| Monday, July 1, 1996 | |
|---|---|
| New York | 400 square miles of pristine vineyards |
| Dave | The best friend the American barley farmer ever had |
| PostMonologue | Dave & Bob Buy a Car |
| Top Ten | Ways O.J. Simpson is Trying to Improve his Image |
| 1st Guest | Harry Connick, Jr. |
| 2nd Guest | Josie Bisset |
| Other | Dave's part in Independence Day (lawnmower) |
| Ah, crabcakes | |
| Tuesday, July 2, 1996 | |
|---|---|
| New York | Ladies drink free on Tuesdays |
| PostMonologue | News Review |
| 2nd Bit | On this Date in American History According to a Dumb Guy |
| Top Ten | Things Clinton Would Do if Aliens Invaded America |
| 1st Guest | Will Smith |
| 2nd Guest | Demi Moore (calling Bruce, one-armed push-ups) |
| Who's hungry? | |
| Wednesday, July 3, 1996 | |
|---|---|
| New York | Fold here and moisten |
| Dave | In stock and available for immediate delivery |
| PostMonologue | Rejected FDA Products |
| 2nd Bit | Rupert's search for evidence of aliens |
| Top Ten | Signs Dole is in Bed With the Tobacco Industry |
| 1st Guest | Jeff Goldblum |
| 2nd Guest | Jonathan Katz |
| Music | George Clinton & the P-Funk All-Stars |
| Other | On this Date in American History According to a Dumb Guy - Dave's part in Independence Day (pancakes) |
| Too much bacon | |
| Thursday, July 4, 1996 | |
|---|---|
| New York | Welcome to our 4th of July Spectacular |
| Dave | The father of our country |
| PostMonologue | CBS Mailbag ("Neil Diamond") |
| 2nd Bit | Audience Members display the flag from the Empire State Building |
| Top Ten | 4th of July Movies Playing in Times Square |
| 1st Slot | Kids Tell Jokes |
| 2nd Guest | Dan O'Brian |
| Music | Brian Setzer Orchestra - The House is A'Rockin |
| Other | Mujibar & Sirijul pretend to watch fireworks |
| Cute pants, sister | |
| Friday, July 5, 1996 | |
|---|---|
| New York | The city with a chip on both shoulders |
| Dave | Your best friend in the whole wide world |
| PostMonologue | Giving Howard Stern a dishwasher |
| 2nd Bit | Dave mistaken for a new pool boy (Elaine Stritch) |
| Top Ten | Ways Dole Celebrated the Fourth of July |
| 1st Guest | Randy Quaid |
| 2nd Guest | Sheryl Swoopes |
| Music | The Cure - Mint Car |
| Other | Audience member has obstructed view, joins the band |
| I smell gravy | |
| Monday, July 8, 1996 | |
|---|---|
| New York | Try our surf 'n turf special |
| Dave | The first word in automotive care |
| PostMonologue | Pete's Birthday |
| Top Ten | Names for O.J.'s New Restaurant |
| 1st Guest | Scottie Pippen |
| 2nd Bit | Manny reviews Independence Day |
| Music | Prince |
| 2nd Guest | George Miller |
| Other | What Dave did for the 4th of July |
| I'm frightened | |
| Tuesday, July 9, 1996 | |
|---|---|
| Dave | Just $4.95 a minute |
| PostMonologue | New Review (Biff helps out) |
| 2nd Bit | Ranger Dave's Tick Collar |
| Top Ten | Signs You've Seen Independence Day Too Many Times |
| 1st Guest | Bill Pullman |
| 2nd Guest | JoAnn Ussery (lives in an airplane) |
| Music | Willie Nelson - Too Sick to Pray |
| I crave salty foods | |
| Wednesday, July 10, 1996 | |
|---|---|
| New York | Habla Espagnol? |
| Dave | The 4th tenor |
| PostMonologue | Flowers for Samantha |
