tea
From a pitcher thats owned by a stitcher.
Queen


From: reereep@aol.com (ReeReeP)
Newsgroups: rec.crafts.textiles.needlework
Subject: OT: Happy 4th of July Limerick
Date: 3 Jul 1997 15:21:44 GMT
Organization: AOL http://www.aol.com

There once was a cross-stitcher who
Was stitching with red, white and blue;
When the neighbor nearby,
let a rocket fly by,
Then the linen and floss were what flew.

Enjoy all!
-Ree (reereep@aol.com)

If you want to make a song more hummy, add a few tiddley-poms
-Pooh's Little Instruction Book (inspired by A. A. Milne)


From: Bryn Thompson <mesoaper@ix.netcom.com>
Newsgroups: rec.crafts.textiles.needlework
Subject: Re: Vanishing Needlearts
Date: Fri, 22 Aug 1997 17:47:10 -0700
Organization: Netcom

Schenk wrote:
> > I wonder if they think we're part of some kind of cult???
> > Liz H.
> >
>
> Aren't we???

Especially when I start out with floss and charts in either hand (and some rayon floss balanced on my head for extra color) and start circling the interior of the store all the while chanting:

"Floss and beads, needles and pins,
This is where the fun begins!

Linen and cotton, Lugana and charts,
This is where the arts all start!"

It gets some funny looks, but you get great service!!
Bryn (with one "n" and still trying to get the floss out o'her hair)


THE HUSBAND'S COMPLAINT

I hate the name of German wool, in all its colours bright;
Of chairs and stools in fancy work, I hate the very sight;
The shawls and slippers that I've seen, the ottomans and bags
Sooner than wear a stitch on me, I'd walk the streets in rags.

I've heard of wives too musical, - too talkative - too quiet,
Of scolding and of gaming wives and those too fond of riot;
But yet of all the errors known, which to the women fall;
For ever doing fancy work, I think exceeds them all.

The other day when I went home no dinner was for me,
I asked my wife the reason; she answered, 'One, two, three,"
I told her I was hungry and stamped upon the floor
She never even looked at me, but murmured 'One green more.'

Of course she made me angry, - but she didn't care for that,
And chatters while I talk to her 'A white and then a black
Seven greens and then a purple, - just hold your tongue my dear,
You really do annoy me so, I've made a wrong stitch here.'

And as for conversation with the eternal frame,
I speak to her of fifty things - she answers just the same!
'Tis 'Yes my love, five reds and then a black, i quite agree with you,
I've done this wrong, seven, eight, nine, ten, an orange then a blue.'

If any lady comes to tea, her bag is first surveyed,
And if the pattern pleases her, a copy there is made.
She stares too at the gentleman, and when I ask her why,
'Tis 'Oh my love, the pattern of his waistcoat struck my eye.'

And if to walk I am inclined ('Tis seldom I go out)
At every worsted shop she sees Oh how she stares about
And there 'tis 'Oh! I must go in that pattern is so rare,
That group of flowers is just the thing I wanted for my chair.'

Besides the things she makes are such touch-me-not affairs,
I dare not even use a screen - a stool - and as for chairs!
'Twas only yesterday I put my youngest boy on one
And until then I never knew my wife had such a tongue.

Alas for my dear little ones, they dare not move or speak:
'Tis, 'Tom be quiet, put down that bag, Harriet, where's your feet?
Maria standing on that stool - it was not made for use,
Be silent all - three green one red and then a puce.'

Ah! The misery of a working wife, with fancy work run wild,
And hands that never do aught else for husband or for child;
Our clothes are rent and minus strings, my house is in disorder,
and all because my lady wife has taken to embroider.

I'll put my children out to school, I'll go across the seas
My wife's so full of fancy work, I'm sure she won't miss me;
E'en while I write she still keeps on her one, two, three and four,
'Tis past all bearing, on my word, I'll not endure it more.

FROM 'A HISTORY OF NEEDLEMAKING' BY M. T. MORRALL, 1852.

QUOTED IN WARNER, P - EMBROIDERY, A HISTORY, BATSFORD, LONDON 1991 ISBN 0 7134 6106 3


From: bevoss@iastate.edu (Brenda Voss)
Newsgroups: rec.crafts.textiles.needlework
Subject: Limerick to end the flames
Date: 7 Aug 1998 21:17:28 GMT
Organization: Iowa State University, Ames, Iowa USA

ok, I've been looking through Kathy's pages of stuff and thought I'd give it a try. Of course I'm cheating...

One fair stitcher did live at her linen
Her DH said, "My dear, you are sinnin'.
When it comes time to eat
There is nary a treat
And my body can take no more thinnin'!"

Brenda bevoss@iastate.edu


From: John & Liz Hampton <jlh@magick.net>
Newsgroups: rec.crafts.textiles.needlework
Subject: limerick
Date: Wed, 12 Aug 1998 21:32:53 -0700

Trying to keep my mind off of my itchy arms, I re-read the limericks on Kathy Dyers Humour page. Then, of course, I couldn't get the pattern out of my head.

There once was a gal who loved stichin'
'til poisen oak on her arms had her itchin'.
"If I use emu oil
my linen wil soil
then to r.c.t.n. I'll be bitchin'."

There once was a gal who loved stitchin'
it indeed kept out of the kitchen.
Her DH did moan
as he gnawed on a bone,
"I once thought her stitchin' bewitchin'".

I better quit now, they're getting worse.
Liz from Humbug


From: Kim Brown <c9403228@alinga.newcastle.edu.au>
Newsgroups: rec.crafts.textiles.needlework
Subject: Limerick
Date: Fri, 14 Aug 1998 09:30:37 +1000

There once was a girl called Patricia
Who became an inveterate stitcher
Her needle she plied right into her own side
Poor Patricia the Stitcher, don't ditch her!

Couldn't help it, don't flame me!

Trish {|:OI}


From: "Anne M. Capuano" <amc5@lehigh.edu>
Date: Sat, 18 Dec 1999 22:38:30 -0800
Subject: new poem

There once was a stitcher named Anne
who couldn't stop once she began
till her husband named Len
was hungry again
so she showed Len how to open a can.


Somehow the conversation veered from rants about grammar to commentaries about commodiums... --KMD

From: kdyer@triton.dnai.com (Kathleen Dyer)
Newsgroups: rec.crafts.textiles.needlework
Subject: Re: OT: Commodiums? was OT: The weather etc
Date: 24 Mar 2000 17:25:05 -0800
Organization: DNAI

Kim Brown (kim.brown@studentmail.newcastle.edu.au) wrote:
> Oh and another one: 'none of them are going to the beach' when it should
> be 'none of them *is* going to the beach'. Because 'none' is a
> contraction of 'not one'. And I've just commenced two sentences with
> conjunctions and I should be *smitten* for that! I've only been doing it
> since I started reading rctn. Eeek! That's *years* ago! I *must* stop
> doing that! (ie. commencing sentences with conjunctions, not reading
> rctn!)

Ah, Trish thinks she ought to be smitten
Because of the sentence she's written.
Conjunctions commencing
Are wrong, but dispensing
Correction need not involve hittin'.

:-)
Kathy
--
============================================
Kathleen Dyer <mailto:kdyer@dnai.com> |"Time has little to
Counted Cross Stitch, Needlework and Stitchery Page | do with infinity and
<http://www.dnai.com/~kdyer/> | jelly doughnuts."

From: Kim Brown <kim.brown@studentmail.newcastle.edu.au>
Newsgroups: rec.crafts.textiles.needlework
Subject: Re: OT: Commodiums? was OT: The weather etc
Date: Sat, 25 Mar 2000 19:31:11 +1100
Organization: University of Newcastle

Kathleen Dyer wrote: > Ah, Trish thinks she ought to be smitten
> Because of the sentence she's written.
> Conjunctions commencing
> Are wrong, but dispensing
> Correction need not involve hittin'.
>
> :-)
> Kathy

Dear Kathy you are far too kind
To exonerate me in your mind:
'tis a noble pursuit, filled with niceness to boot
But I'm still here, syntactically blind.

--
Trish {|:OI}
Newcastle, NSW, Australia

From: catwom7711@aol.com (CatWom7711)
Newsgroups: rec.crafts.textiles.needlework
Subject: Re: OT: Commodiums? was OT: The weather etc
Date: 25 Mar 2000 03:07:51 GMT
Organization: AOL http://www.aol.com

>I recall my third class teacher whacking us on the hands if
>we got collective nouns wrong or got plural objects mixed up with
>singular verbs

>But people who should use perfect speech, like newsreaders,
>teachers and politicians... Well! It gets my goat!

>commenced two sentences with
>conjunctions

There once was a lass from Newcastle
With grammar she now seems to hassel
Conjunctions, contractions, sim'lar grammar infractions...
Used wrongly have cauzed her to frazzel

CiaoMeow >^;;^<
PAX, Tia Mary >^;;^<
Angels can't show their wings on earth but nothing was ever said about their
WHISKERS!!

From: Kim Brown <kim.brown@studentmail.newcastle.edu.au>
Newsgroups: rec.crafts.textiles.needlework
Subject: Re: OT: Commodiums? was OT: The weather etc
Date: Sat, 25 Mar 2000 19:35:19 +1100
Organization: University of Newcastle

CatWom7711 wrote:
> There once was a lass from Newcastle
> With grammar she now seems to hassel
> Conjunctions, contractions, sim'lar grammar infractions...
> Used wrongly have cauzed her to frazzel
>
> CiaoMeow >^;;^<
> PAX, Tia Mary >^;;^<

Oh that poor lass from Newcastle!
Of worry she is a fine parcel!
Her syntax infraction drove her to distraction:
She blushed down to her metatarsal!
--
Trish {|:OI}
Newcastle, NSW, Australia

From: <wolfies@pacbell.net>
Newsgroups: rec.crafts.textiles.needlework
Subject: Re: OT: New ng rule on grammar rants; was OT: Commodiums? was OT: The weather etc
Date: Sat, 25 Mar 2000 10:44:33 -0800
Organization: SBC Internet Services

Kathleen Dyer wrote in message ...
>Hadn't you heard? There's a new newsgroup rule that the semi-annual
>grammar rant must be conducted in limericks. ;-)

There was an Australian who hated
To hear "the staff *are*" being stated
By newsreaders. Too bad,
Dear Trish, and it's so sad:
Traditions are never outdated!

