Holiday Music, as Composed by My Ex-Girlfriends

"Merry Christmas, Asshole."

"It's Beginning to Look a Lot Like I'd Rather Date Your Brother."

"Here Comes Santa Claus. Meanwhile, Your Weenie Ass Has Failed to Bring Me to Orgasm in Weeks."

"Have Yourself a Merry Little Christmas. Then Fuck Off and Die."

"Who Are You Doing New Year's Eve?"

"I'll Be Home for Christmas and I'd Appreciate It If You Have Your Stuff Moved Out Before I Get There."

"We Three Kings and the Prick Who Slept with My Roommate."

"What Child Is This? Not Yours, Dude."

"Hark the Herald Angels, Like My Girlfriends, Agree That You're a Worthless Piece of Shit."

"Winter Wonderland, My Ass, I Will Kill You, Motherfucker!"