| 2nd Bit | Sending Manny to Roswell |
| Top Ten | Reasons why Colin Powell Doesn't Want to be Dole's Running Mate |
| 1st Guest | Jack Hanna |
| 2nd Guest | Brent Spiner |
| Music | Charlie Watts - What's New |
| Rake the leaves, Kenny | |
| Thursday, July 11, 1996 | |
|---|---|
| New York | Make yourself comfortable, we'll be with you in a moment |
| Dave | A man who loves his gravy |
| PostMonologue | CBS Mailbag (Mentos and Dennis Rodman) |
| Top Ten | Ways to Make the Dream Team's Basketball Games more Competitive |
| 1st Guest | Meg Ryan |
| 2nd Slot | Shaolin Monks |
| Music | Garbage - Stupid Girl |
| My brother's a jockey | |
| Friday, July 12, 1996 | |
|---|---|
| New York | Hello sailor |
| Dave | A man who's seen your secret FBI file |
| PostMonologue | Quest for SO HAPPY |
| 2nd Bit | Paul-related clip from Wheel of Fortune |
| Top Ten | Rejected Names for Dennis Rodman's New TV Show |
| 1st Guest | UnaBill Murray (holding breath) |
| 2nd Guest | MaliVai Washington |
| Music | The Wallflowers |
| Goodnight Lois | |
| Monday, July 15, 1996 | |
|---|---|
| New York | French fries or baked potatos? |
| Dave | Together again after all these years |
| PostMonologue | The Late Show Real World |
| 2nd Bit | The Manny Files |
| Top Ten | Signs You're Vacationing at a Bad Resort |
| 1st Guest | Margaret Colin |
| 2nd Guest | Lou Diamond Phillips |
| Standup | Wali Collins |
| Other | Alexi Lalas (head juggling) |
| I'm Dizzy | |
| Tuesday, July 16, 1996 | |
|---|---|
| New York | With creamy ranch dressing |
| Dave | A man who at this very moment is putting on his lucky hairpiece |
| PostMonologue | Lollapalooza Quiz |
| 2nd Bit | Anton's Favorite Olympic Moments, The Last 15 Seconds - Gesundheit! Officer |
| Top Ten | Highlights of Dole's Appearance on Larry King Live |
| 1st Guest | Laurence Fishburne |
| 2nd Guest | Lea Thompson |
| Music | Me'Shell Ndegeocello |
| Who wants gum? | |
| Wednesday, July 17, 1996 | |
|---|---|
| New York | We pick up and deliver |
| Dave | Bottled in France |
| PostMonologue | Olympic Souvenirs |
| Top Ten | Good Things about Being Tall (presented by Shaquille O'Neal |
| 1st Guest | Michael J. Fox |
| 2nd Guest | Shelly Moquin (reviving an iguana) |
| Music | Travis Tritt & Marty Stuart - Honky Tonkin's What I Do Best |
| Answer the damn phone | |
| Thursday, July 18, 1996 | |
|---|---|
| New York | A spicy mixture of jalapeno and pork |
| Dave | Captain Sleepy |
| PostMonologue | CBS Mailbag (10000 Old Dole Joke, Foul-Mouthed Lady's part in Independence Day) |
| 2nd Bit | Dave's Lawn Dart Memories |
| Top Ten | Ways to Get Yourself Kicked out of the Olympic Village |
| 1st Guest | Andie MacDowell |
| 2nd Guest | Bob Woodward |
| Music | Paul Westerberg - Love Untold |
| Pants make the man | |
| Friday, July 19, 1996 | |
|---|---|
| New York | Commonly know as tierra del fuego |
| Dave | Official idiot of the 1996 olympics |
| PostMonologue | Rupert and Leonard Annoy People |
| Top Ten | Rejected Summer Olympic Events |
| 1st Guest | David Duchovny |
| 2nd Guest | Jackie Joyner-Kersee |
| Music | Sponge - Wax Ecstatic |
| God Bless Pants | |
| July 22-26, 1996 | |
|---|---|
| Reruns |
| July 29 - August 2, 1996 | |
|---|---|
| Reruns |