Nan Evelyn

From: catwom7711@aol.com (CatWom7711)
Newsgroups: rec.crafts.textiles.needlework
Subject: OT: Limericks was OT: Commodiums?
Date: 25 Mar 2000 13:13:53 GMT
Organization: AOL http://www.aol.com

C'mon everyone -- there has to be someone out there besides Trish, Kathy & myself who do limericks! Let's see what we can all come up with. Maybe ones related to Trish's grammar gripes or dunny/commodiums or even stitching. And remember -- a real limerick is five lines with the aabba rhyme scheme.

Sev'ral duos of dunnies has she
Called commodiums they soon shall be
She can go there to sit,
Just to read or to s*it
That's a "P" left out, don't you see!

PAX, Tia Mary >^;;^<
Angels can't show their wings on earth but nothing was ever said about their
WHISKERS!!

From: cstitch@webtv.net (Cross Stitch)
Newsgroups: rec.crafts.textiles.needlework
Subject: Re: OT: New ng rule on grammar rants; was OT: Commodiums? was OT:...
Date: Sat, 25 Mar 2000 21:32:50 -0600 (CST)
Organization: WebTV Subscriber

There once was a lady from Australia
In her very best stitched regalia
Of stories she'd tell
Her Ugly Sister would yell
But the one about a dunny would amaze ya!

From: msjc656191@aol.com (MSJC656191)
Newsgroups: rec.crafts.textiles.needlework
Subject: Re: OT: Limericks was OT: Commodiums?
Date: 26 Mar 2000 02:59:58 GMT
Organization: AOL Canada http://www.aol.ca

>C'mon everyone -- there has to be someone out there besides Trish, Kathy &
>myself who do limericks! Let's see what we can all come up with.

OK...here goes....

You ladies are all too funny,
I bet I'm right on the money,
When remembering this day,
With her legs swinging away,
Trish'll be laughing on her dunny!

How's that??? LOL!

Sharon P.

From: chvystro@aol.com (Susie)
Newsgroups: rec.crafts.textiles.needlework
Subject: Re: OT: Limericks was OT: Commodiums?
Date: 26 Mar 2000 03:06:56 GMT
Organization: AOL http://www.aol.com

>C'mon everyone -- there has to be someone out there besides Trish, Kathy &
>myself who do limericks!

Trish told us a tale most awful
Of a snake in the dunny, oh ROFL
Indoor plumbing you need
From your wildlife be freed!
Get the money by any means lawful!

(fading back into the cool shadows of The Lurker Zone)
Susie in Houston
WIP: Enchanting Sorceress on black Jobelan
Sundry other small projects when I get tired of the big project
This address does not accept mail

From: mommaschell@cs.comshoes (Mommaschell)
Newsgroups: rec.crafts.textiles.needlework
Subject: Re: OT: Limericks was OT: Commodiums?
Date: 26 Mar 2000 03:48:27 GMT
Organization: CompuServe (http://www.compuserve.com/)

In article <20000325081353.06456.00000491@ng-fn1.aol.com>, catwom7711@aol.com (CatWom7711) writes:
>Let's see what we can all come up with. Maybe ones
>related to Trish's grammar gripes or dunny/commodiums or even stitching.

A limerick addressing a dunny
Is somehow supposed to be funny,
But with bats and with snakes
I'd be having the shakes
Couldn't we please have a bunny?

Ellen (in Denver)

-
When the going gets tough, the tough use duct tape

From: annw@notreal.net (Ann W.)
Newsgroups: rec.crafts.textiles.needlework
Subject: Re: OT: Limericks was OT: Commodiums?
Date: Sun, 26 Mar 2000 21:45:11 GMT
Organization: Road Runner

On 25 Mar 2000 13:13:53 GMT, catwom7711@aol.com (CatWom7711) wrote:
>C'mon everyone -- there has to be someone out there besides Trish, Kathy &
>myself who do limericks! Let's see what we can all come up with. Maybe ones
>related to Trish's grammar gripes or dunny/commodiums or even stitching. And
>remember -- a real limerick is five lines with the aabba rhyme scheme.

Okay, one for RCTN and one for Trish:

This group is for those who take stitches,
We frog all our offending glitches.
We'll help you to learn,
For more stash you'll soon yearn,
But best of all are the friendships-what riches!

------------------------------------------------------------------------

Poor Trish has an outdoor dunny,
Myself, I think, "That isn't funny!"
With bats and with snakes,
What courage it takes,
To go when it's no longer sunny!

Ann W.

e-mail to ann.williams@takeitout.altavista.com
take it out and change com to net

From: Marlene Frisbie <marlene@prairiehaven.com>
Newsgroups: rec.crafts.textiles.needlework
Subject: Re: OT: Commodiums? was OT: The weather etc
Organization: bCandid - Powering the world's discussions - http://bCandid.com
Date: Sun, 26 Mar 2000 20:35:09 GMT

Okay, you made me do it -

There once was a stitcher named Trish,
Who told us her one deepest wish:
That in matters of grammar
We wouldn't dare slam 'er,
Nor send her a stinkin' dead fish!

Marlene in Woodstock, IL ( who once won a limerick-writing contest!)

From: Kim Brown <kim.brown@studentmail.newcastle.edu.au>
Newsgroups: rec.crafts.textiles.needlework
Subject: Re: OT: New ng rule on grammar rants; was OT: Commodiums? wasOT:...
Date: Sun, 26 Mar 2000 17:53:47 +1000
Organization: University of Newcastle

Cross Stitch wrote:
>
> There once was a lady from Australia
> In her very best stitched regalia
> Of stories she'd tell
> Her Ugly Sister would yell
> But the one about a dunny would amaze ya!

Oh why roast my poor little dunny?
I skip there when e'er it is sunny!
But when it is storming
My bottom needs warming
And then it doth cease being funny!

Poor old Trish has got one Ugly Sister:
On the family name, she's a blister!
By chucking a hissy
This rude little missy:
Trish-sister, the blister, she p*ssed 'er!
--
Trish {|:OI}
Newcastle, NSW, Australia

From: msjc656191@aol.com (MSJC656191)
Newsgroups: rec.crafts.textiles.needlework
Subject: Re: OT: New ng rule on grammar rants; was OT: Commodiums? wasOT:...
Date: 26 Mar 2000 14:42:09 GMT
Organization: AOL Canada http://www.aol.ca

>Oh why roast my poor little dunny?
>I skip there when e'er it is sunny!
>But when it is storming
>My bottom needs warming
>And then it doth cease being funny!

Poor Trish's dunny we'd shun
It's fine while there is sun
What she needs is a warmer
For when it is winter
We must think of an invention!

Sharon P.

From: cstitch@webtv.net (Cross Stitch)
Newsgroups: rec.crafts.textiles.needlework
Subject: Re: OT: New ng rule on grammar rants; was OT: Commodiums? wasOT:...
Date: Sun, 26 Mar 2000 06:50:58 -0600 (CST)
Organization: WebTV Subscriber

I don't read her problems with cats
Sometimes she reports on her bats
But is there a discovery
Or a serious recovery
Of the well known malady called "the fats"?

From: Kim Brown <kim.brown@studentmail.newcastle.edu.au>
Newsgroups: rec.crafts.textiles.needlework
Subject: Re: OT: Limericks was OT: Commodiums?
Date: Sun, 26 Mar 2000 17:44:04 +1000
Organization: University of Newcastle

CatWom7711 wrote:
>
> Cudos all around -- superb limericks!! Lets keep the ball rolling OK? Give
> me some time & I'll think of another one. Right now I have to go sort the
> laundry & that just takes all of the creativity out of life. CiaoMeow >^;;^<
> PAX, Tia Mary >^;;^<

Tia Mary is all in a quand'ry
She had to go sort out her laundry
'tween the jackets and skirts,
The waistcoats and shirts
There was barely 'nough room for an undie!

--
Trish {|:OI}
Newcastle, NSW, Australia

From: catwom7711@aol.com (CatWom7711)
Newsgroups: rec.crafts.textiles.needlework
Subject: OT: More Limericks was Commodiums, etc...
Date: 26 Mar 2000 13:59:59 GMT
Organization: AOL http://www.aol.com

The muse has struck at last! I should warn you all that I come from a verrrrrry long line of Irish poets & story-tellers and can do this ad nauseum
[8-0

#1
There once was a black dog named Suzi
'Bout her "hobbies" she wasn't too choosy
She tried walk-about,
And got lost without doubt,
Now the woods make her terribly woozy

#2
Tia Mary had laundry to sort
But her DH that plan did abort
He came home last night
With 2 movies, "Just right"
Says I with a smile and a snort!

#3 (or a continuation of the ribaldry seen above)
Now the laundry it languishes here
Says I "My time is to dear,
To waste it upon
Doing chores, so I'm gone
To my chair where I stitch without fear."

Maybe we should collect all of these limericks, and ask Mary Monica if she can get them published -- anonymously of course -- LOLOL! CiaoMeow >^;;^<
PAX, Tia Mary >^;;^<
Angels can't show their wings on earth but nothing was ever said about their
WHISKERS!!

From: msjc656191@aol.com (MSJC656191)
Newsgroups: rec.crafts.textiles.needlework
Subject: Re: OT: More Limericks was Commodiums, etc...
Date: 26 Mar 2000 14:35:46 GMT
Organization: AOL Canada http://www.aol.ca

>#3 (or a continuation of the ribaldry seen above)
>Now the laundry it languishes here
>Says I "My time is to dear,
>To waste it upon
>Doing chores, so I'm gone
>To my chair where I stitch without fear."

Tia Mary is a lady who would want
To do laundry and chores she would taunt
But as she was thinkin'
The laundry was stinkin'
But stitching is much more important!

Sharon P.

From: Marlene Frisbie <marlene@prairiehaven.com>
Newsgroups: rec.crafts.textiles.needlework
Subject: Re: OT: More Limericks was Commodiums, etc...
Organization: bCandid - Powering the world's discussions - http://bCandid.com
Date: Sun, 26 Mar 2000 21:40:38 GMT

Kathleen Dyer wrote:
> With permission, I'll add them to the existing limerick collection on
> my "Humor of RCTN" page. It's been some time since the last infusion.
>
> Kathy (who still has a few limericks bubbling around inside)

Miss Kathy the Lady of Dyer,
To collect all our humor did try her,
But so fast was our pace
Some was lost in cyber space
And "please, no more rhymes" did cry her!

