Niel's Birth; A Picture Story

Told by Larry, the father

OK. I said this was going to be a picture story, so thats what I'll start with. Here are a few photos of Monika at 41 1/2 weeks. :-)

The Preggo at 41 Weeks
Here is Monika in her favorite maternity dress from Clara's birth. Funny, it never seemed that tight with Clara. And Monika has been exercising more consistently with Niel and actually weighs a little less than with Clara. Still we both notice she sticks out to the front more. The midwife who examined Monika at 39 weeks (the substitute) says that this is just an average size baby, but it sure feels (looks) big to us! By the time we get to time for the birth, the belly is almost like a separate entity only remotely attached to Monika's body.

More Revealing Shots of the Preggo

These shots are actually two weeks earlier, but, hey, who's counting? See what I mean about it sticking out in front more. Yep, there is definitely a lot of baby in there!

OK. Fashion show's over. Besides, I don't have any more pics until the pushing stage. We'll just have to make do with words until then! Let the story begin.

Wednesday, July 14
When I got home from work on Wednesday at 6:30, Monika was dutifully lounging on the couch. (this was her version of mandatory bed-rest), Clara and her friend Sebastian were methodically trashing the living room, and Sebastian's mother Kristin was obliviously packing up her backpack, diaper bags, etc. Everything seemed pretty calm and normal. :-)

Monika had been having very irregular contractions all day Tuesday, so I immediately asked her if she had been having any more regular contractions. She gave me one of her patented vaguely indeterminate answers that said they were not any more regular, or if they were, she didn't know. Still, she seemed to be stopping and breathe through her contractions now, and they seemed to be at somewhat regular intervals to me.

I also ask her if she has been going in the pool to make the contractions easier. She says something about being wrinkled like a prune. I get the idea. :-)

After Kristin and Sebastian left, Monika announced that she is hungry. I decide to make spaghetti, since it is easy even if Clara decides to pester me while I make it. Instead, Clara dutifully takes care of her mother, still insisting "Buecher lesen." (Read books). Monika reads, Clara is quite content, and I make dinner. While I make dinner, Monika decides to call Harriet (the midwife). She leaves a message that she is having contractions on and off, and that she is not sure, but this may be it, and she (Monika) wants to give her (Harriet) a heads up.

Dinner is ready and we eat about 7:30. I notice that Monika is still stopping to breathe through the contractions, although they don't seem to be coming that often. (I'm not bothering to count). I count a few after dinner, and they seem to be about a minute long every 5 or 6 minutes. Not too serious yet, I conclude :-) I clean up from dinner and we have Nachspeise (dessert). Strawberries and whipped cream. By the time we finish, it is almost 8:30, and time to put Clara to bed.

We have a bedtime ritual for Clara that involves changing to her nighttime diaper, brushing her teeth, Monika nursing her while we sing lullabyes on the living room sofa, then me singing more lullabyes and rocking her to sleep in her room. It all goes pretty smooth and fast, even though Monika later tells me that it was very uncomfortable holding Clara on her lap and nursing while she was having the contractions, but she didn't want to upset Clara's routine. Clara falls asleep rather quickly when I rock her, and I am back out to the living room with Monika shortly after 9.

We sit on the sofa and talk about how consistent her contractions are. I time a few. They are still about 5 minutes apart and 40 seconds to 1 minute long. Just as we decide to call Harriet and leave another message, the phone rings. It is Harriet. Monika talks to her and tells her what is going on. Still, we remember Clara, when we called Harriet over and Monika was only 1 cm, and Harriet wound up going home and coming back the next day. We are afraid we aren't that far along. After all, it doesn't hurt any more than the first time. :-) Harriet listens to Monika through a couple of contractions, then tells her that she will take a shower and be over in a little while. We know Harriet. That probably means in a couple of hours! :-)

We call Cailin, the teenage friend of the family who is Clara's primary babysitter. She had been at Clara's birth and asked to be at this one, too. She is going to be our photographer. We tell her that things are starting to happen and ask her if we can wake her up in the middle of the night if the baby comes. She says YES!, and her parents agree to bring her over whenever things start to roll along.

By now it is after 10 and Monika's contractions are pretty strong. I ask if she wants to get back in the pool and she thinks it is a good idea. We had left the pool cover off, so it is only 83 instead of the usual 87 degrees. A few degrees cooler than usual. After she gets into the pool, she makes a remark that she doesn't understand those women who swear about laboring in the water. She doesn't see what the big deal is. I ask her if it doesn't make the contractions easier. She say she can tell NO difference in the contractions. It is nice because she doesn't have to support all that weight, but that is all. All of a sudden she starts shivering uncontrollably. I ask her if the water is too cold. She say no, it is comfortable, but she can't stop shaking. I ask her if she want to come out. She says not particularly. In hindsight, we realize this is transition. We had expected something psychological (you know, the I can't do this routine). What we got was something physical.

