| June 1 - 4, 1999 | |
|---|---|
| Tuesday | |
| Wednesday | |
| Thursday | |
| Friday | |
| Reruns | |
| Monday, June 7, 1999 | |
|---|---|
| New York | Sit and relax in our airy new food court |
| Dave | The internet's newest billionaire |
| PostMonologue | Which melts faster: popsicle or creamsicle? |
| Top Ten | Signs Hilary Clinton Doesn't Understand New York City |
| 1st Guest | Dan Rather |
| 2nd Guest | Nancy Mace |
| Music | Randy Newman - Better Off Dead |
| Secret Word | Emetic |
| Other | Introducing the Hosie Cow |
| Hey look, fudge | |
| Tuesday, June 8, 1999 | |
|---|---|
| New York | No eye contact without a permit |
| Dave | You loved him at last year's Glidden paint sales convention |
| PostMonologue | How soon will a guy mention the weather? |
| Top Ten | Other Lists Kept by the FBI |
| 1st Guest | Jeff Foxworthy |
| 2nd Guest | Kristin Davis |
| Music | Snoop Dogg |
| Secret Word | Escarpment |
| That's just fine | |
| Wednesday, June 9, 1999 | |
|---|---|
| New York | Requires only touch-up ironing |
| Dave | Himalayan mountain guide |
| PostMonologue | Secret word winner - Brought to you by Hosie Cow: It's like having a cow urinate on your kids! |
| 2nd Bit | Ball, Get Out of My Nachos - Live! |
| Top Ten | Things Dumb Guys Think La Vida Loca Is |
| 1st Guest | Timothy Hutton |
| 2nd Guest | Christine Lahti |
| Music | It Ain't Nothing But the Blues |
| Secret Word | Whippy |
| Please, mow the lawn | |
| Thursday, June 10, 1999 | |
|---|---|
| New York | Sunk by a German sub in 1942 |
| Dave | Co-author of an important new study on sneezing |
| PostMonologue | Know Your Current Events/Cuts of Meat (Brought to you by Hosie Cow - The last great miracle of the millenium!) |
| Top Ten | Broadway Shows that Never Won a Tony Award (presented by Brian Dennehy) |
| 1st Guest | Ray Romano |
| Music | Jewel |
| Secret Word | Inflammation |
| I just don't care | |
| Friday, June 11, 1999 | |
|---|---|
| New York | The world's largest heap of smoldering tires |
| Dave | America's best hope for the big zeppelin race |
| PostMonologue | CBS Mailbag (The "Real" World) |
| Top Ten | Things People Say About Their Hosie Cow |
| 1st Guest | Heather Graham |
| 2nd Guest | David Wells |
| Sitting In | Edgar Winter |
| Secret Word | Dick |
| Call your sister | |
| Monday, June 14, 1999 | |
|---|---|
| New York | Future home of Senator & Mr. Clinton |
| Dave | Tonight's guest host |
| PostMonologue | Roll Call |
| Top Ten | Things People Hate about Jar Jar Binks |
| 1st Guest | Tim Robbins |
| 2nd Guest | Oscar De La Hoya |
| Standup | Dane Cook |
| Secret Word | Amputation |
| ---- | |
| Tuesday, June 15, 1999 | |
|---|---|
| New York | Now with a more bitter-tasting medicinal flavor |
| Dave | Red Cross CPR training dummy |
| PostMonologue | The world of luggage |
| 2nd Bit | True Stories of the Late Show Stagehands |
| Top Ten | Casino Ad Slogans |
| 1st Guest | Roseanne |
| Music | Susan Tedeschi |
| Secret Word | Bunny |
| Stop it | |
| Wednesday, June 16, 1999 | |
|---|---|
| New York | Where wild dingos roam the streets |
| Dave | Inventor of the fake ID |
| PostMonologue | Prom Quiz |
| Top Ten | Things Kenneth Starr has Found Out about Al Gore |
| 1st Guest | David Schwimmer |
| 2nd Guest | Brandi Chastain |
| 3rd Guest | Seth Green |
| Secret Word | Pigment |
| ---- | |
| Thursday, June 17, 1999 | |
|---|---|
| New York | Have a sticky puddle named after you for just 10 bucks |
| Dave | The lovable old lady who screamed where's the beef |
| PostMonologue | Know Your Current Events/Cuts of Meat/Breeds of Dog/Breakfast Pastries/Monkey Astronauts/State Blood Alcohol Levels/Fat Presidents |
| Top Ten | Shops Where the Royal Couple have Registered |
| 1st Guest | Mike Myers |
| Music | Ben Lee |
| Secret Word | Tourniquet |
| Cuff your pants! | |
| Friday, June 18, 1999 | |
|---|---|
| New York | Home of the Falling Air Conditioner |
| Dave | Injured star center for the New York Knicks |
