An Ode to All Lovers on Valentine's Day

May your dive bar be rife with supermodels looking for that special someone who drives a Jetta and designs web sites.

May your bar tab be $0 whilst your celly is full of new numbers.

May all the hot guys at the gym suddenly realize, en masse, that there's more to life than fantastic tits and a tight ass as you bend over to get your water bottle.

May your beer goggles work only when you look at yourself in the mirror (you good looking minx, you) and may your coyote dates leave quietly before dawn's early light.

May all your condoms taste like cotton candy, never break and fit like a silk glove.

May the porn you order be of top cinematic quality with a talented cast and a surprisingly intricate plot.

May your KY Jelly heat to the touch,

May your $120 lingerie get more than five seconds airtime,

May your erection last for 4 hours without medication,

And may your multiple orgasms quadruple in 4 minutes or less.

May it really, really, really feel like nothing you've ever felt before

And finally, may the wet spot always be on the other side of the bed.

Happy Valentines Day from Ken & Ariel!