| Friday, May 1, 1998 | |
|---|---|
| New York | We've done 829 more episodes than Seinfeld |
| Dave | For the 1000th time |
| PostMonologue | CBS Mailbag |
| 2nd Bit | Johnny Depp cancels |
| Top Ten | Things I, David Letterman, Have Learned Over the Last 1000 Shows |
| 1st Slot | Stupid Human Tricks (wedgies, burgers, and helicopters) |
| 2nd Guest | Norm MacDonald |
| Music | Pearl Jam - Wishlist |
| Other | Guy on Fire |
| Kiss me | |
| Monday, May 4, 1998 | |
|---|---|
| New York | No reasonable offer refused |
| Dave | America's most renowned folk singer |
| PostMonologue | Embarassing moments from the last 1000 shows |
| Top Ten | Cool Things About Dating the President's Daughter |
| 1st Guest | Elle MacPherson |
| 2nd Guest | Jon Favreau |
| Music | Usher |
| Sitting In | Maynard Ferguson |
| Try me, Guido | |
| Tuesday, May 5, 1998 | |
|---|---|
| New York | Some call it Gotham, we call it fun |
| Dave | Engaging newcomer |
| PostMonologue | Dave's Video Collection (personally, I resonate to an A) |
| 2nd Bit | First Don II: The Second Don |
| Top Ten | Rejected Mob Euphemisms for Killing a Guy |
| 1st Guest | Donald Trump |
| 2nd Guest | Jayson Williams |
| Music | Cast of Home Coming |
| Music | Trisha Yearwood |
| That ain't jello | |
| Wednesday, May 6, 1998 | |
|---|---|
| New York | We'll edit this part out |
| Dave | America's most trusted doctor |
| PostMonologue | Mother's Day Cards |
| 2nd Bit | Biff's Tobacco Juice Art |
| Top Ten | Least Popular Summer Jobs |
| 1st Guest | Sally Field |
| 2nd Guest | Philip Bigler - National Teacher of the Year |
| Music | Lyle Lovett - That's Right (You're Not From Texas) |
| Ah, crabcakes | |
| Thursday, May 7, 1998 | |
|---|---|
| New York | Put your hands up and slowly walk away |
| Dave | Grand master of suspense |
| PostMonologue | Know Your Current Events |
| 2nd Bit | Dave's Talk Show Camp (you know, for kids) |
| Top Ten | Ways the Wizard of Oz Would be Different if it Were Made Today |
| 1st Guest | Matt Lauer |
| 2nd Guest | Jada Pinkett Smith |
| Music | 1/3 of Green Day - Time of Your Life |
| Hey look, canaries | |
| Friday, May 8, 1998 | |
|---|---|
| New York | Where everyone in the audience is from Houston |
| Dave | Singing towel boy |
| PostMonologue | Houston Quiz |
| 2nd Bit | Biff learns how to become a cowboy |
| Top Ten | Things My Mom Said to me While Growing Up (presented by Dave's Mom) |
| 1st Guest | Marilu Henner |
| 2nd Guest | Jim Lovell |
| Other | Lyle Lovett - Put the Meat in the Egg and Slap it in the Flour |
| Too much bacon | |
| Monday, May 11, 1998 | |
|---|---|
| New York | In the shadow of the Acropolis |
| Dave | A man who is David Letterman |
| PostMonologue | Clinton-Nixon Comparison |
| 2nd bit | Windows desktop - Family Circus |
| Top Ten | Things the Government Doesn't Want You to Know (presented by Gillian Anderson) |
| 1st Guest | Fran Drescher |
| 2nd Guest | Bob Berman |
| Music | Faith Hill |
| Who's hungry? | |
| Tuesday, May 12, 1998 | |
|---|---|
| New York | Don't forget to tip your waitress |
| Dave | Spice boy |
| PostMonologue | Retired Comedy Bits |
| 2nd Bit | Please Stop Calling Me Chief |
| Top Ten | Least Useful College Majors |
| 1st Guest | Christopher Reeve |
| Music | Hanson |
| Cute pants | |
| Wednesday, May 13, 1998 | |
|---|---|