Marlene

From: cstitch@webtv.net (Cross Stitch)
Newsgroups: rec.crafts.textiles.needlework
Subject: Re: OT: New ng rule on grammar rants; was OT: Commodiums? wasOT:...
Date: Sun, 26 Mar 2000 06:15:09 -0600 (CST)
Organization: WebTV Subscriber

There once was a dog named Miss Alice
Who uprooted flowers meaning no malice
When she dug up those plants
It brought Trish to her rants
I heard you could hear her in Dallas!

From: Kim Brown <kim.brown@studentmail.newcastle.edu.au>
Newsgroups: rec.crafts.textiles.needlework
Subject: Re: OT: More Limericks was Commodiums, etc...
Date: Mon, 27 Mar 2000 07:58:19 +1000
Organization: University of Newcastle

A stitch which I've just executed
Is easy, or so 'tis reputed.
But try as I ought
This blasted french knot
Won't stay knotted or tied: I refute it!

--
Trish {|:OI}
Newcastle, NSW, Australia

From: ktortue@aol.com (Kathy Koestner)
Newsgroups: rec.crafts.textiles.needlework
Subject: Re: OT: More Limericks was Commodiums, etc...
Date: 27 Mar 2000 00:21:58 GMT
Organization: AOL http://www.aol.com

Miss Dianne has some video pics
On doing a French knot so it sticks
Head for her web site
And view with delight
Then Trish, you'll do French knots for kicks.

Kathy K (who can make a proper French knot now thanks to Dianne)

From: catwom7711@aol.com (CatWom7711)
Newsgroups: rec.crafts.textiles.needlework
Subject: Re: Limericks was OT: Commodiums?
Date: 27 Mar 2000 20:02:23 GMT
Organization: AOL http://www.aol.com

Well, that just goes to show you where MY mind is -- LOLOL!

My mind is afloat in the gutter
With bad language and such,
what a clutter!
But I try my best
To give it a rest
So my limericks don't make your hearts flutter

PAX, Tia Mary >^;;^<
Angels can't show their wings on earth but nothing was ever said about their
WHISKERS!!

From: katz@cs.millersville.edu (Beth Katz)
Newsgroups: rec.crafts.textiles.needlework
Subject: Re: OT: More Limericks was Commodiums, etc...
Date: Tue, 28 Mar 2000 19:38:45 GMT
Organization: CSDept, Millersville University

I run to the store for some stash
Grabbing linen and silk as I dash
Knowing S.E.X. isn't sex
Good thing I have checks
Because I've run out of cash.

Beth Katz
katz@cs.millersville.edu
(who always writes checks at the LNS to save LNS owner the small
percentage service charge on credit card purchases)


From: catwom7711@aol.comnekoluvr (CatWom7711)
Newsgroups: rec.crafts.textiles.needlework
Subject: OT: Another Limerick
Date: 01 Apr 2000 16:42:07 GMT
Organization: AOL http://www.aol.com

Our very own Trish from down under
Writes great stories with nary a blunder,
There's rats, bats and frogs,
Dunnies, big snakes and dogs...
And dear Ugly who's really a wonder!

PAX, Tia Mary >^;;^< (remove nekoluvr to e-mail)
Angels can't show their wings on earth but nothing was ever said about their
WHISKERS!! Nothing is complete without a few cat hairs -- and they make the
BEST specialty fibers too!

From: Kim Brown <kim.brown@studentmail.newcastle.edu.au>
Newsgroups: rec.crafts.textiles.needlework
Subject: Re: OT: Another Limerick
Date: Sun, 02 Apr 2000 11:03:51 +1000
Organization: University of Newcastle

CatWom7711 wrote:
>
> Our very own Trish from down under
> Writes great stories with nary a blunder,
> There's rats, bats and frogs,
> Dunnies, big snakes and dogs...
> And dear Ugly who's really a wonder!

> PAX, Tia Mary >^;;^< (remove nekoluvr to e-mail)

Please do not be nice to my sister
If she'd left, then I wouldn't have missed her.
She rants and she shrieks,
Bears grudges for weeks
And on Nature's bum, she's a blister!

(Sorry for the re-use of 'blister', but hey! Find me another and I'll use it!)

--
Trish {|:OI}
Newcastle, NSW, Australia


From: Kim Brown <kim.brown@studentmail.newcastle.edu.au>
Newsgroups: rec.crafts.textiles.needlework
Subject: Re: Time for a Round of Who We Are?
Date: Sat, 01 Apr 2000 19:28:15 +1000
Organization: University of Newcastle

emerald wrote:
>
> JPageC <jpagec@aol.comnojunk> wrote in message
> news:20000331015923.24841.00000044@nso-cr.aol.com...
> > In article <M2PE4.6628$eh.799748@news.bc.tac.net>, "emerald"
> > <ejkeane@hotmail.com> writes:
> >
> > >My name's Eimear..which hardly anyone who's not Irish can pronounce on
> > >sight!
> >
> > So... how do you pronounce it?
>
> Ee-mur...rhymes with lemur!
> But my experience has been that most people look at it and say "Eye-mere"
>
> emerald

There was a young woman called Eimear
Who looked for the world like a lemur:
From her black pointy nose
To'er opposable toes
And her dear little athletic femur!

--
Trish {|:OI}
Newcastle, NSW, Australia

From: "emerald" <ejkeane@hotmail.com>
Newsgroups: rec.crafts.textiles.needlework
Subject: Re: Time for a Round of Who We Are?
Date: Sat, 1 Apr 2000 11:32:51 -0800

Trish wrote >
> There was a young woman called Eimear
> Who looked for the world like a lemur:
> From her black pointy nose
> To'er opposable toes
> And her dear little athletic femur!

Miz Trish with her undoubted wit
Has strayed from the truth quite a bit
With her tales about Eimear
And her athletic femur
Sadly, E's physically Pffft!!

emerald


From: Anne B. (tindall@adelphia.net)
Subject: Applicable verse I found
Newsgroups: rec.crafts.textiles.needlework
Date: 2001-04-05 08:02:24 PST

Don't know who wrote this -- it shows up on an old plate in a photograph in a book I have, not concerning needlework at all -- but thought y'all would like it. (I'm using it in a sampler.)

When I'm a grownup woman
With my hair upon my head
I'll sit and sew till late at night
And never go to bed.

cheers, Anne B.

From: Heather Knowles (hknowles@barwickgreen.fsnet.co.uk)
Subject: Re: Applicable verse I found
Newsgroups: rec.crafts.textiles.needlework
Date: 2001-04-05 13:31:30 PST

Putting down the latest stitching catalogue, B & Y McBRIDE <brendan@bmcb ride.freeserve.co.uk> writes
>OOOh I like it. Shall we all try to add a verse???

Here goes, then.....

I'll build an extra bedroom
Where I can keep my stash,
And sneak off to my LNS
Each time I have spare cash.

--
luv Heather xxxxxxxxx http://www.barwickgreen.fsnet.co.uk

WIP: Craft Collection Millennium sampler (the PFH!); 'La Cascade' needlepoint; DeAgostini Wonderful World of Teddybears collection; filet crochet angel afghan.

From: Gay Yeo (gyeo@nortelnetworks.com)
Subject: Re: Applicable verse I found
Newsgroups: rec.crafts.textiles.needlework
Date: 2001-04-06 02:49:51 PST

I'll browse through all the many kits
The LNS display
And finger floss and fabrics
From dawn till end of day.

Gay
Maidenhead
UK

From: Tia Mary-remove nekoluvr to reply (catwom7711@aol.comnekoluvr)
Subject: Re: Applicable verse I found
Newsgroups: rec.crafts.textiles.needlework
Date: 2001-04-06 06:01:15 PST

I'll sit and stitch from dawn till dusk,
My cats there with me too
And sip a cup off nice, hot tea --
Those hours will seem too few.

And when the day is finally o'er
And time has flown away
I'll ponder on this wondrous life
The Lord has sent my way

Sorry -- had to add both verses. As I was sitting her, just finishing my first verse, the second one just popped into my head in almost a whole piece :-)).
CiaoMeow >^;;^<

PAX, Tia Mary >^;;^<
Angels can't show their wings on earth but nothing was ever said about their WHISKERS!!
Nothing is complete without a few cat hairs!
No husband was ever shot doing dishes!
Visit my photo album http://www.photopoint.com

From: Pat Porter (pat.porter@ntlworld.com)
Subject: Re: Applicable verse I found
Newsgroups: rec.crafts.textiles.needlework
Date: 2001-04-06 07:04:34 PST

Then if I can afford it
And there isn`t any hitch,
I`ll kit up all my favourite charts
And settle down and stitch!

Pat

From: Kilmeny Jones (kilmeny@mb.sympatico.ca)
Subject: Re: Applicable verse I found
Newsgroups: rec.crafts.textiles.needlework
Date: 2001-04-06 14:54:46 PST

Though I have scads of UFO's
New projects will I start
Whenever something new appears -
Look! There's another chart!!!

Kilmeny
Winnipeg, Manitoba, Canada

From: Joan Erickson (joan_erickson@und.nodak.edu)
Subject: Re: Applicable verse I found
Newsgroups: rec.crafts.textiles.needlework
Date: 2001-04-06 15:42:05 PST

I tell my husband, standing near,
"It's now that I must buy!"
I see his shoulders start to sag -
It makes him want to cry!

Is this the start of an epic-length poem? It sure is fun!
Joan, in ND

From: Mavia Beaulieu (mavia@accesscable.net)
Subject: Re: Applicable verse I found
Newsgroups: rec.crafts.textiles.needlework
Date: 2001-04-06 16:00:08 PST

My stash now fills my little house,
In every nook and cranny.
I'll have projects still to stitch,
When I'm a white haired granny!

happy stitchin'
Mavia

From: Fred Kuhn (bkstitchit@icenter.net)
Subject: Re: Applicable verse My Verse
Newsgroups: rec.crafts.textiles.needlework
Date: 2001-04-05 16:36:14 PST

With all my needlework catalogues
though most have garnered age
with nimble, wrinkled fingers, nod
and gently turn each page.

