| Monday, August 5, 1996 | |
|---|---|
| PreShow | Dave eating medal |
| Dave | Gold medal marathoner |
| PostMonologue | New Summer Products |
| Top Ten | Signs You Spent Too Much Time Watching the Olympics |
| 1st Guest | Danny DeVito |
| 2nd Guest | Amy VanDyken |
| Music | Hootie & the Blowfish - Be the One |
| Other | U.S. Women's Olympic Gymnastic Team |
| Boy, did that suck | |
| Tuesday, August 6, 1996 | |
|---|---|
| New York | No shirt, no pants, no problem |
| Dave | One-man relay team |
| PostMonologue | News Review |
| 2nd Bit | Paul, virtually live |
| Top Ten | Signs You Have a Bad Campaign Manager |
| 1st Guest | Rhea Perlman (Newlywed game) |
| 2nd Guest | Dot Richardson (hitting softballs) |
| Standup | Reggie McFadden |
| Sitting in | Tom Scott |
| Dear sweet pants | |
| Wednesday, August 7, 1996 | |
|---|---|
| New York | Pasteurized for your enjoyment |
| Dave | Two great tastes that taste great together |
| PostMonologue | Late Show Real World |
| Top Ten | Ways Dole is Preparing for the Republican National Convention |
| 1st Guest | Michael Johnson |
| 2nd Guest | Tom Arnold |
| Music | Tracy Chapman - A New Beginning |
| Thursday, August 8, 1996 | |
|---|---|
| New York | Available in your local supermarket freezer |
| Dave | Creator of the popular comic strip, Beetle Bailey |
| PostMonologue | CBS Mailbag (Secret Service Macarena) |
| Top Ten | Signs the Scientists at NASA have Gone Nuts |
| 1st Guest | Dennis Miller |
| 2nd Bit | Rupert's Tales of Time Square |
| 2nd Guest | Mia Hamm |
| Music | B***H*** Surfers - Pepper |
| Other | Bob Borden shaves |
| Press those pants | |
| Friday, August 9, 1996 | |
|---|---|
| New York | Kid-tested, Mother-approved |
| Dave | Based on the novel by Jane Austen |
| PostMonologue | Sending audience members to dance in a fountain |
| 2nd Bit | Paul's What's the Deal with the Jacket Song |
| Top Ten | Least Popular Things to Yell When You Jump out of an Airplane (presented by Army Golden Knights Parachuters) |
| 1st Guest | Dennis Hopper |
| 2nd Guest | Cheech Marin |
| Music | Sex Pistols - Pretty Vacant |
| Remove your pants | |
| Monday, August 12, 1996 | |
|---|---|
| New York | Baked right here on the premises |
| Dave | The man they call Pocket Hercules |
| PostMonologue | Rupert & Leonard Annoy People |
| 2nd Bit | Dave & Paul's Local News Promo from the 70's |
| Top Ten | Ways to Get Kicked out of the Republican National Convention |
| 1st Guest | Richard Simmons (synchronized swimming moves) |
| 2nd Guest | Jerry O'Connell (roach boy) |
| Music | Lionel Richie |
| Time for a kiss | |
| Tuesday, August 13, 1996 | |
|---|---|
| New York | Let us rotate your tires |
| Dave | The first name in home furnishings |
| PostMonologue | News Review |
| 2nd Bit | Dave addresses the Republican Convention - Dole/Kemp Campaign Ad |
| Top Ten | Ways Clinton Could Sabotage the Republican National Convention |
| 1st Guest | Kevin Pollak |
| 2nd Guest | Diane Lane |
| Music | Randy Travis - King of the Road |
| PANTS!!! | |
| Wednesday, August 14, 1996 | |
|---|---|
| New York | Now with ripe plum tomatoes |
| Dave | A man who can eat his weight in pudding |
| PostMonologue | Choosing a campaign slogan for Dole (phoning Dole's campaign manager) |
| Top Ten | Least Popular Republican National Convention Souvenirs |
| 1st Guest | Ellen Barkin (parallel parking) |
| 2nd Guest | Jackie Chan |
| Music | Patti Rothberg - Inside |
| Kiss me now | |
| Thursday, August 15, 1996 | |
|---|---|
| New York | Where live animals patrol the rooftops |
| Dave | The man who coined the term "Bitchin'" |
| PostMonologue | CBS Mailbag (Cooking with mustard) |
| Top Ten | Signs You're Being Stalked (presented by Wesley Snipes) |
| 1st Guest | Dwight Gooden |
| 2nd Guest | Tom Selleck |
| Music | George Jones |
| Buy me some pants | |
| Friday, August 16, 1996 | |
|---|---|
| New York | Bring plenty of hot water |
| Dave | Bob Dole's new running mate |
| PostMonologue | Republican Convention Quiz |
| 2nd Bit | Clip of Dole's speech |
| Top Ten | Things Elvis Would Say if He Came Back Today |
| 1st Guest | Mike Wallace |
| 2nd Guest | Tom Dolan |
| Standup | Dave Attell |
| Monday, August 19, 1996 | |
|---|---|
| New York | Sixty minutes or we're free |
| Dave | Window-tinter of the year |
| PostMonologue | Dave works out with Dan O'Brian |
| 2nd Bit | Macarena Guy |
| Top Ten | Chapter Titles in Clinton's New Book |
| 1st Guest | Marilu Henner |
| 2nd Guest | Alex Rodriguez |
| Standup | J.R. Havlen |
| Other | New York: City of Mystery (rolex) |
| Do you want pants? | |
| Tuesday, August 20, 1996 | |
|---|---|
| New York | Freshest baked goods in the western hemisphere |
| Dave | A man more human than human |
| PostMonologue | News Review |
| 2nd Bit | Perot campaign ad |
| Top Ten | Things Overheard at Clinton's 50th Birthday Party |
| 1st Guest | Dennis Rodman (the greening of Dave's hair) |
| 2nd Guest | Susan Molinari |
| Music | Neville Brothers |
| Other | Slice of Clinton's birthday cake |
| No dice, Penny | |
| Wednesday, August 21, 1996 | |
|---|---|
| New York | Hey, I found a penny |
| Dave | Every mother's dream |
| PostMonologue | Surprise health inspection |
| 2nd Bit | Audience member's video clip (ax head) |
| Top Ten | Ways to Lose Your Miss Universe Title |
| 1st Guest | Angie Everhart (starting over) |
| 2nd Guest | Mario Van Peebles |
| Music | Beach Boys - Little Deuce Coupe (countrified) |
| Is the show over? | |
| Thursday, August 22, 1996 (Cable was out) | |
|---|---|
| Top Ten | Signs Bob Barker is Sick and Tired of Hosting The Price is Right |
| 1st Guest | James Carville |
| 2nd Guest | Ed Burns |
| Music | Melissa Etheridge |
| Friday, August 23, 1996 | |
|---|---|
| New York | Knowledgeable sales people wanted |
| Dave | Honorary blowfish |
| PostMonologue | Army's best rangers swim the Hudson |
| 2nd Bit | Return of the Macarena Guy |
| Top Ten | Dr. Kevorkian Pickup Lines |
| 1st Guest | Nathan Lane |
| 2nd Guest | Mara Wilson |
| Music | Cast of A Funny Thing Happened on the Way to the Forum |
| We make pants for pets | |
| August 26 - 30, 1996 | |
|---|---|
| Repeats |