After about a half-hour in the pool, Monika decides to get out. While she is standing around drying off, she starts complaining about how the contractions hurt her lower back. I suggest she gets down on her hands and knees and do pelvic rocks. After about 10 or 12 rocks, I hear her say WOW. I ask what. She says she just felt the baby flip around. She stands up and says her back doesn't hurt any more.

Just about this time, the doorbell rings. Before I have a chance to go out to the door, we hear it open, and Harriet announces: "It's me, I'm here." It is 11 PM. We ask her to come on back to the bedroom. We talk for a few minutes. Monika wants to be checked. She is still afraid she is not very far along, and that this is just practice. Harriet checked her and says, "Hmmm, you are 6 to 7 cm, and very stretchy. Hooray! We know that not only are we in serious labor, but we are almost to the pushing stage! This has been too easy, but we will take it! [Editorial note from Monika: Ha! That's easy for you to say! It hurt like hell, especially the back labor before he turned!]

I am thinking, wow, she has made it through transition; maybe she will give birth without throwing up this time, when Monika announces that she thinks she want to barf. Oh, well. I remind her how she used the sink last time and it was so hard to clean out. She agrees to aim for the toilet this time. She walks into the bathroom and takes aim. A perfect hit! Wipe the rim with TP and flush and the clean-up is done. A good wife is a blessing! :-)

We call Cailin and tell her that things are moving pretty fast and she should come on over. She says she will be right here. It is past midnight now, Thursday, the 15th.

Harriet asks Monika if she wants to push. Monika is unsure. She tries going through the contractions in a number of positions. She stands, she squats, she gets on her knees and leans over the edge of the bed. Nothing is comfortable. We don't know what to do.

About this time, Cailin gets here. We know that the birth is not imminent, so Cailin goes to bed on the extra mattress in Clara's room. We go back to concentrating on Monika's labor. Harriet suggests that Monika try just pushing a little with each contraction. Monika still cannot find a comfortable position. Nothing that worked with Clara works now. Finally, Monika lies down and is comfortable lying on her side, something she could not stand with Clara!

It is 1:30 Thursday. We all decide to take a rest break. Harriet goes to sleep on the couch. Monika lies on the bed on her left side and I curl up behind her. Now, Monika is comfortable, and she starts pushing lightly with each contraction. About two contractions later, Monika announces that she thinks her waters have broken. I'm not sure. It is between contractions, and I don't see any fluid. I wait for the next contraction. Sure enough, during her contraction there is a moderate trickle of clear fluid. Monika tells me she thinks she want to push, and that I should go get Harriet.

I go to wake up Harriet. She is sound asleep. I wake her and tell her that Monika says she thinks she wants to push. She says OK, and comes into the bedroom. It is 10 minutes until 2 AM. Long nap, huh? :-)

Monika is still lying on her left side. I sit on the edge of the bed in front of Monika, and Harriet sits at the foot of the bed just below Monika's hips. Harriet checks Monika, and says there is a slight anterior lip. She holds the lip back while Monika pushes and moves it out of the way. Monika is still only at -1 station, but she is ready to push.

During contractions, I hold onto Monika's top leg to give her something to push against. Between contractions, Monika and I practice deep kissing. We are both quite enthusiastic about this part of the labor. :-)

During this part of the labor, Harriet is amazing. During each contraction she places her finger in Monika's vagina on the side of the cervix where she wants Monika to push and says: "Push in this direction." She is helping Monika focus on pushing in the most effective manner to move the baby down the birth canal. IMHO, Harriet's knowledge and understanding of what to do at this point was unsurpassed. I feel she earned her fee during this time alone. After only 4 contractions, the baby had moved from -1 station to +1 station.

About this time, between contractions, Harriet decides she need to go out to the kitchen and boil some water for a sitz bath after the birth. Monika and I start talking about whether it is time to wake up Clara up for the birth, when we hear Clara's door open, and she comes wandering in with Cailin in tow. Clara is thirsty, so she and Cailin go to the kitchen for a cup of milk. Harriet gets back for the next contraction, and when Monika pushes, you can see a bulge from the head. It is about 2:30 AM

About this time, Clara and Cailin get back from the kitchen. Cailin get the camera (hooray, we have photos from this point on) and Clara takes up her position for the birth.

The Assistant Assistant Midwife and Chief Busybody
Immediately after coming back in from the kitchen, Clara climbed up on the bed next to Monika. She remained here until Niel was born and watched intently.

