| Tuesday, September 1, 1998 | |
|---|---|
| New York | Mmmm, something smells good |
| Dave | Professor of anthropology at CalState-Fullerton |
| PostMonologue | Late Show Cuts |
| 2nd Bit | New Magazines |
| Top Ten | Things That Average Americans Think NASDAQ Is |
| 1st Guest | Beau Bridges |
| 2nd Guest | Terrell Davis |
| Music | Squirrel Nut Zippers - Suits are Picking up the Bill |
| Worldwide Pants [muffled] | |
| Wednesday, September 2, 1998 | |
|---|---|
| New York | Now with 2% more calcium |
| Dave | The man who puts the fun in "Let's have fun" |
| PostMonologue | Zoo quiz |
| Top Ten | Rejected Broadway Lyrics (presented by Martin Short) |
| 1st Guest | Terry Bradshaw (Super Bowl predictions) |
| 2nd Guest | Jesse Jackson |
| Other | Put her in a chair, get her a light, let her read! |
| Mmm mmm mmm | |
| Thursday, September 3, 1998 | |
|---|---|
| New York | Third place in the blues |
| Dave | The gentle giant |
| PostMonologue | Know Your Current Events (a smart-ass with a badge) |
| 2nd Bit | Alan Kalter's Mark McGwire Home Run Watch |
| Top Ten | People Least Likely to Break Roger Maris' Home Run Record |
| 1st Guest | Ray Romano (baby tipping) |
| 2nd Guest | Chris Cardone (little league world champion player) |
| Standup | Tom Agna |
| Other | Preview of Eve 6 |
| Time for a Kiss | |
| Friday, September 4, 1998 | |
|---|---|
| New York | Garlic capitol of the world |
| Dave | The missing piece of the puzzle |
| PostMonologue | CBS Mailbag (Let's Screw with Paul Schaffer's Mind, Recipe dispute) |
| 2nd Bit | Pat & Kenny read Oprah Transcripts |
| Top Ten | Signs You've Purchased a Bootleg Copy of Titanic |
| 1st Slot | Stupid Human Tricks (ketchup, marshmallows, and chocolate milk) |
| 2nd Guest | Jason Patric |
| Music | Eve 6 |
| No dice, Kenny | |
| Monday, September 7, 1998 | |
|---|---|
| New York | Bring the family and plenty of money |
| Dave | From the beloved children's show Sesame Street |
| PostMonologue | Biff covers Mark McGwire's Home Run Derby |
| 2nd Bit | Dave & Tony spend the day at the post office |
| Top Ten | Least Impressive Resume Entries |
| 1st Guest | Richard Simmons |
| 2nd Guest | Luisa Conlon |
| Other | Paul on the Gossip Show |
| Sitting In | Junior Brown |
| Pants, the other white meat | |
| Tuesday, September 8, 1998 | |
|---|---|
| New York | One of only 5 cities visible from outer space |
| Dave | Mr. Blackwell's worst-dressed man of 1983 |
| PostMonologue | Also in the News |
| 2nd Bit | Biff covers Mark McGwire's Home Run Fever |
| Top Ten | Things Babe Ruth Would Say if He Were Alive Today |
| 1st Guest | Andie MacDowell |
| Music | Willie Nelson |
| Other | Oprah's Theme, Ball boys |
| Dear sweet pants | |
| Wednesday, September 9, 1998 | |
|---|---|
| New York | The last frontier |
| Dave | Future hall of famer |
| PostMonologue | Biff covers the 62nd home run |
| 2nd Bit | Off-Screen Celebrity Cameo |
| Top Ten | Little Used Slang Terms for Hitting a Home Run |
| 1st Guest | Tim Forneris (found 62nd ball) |
| 2nd Guest | Stephen Dorff |
| Music | Wyyyyynonna |
| Do you know where your pants are? | |
| Thursday, September 10, 1998 | |
|---|---|
| New York | The delicious alternative to ketchup |
| Dave | Your server for this evening |
| PostMonologue | Know Your Current Events |
| 2nd Bit | The story behind Dave's beard |
| Top Ten | Signs That You're About to be Impeached |
| 1st Guest | Charles Grodin |
| 2nd Guest | Paul Hopkins (pitched Babe Ruth's 59th home run) |
| Hallelujah, pants | |
| Friday, September 11, 1998 | |
|---|---|
| New York | Home of the 1969 champion New York Jets |
| Dave | A man who just got his groove back |
| PostMonologue | CBS Mailbag (Biff's slip of the tongue) |
| 1st Guest | Jack Hanna (an aroused baboon) |
| 2nd Guest | Gretchen Mol |
| Music | Nick Cave & The Bad Seeds - Into My Arms |
| You can't beat pants | |
| Monday, September 14, 1998 | |
|---|---|
| New York | Much less than the sum of its parts |
| Dave | A man who's planning to lose his virginity on the internet |
| PostMonologue | Rob Burnett's Emmy mistake |
| Top Ten | Things Overheard at the Emmys |
| 1st Guest | Cindy Craw |
| 2nd Guest | Jeff Greenfield |
| Music | Hootie & The Blowfish - I Will Wait (or as my mom calls them, Hootie & The Goldfish) |
| Bite me | |
| Tuesday, September 15, 1998 | |
|---|---|
| New York | Come rest by the soothing sounds of the sea |
| Dave | The last surviving member of the Romanov family |
| PostMonologue | Staff Travel Stories |
