| Monday, November 2, 1998 | |
|---|---|
| New York | Not tested on animals |
| Dave | A man who thinks the dry cleaning bag really is a toy |
| PostMonologue | Brain Teasers |
| 2nd Bit | A tie stain goes horribly awry |
| Top Ten | Ways to Get a Dumb Guy's Vote (freshened up by a cute little kid) |
| 1st Guest | Anthony Hopkins |
| 2nd Guest | Buzz Aldrin |
| Music | Depeche Mode - In Your Room |
| Call your sister | |
| Tuesday, November 3, 1998 | |
|---|---|
| PostMonologue | Please Stop Calling Me Debbie |
| 2nd Bit | Election Results |
| Top Ten | Jesse 'The Body' Ventura Campaign Slogans |
| 1st Guest | Queen Latifah |
| 2nd Guest | Ellie Lammer (kid parking meter investigator) |
| 3rd Guest | Darrell Hammond |
| Preempted in Chicago for 3+ hours of incredibly fascinating election results | |
| Wednesday, November 4, 1998 | |
|---|---|
| New York | Try our delicious East river buffet |
| Dave | Heir to a centuries-old cabinet making tradition |
| PostMonologue | Dave's Record Collection |
| 2nd Bit | Pedestrian Nicknames |
| Top Ten | Things on Chuck Schumer's To Do List (presented by eponymous) |
| 1st Guest | Adam Sandler |
| 2nd Guest | Jayson Williams |
| Music | Soul Coughing - Circles |
| Other | More election results |
| Stop it! | |
| Thursday, November 5, 1998 | |
|---|---|
| New York | Set sail for adventure |
| Dave | Internationally recognized authority |
| PostMonologue | Know Your Current Events (songwriter) |
| 2nd Bit | Sponsor an NBA Player |
| Top Ten | Famous Politician Wrestling Nicknames (freshened up by a cute little kid) |
| 1st Guest | Denzel Washington |
| 2nd Guest | Father Mike Berner (sweepstakes winner) |
| More ether | |
| Friday, November 6, 1998 | |
|---|---|
| New York | Prices subject to change |
| Dave | New Lord of the Dance |
| PostMonologue | CBS Mailbag (dueling magazine covers, Biff remembers the good times) |
| Top Ten | Hit Television Shows in Iraq |
| 1st Guest | George Pataki (death to the marshmallow tax) |
| 2nd Guest | Evan Metropoulis (kid Bumblebee Tuna exec) |
| Music | P.J. Harvey - A Perfect Day |
| Cut your pants | |
| Monday, November 9, 1998 | |
|---|---|
| New York | In the spectacular Tuscan countryside |
| Dave | Eminent cellist |
| Top Ten | Real Reasons Newt Gingrich is Leaving Congress |
| 1st Guest | George Michael |
| 2nd Guest | Col. Gail Halverson (candy bomber) |
| Not a Guest | Meryl Streep |
| Music | Hanson |
| Sitting In | Maj. Bill Garnell on sax |
| Drive me home Helen | |
| Tuesday, November 10, 1998 | |
|---|---|
| New York | Only $9.95 + shipping & handling |
| Dave | The last surviving member of the Romanov family |
| PostMonologue | What the Hell Happened in Minnesota? |
| 2nd Bit | Off-Screen Celebrity Cameo |
| Top Ten | Words You Don't Want to See in Your Restaurant Review |
| 1st Guest | Luke Perry |
| 2nd Guest | Tom Wolfe |
| Music | Jay-Z |
| Close the damn door! | |
| Wednesday, November 11, 1998 | |
|---|---|
| New York | Come rest by the soothing sounds of the sea |
| Dave | World's greatest spiritual poet |
| PostMonologue | Entertainment Previews |
| Top Ten | Organized Crime Money-Saving Tips |
| 1st Guest | Melanie Griffith |
| 2nd Guest | Walter Cronkite |
| Music | Travis Tritt |
| My accountant is Fred Nigrow | |
| Thursday, November 12, 1998 | |
|---|---|
| New York | We pass the savings on to you |
| Dave | Greatest living lexiographer |
| PostMonologue | Know Your Current Events |
| 2nd Bit | Pat & Kenny read Oprah Transcripts (new theme song) |
| Top Ten | Supermodels or Nations in the Middle East |
| 1st Guest | Roma Downey |
| 2nd Guest | Kenneth Branagh |
| Music | Goo Goo Dolls |
| Nice shoes, big shot | |
| Friday, November 13, 1998 | |
|---|---|
| New York | Based on a true story |
| Dave | Drunk Turkey customs official |
| PostMonologue | CBS Mailbag (Vampaul) |
| Top Ten | Clinton Screen Names |
| 1st Guest | Donald Trump |