Almost immediately after Clara and Cailin came into the room, things started happening.

On the very next contraction, the baby's head began to show. As you can see, I am holding Monika's leg as she pushes. As soon as the contraction ends, Harriet, remembering that I said I wanted to catch the baby, suggests changing positions. She takes my place, and I take hers. So we do the fire drill and get into our new positions for the next push.

On the next contraction the head crowns nicely, but not completely. Although Monika is pushing strongly, the baby is moving down the birth canal very smoothly and not to fast. By the time the contraction ends, the head is bulging nicely but not completely crowned. The contractions ends, Monika rests and we wait for the next push.

When the next contraction starts up, the head slides further out, and the bulge gets even larger. You can't see anything yet but the top of th head, but it is bulging out hugely. By the time the contraction ends, the baby is wearing mom's perinium around the biggest part of his head like a sweatband. The head is right on the cusp of being born.

Here is the second point where Harriet again proves her value to the birth process through her experience and understanding. She tells Monika that since the head is completely crowned, she should push it out between contractions to avoid going too fast and causing a tear. Monika asks if she can push without a contraction. Harriet says to just bear down.

Monika starts to bear down. At first nothing happens, but slowly the perinium begins to slip slowly over the head. The perineum slides, first over the eyebrows and eyes, then smoothly over the entire face, stopping at the chin. The head is not completely born, just the face, and Monika is too tired to push any more without a contractions. We rest and wait for the next one. We have succeeded in getting the biggest part of the baby's head born between contractions without moving too fast or causing a tear.

Harriet checks for cord around the neck and finds none. She tells me to be ready to take the head on the next contraction and move it gently toward the perineum so the shoulder under the pubic bone will be born.

I start to take the head in my hands, but before I can move it, a little arm pops out from underneath Monika's pubic bone. If you look carefully in the picture, you can see Niel's elbow up beside his head. His hand is folded behind his head. His hand must have been up next to his face.

I think, well, the baby's not going to get stuck under the pubic bone. I move the head slightly toward the arm and pubic bone and the other shoulder slips across the perineum.

At this point, the contraction runs out and Monika needs to rest again. This allows our intrepid photographer to get the incredible shot of a half born baby. Monika rests and we wait for the next contraction to finish the job. :-)

Monika's next contraction starts, and the baby slips out easily. Just like with Clara's birth, the cord is too short to place the baby on Monika's stomach. I remember the mistake I made blurting out Clara's sex when she was born. I announce that Monika wants to find out the sex of the baby herself, and everyone (including me :-) should be quiet.

After about 15 to 20 seconds of confusion, I realize that no one has looked at a clock to see what time the baby was born. I look at my watch and it reads 3:01 AM. I conclude that with the wasted seconds, the baby must have been born at 3:00. That is recorded as the official birth time.

With the short cord, it is awkward for Monika to get the baby into a position where she can look to determine the sex, but she gets the baby into a position where she can see him, and says "Hello, Niel." At this point we all take a well deserved rest break.

Well, sort of. Clara, who has been quiet and attentive throughout the entire birth, immediately orders us to place the baby on the tit. This is a new baby, and babies are supposed to nurse! So, there!

We explain to Clara that the cord is too short, and we will have to cut the cord first. The baby will have to wait to nurse.

This generates a discussion of how long to wait to cut the cord. I had originally wanted to wait until the placenta delivers, but the short cord is very awkward, and Monika wants the baby on her stomach. We check that the cord has stopped pulsating, and it is quite still. We decide to cut the cord now.

Harriet gets the scissors, I place them in position over the cord and hand them to Monika. She presses the scissors closed, and voila, the cord is cut. (sorry, no pics, we were asleep :-( :-)

Niel is now on the breast, and Clara is delighted! This is what babies are supposed to do! Niel is also on Monika's stomach where she wants him. Everyone is happy!

Finally, Clara can get close enough to check out the baby. The first thing she does is hold is the baby's foot. Her immediate reaction is "kalte fuesse!" (cold feet). This is a problem that demands immediate action. Doesn't anyone know what to do when you have a baby?!?

Clara goes straight to her sock drawer and gets a pair of socks to put on the baby. I mean this is sooo simple. How can you grown-ups not figure this out? :-) I place the socks on the baby, but they spend most of the rest of the night falling off.

Niel Michael McMahan as been born at home, with only his immediate family, the babysitter, and the midwife in attendance. There was not a single tear or even skid mark in spite is his being 10 lbs 6 oz and having his hand up at his face. There was almost NO bleeding at all (check the photographs!). We were truly blessed with a stupendous birth.