Don't backstitch to e-mail just stitchit
Fred
http://www.stitchaway.com

From: B & Y McBRIDE (brendan@bmcbride.freeserve.co.uk)
Subject: Re: Applicable verse My Verse
Newsgroups: rec.crafts.textiles.needlework
Date: 2001-04-06 03:57:55 PST

Sorry couldn't resist this one

I search the internet but
High prices I must pay
For things I must have
Before my trip to the USA!!!

Regards
Yve

From: Jamie Quiroga (maestra@ev1.net)
Subject: Re: Applicable verse My Verse- Keep it going!
Newsgroups: rec.crafts.textiles.needlework
Date: 2001-04-05 20:11:55 PST

In sofa arms and pillow shams
My needles I shan't lose.
But if I should I will not fret
For spouse will now wear shoes.

-Jamie Quiroga

From: mag (mewilson@presys.com)
Subject: Re: Applicable verse My Verse- Keep it going!
Newsgroups: rec.crafts.textiles.needlework
Date: 2001-04-05 22:22:52 PST

I wait each night
for quiet light,
All others off, contented.
To sit and stitch
my project which
my stash it has not dented.

Mag, Oregon

WIP: Miss Hathaway's Garden, Sunflowers-Van Gogh, Birth Sampler I- Beatrix Potter,Giraffe-Ross Originals, Noah's Ark-Bucilla stamped quilttop; Animal Magnetism-Charts & Charms, Walk Beside Me - Nancy Rossi Welcome Sampler 2000-Stony Creek

From: Joyce in RSA (joycem@global.co.za)
Subject: Re: Applicable verse My Verse- Keep it going!
Newsgroups: rec.crafts.textiles.needlework
Date: 2001-04-06 02:45:52 PST

I'll have a stitching corner,
And sit there all day long.
I'll listen to the TV
To film or news or song.

I'll have a chest that Jim made,
And stitchaway by Fred,
And when I can't sit any more,
I'll have them by my bed.

Joyce in RSA.

From: l_goddess_l (Alexandra@iinet.net.au)
Subject: Re: Applicable verse My Verse- Keep it going!
Newsgroups: rec.crafts.textiles.needlework
Date: 2001-04-06 07:31:08 PST

I'll press my nose
On the windows
Of stitch-shops ev'rywhere
And catalogue "my" stitching things
For when I'm a millionaire!

: ) Alexandra in Perth, Western Australia


From: kdyer@dnai.com
Newsgroups: rec.crafts.textiles.needlework
Subject: Needlework limerick
Date: 3 May 2002 00:08:14 GMT
Organization: DNAI

I wrote this just because we haven't had any needlework limericks in awhile...

There once was a stitcher named Harry
Who had a big needlework query.
The answer, thought of
By Mary. Ah, love.
He's merrily marrying Mary.

Kathy
--
===========================================================================
Kathleen Dyer <mailto:kdyer@dnai.com> "Sing as if no one were listening."
Counted Cross Stitch, Needlework and Stitchery Page
<http://www.dnai.com/~kdyer/>

From: kdyer@dnai.com
Newsgroups: rec.crafts.textiles.needlework
Subject: Re: Needlework limerick
Date: 3 May 2002 00:36:57 GMT
Organization: DNAI

One more...

There once was a stitcher named Amber
Who had so much stash she would clamber
To the fridge for frame parts,
To the freezer for charts.
And then say, "I'm cold! Yes, I am! Brr!"

Kathy
--
===========================================================================
Kathleen Dyer <mailto:kdyer@dnai.com> "Sing as if no one were listening."
Counted Cross Stitch, Needlework and Stitchery Page
<http://www.dnai.com/~kdyer/>

From: kdyer@dnai.com
Newsgroups: rec.crafts.textiles.needlework
Subject: Re: Needlework limerick
Date: 3 May 2002 00:56:28 GMT
Organization: DNAI

And even one more...

There once was a stitcher named Helen
Who sailed through the Strait of Magellan
The small craft was tossed.
A lantern was lost.
But none of her needlework fell in!

Kathy
--
===========================================================================
Kathleen Dyer <mailto:kdyer@dnai.com> "Sing as if no one were listening."
Counted Cross Stitch, Needlework and Stitchery Page
<http://www.dnai.com/~kdyer/>

From: Trish Brown <kawbrown@ozemail.com.au>
Newsgroups: rec.crafts.textiles.needlework
Subject: Re: Needlework limerick
Date: Fri, 03 May 2002 11:06:59 +1000

There once was a stitcher, Patricia
Who was a remarkable fisher
However, she stitched
While her boat tossed and pitched
Till she met Davy Jones, who would kiss her!

--
Trish {|:OI}
Newcastle, NSW, Australia

From: Skyhooks <hmardis@staff.uiuc.edu>
Newsgroups: rec.crafts.textiles.needlework
Subject: Re: Needlework limerick
Date: Thu, 02 May 2002 21:44:03 -0700
Organization: University of Illinois at Urbana-Champaign

Stitcher am I and Helen I be,
RCTN is so fun to read
then red flames were fanned
perhaps all felt banned?
but next moments are so good to see :)

OK, I've never made a limerick before, so I hope I haven't disappointed anyone - I wish I could think/compose of one with "skyhooks" and "smiles" (sigh). I'll have to "ruminate" on that (VBG!)

From: "Marie" <rpelleti@earthlink.net>
Newsgroups: rec.crafts.textiles.needlework
Subject: Re: Needlework limerick
Date: Fri, 03 May 2002 03:24:35 GMT
Organization: EarthLink Inc. -- http://www.EarthLink.net

Helen Skyhooks
Had many fine books
She used for her cross stitch projects
She stitched every day
With a very fine style
And gave all of us a big smile!

Marie (Boboette)

From: kdyer@dnai.com
Newsgroups: rec.crafts.textiles.needlework
Subject: Re: Needlework limerick
Date: 3 May 2002 03:52:02 GMT
Organization: DNAI

Skyhooks <hmardis@staff.uiuc.edu> wrote:
> OK, I've never made a limerick before, so I hope I haven't disappointed
> anyone - I wish I could think/compose of one with "skyhooks" and
> "smiles" (sigh). I'll have to "ruminate" on that (VBG!)

For you...

A stitcher with face wreathed in smiles
For her shopping would go many miles.
She said, "I'm called Skyhooks
And I'm here to buy books
And needlework charts from those aisles!"

Kathy
--
===========================================================================
Kathleen Dyer <mailto:kdyer@dnai.com> "Sing as if no one were listening."
Counted Cross Stitch, Needlework and Stitchery Page
<http://www.dnai.com/~kdyer/>

From: Trish Brown <kawbrown@ozemail.com.au>
Newsgroups: rec.crafts.textiles.needlework
Subject: Re: Needlework limerick
Date: Fri, 03 May 2002 15:13:28 +1000

Skyhooks wrote:
>
> I can only applaud!
> You've made my day,
> and sometime in future life,
> I desire to see you perform and sing
> because I know your unacclaimed fame!!!!
>
> (OK - I can't sing - I can't rhyme (sp?) - but hey - at least I used to
> be able to read music - and I still have my piano - albeit badly
> tuned!!!!!)
>
> Thank you.
>
> Helen (Skyhooks)
> hmardis at uiuc dot edu

Don't feel badly that you have no music
Too much of it would make you feel sick
So just hum along with us
Dear Skyhooks and give us
Your comp'ny for that is the real trick!

--
Trish {|:OI}
Newcastle, NSW, Australia

From: Larisa Vann <""hack\"@theplanet.comlvann@twcny.rr.com>
Newsgroups: rec.crafts.textiles.needlework
Subject: Re: Needlework limerick
Date: Fri, 03 May 2002 12:35:02 GMT
Organization: Road Runner

Skyhooks posts bring us lots of smiles
Though tempers they do sometimes rile
We know her the best
and we let her jest
cause she makes our smiles go on for miles

Larisa, making her first attempt at this

From: lolleeroberts@aol.com (Lollee )
Newsgroups: rec.crafts.textiles.needlework
Date: 03 May 2002 15:12:39 GMT
Organization: AOL http://www.aol.com
Subject: Re: Needlework limerick

Skyhooks, limericks are five lines long, rhyme scheme of AABBA, and the 1st, 2nd and 5th lines have 8 syllables and the 3rd and 4th lines have 5 or 6. (There's some meter stuff involved too, but that's the basics.)

Miss Skyhooks was getting her kicks
Displaying her poetic tricks.
Her verses, while charming,
Were truly alarming,
Because they were not limericks!

Lollee

"Do not meddle in the affairs of wizards, for they are subtle and quick to anger."
J.R.R. Tolkien, "The Fellowship of the Ring"

From: lolleeroberts@aol.com (Lollee )
Newsgroups: rec.crafts.textiles.needlework
Date: 05 May 2002 15:47:30 GMT
Organization: AOL http://www.aol.com Subject: Re: Needlework limerick

In article <iL9B8.8122$9W4.2227063@news6-win.server.ntlworld.com>, "Pat Porter" <pat.porter@ntlworld.com> writes:

>Well if you START the line with "Skyhooks" then at least you won`t HAVE to
>find a rhyme for it! Think positive (or posisibly, in this case -
>backwards!

Oh, but that's not so hard.

There once was a lady named Skyhooks,
Who came from a long line of fry cooks.
She found stitching easy,
But left it quite greasy,
Which makes her okay in my books.

Lollee

"Do not meddle in the affairs of wizards, for they are subtle and quick to anger."
J.R.R. Tolkien, "The Fellowship of the Ring"

From: kdyer@dnai.com
Newsgroups: rec.crafts.textiles.needlework
Subject: Re: Needlework limerick
Date: 3 May 2002 01:26:42 GMT
Organization: DNAI

The more, the merrier... :-)

A stitcher with very skilled hands
Simultaneously worked from two stands
On her left and her right.
Double progress each night
On her cross stitch and sampler of bands.

Kathy
--
===========================================================================
Kathleen Dyer <mailto:kdyer@dnai.com> "Sing as if no one were listening."
Counted Cross Stitch, Needlework and Stitchery Page
<http://www.dnai.com/~kdyer/>

From: "Marie" <rpelleti@earthlink.net>
Newsgroups: rec.crafts.textiles.needlework
Subject: Re: Needlework limerick
Date: Fri, 03 May 2002 06:23:09 GMT
Organization: EarthLink Inc. -- http://www.EarthLink.net

There once was a girl way out West
Whose cats were being a pest
They chewed up her hoop
Tangled up all the floss
And left cat hair in all of the rest!