| New York | Now with spicier and chunkier salsa |
| Dave | A man who needs no introduction |
| PostMonologue | Rejected FDA Products |
| 2nd Bit | Giant puzzle |
| 1st Guest | Warren Beatty |
| 2nd Guest | Wayne Knight |
| Music | Bonnie Raitt |
| Other | Family Circus |
| I smell gravy | |
| Thursday, May 14, 1998 | |
|---|---|
| New York | Car alarm capitol of America |
| Dave | Arena football's player of the year |
| PostMonologue | Know Your Current Events (Dave plays) |
| 2nd Bit | Clip from the season finale of Diagnosis Murder |
| Top Ten | Things I Can Only Say Tonight |
| 1st Guest | Jim Breuer |
| 2nd Guest | Tara Lipinski |
| Music | Foo Fighters - Walking After You |
| No one is watching | |
| Friday, May 15, 1998 | |
|---|---|
| New York | Where everyone in the audience is from New Orleans |
| Dave | First round draft pick of your New Orleans Saints |
| PostMonologue | New Orleans Quiz |
| 2nd Bit | Biff checks out New Orleans nightlife |
| Top Ten | Nicknames for New Orleans (presented by John Goodman) |
| 1st Guest | Richard Simmons |
| Music | Beau Jaques and the Zydeco Highrollers |
| Other | Mayor of New Orleans |
| I crave salty foods | |
| Monday, May 18, 1998 | |
|---|---|
| New York | I'll have two with kraut |
| Dave | Master carpenter |
| PostMonologue | Please Stop Calling Me Chief |
| 2nd Bit | Fixing the Friends Billboard |
| Top Ten | Insulting French Nicknames for Paul Schaffer |
| 1st Guest | Matthew Broderick |
| 2nd Guest | David Wells (pitched perfect game) |
| Music | Natalie Merchant - Kind & Generous |
| Rake the leaves, Kenny | |
| Tuesday, May 19, 1998 | |
|---|---|
| New York | Buy a fake Rolex with a counterfeit twenty |
| Dave | The best friend the American catfish farmer ever had |
| PostMonologue | Movie Quiz |
| Top Ten | Signs You're Watching a Bad Monster Movie (heads-up from the home office) |
| 1st Guest | Sandra Bullock |
| Standup | Jeff Foxworthy |
| Music | Cast of "One Small Step" |
| My brother's a jockey | |
| Wednesday, May 20, 1998 | |
|---|---|
| New York | Deep in the fabled Mississippi Delta |
| Dave | The fourth Hanson |
| PostMonologue | Powerball drawing |
| 2nd Bit | Biff at Game 2 of the Chicago/Indiana NBA playoff |
| Top Ten | Things a Dumb Guy Would Do with $175 million |
| 1st Guest | Drew Carey |
| 2nd Guest | Scarlett Johannson |
| Music | Soul Asylum |
| Other | CBS News corrections - Rob Burnett hosts |
| Goodnight Wallis | |
| Thursday, May 21, 1998 | |
|---|---|
| New York | Last stop on the Orient Express |
| Dave | Assistant student manager of your Ball State Cardinals baseball squad |
| PostMonologue | Know Your Current Events ($28 haircut) |
| Top Ten | Things Overheard at The Horse Whisperer |
| 1st Guest | Ted Danson |
| 2nd Guest | Mae Whitman |
| Music | The Flatlanders - South Wind of Summer |
| I'm dizzy | |
| Friday, May 22, 1998 | |
|---|---|
| New York | At the mouth of the Red Sea |
| Dave | Secretary of the Treasury |
| PostMonologue | CBS Mailbag (marching sailors) |
| 2nd Bit | Paul Schaffer: Behind the Music |
| Top Ten | Ways to Make a Barbeque More Exciting |
| 1st Guest | Harry Connick, Jr. |
| 2nd Guest | Hank Azaria |
| Who wants gum? | |
| May 25 - 29, 1998 | |
|---|---|
| Monday | |
| Tuesday | |
| Wednesday | |
| Thursday | |
| Friday | |
| Reruns | |