| 2nd Guest | Doug Flutie |
| Standup | Sarah Silverman |
| Sitting In | Herbie Hancock |
| Send potatos | |
| Monday, November 16, 1998 | |
|---|---|
| New York | Feast your eyes on our exquisite craftmanship |
| Dave | The sweetest nightingale |
| PostMonologue | Also in the News |
| 1st Slot | Kid Scientists |
| 2nd Guest | Cameron Diaz |
| Music | Mariah Carey |
| Camera Operator | Jayson Williams |
| Stop calling! | |
| Tuesday, November 17, 1998 | |
|---|---|
| New York | Based on the popular video game |
| Dave | A former priest in the temple of Isis |
| PostMonologue | White or Dark Turkey? |
| 2nd Bit | Lewinsky tape excerpts |
| Top Ten | Items in the Dennis Rodman/Carmen Electra Prenuptial Agreement |
| 1st Guest | Will Smith |
| 2nd Guest | Jack Hanna (pants trouble) |
| Kiss me | |
| Wednesday, November 18, 1998 | |
|---|---|
| New York | Site of an epic battle between good and evil |
| Dave | 12th-century German visionary |
| PostMonologue | What They're Doing to Boost Their Ratings |
| Top Ten | Most Dangerous Toys |
| 1st Guest | Cher |
| 2nd Guest | Jerry Springer |
| Other | New ways to get rid of blue cards |
| This ain't jello | |
| Thursday, November 19, 1998 | |
|---|---|
| New York | City by the bay |
| Dave | Obi-Won Kenobi himself |
| PostMonologue | Know Your Current Events |
| Top Ten | Good Things about Living in a Really Small Town (presented by Watonka, SD, pop. 10) |
| 1st Guest | Christian Slater (just trying to make friends) |
| 2nd Guest | Celine Dion |
| Music | Celine Dion & Bryan Adams |
| Other | Cowgirl Drew Barrymore |
| This ain't jello | |
| Friday, November 20, 1998 | |
|---|---|
| New York | Land of the windmills and tulips |
| Dave | The American League's all-time stolen base king |
| PostMonologue | CBS Mailbag (death caramels) |
| Top Ten | Possible First Lines for Monica Lewinsky's Book |
| 1st Guest | Drew Barrymore (Fosse, the wonder western dog) |
| 2nd Guests | Siskel & Ebert |
| Sitting In | Todd Rundgren |
| Ahh, crabcakes | |
| Monday, November 23, 1998 | |
|---|---|
| New York | What's it to you? |
| Dave | The man, the myth, the legend |
| PostMonologue | Late Show Anniversary Quiz |
| 2nd Bit | Tony Randall Montage |
| Top Ten | Things Scalpers Say to Sell Tickets to Our Show |
| 1st Guest | Helen Hunt |
| 2nd Guest | Ray Romano |
| Sitting In | James Cotton |
| Other | Consulting Butterball Hotline about the Deadly Turkey Poison |
| This ain't jello | |
| Tuesday, November 24, 1998 | |
|---|---|
| New York | Country living at an affordable price |
| Dave | Mild-mannered computer whiz |
| PostMonologue | White or Dark Turkey? |
| Top Ten | Dr. Kervorkian Tips for a Festive Thanksgiving |
| 1st Guest | Geena Davis (pumpkin carving) |
| 2nd Guest | Martha Stewart |
| Music | Roger Daltry |
| Ahh, crabcakes | |
| Wednesday, November 25, 1998 | |
|---|---|
| New York | Ladies room just down the hall and to the left |
| Dave | El hosto grande |
| PostMonologue | What They're Thankful For |
| Turkey Heaving | Jayson Williams |
| Top Ten | Nicknames for Dave (written & presented by Miss Marky's kindergarten class) |
| 1st Guest | Gwyneth Paltrow |
| 2nd Guest | Peter Berg |
| Music | Bonnie Raitt |
| Hey look, canaries | |
| Thursday, November 26, 1998 | |
|---|---|
| New York | One of the original 13 colonies |
| Dave | The man who put the "hoo" in hoosier |
| PostMonologue | Macy's Parade Quiz |
| 2nd Bit | Guessing Mom's pies |
| 1st Guest | Michael Caine |
| 2nd Guest | Art Donovan |
| Music | Jewel - Hands |
| Other | Staff Thanksgiving meal - Flipping audience member |
| Too much bacon | |
| Friday, November 27, 1998 | |
|---|---|
| New York | Free gift wrapping for purchases of $25 or more |
| Dave | Troubled teen |
| PostMonologue | CBS Mailbag (E! reports on Alan Kalter) |
| 1st Guest | Salma Hayek |
| 2nd Guest | Marilyn Manson |
| Standup | Caroline Rhea |
| Who's hungry? | |