Marie (Boboette)

From: bsei@midamer.net (PaulaB)
Newsgroups: rec.crafts.textiles.needlework
Subject: Re: Needlework limerick
Date: 3 May 2002 04:21:36 -0700
Organization: http://groups.google.com/

All right, I'll play!

There once was a needlework newsgroup
That would argue, "Frame vs. Hoop!"
Flames fly thick and fast
But we know it won't last
As long as our fabric don't droop!

Paula B.

From: kdyer@dnai.com
Newsgroups: rec.crafts.textiles.needlework
Subject: Re: Needlework limerick
from Trish's DH Date: 3 May 2002 15:05:53 GMT
Organization: DNAI

Trish Brown <kawbrown@ozemail.com.au> wrote:
> What are you doing my dear old Trish?
> You really should be cooking fish!
> You're caught up in rhyme
> But it's my dinnertime
> So let Trish cook the fish, that's my wish!
>
> (With all due respect!)

:-)

To dine? Or to break out in rhyme
About needlework matters sublime?
Ah, that is the question.
Both require a concession
Of devoted practitioners' time.

(It's spreading...)

Kathy

--
===========================================================================
Kathleen Dyer <mailto:kdyer@dnai.com> "Sing as if no one were listening."
Counted Cross Stitch, Needlework and Stitchery Page
<http://www.dnai.com/~kdyer/>

From: Trish Brown <kawbrown@ozemail.com.au>
Newsgroups: rec.crafts.textiles.needlework
Subject: Re: The Stork arrived tonight! - UPDATE
Date: Fri, 03 May 2002 15:17:12 +1000

Farleyaw wrote:

<snip>

> PPS - Trish, you'll have to wait for the next litter of kittens and I'll name
> one especially after you! LOL - Is that almost as good as having a human baby
> named for you?

That would suffice quite nicely, thenk yew! P'raps you might have a dear little redheaded kitten whose name could be 'Patricia'?

Dear Anne has been doin' her knittin'
Because her furbaby had kittens
Three boys and a girl
Knit one, two and purl
Anne's kittens are fittin' for knittin'!
--
Trish {|:OI}
Newcastle, NSW, Australia

From: Monique Reed <monique@mail.bio.tamu.edu>
Newsgroups: rec.crafts.textiles.needlework
Subject: Re: Needlework limerick
Date: Fri, 03 May 2002 11:01:54 -0500
Organization: Texas A&M University, College Station, Texas

My right hand has got CTS
My left, tendinitis, no less!
I want to stitch soon
But it won't be til June!
That's a sure recipe for some stress.

I must do some stitching, I must!
My WIP's just gather dust--
But I must be good,
And do what I should,
"Time heals" is advice that I trust.

Oh, then will be joy without measure!
My needlework time I will treasure.
I guess until then,
I'll read rctn
And get some vicarious pleasure.

Monique

From: kdyer@dnai.com
Newsgroups: rec.crafts.textiles.needlework
Subject: Re: Needlework limerick
Date: 3 May 2002 18:09:23 GMT
Organization: DNAI

There once was a sticher--Monique --who said, "My skills will be antique. But I can't stitch right now For my wrists hurt. And how! They must rest. But I'll still sneek a peek."

Kathy
--
===========================================================================
Kathleen Dyer <mailto:kdyer@dnai.com> "Sing as if no one were listening."
Counted Cross Stitch, Needlework and Stitchery Page
<http://www.dnai.com/~kdyer/>

From: Trish Brown <kawbrown@ozemail.com.au>
Newsgroups: rec.crafts.textiles.needlework
Subject: Re: Needlework limerick
Date: Sat, 04 May 2002 10:19:02 +1000

Hee!

Our friend is a stitcher: Monique
Who does things that are botanique
Her wrists stopped her stitchin'
But her needle-hand's twitchin'
To seize on her floss and fabrique!

--
Trish {|:OI} Newcastle, NSW, Australia

From: Trish Brown <kawbrown@ozemail.com.au>
Newsgroups: rec.crafts.textiles.needlework
Subject: Re: Needlework limerick
Date: Sat, 04 May 2002 10:11:33 +1000

Oh!You poor little Botany person
You must be a shriekin' and cursin'
So go and press flowers
And while away the hours
Till your wristies no longer need nursin'!

I hope when you take up your needle
You won't have to whine or to wheedle
To get some more stash
Spending gobbets of cash
When your wrists are no longer so feeble

I stitch in Newcastle you see
Just a short distance north of Sydney
I like to stitch samplers
(Not Huggies or Pampers)
My stitching is what sets me free!

Eragrostis alopecuroides
Is a grass that is eaten by boidies
And Poa, Festuca
Setaria glauca
And Oryxopsis hymefioides!

--
Trish {|:OI}
Newcastle, NSW, Australia

From: "Meridel Abrams" <indymeri@worldnet.att.net>
Newsgroups: rec.crafts.textiles.needlework
Subject: Re: Needlework limerick
Date: Fri, 03 May 2002 15:21:25 GMT
Organization: AT&T Worldnet

it's a joy to design a complimentary chart
you'd think it simple, but it's quite an art
to figure where to put stitches
and how to fit everyone's wishes
and in the end, save'em a buck at the mart.

From: bsei@midamer.net (PaulaB)
Newsgroups: rec.crafts.textiles.needlework
Subject: Re: Needlework limerick
Date: 3 May 2002 09:29:37 -0700
Organization: http://groups.google.com/

Since I read through Google I haven't see what's been posted since this morning, but here's another...I should never have begun! It'll only get worse!!

A stitcher was stitching with silk
While drinking her chocolate milk.
When it spilled there, she cried,
"I'm fit to be tied!"
So she strung herself up with her silk!

Tongue firmly in cheek, Paula B.

From: kdyer@dnai.com
Newsgroups: rec.crafts.textiles.needlework
Subject: Re: Needlework limerick
Date: 3 May 2002 19:31:12 GMT
Organization: DNAI

Oops. Typo. How about:

A new needleworker named Boris
Said, "This Aida is certainly porous.
I see all the holes
'Tween my new wooden scrolls
As I stitch my son's blue stegosaurus."

Kathy
--
===========================================================================
Kathleen Dyer <mailto:kdyer@dnai.com> "Sing as if no one were listening."
Counted Cross Stitch, Needlework and Stitchery Page
<http://www.dnai.com/~kdyer/>

From: kdyer@dnai.com
Newsgroups: rec.crafts.textiles.needlework
Subject: Re: Needlework limerick
Date: 3 May 2002 19:39:29 GMT
Organization: DNAI

And for the mothers...

A very young stitcher named Tommy
stitched a picture of cats for his Mommy.
"Amazing," said Mom,
"To see him so calm.
He's often more like a tsunami."

Kathy
--
===========================================================================
Kathleen Dyer <mailto:kdyer@dnai.com> "Sing as if no one were listening."
Counted Cross Stitch, Needlework and Stitchery Page
<http://www.dnai.com/~kdyer/>

From: Larisa Vann <""hack\"@theplanet.comlvann@twcny.rr.com>
Newsgroups: rec.crafts.textiles.needlework
Subject: limmerick??
Date: Fri, 03 May 2002 12:43:50 GMT
Organization: Road Runner

There once was a toddler named Tom
Who tangled the floss of his mom
Her charts he did eat
thought they were a treat
Is this the start of cross-stitching for Tom??

Larisa
--
To reply, remove: hack@theplanet.com

From: kdyer@dnai.com
Newsgroups: rec.crafts.textiles.needlework
Subject: Re: limmerick??
Date: 3 May 2002 14:51:28 GMT
Organization: DNAI
Sender: "K. Dyer" <kdyer@lenny.sfrn.dnai.com>

Ah! Young Tom has developed a taste
for the stitching. Now he must be chased
From the floss and the charts
Of the cross stitchers' arts,
Or soon they will show 'round his waist.

Kathy
--
===========================================================================
Kathleen Dyer <mailto:kdyer@dnai.com> "Sing as if no one were listening."
Counted Cross Stitch, Needlework and Stitchery Page
<http://www.dnai.com/~kdyer/>

From: Liz Hampton <lizh@echoweb.net>
Newsgroups: rec.crafts.textiles.needlework
Subject: Re: quilt limmerick?
Date: Mon, 06 May 2002 20:14:13 -0700
Organization: SCN Research of Tigard, Oregon, USA.

There once was a 5 year old stitcher
Who wanted to stitch Mom a pitcher
His sister did mangle
his floss to a tangle
He squawked: "Knock it off or I'll hit yer!"

Some poetic license there in the second line. :-)) The words: "stitcher",
"picture" and "hit you" do not rhyme without a little help. :-))))

Liz from Humbug

From: kdyer@dnai.com
Newsgroups: rec.crafts.textiles.needlework
Subject: Re: Needlework limerick
Date: 3 May 2002 22:10:03 GMT
Organization: DNAI

Now, for some science fiction, needlework limericks...

The woman who steered the ship's course,
An ensign in Terran Space Force,
Whose sweetheart, named Nigel,
Was stationed at Rigel.
For him, she was stitching a horse.

There was a fine stitcher named Janet,
From orbit she surveyed a planet.
"We go 'round and 'round,
But stitching, I've found
Keeps me focused on measuring granite."

A captain on travel in space,
Her starship raced back to the base.
The weapons recharged
As, duty discharged,
Crisis past, she unwound with point lace.

Someone needs to do some mystery/needlework limericks.

Kathy
--
===========================================================================
Kathleen Dyer <mailto:kdyer@dnai.com> "Sing as if no one were listening."
Counted Cross Stitch, Needlework and Stitchery Page
<http://www.dnai.com/~kdyer/>

From: kdyer@dnai.com
Newsgroups: rec.crafts.textiles.needlework
Subject: Re: Needlework limerick
Date: 4 May 2002 04:38:15 GMT
Organization: DNAI

Since the idea was in my head...

The world's first consulting detective
Had once again gained his objective.
The onlookers were awed.
"That housekeeper's a fraud!
See, how each darning stitch is defective!"