| PostMonologue | CBS Mailbag |
| 2nd Bit | Product placement in Austin Powers |
| Top Ten | Signs Dave Letterman is Your Father |
| 1st Guest | Julianna Margulies |
| 2nd Guest | Jon Stewart (Billy Joel saga) |
| Secret Word | Whipknockvonwhipknocky/Newt |
| Drive me home, Helen | |
| Monday, June 21, 1999 | |
|---|---|
| PostMonologue | Secret Word Winner (park ranger) |
| 2nd Bit | Pat Farmer's continuous updates on the Knicks game |
| Top Ten | Signs You're a Makeshift Rodeo |
| 1st Guest | Felicity Huffman |
| 2nd Guest | Andy Dick (haircut) |
| Music | Elvis Costello |
| Secret Word | Rodeo |
| Shut the damn door! | |
| Tuesday, June 22, 1999 | |
|---|---|
| New York | Now with behind-the-scenes outtakes |
| Dave | The most influential rock band in history |
| PostMonologue | Biff Henderson at the NBA Finals |
| Top Ten | Ways to Make The Godfather more Appealing to Teenagers |
| 1st Guest | Adam Sandler |
| Music | Missy Elliot |
| Secret Word | Gaberdine (Brought to you by Larry King - He Looks Like an Owl) |
| My accountant is Fred Nigrow | |
| Wednesday, June 23, 1999 | |
|---|---|
| New York | Offering unsurpassed value & convenience |
| Dave | Daredevil roller-blading messenger |
| PostMonologue | New for Summer |
| Top Ten | Least Inspirational Things for a Coach to say at Half-time |
| Music | Geri Halliwell |
| 2nd Guest | Richard Belzer |
| Sitting In | Jimmie Vaughn |
| Secret Word | Entropic |
| Nice shoes, big shot | |
| Thursday, June 24, 1999 | |
|---|---|
| New York | Empire State Building now with a rubber safety tip |
| Dave | Traveling faith healer |
| PostMonologue | Know Your Current Events/Cuts of Meat/Harlem Globetrotters/Breakfast Pastries/Monkey Astronauts/State Blood Alcohol Levels/Fat Presidents/? Countries |
| Top Ten | Questions on the US Citizenship Form |
| 1st Guest | Rudolph Giuliani |
| 2nd Guest | Leslie Mann |
| Music | The Pretenders - Human |
| Secret Word | Linguini/Linguine |
| ---- | |
| Friday, June 25, 1999 | |
|---|---|
| New York | Famous for its prison rodeo |
| Dave | Silicone-based life form |
| PostMonologue | CBS Mailbag |
| Top Ten | Signs Your Kid is Going to a NYC School |
| 1st Guest | Joey Lauren Adams |
| 2nd Guest | Spike Lee |
| Music | Santana (with Robb Thomas) |
| Secret Word | Peptide |
| I like boating | |
| Monday, June 28, 1999 | |
|---|---|
| New York | Tourist mortgages usually approved in 30 minutes |
| Dave | The man who argued Letterman vs. Radio Shack before the US Supreme Court |
| PostMonologue | Celebrity Summer Plans (with predicted odds on jokes working) |
| Top Ten | Slogans for the US Women's World Cup Soccer Team |
| 1st Guest | Colin Powell |
| 2nd Guest | Maurice Green |
| Secret Word | Bird (brought to you by the David Letterman's US Women's World Cup Soccer Team - They're hotter than a dancin' bobcat with it's ass on fire!) |
| Hey hey Helen | |
| Tuesday, June 29, 1999 | |
|---|---|
| New York | Slowly recovering from Soviet-era mismanagement |
| Dave | Disgraced judge from the Westminster Kennel Club dog show |
| PostMonologue | Secret Word Tournament of Champion winner (Rita Buttgas) |
| 2nd Bit | Biff searches for celebrities at the NBA Finals |
| Top Ten | Other Safety Hazards at McDonalds |
| 1st Guest | Mira Sorvino |
| Music | Lyle Lovett - You Can't Resist It |
| Other | Wimbeldon Grunt of the Day |
| Secret Word | Oozing (brought to you by the David Letterman's US Women's World Cup Soccer Team - Soccer Moms? Soccer Mamas!!!) |
| Kaboom | |
| Wednesday, June 30, 1999 | |
|---|---|
| New York | Try the East river caviar |
| Dave | Father of the make-shift Mexican rodeo |
| PostMonologue | Restaurant reviews |
| Top Ten | Least Popular Movie Props for Sale on the Internet |
| 1st Guests | Piedmont Bird Callers |
| 2nd Guest | Avery Johnson |
| Music | June Carter Cash - Ring of Fire |
| Secret Word | Peripatetic |
| Other | Wimbledon Fan of the Day |
| ---- | |