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GOING
DOWN ON THE FIRST DATE?!
WELL, WHY THE HELL NOT?
Question: When is it appropriate to blow a guy? On the first or second date?
 KEN
SAYS:
Well,
my gut reaction is to say something really coy, such as, "If you're
out with me, then I would suggest the first date." But as we're in
the business of giving, er, advice around here, I'll try to keep it real.
Basically, it all boils down to the kind of person you
are. While I'm sure no self-respecting guy would turn down a good knob-job
(or even a bad one, for that matter), establishing a pattern of doling out
the gifts so eagerly may work you into a pattern by which you never again
see the inside of a restaurant. On the other hand, you're likely to get a
lot more dates once the good word spreads.
There once was a time, of course, when blow jobs were
actually considered something fairly intimate--most often reserved for
those at least knee-deep in a relationship. But these days it seems that
hummers are becoming as casual as handshakes. Ever since head made
the headlines in the late '90s (thanks to our boy Bill Clinton), it's been
a virtual blowjob free-for-all, and I must say it certainly makes the 21st
century look promising. And damn those people who cite Clinton's
transgressions as setting back the presidency 200 years. Hell, I'm sure
Abraham Lincoln enjoyed more than a few Oval Office smoothies in his time,
but Bill Clinton actually had to go on live TV and 'fess up to it.
As I see it, though, anything that can be done to help
the blow job further permeate the mainstream is simply a good thing, so I
applaud your efforts. Carry on!
 ARIEL
SAYS: I frantically flipped through the latest edition of The Rules, but
all I could find was "Don't make plans with him for the weekend
unless he calls you on or before Wednesday, by 7:57 a.m." Ms. Manners
was absolutely no help, either--these ladies need to wake up and address
this pressing social dilemma, not prattle on endlessly about which goddamn fork to use when
eating foie gras! But don't fret dear; you've come to the right source.
First of all, far be it from me to dictate what you'd like to do on the
first date. Sky diving, water-skiing, tennis or oral sex (not necessarily
in that order)--it's really your call. If you find supreme pleasure in pleasuring another then by all means, indulge.
However, there's one pesky aspect we must consider--your very eager and
willing subject. Boys are lovely creatures, but also a tad paranoid. As
you offer up your fabulous talents, the young lad's first thought will
likely be: "Holy fucking shit, I've just won the lottery!" Then,
"woooah, eaaggh, uhhhh, wahoooeeey", followed by invocations of
God and Jesus and all the disciples, saints, and the cast of Fame.
After nirvana has come and gone, paranoia inevitably sets in. "Wait a
minute," his brain says. "This is too good to be true! I'm not
that special. If she does this with me, she'll do this with every guy she
meets. What will my mother say? What will my friends say? Has she blown my
friends, too? Didn't I see her name in magic marker above the third urinal
at McCabe's Pub?"
You see, it's his insecurity, not your reputation, that you must consider
before taking the Nestea plunge. Most boys simply would not believe
someone as amazing as you could possibly exist in their universe, so there
must be a catch. On that caution, I would advise that you wait for
blast-off until you're sure he can handle such verve. One more thing--USE
A CONDOM!
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