Dirty Words

These days, foul language has become so commonplace that the forbidden fruit has lost its juicy bite. The local vernacular for "Excuse me" has become "Move it, Motherfucker." Your coworkers refer to you as "that bitch" and no one hardly raises an eyebrow. And just you wait, the next show they roll out on Nickelodeon will be "Lil' Assholes."

This makes things rather difficult for those of us who enjoy a little dirty talk with our foreplay. You have to keep upping the ante as we become more and more desensitized. Which can cause problems. I personally don't like being told that I'm a "cock-sucking, fuck-faced ho bag." And as that immortal episode in Seinfeld goes,"You mean the panties your mother laid out for you?" is a classic example of overshooting your wad, ruining the mood, and having your partner check the public lists of local sex offenders.

So, where do we go from here? Keep aiming for bluer and bluer until we're feverishly looking up the Vietnamese expression for "cuntmaster"? Who knows. But I think I'll hit the reset button. Go back to "gosh", "heck" and "darn". Hey, aint nothing cuter than a wide-eyed innocent getting her first taste of naughtiness. C'mon, who's game?