Kathy (who read some Sherlock Holmes stories just a couple of days ago.)
--
===========================================================================
Kathleen Dyer <mailto:kdyer@dnai.com> "Sing as if no one were listening."
Counted Cross Stitch, Needlework and Stitchery Page
<http://www.dnai.com/~kdyer/>

From: russ92373@aol.com (Russ92373)
Subject: Re: Needlework limerick
Date: 04 May 2002 14:16:49 GMT
Newsgroups: rec.crafts.textiles.needlework

Betsy Devonshire liked to knit and purl
Owned a needlework shop called Crewel World
An amateur sleuth
In pursuit of the truth
Each mystery she did unfurl

Maggie

From: Maureen <sammi78_96@yahoo.com>
Subject: Re: Needlework limerick
Date: Sat, 04 May 2002 11:14:55 GMT
Newsgroups: rec.crafts.textiles.needlework

Ok I'll bite! (Now you guys have me doing this *giggle*) Remember when one line could get your mom in a tizzy? Here's one for ya!

There once was a girl from Nantucket
Whose stitching fell in a bucket
"New floss I must buy
And fabric so dry
To start once again and not 'pluck it'"

I'm going to get ready for work now. I hope these aren't stuck in my head all day! LOL

Maureen in the Finger Lakes, NY

From: "Jeri" <stargazer40@hotmail.com>
Subject: Re: Needlework limerick
Date: Sat, 04 May 2002 14:37:57 GMT
Newsgroups: rec.crafts.textiles.needlework

lol.....these are fun!

There once was a lady named Jeri
who's needle was very contrary.
She'd stitch night and day,
hoping to finish someday,
but frogging made her very unmerry. --
Jeri
WIP: too many to name
"In order to receive new possibilities, we often have to offer an empty basket to a caring universe."
-Susan Miller

From: chriscordell@webtv.net (C Cordell)
Subject: Re: Needlework limerick
Date: Sat, 4 May 2002 08:39:35 -0600 (MDT)
Newsgroups: rec.crafts.textiles.needlework

A lovely young woman who stitched
Found her needle becoming bewitched.
It flew and it caught
In the straw hat she bought,
Then scratched her left eyebrow that itched.

chris c

From: mommaschell@cs.comshoes (Mommaschell)
Newsgroups: rec.crafts.textiles.needlework
Date: 04 May 2002 15:16:42 GMT
Organization: CompuServe (http://www.compuserve.com/) Subject: Re: Needlework limerick

If you stitch every day for an hour
You may find your mood much less sour
You'll make progress, you know
And your work you will show
It will give you a feeling of power!

Ellen (I'm stopping now - in Denver)
-
When the going gets tough, the tough use duct tape

From: "Meridel Abrams" <indymeri@worldnet.att.net>
Newsgroups: rec.crafts.textiles.needlework
Subject: Re: Needlework limerick
Date: Sat, 04 May 2002 16:44:01 GMT
Organization: AT&T Worldnet

.... continuing on -- for the men

There once was a nice fellow named Bart,
Who wanted to stitch, but didn't know where to start,
Begin at the top; begin in the middle,
Begin at the bottom, please answer my riddle,
Ah young man, the best stitches come from the heart.

From: mommaschell@cs.comshoes (Mommaschell)
Subject: Re: Needlework limerick
Date: 04 May 2002 15:06:00 GMT
Newsgroups: rec.crafts.textiles.needlework

There once was a stitcher of sorts
Who saved up all of her orts
In a jar or a glass
Twas a pain in the *ss
To decide which ones were too shorts

Ellen (wincing in pain - in Denver)

-
When the going gets tough, the tough use duct tape

From: mommaschell@cs.comshoes (Mommaschell)
Subject: Re: Needlework limerick
Date: 04 May 2002 15:12:12 GMT
Newsgroups: rec.crafts.textiles.needlework

The members of RCTN
Are still here, where they always have been
Buying stash in huge lots
"Angsting" over french knots
But remaining primarily friends

Ellen (once again - in Denver)
-
When the going gets tough, the tough use duct tape

From: "Pat Porter" <pat.porter@ntlworld.com>
Subject: Re: Needlework limerick
Date: Sat, 4 May 2002 16:39:46 +0100
Newsgroups: rec.crafts.textiles.needlework

There once was a lady called Sheena,
Definitely not a has-beener!
She travelled the world
With her banner unfurled
And played on her old concertina

(She stitched the banner, of course!)

Pat

From: kdyer@dnai.com
Newsgroups: rec.crafts.textiles.needlework
Subject: Re: Needlework limerick
Date: 4 May 2002 21:44:07 GMT
Organization: DNAI

There once was a stitcher named Gustav
Who twenty-five samplers produced of
Such complex precision
And artistic vision
That help from a Muse was deduced of.

Kathy
--
===========================================================================
Kathleen Dyer <mailto:kdyer@dnai.com> "Sing as if no one were listening."
Counted Cross Stitch, Needlework and Stitchery Page
<http://www.dnai.com/~kdyer/>

From: kimberlii@mindspring.com (kimberlii)
Newsgroups: rec.crafts.textiles.needlework
Subject: Re: Needlework limerick
Date: Sat, 04 May 2002 21:58:31 GMT
Organization: MindSpring Enterprises

Wow, all these talented limerickers. Here's one for Tia Mary

There once was a stitcher named Mary
Through fabric and gown did her stitch carry
She got a sudden call to the john
So went hunching along
The picture was really quite scary

Kim in SW Fl

From: Trish Brown <kawbrown@ozemail.com.au>
Subject: Re: Needlework limerick
Date: Mon, 06 May 2002 06:55:37 +1000
Newsgroups: rec.crafts.textiles.needlework

A stitcher called Mary went blue!
She wanted to go to the loo!
But they call it a 'john'
So she had to begone
Without any further ado!
--
Trish {|:OI}
Newcastle, NSW, Australia

[GOW stands for Grumpy Old Woman--Ed.]

From: "Dawne Peterson" <valkyrie@sk.sympatico.ca>
Newsgroups: rec.crafts.textiles.needlework
Subject: Re: Needlework limerick
Date: Sun, 5 May 2002 09:41:29 -0600
Organization: Posted via Supernews, http://www.supernews.com

What's held up my lim'rick 'til now
Is not knowing what rhymes with GOW
I will stand corrected
If I'm misdirected
But I think that it must rhyme with row!

Gotcha both Sheena and Pat. Calmly donning my helmet, and before ducking under the computer desk, admitting that Old Hippie (and that is IE, not Y, please) could be rhymed with "dippy" but had better not be. Dawne

From: Trish Brown <kawbrown@ozemail.com.au>
Subject: Re: Needlework limerick
Date: Mon, 06 May 2002 06:51:06 +1000
Newsgroups: rec.crafts.textiles.needlework
There was an Old Hippie called Dawne
Who was merely a plaything or pawn
When it came to the GOWs
And the ongoing rows
She'd blush and put her helmet on!
--
Trish {|:OI}
Newcastle, NSW, Australia

From: chriscordell@webtv.net (C Cordell)
Newsgroups: rec.crafts.textiles.needlework
Subject: Re: Needlework limerick
Date: Sun, 5 May 2002 11:54:02 -0600 (MDT)
Organization: WebTV Subscriber

By her bodkin he died.
While bleeding he cried,
"Why did you do it??"
She said, "Well, you blew it!
With ketchup on needlepoint wide!"

Not mysterious, but a bit bloody.

chris c

From: "Meridel Abrams" <indymeri@worldnet.att.net>
Subject: Re: Needlework limerick
Date: Mon, 06 May 2002 00:29:55 GMT
Newsgroups: rec.crafts.textiles.needlework

There was a stitcher named Trish
Who stitched whatever she wished
She'd stitch any design
And they'd turn out just fine
Her skill was in a flick of the wrist.

From: Larisa Vann <""hack\"@theplanet.comlvann@twcny.rr.com>
Newsgroups: rec.crafts.textiles.needlework
Subject: quilt limmerick?
Date: Sun, 05 May 2002 23:26:06 GMT
Organization: Road Runner

Larisa, a quilt she worked on
She thought she was finally done
she stitched and she stitched
and a lot she did b*tch
to find that her scissors were gone!

Now Nugget was the name of this cat
who most people thought was quite fat
but when he saw a fly
my did he ever jump high
but other times he mostly just sat

Shadow is Nugget's step-brother
they truly do like one another
they tumble along
dueting in song
you'd never geuss they had different mothers

Spirit is the third of our bunch
He tries to eat everyone's lunch
Like Eeyore he sits
and he throws little snits
his problem? We don't have a hunch

(Spirit and Shadow are actually litter-mates, Nugget is DH's cat)

Ken is the name of my mate
and this month he has to work late
though he comes home tired
he'll not get fired
cause the work he does is first-rate!

Our house is blue, white, and gold
In the winter it gets awfully cold
windows covered in plastic
Is not so fantastic
when removed, we find lots of mold

Larisa, who finally feels somewhat sane again

--
To reply, remove: hack@theplanet.com

From: kimberlii@mindspring.com (kimberlii)
Newsgroups: rec.crafts.textiles.needlework
Subject: Re: quilt limmerick?
Date: Mon, 06 May 2002 00:34:03 GMT
Organization: MindSpring Enterprises

Those are most excellent Larisa

There once was a gal named Larisa
Whose husband's hours made him miss her
Quite frisky did he feel
When from work did he steal
But so tired was he, he could just kiss her

Kim in SW Fl


[This thread branched off from the preceding limerick thread, and took on a life of its own.--Ed.]

From: Trish Brown <kawbrown@ozemail.com.au>
Newsgroups: rec.crafts.textiles.needlework
Subject: Re: OT: Limerix!!!
Date: Fri, 03 May 2002 10:56:10 +1000

Hnyahahah! The gauntlet has been laid down!

A stitcher there lived in Australia
Who felt she was such a big failure
She had UFOs
From her head to her toes
But of posts she would always avail ya!

There once was a young needleworker
Who certainly wasn't a shirker.
She stitched and she frogged,
For her needle was dogged
With bad luck: she became a berserker!

There once was a stitcher called Jim
Whose stitches were so neat and trim
That on rctn
They would praise all the men
Who stitched on with such vigour and vim!

Our newsgroup contains Kathy Dyer
Who sings op'ra in chorus and choir
While stitching all day
She can warble away
And her notes just get higher and higher!

There is a designer called Pattles
Whose posts give some people the rattles
Her great sense of humour
And love of a rumour
Will get her in all sorts of battles!

There is an old woman called Trish
Who once 'pon a time was a dish
But time has set in
She grew large, stayed not thin
And poor Trish-the-dish is not delish!