| 2nd Bit | Ken Starr Mastercard commercial |
| Top Ten | Clinton Tips for a Happy, Healthy Marriage |
| 1st Guest | Ben Stiller |
| 2nd Guest | Jackie Chan (as Elvis) |
| Music | Vince Gill |
| Other | Biff misplaces headset |
| Hot screaming pants | |
| Wednesday, September 16, 1998 | |
|---|---|
| New York | Feast your eyes on our exquisite craftmanship |
| Dave | 12th-century German visionary |
| PostMonologue | What's New for NFL Football on CBS |
| 2nd Bit | Alan Kalter's Word of the Day |
| Top Ten | Alternatives to Impeachment |
| 1st Guest | Bill Cosby |
| 2nd Guest | George Hamilton (briefly) |
| Ah, fresh pants | |
| Thursday, September 17, 1998 | |
|---|---|
| New York | Only 9.95 plus shipping and handling |
| Dave | Internationally recognized authority |
| PostMonologue | Know Your Current Events |
| 2nd Bit | Staff Apologies |
| Top Ten | Ways to Get Disqualified from the Miss America Pageant |
| 1st Guest | Denis Leary |
| 2nd Guest | George Hamilton |
| Ah, fresh pants | |
| Friday, September 18, 1998 | |
|---|---|
| New York | Based on the popular video game |
| Dave | Financial guru |
| PostMonologue | CBS Mailbag |
| 2nd Bit | No sailor skit for Alan Kalter (the horror! the horror!) |
| Top Ten | Clinton Campaign Slogans if He Were to Run Again |
| 1st Guest | Vince Vaughn |
| 2nd Guest | Brian Benben |
| Music | The Brian Setzer Orchestra - Jump, Jive & Wail |
| Pants doctor? | |
| Monday, September 21, 1998 | |
|---|---|
| New York | Based on a true story |
| Dave | A man known to the Japanese as Mr. Happy Pants |
| PostMonologue | Clinton Testimony Highlights |
| 2nd Bit | Al Roker's 5-day Comedy Forecast |
| Top Ten | Favorite Games of Cal Ripken Jr.'s Career |
| 1st Guest | Michael J. Fox |
| 2nd Guest | Evander Holyfield |
| Music | Dixie Chicks |
| Ahhh... | |
| Tuesday, September 22, 1998 | |
|---|---|
| New York | All places subject to change |
| Dave | The veterinarian's friend |
| PostMonologue | Pedestrian Scandals |
| 2nd Bit | Erik Estrada making faces |
| Top Ten | Signs Clinton is Telling the Truth & Ken Starr Turn-Ons |
| 1st Guest | Jennifer Lopez |
| 2nd Guest | Meredith Viera |
| Music | Lyle Lovett |
| ---- | |
| Wednesday, September 23, 1998 | |
|---|---|
| New York | Country music capitol of the world |
| Dave | The new Lord of the Dance |
| PostMonologue | Staff's New Fall Shows |
| 2nd Bit | Audience Vote |
| Top Ten | Ways the Country Would Be Different is This Guy Were President |
| 1st Slot | Stupid Pet Tricks |
| 2nd Guest | Marv Albert |
| Standup | Kevin James |
| [kissing sounds] | |
| Thursday, September 24, 1998 | |
|---|---|
| New York | Lovingly hand-crafted out of stunning teak |
| Dave | Mild-mannered computer whiz |
| PostMonologue | Know Your Current Events |
| Top Ten | Ways the World Would Be Different if the Numbers 1 through 9 did not Exist |
| 1st Guest | Howard Stern |
| 2nd Guest | Katie Holmes |
| I'm so fat | |
| Friday, September 25, 1998 | |
|---|---|
| New York | In the spectacular Tuscan countryside |
| Dave | Troubled teen |
| PostMonologue | CBS Mailbag (Inky complains) |
| Top Ten | Least Popular Stephen King Novels |
| 1st Guest | Jon Stewart |
| 2nd Guest | Jean Reno |
| Music | Rob Zombie |
| Stop calling me | |
| Monday, September 28, 1998 | |
|---|---|
| New York | Big sky country |
| Dave | A man who's his own intern |
| PostMonologue | Oprah vs. Dave comparison |
| 2nd Bit | Tony & Dave Visit a Late Show Viewer |
| Top Ten | Other Highlights of the 1998 Baseball Season |
| 1st Guest | Fran Drescher |
| 2nd Guest | Chris Kattan |
| Music | Elvis Costello & Burt Bacharach |
| Other | Gerhard Schroeder on Alto Sax, Al Roker's 5-day comedy forecast |
| Hey, hey Brenda | |
| Tuesday, September 29, 1998 | |
|---|---|
| New York | Land o'Lincoln |
| Dave | Crime-fighting banjo player |
| PostMonologue | New Books |
| 2nd Bit | Desmond, the bunting dog |
| Top Ten | Clinton Other Scandals (plus) |
| 1st Guest | Chris Tucker |
| 2nd Guest | Faith Ford |
| Music | Eagle Eye Cherry |
| Brenda, where's Kenny? | |
| Wednesday, September 30, 1998 | |
|---|---|
| New York | Contents may have settled during shipping |
| Dave | Latin American superstar |
| PostMonologue | What's the Deal with President Clinton? |
| 2nd Bit | Ricky, the bunting miniature horse |
| Top Ten | Things Dumb Guys Say About the Economy |
| 1st Guest | Kelsey Grammer |
| 2nd Guest | Nick Mason |
| Music | Tony Bennett - Accentuate the Positive |
| Other | Warren Zevon |
| Come on punk, try me | |