OK. That's the account of the birth itself. Pretty much in chronological order. Niel was born at 3:00 AM, but we did not settle down and go to bed until 5:30 AM. What follows is a collage of photographs from that time period. These are almost guaranteed NOT to be in any order; just an interesting collection of things that happened immediately after the birth.

Clara hams for the camera while mom delivers the placenta in the background. Papa is holding Niel.

Papa puts Niel's first diaper on him. Note the one sock on, one sock off! :-)

Clara gets her "baby." We had decided that we need a baby for Clara since momma was going to get a baby. This has proved to be a bit of a bust, in that Clara still spends a lot more time with Niel than she does with the doll!

The midwife measures the baby. 21 inches long with a 14 1/2 inch head.

And weighs him. 10 lbs 6 oz! Wow!

Monika calls her father to tell him of the birth while papa holds the baby and Clara looks on. At least it is noon in Germany!

The first tandem nursing session. So this is what attachment parenting is all about!

The Assistant Assistant Assistant Midwife and Chief Photographer finally gets to hold the baby!

OK. I've shown all the best photos, and my fingers are tired. Story is over. I promised a picture story of the birth, and I think I have come through on my promise. Now, just time for a few closing remarks.

Clara's home birth in 1997 was wonderful. However this one was even better. It was one of the most awesome, inspiring experiences two parents could every want. There were many things that contributed to making this birth special. I just want to mention a few.

Having Clara there to attend the birth of her little brother was an unparalleled treat, both for her and for us. We had spent literally months, since finding out Monika was pregnant, and sharing that news with Clara, preparing her for the birth. We told her where babies come from, we showed her birth videos, difficult births as well as easy ones. We explained how a mom goes into labor, how difficult is is and how she will have to give her full concentration to birthing her baby and not doing anything else. We said she would moan and grunt and it would not be easy. As always, with a less than 2 year old, we did not know until the time came how much of the message Clara was understanding.

As it turned out, we had no reason to worry at all. We should have realized from Clara's behavior at each one of the midwife's visits. Clara was right next to Monika each time she got examined, she learned the routine right away, and if she thought we were going to forget something, like listening to the baby's heartbeat with the doptone, she would remind us to do it! The one time we missed an appointment because of a time mixup between us and the midwife, Clara was concerned. The entire way home she kept repeating "Baby OK?" We had to assure her that the baby would be OK, even if we missed an appointment.

We had told Clara that while Monika pushed the baby out she had to be quiet and not ask for mommy. When Clara came in to attend the birth, she climbed up on the opposite side of Monika from the midwife (her usual position during Monika's prenatal exams), sat and attentively watched the whole episode unfold. She never moved, and while Monika was pushing, she only spoke to give Cailin a running commentary on the progress of the birth..., "Kopf raus" (head out), "schulter raus" (shoulder out), "baby raus" (baby out). However, as soon as Niel was out, Clara starting giving us orders on how we should care for the new baby. (Nurse him immediately, put socks on his cold feet). You'd think it was HER baby. I don't want to push my children into career choices too early, but I think that Clara shows definite talents as a midwife. :-)

An additional benefit of Clara's degree of self control was that she required almost no supervision even though Cailin was there primarily as her caretaker. The allowed Cailin to concentrate more fully on getting good birth photographs. The result is the amazing sequence you see of Niel's birth. There are one or two minor shots that were missed, but the amazing photos she did get could never be replaced. I think the record of Niel's birth is an incredible achievement. Cailin deserves a great deal of credit for her journalistic photography.

I also see another benefit in having Cailin present at both Clara's and Niel's births. Since she is our first choice of babysitter for both of them, and will remain so for many years, I believe that having her at both the births gives her a chance to bond with both of them and develop a spiritual connection that will make them special charges for her. She is as much family as a blood relative. I can think of no one else I would trust my children to more.

Finally, the other amazing part of this story is our incredible midwife. She took what could have been a difficult birth and made it almost ludicrously easy. The seemingly little things she did were right on the spot. Her knowledge, her experience, and her understanding allowed her to spot the smallest details and use them to facilitate the birth experience. You cannot hope to buy this expertise at any price. You can only be blessed with it, and we were.

People have talked about birth being a peak experience. Until you have had an experience like this one, those are just words. But to have such an awesome birth experience in the comfort of one's own home really puts the words into perspective. I can only hope that each of you who read this story have as satisfying birth experience as we did.

If you want to provide feedback to either Larry or Monika on this birth story, or if you want to discuss our birth experience, feel free to contact us by email. To mail a message to either, click on the appropriate name, below.

Monika

Larry

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