I think I will stop this right now
For I am a poor, silly cow!
When I start out in rhyme,
I will rhyme all the time
I can't stop, 'cause I just don't know how!

Oh bugger it, look what you've done!
Now I'm rhyming at husband and son
And poor little Ellie
Will turn into jelly
When she meets her poor rhyming old Mum!

Oh Kathy I now cannot stop!
This rhyming's gone over the top!
I'll be talking in verse
Go from bad unto worse
And my family'll give me the chop!

Gro-oooooo-aaaa-nn!
--
Trish {|:OI}
Newcastle, NSW, Australia

From: kdyer@dnai.com
Newsgroups: rec.crafts.textiles.needlework
Subject: Re: OT: Limerix!!!
Date: 3 May 2002 01:38:53 GMT
Organization: DNAI

Trish Brown <kawbrown@ozemail.com.au> wrote:
> Oh Kathy I now cannot stop!
> This rhyming's gone over the top!
> I'll be talking in verse
> Go from bad unto worse
> And my family'll give me the chop!
>
> Gro-oooooo-aaaa-nn!

The limerick monster's been loosed.
And a strange sort of madness induced.
There's a glitch. There's a hitch.
There's a rhyme with each stitch.
By the rhythm our Trish is seduced.

Kathy (chortling evilly--BWAH HAH HAH)
--
===========================================================================
Kathleen Dyer <mailto:kdyer@dnai.com> "Sing as if no one were listening."
Counted Cross Stitch, Needlework and Stitchery Page
<http://www.dnai.com/~kdyer/>

From: Trish Brown <kawbrown@ozemail.com.au>
Newsgroups: rec.crafts.textiles.needlework
Subject: Re: OT: Limerix!!!
Date: Fri, 03 May 2002 12:13:29 +1000

kdyer@dnai.com wrote:

> The limerick monster's been loosed.
> And a strange sort of madness induced.
> There's a glitch. There's a hitch.
> There's a rhyme with each stitch.
> By the rhythm our Trish is seduced.
>
> Kathy (chortling evilly--BWAH HAH HAH)

Seduced! You are joking, I'm sure?
For this rhyming is causing me more
Of worry and wailing
In poems prevailing
I'm sure divorce will be in store!

Hnnnnnh!!!
--
Trish {|:OI}
Newcastle, NSW, Australia

From: kdyer@dnai.com
Newsgroups: rec.crafts.textiles.needlework
Subject: Re: OT: Limerix!!!
Date: 3 May 2002 03:33:44 GMT
Organization: DNAI

Trish Brown <kawbrown@ozemail.com.au> wrote:
> Seduced! You are joking, I'm sure?
> For this rhyming is causing me more
> Of worry and wailing
> In poems prevailing
> I'm sure divorce will be in store!

Give in to the force of the rhyme
And then you will feel sublime.
The rhythm! The cadence!
The puns are the pay. Dense
Narration at five lines a time.

Kathy
--
===========================================================================
Kathleen Dyer <mailto:kdyer@dnai.com> "Sing as if no one were listening."
Counted Cross Stitch, Needlework and Stitchery Page
<http://www.dnai.com/~kdyer/>

From: Trish Brown <kawbrown@ozemail.com.au>
Newsgroups: rec.crafts.textiles.needlework
Subject: Re: OT: Limerix!!!
Date: Fri, 03 May 2002 15:10:45 +1000

kdyer@dnai.com wrote:

> Give in to the force of the rhyme
> And then you will feel sublime.
> The rhythm! The cadence!
> The puns are the pay. Dense
> Narration at five lines a time.
>
> Kathy

Kath, how can you be so unfeeling?
My poems have sent my boys reeling
Away from the woman
Whose job is not hummin'
Her poetry up to the ceiling!

(Advantage reciever!)
--
Trish {|:OI}
Newcastle, NSW, Australia

From: kdyer@dnai.com
Newsgroups: rec.crafts.textiles.needlework
Subject: Re: OT: Limerix!!!
Date: 3 May 2002 14:45:38 GMT
Organization: DNAI

Trish Brown <kawbrown@ozemail.com.au> wrote:
> Kath, how can you be so unfeeling?
> My poems have sent my boys reeling
> Away from the woman
> Whose job is not hummin'
> Her poetry up to the ceiling!
>
> (Advantage reciever!)

But limericks have such potential!
Sequential fun, quite existential.
They broaden the mind
As rhymes are combined.
Nonessential fluff, yet influential!

Kathy

--
===========================================================================
Kathleen Dyer <mailto:kdyer@dnai.com> "Sing as if no one were listening."
Counted Cross Stitch, Needlework and Stitchery Page
<http://www.dnai.com/~kdyer/>

From: Trish Brown <kawbrown@ozemail.com.au>
Newsgroups: rec.crafts.textiles.needlework
Subject: Re: OT: Limerix!!!
Date: Sat, 04 May 2002 09:54:17 +1000

kdyer@dnai.com wrote:

> But limericks have such potential!
> Sequential fun, quite existential.
> They broaden the mind
> As rhymes are combined.
> Nonessential fluff, yet influential!
>
> Kathy

Now who do you think you are foolin'
My family is hardly a-droolin'
At all of the poems
Which daily I throw 'em
We're going to end up by duellin'!

--
Trish {|:OI}
Newcastle, NSW, Australia

From: kdyer@dnai.com
Newsgroups: rec.crafts.textiles.needlework
Subject: Re: OT: Limerix!!!
Date: 4 May 2002 01:02:05 GMT
Organization: DNAI

Trish Brown <kawbrown@ozemail.com.au> wrote:
> Now who do you think you are foolin'
> My family is hardly a-droolin'
> At all of the poems
> Which daily I throw 'em
> We're going to end up by duellin'!

Now, the family musn't be violent.
But I really don't understand why, lent
This wonderful chance
All their lives to enhance,
They should want you to ever be silent.

Kathy (la DEE dah la DEE dah la DEE...)
--
===========================================================================
Kathleen Dyer <mailto:kdyer@dnai.com> "Sing as if no one were listening."
Counted Cross Stitch, Needlework and Stitchery Page
<http://www.dnai.com/~kdyer/>

From: Trish Brown <kawbrown@ozemail.com.au>
Newsgroups: rec.crafts.textiles.needlework
Subject: Re: OT: Limerix!!!
Date: Sat, 04 May 2002 11:33:01 +1000

kdyer@dnai.com wrote:

> Now, the family musn't be violent.
> But I really don't understand why, lent
> This wonderful chance
> All their lives to enhance,
> They should want you to ever be silent.
>
> Kathy (la DEE dah la DEE dah la DEE...)

Well, I think it goes something like this:
When I rhyme, my guys off I do p*ss
So they say 'Mum, please stop!
With these rhymes we can't cope
We'd much rather give it a miss!

--
Trish {|:OI}
Newcastle, NSW, Australia

From: kdyer@dnai.com
Newsgroups: rec.crafts.textiles.needlework
Subject: Re: OT: Limerix!!!
Date: 4 May 2002 04:03:14 GMT
Organization: DNAI

Trish Brown <kawbrown@ozemail.com.au> wrote:
> Well, I think it goes something like this:
> When I rhyme, my guys off I do p*ss
> So they say 'Mum, please stop!
> With these rhymes we can't cope
> We'd much rather give it a miss!

Oh, dear, Trish, it does sound like trouble.
Perhaps you should stop, on the double.
But only out loud.
Typing them is allowed
As long as rhymes in you do bubble.

Kathy (helpfully)
--
===========================================================================
Kathleen Dyer <mailto:kdyer@dnai.com> "Sing as if no one were listening."
Counted Cross Stitch, Needlework and Stitchery Page
<http://www.dnai.com/~kdyer/>

From: Trish Brown <kawbrown@ozemail.com.au>
Subject: Re: OT: Limerix!!!
Date: Sat, 04 May 2002 19:21:50 +1000
Newsgroups: rec.crafts.textiles.needlework
Message-ID: <3CD3A82E.6CF8F06B@ozemail.com.au>

kdyer@dnai.com wrote:

> Oh, dear, Trish, it does sound like trouble.
> Perhaps you should stop, on the double.
> But only out loud.
> Typing them is allowed
> As long as rhymes in you do bubble.
>
> Kathy (helpfully)

Well I'll limerick on as you say
Will keep rhyming by night and by day
But I'd better keep mum
Round my kids and Big Hunn
Else I fear their dear Mum they will slay!

Oh isn't a limerick funny
It costs neither time, air nor money
You rhythm and rhyme
And chuckle each time
Saying 'aren't I a big funny bunny?'

--
Trish {|:OI}
Newcastle, NSW, Australia

From: kdyer@dnai.com
Newsgroups: rec.crafts.textiles.needlework
Subject: Re: OT: Limerix!!!
Date: 4 May 2002 21:54:24 GMT
Organization: DNAI

Trish Brown <kawbrown@ozemail.com.au> wrote:
> Oh isn't a limerick funny
> It costs neither time, air nor money
> You rhythm and rhyme
> And chuckle each time
> Saying 'aren't I a big funny bunny?'

Ah, joys of the poet are yours.
But watch out. Don't walk into doors
Or fall into ditches.
Creation bewitches
The mind as the artist explores.

Kathy
--
===========================================================================
Kathleen Dyer <mailto:kdyer@dnai.com> "Sing as if no one were listening."
Counted Cross Stitch, Needlework and Stitchery Page
<http://www.dnai.com/~kdyer/>

From: Trish Brown <kawbrown@ozemail.com.au>
Newsgroups: rec.crafts.textiles.needlework
Subject: Re: OT: Limerix!!!
Date: Sun, 05 May 2002 10:10:50 +1000

kdyer@dnai.com wrote:

> Ah, joys of the poet are yours.
> But watch out. Don't walk into doors
> Or fall into ditches.
> Creation bewitches
> The mind as the artist explores.
>
> Kathy

Ah yes! I can verify that!
As you know, I am quite large and fat
As I walked through my home
Just constructing a poem
I hit the west wall and fell flat!

--
Trish {|:OI}
Newcastle, NSW, Australia

From: kdyer@dnai.com
Newsgroups: rec.crafts.textiles.needlework
Subject: Re: OT: Limerix!!!
Date: 6 May 2002 04:23:09 GMT
Organization: DNAI

Trish Brown <kawbrown@ozemail.com.au> wrote:
> Ah yes! I can verify that!
> As you know, I am quite large and fat
> As I walked through my home
> Just constructing a poem
> I hit the west wall and fell flat!

