- Three things are certain: Death, taxes, and lost data. Guess which has occurred.
- I'm sorry, there's -- um -- Insufficient -- what's that called? The term eludes me.
- Windows NT crashed. I am the Blue Screen of Death. No one hears your screams.
- The code was willing, it considered your request, But the chips were weak.
- Printer not ready. Could be a fatal error. Have a pen handy?
- A file that big? It might be very useful. But now it is gone.
- This site has been moved. We'd tell you where, but then we'd have to delete you.
Some interesting, worthless information.....
- It is impossible to lick your elbow
- A crocodile can't stick it's tongue out.
- A shrimp's heart is in their head.
- In a study of 200,000 ostriches over a period of 80 years, no one reported a single case where an ostrich buried its head in the sand (or attempted to do so).
- Between 1937 and 1945 Heinz produced a version of Alphabetti spaghetti especially for the German market that consisted soley of little pasta swastikas. (personally I would have liked to have seen little peace signs in the 60's.)
- The "Sixth sick sheik's sixth sheep's sick", is said to be the toughest tongue twister in the English language.
- Rats multiply so quickly that in 18 months, two rats could have over a million descendants.
- In every episode of Seinfeld there is a Superman somewhere.
- The cigarette lighter was invented before the match.
- A duck's quack doesn't echo.
- In the course of an average lifetime, you will, while sleeping, eat 70 assorted insects and 10 spiders.
- (my favorite) If the Government has no knowledge of aliens, then why does Title 14, Section 1211 of the Code of Federal
Regulations, implemented on July 16, 1969, make it illegal for U.S. citizens to have any contact with extraterrestrials or their vehicles?
- Over 75% of people who read this, will try to lick their elbow.
Thank you Muriel ;)
A FEW RANDOM THOUGHTS FROM A WOMAN
Skinny people piss me off, especially when they say things like, "You know, sometimes
I forget to eat." Now personally, I've forgotten my address, my mother's maiden name,
and my keys, but I've never forgotten to eat. You have to be a special kind of stupid to
forget to eat. But...if you do, in that case, you don't deserve to eat.
A friend of mine confused her valium with her birth control pills - she had 14 kids, but she didn't
give a shit.
They keep telling us we had to get in touch with our bodies. Mine isn't all that communicative
but I heard from it on a Tuesday morning when I genially proposed, "Body, how'd you like to go
to the nine 0'clock class in vigorous toning with resistance?" Clear as a bell my body said
"Listen bitch, do it and you die."
The trouble with some women is that they get all excited about nothing and then marry him.
I read this article. It said the typical sypmtoms of stress are eating too much, smoking too much,
impulse buying and driving too fast. Are they kidding? This is my idea of a perfect day!
Sayings That Should be on Buttons
- Well, this day was a total waste of makeup.
- I pretend to work. They pretend to pay me.
- Practice random acts of intelligence & senseless acts of self-control.
- Errors have been made. Others will be blamed.
- And your crybaby whiny-assed opinion would be......?
- I'm just working here until a good fast-food job opens up.
- I'm trying to imagine you with a personality.
- Here I am! Now what are your other two wishes?
- I just want revenge. Is that so wrong?
- You say I'm a bitch like it's a bad thing.
- Can I trade this job for what's behind door #2?
- Chaos, panic and disorder---my work here is done.
- Ambivalent? well, yes and no.
- Everyone thinks I'm psychotic, except my friends deep inside the earth.
- How do I set a laser printer to stun?
- I'm not tense, just terribly, terribly alert.
- Clones are people to.
- I was laying in bed one evening looking up at the stars, and I thought,
where the hell is the ceiling?!
- A bus station is where a bus stops. A train station is where a train stops.
On my desk, I have a work station.
More Rednecks
Two rednecks, Bubba and Earl, were driving down the road drinking a couple bottles of Bud. The
passenger, Bubba, said, "Lookey thar up ahead Earl, it's a po-lice roadblock! We're gonna get busted fer
drinkin' these here beers!!"
"Don't worry Bubba", Earl said, "We'll just pull over and finish drinkin' these beers, peel off the labels and stick them
to our foreheads and throw the bottles under the seat",
"What fer?" asked Bubba.
"Just let me do the talkin', OK?" said Earl.
They finished their beers, threw the empty bottles under the seat, and each put a label on their forehead. When
they reached the roadblock, the sheriff said, "You boys been drinkin'?"
"No sir," Earl said, "We're on the patch".
I'm told this is a true story about Neil Armstrong, you be the judge
On July 20, 1969, as commander of the Apollo 11 Lunar Module, Neil
Armstrong was the first person to set foot on the moon His first
words after stepping on the moon, "That's one small step for man, and
one giant leap for mankind", were televised to Earth and heard by
millions.
But just before he reentered the lander, he made the enigmatic remark
"Good luck, Mr. Gorsky." Many people at NASA thought it was a casual
remark concerning some rival Soviet Cosmonaut. However, upon checking,
there was no Gorsky in either the Russian or American space programs.
Over the years many people questioned Armstrong as to what the "Good
luck Mr. Gorsky" statement meant, but Armstrong always just smiled.
On July 5, 1995, in Tampa Bay, Florida, while answering questions
following a speech, a reporter brought up the 26 year old question to
Armstrong, this time he finally responded. Mr. Gorsky had died and so Neil
Armstrong felt he could answer the question. In 1938 when he was a kid in a small
Midwest town, he was playing baseball with a friend in the backyard. His friend hit a
fly ball, which landed in his neighbor's yard by the bedroom windows. His neighbors were Mr.
and Mrs. Gorsky. As he leaned down to pick up the ball, young Armstrong
heard Mrs. Gorsky shouting at Mr. Gorsky. "Sex! You want sex?!
You'll get sex when the kid next door walks on the moon!"
A short journey back to the home page :)