Trish, there's joy with the rhyming, and more!
But there's one thing I must underscore.
While a thrill there's with each
New horizon you reach
Please make sure that the path has a door!!

Kathy

--
===========================================================================
Kathleen Dyer <mailto:kdyer@dnai.com> "Sing as if no one were listening."
Counted Cross Stitch, Needlework and Stitchery Page
<http://www.dnai.com/~kdyer/>

From: Trish Brown <kawbrown@ozemail.com.au>
Newsgroups: rec.crafts.textiles.needlework
Subject: Re: OT: Limerix!!!
Date: Mon, 06 May 2002 16:38:55 +1000

kdyer@dnai.com wrote:

> Trish, there's joy with the rhyming, and more!
> But there's one thing I must underscore.
> While a thrill there's with each
> New horizon you reach
> Please make sure that the path has a door!!
>
> Kathy

My dear Kath you are one naughty miss
To upbraid me for failing like this!
Please consider my worth
My height and my girth
And for my sake, stop taking the p*ss!

--
Trish {|:OI}
Newcastle, NSW, Australia

From: Trish Brown <kawbrown@ozemail.com.au>
Newsgroups: rec.crafts.textiles.needlework
Subject: Re: OT: Limerix!!!
Date: Thu, 09 May 2002 08:01:34 +1000

Di Messina wrote:
>
> You two are amazing!!
>
> Di

Yes 'tis true Kath and I are amazing:
We come out with both limericks blazing!
We send off our rhymes
Having laughs and good times
But neither the other is fazing!

(Now *that* was a bad limerick!
Somehow in my throat it doth stick!
Bet Kath'll do better
She rhymes to the letter
While still good at taking the mick (ey)!

ROTFL!!! See what you made me do? They're going from bad to worse!!!!
--
Trish {|:OI}
Newcastle, NSW, Australia

From: Kathleen Dyer <kdyer@dnai.com>
Newsgroups: rec.crafts.textiles.needlework
Subject: Re: OT: Limerix!!!
Date: Wed, 08 May 2002 22:32:58 -0700
Organization: DNAI

In article <3CD9A03E.C4FDC9AE@ozemail.com.au>, Trish Brown
<kawbrown@ozemail.com.au> wrote:
> Yes 'tis true Kath and I are amazing:
> We come out with both limericks blazing!
> We send off our rhymes
> Having laughs and good times
> But neither the other is fazing!
>
> (Now *that* was a bad limerick!
> Somehow in my throat it doth stick!
> Bet Kath'll do better
> She rhymes to the letter
> While still good at taking the mick (ey)!

A limerick stuck in one's throat
Can be painful. A sure cure--take note--
Just make a large possit
With milk and beer. Toss it
down. Up then the poem will float.

Kathy, ever helpful :-)
--
===========================================================================
Kathleen Dyer <mailto:kdyer@dnai.com> "Sing as if no one were listening."
Counted Cross Stitch, Needlework and Stitchery Page
<http://www.dnai.com/~kdyer/>

From: Trish Brown <kawbrown@ozemail.com.au>
Newsgroups: rec.crafts.textiles.needlework
Subject: Re: OT: Limerix!!!
Date: Thu, 09 May 2002 22:39:43 +1000

Kathleen Dyer wrote:
> A limerick stuck in one's throat
> Can be painful. A sure cure--take note--
> Just make a large possit
> With milk and beer. Toss it
> down. Up then the poem will float.
>
> Kathy, ever helpful :-)

I dunno about regurgitating
My verses. I think you are baiting
Me with your idea
To skol down a beer
Laced with milk: t'will be really inflating!

--
Trish {|:OI}
Newcastle, NSW, Australia

From: kdyer@dnai.com
Newsgroups: rec.crafts.textiles.needlework
Subject: Re: OT: Limerix!!!
Date: 9 May 2002 18:42:50 GMT
Organization: DNAI

Trish Brown <kawbrown@ozemail.com.au> wrote:
> I dunno about regurgitating
> My verses. I think you are baiting
> Me with your idea
> To skol down a beer
> Laced with milk: t'will be really inflating!

But a limerick trapped may be serious!
To one's health may be most deleterious!
If it stays there too long
Many things can go wrong.
It may even make one quite delirious!

:-)
Kathy
--
===========================================================================
Kathleen Dyer <mailto:kdyer@dnai.com> "Sing as if no one were listening."
Counted Cross Stitch, Needlework and Stitchery Page
<http://www.dnai.com/~kdyer/>

From: Trish Brown <kawbrown@ozemail.com.au>
Newsgroups: rec.crafts.textiles.needlework
Subject: Re: OT: Limerix!!!
Date: Fri, 10 May 2002 09:30:08 +1000

kdyer@dnai.com wrote:
> But a limerick trapped may be serious!
> To one's health may be most deleterious!
> If it stays there too long
> Many things can go wrong.
> It may even make one quite delirious!
>
> :-)
> Kathy

This advice is now making my head spin
All this talk of my taking my med'cine
For a stuck limerick
Which is making me sick
I don't even know which room my bed's in!

Still, Kath, I could follow your lead
And on milk and beer posset could feed
Then when lim'ricks come shootin'
Back up, I'll be hootin'
'Our Kath has done me a good deed!'

and on a competely different subject:

Yesterday arvo was crook
At the dentist's place I was forsook
To get two huge fillin's
(I was quite unwillin'!)
My family thinks I'm a sook!

(NB. 'Sook' (rhymes with book) is Oz for 'crybaby')

The dentist did burrow and drill
Right into my jawbone: 'twas ill!
He had me there, prone,
Extirpated my bone,
And then gave me a bl**dy great bill!!!

Now another three fillings are looming
My immediate future's not blooming
With happy outlook
When me teeth are so crook
And me tiny bank balance is phuming!

And today me poor fillin' is leapin'
Right out of me head. I am reapin'
The fruits of me youth
Where this cavalier tooth
Would pulsate even when I was sleepin'!

I ought to have fixed it much earlier
Me fangs are not gettin' any pearlier
But I was too scared
Of how I might have fared
With that drill and that bloke, who is surlier!

Now me teeth look just like some swiss cheese
With the holes and the gaps: they don't please
Me for one tiny moment
But sadness they foment
And dentists they surely appease.

--
Trish {|:OI}
Newcastle, NSW, Australia


From: Trish Brown <kawbrown@ozemail.com.au>
Newsgroups: rec.crafts.textiles.needlework
Subject: Re: OT.re:first name etc. TRISH
Date: Tue, 21 May 2002 17:52:26 +1000

Carolyn Potts wrote:
>
> Hey Trish, give us a limerick on the subject. Please. You could even
> include something about the magic of names.

Yes'm!

'What's in a name?' asked the Bard
When Juliet's day had been marred
With that Montague bloke
Like a pig in a poke
To be Capulet was far too hard!

We discussed all this naming tradition
As if it were crime and sedition!
The fact is, you know
That I'm me and you're you
And our names are just diff'rent renditions!

Whether I'm Mrs or Ms
Is really no-one else's bizz!
Though no longer a Miss
I would still want to kiss
A bloke - whether at my place or his!

Is that OK?
--
Trish {|:OI}
Newcastle, NSW, Australia

From: Trish Brown <kawbrown@ozemail.com.au>
Newsgroups: rec.crafts.textiles.needlework
Subject: Re: OT.re:first name etc. TRISH
Date: Tue, 21 May 2002 23:29:33 +1000

Thenk yew!

A name is a name is a name
They all leave you feeling the same
No matter if Mrs
Is better than Miss is
Or Ms is the name of the game!

Are you married or not? I might ask
And you could then lessen my task
By using a word
That's not mad or absurd
Which your marital state does not mask!

Are you Mrs or Miss or a Ms?
I can never get over my fears!
Will I satisfy all
When their names I must call
Out for dinner! Oh how hard it is!

(NB. 'Fears' pronounced in Oz rhymes with 'Ms' - it doesn't work when you say it in American!)

Tonight I just wanted a sweetie
There wasn't one for me to eatie
So then I was forced
By my Big Hunn of course
To eat dried skim milk powder, t'aint preety!

The milk powder's now stuck in my craw!
I feel this is my fatal flaw:
To covet and crave
Something sweet, I'm a slave
To this need to keep flappin' my jaw!

--
Trish {|:OI}
Newcastle, NSW, Australia

From: "Dawne Peterson" <valkyrie@sk.sympatico.ca>
Newsgroups: rec.crafts.textiles.needlework
Subject: Re: OT.re:first name etc. TRISH
Date: Tue, 21 May 2002 15:50:35 -0600
Organization: Posted via Supernews, http://www.supernews.com

Ms. Brown is quite free with her kisses
If no one lets one she's a Missus
She prob'ly won't kiss ya
If called by "Patricia"
And at "Vivienne!" she spits bites and hisses.

"You'd better not try that again"
Pat Porter scowled at Sheena when
She dared called her "Ms."
The trouble now is
She has to call John "Mr. Hen".

Dawne

From: "Gill Murray" <Gillmurray@mindspring.com>
Newsgroups: rec.crafts.textiles.needlework
Subject: OT: limerick
Date: Fri, 24 May 2002 20:22:45 -0400
Organization: MindSpring Enterprises

This is my second,and it is all your fault Trish for praising the first!!

In Oz is a stitcher named Trish,
it's rumored she drank like a fish,
But her husband "Big Hon"
said "not this one",
I think she's a real tasty dish!

Enjoy!!

Gillian
FL

From: Trish Brown <kawbrown@ozemail.com.au>
Newsgroups: rec.crafts.textiles.needlework
Subject: Re: OT: limerick
Date: Mon, 27 May 2002 17:04:45 +1000

One of our stitchers called Gillian
Disliked the colour vermilion
'I don't like that red'
The poor woman said
It looks like it's had too much Chili in!

(Sorry about this one! My mind's on other things (I'm expecting a phone call) and so it's not up to my usual Gold Standard! ROTFL! LOLOLOLOLOLOL!)
--
Trish {|:OI}
Newcastle, NSW, Australia


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All Rights Reserved.
Last modified: Sun, Mar 20, 2005