| Monday, March 1, 1999 | |
|---|---|
| New York | Four down in this week's TV Guide crossword puzzle |
| Dave | Mexico's answer to David Letterman |
| PostMonologue | Biff Henderson's America: Chinook, WA |
| Top Ten | Movies that would get Made if Bill Clinton Headed a Studio |
| 1st Guest | Brooke Shields |
| 2nd Guest | Peter Hillary |
| Secret Word | Convection |
| Pants are fun | |
| Tuesday, March 2, 1999 | |
|---|---|
| New York | The perfect environment for inner peace |
| Dave | Wounded Confederate soldier |
| PostMonologue | Opening Unclaimed Baggage: Live from Alabama |
| Top Ten | Least Beloved Dr. Seuss Classics |
| 1st Guest | Ian McKellen |
| 2nd Guest | Reese Witherspoon |
| Music | The Roots & Erykah Badu |
| Secret Word | Saluki |
| Put on your pants | |
| Wednesday, March 3, 1999 | |
|---|---|
| New York | Evoking the charm of a bygone era |
| Dave | Beleagured Dutch journalist |
| PostMonologue | Roll call |
| Top Ten | Questions Dave Letterman would ask if he Interviewed Monica Lewinsky |
| 1st Slot | Kid Turkey Callers |
| 2nd Guest | Mark Wahlberg |
| Music | Fresh Step - Talk to the Hand |
| Secret Word | Luggage |
| Do re mi pants | |
| Thursday, March 4, 1999 | |
|---|---|
| New York | Painstakingly crafted from thousands of polished sea shells |
| Dave | Superstar pop vocalist |
| PostMonologue | Know Your Current Events |
| 2nd Bit | Lewinsky Interview highlight |
| Top Ten | Things Monica Lewinsky can do to Mend her Reputation |
| 1st Guest | Billy Crystal |
| 2nd Guest | George Miller |
| Secret Word | Viscous |
| Kilts aren't pants | |
| Friday, March 5, 1999 | |
|---|---|
| New York | May we freshen your drink? |
| Dave | Lovable free-loading hobo |
| PostMonologue | CBS Mailbag (Volkswagon commercial) |
| 2nd Bit | Pat & Kenny Read Oprah Transcripts (Jewel) |
| Top Ten | Signs Maury Povich is Cursed by a Mummy |
| 1st Guest | Chazz Palminteri |
| 2nd Guest | Jeff Altman |
| Music | Everclear |
| Secret Word | Melancholia |
| Nice pants sister | |
| March 8 - 12, 1999 | |
|---|---|
| Monday | |
| Tuesday | |
| Wednesday | |
| Thursday | |
| Friday | |
| Reruns | |
| March 15 - 19, 1999 | |
|---|---|
| Monday | |
| Tuesday | |
| Wednesday | |
| Thursday | |
| Friday | |
| Reruns | |
| Monday, March 22, 1999 | |
|---|---|
| New York | Filled with movie moments that touch the heart |
| Dave | Reclusive accountant |
| PostMonologue | A day at the Academy Awards |
| 2nd Bit | Oscar highlights |
| Top Ten | Things Shakespeare Would say if He were Alive Today |
| 1st Guest | Norm MacDonald (with manager) |
| Music | Jeff Beck |
| Other | Alan Kalter's Where are they Now? |
| Secret Word | Lederhosen |
| Pantalonis | |
| Tuesday, March 23, 1999 | |
|---|---|
| New York | A classic for more than 20 years |
| Dave | Streetwise substitute teacher |
| PostMonologue | Award for best performance by a guy at a pizzeria |
| Top Ten | Song Titles on the Pope's New Album |
| 1st Guest | Elizabeth Hurley |
| 2nd Guest | Katie Holmes |
| Music | Cake - Never There |
| Secret Word | Ionosphere |
| Biscuits and gravy | |
| Wednesday, March 24, 1999 | |
|---|---|
| New York | Filmed on location in Toronto |
| Dave | UFO abductee |
| PostMonologue | New for Spring |
| Top Ten | Signs Your Prize Fight is Fixed |
| 1st Slot | Stupid Human Tricks (mohawk, alphabet) |
| 2nd Guest | Craig Kilborn |
| Music | Trio - After the Gold Rush [Emmylou Harris, Linda Rondstadt & Dolly Parton] |
| Secret Word | Skipjack |
| May pants be with you | |
| Thursday, March 25, 1999 | |
|---|---|
| New York | Ask for your free wet nap at the Lincoln tunnel |
| Dave | Pilot of the first manned mission to Canada |
| PostMonologue | Know Your Current Events |
| Top Ten | Things Dumb Guys Think Tae-Bo is |
| 1st Guest | Elton John |
| 2nd Guest | Henry Kissinger |
| Music | Elton John & LeAnn Rimes |
| Secret Word | Bilious |
| Pants!!! | |
| Friday, March 26, 1999 | |
|---|---|
| New York | Now with a bitter taste to discourage predators |
| Dave | In a life-like computerized 3-D rendering |
| PostMonologue | CBS Mailbag (kool-aid stand) |
| Top Ten | Things you Don't Want to Hear from a Cab Driver (as seen in a cab) |
| 1st Guest | Ron Howard (Mann's Chinese Theater) |
| Music | Charlotte Church - Requiem: Pie Jesu [Andrew Lloyd Webber] |
| Sitting In | Elia Kazan |
| Secret Word | Elliptical |
| Buy me some pants [mumbled] | |
| Monday, March 29, 1999 | |
|---|---|
| New York | Enter our drawing to become the new mafia boss |
| Dave | A man who's agreed to donate his organs only to guys named Keith |
| PostMonologue | Know Your Cuts of Meat |
| Top Ten | Castro Baseball Jeers |
| 1st Guest | Marv Albert |
| 2nd Guest | Diane Lane |
| Music | Blur |
| Secret Word | Meniscus |
| Do you like pants? [mumbled] | |
| Tuesday, March 30, 1999 [new opening] | |
|---|---|
| New York | Home of your NCAA champion Yukon Huskies |
| Dave | Reclusive beekeeper |
| PostMonologue | Circus Quiz |
| Top Ten | Jobs in the Next Millenium |
| 1st Guest | Laurence Fishburne (beard retrospective) |
| 2nd Guest | Sister Carol Anne Corley (fly-fishin' nun) |
| Music | Wilco - Can't Stand It |
| Secret Word | Taconite |
| I like pants [mumbled] | |
| Wednesday, March 31, 1999 | |
|---|---|
| New York | Blurring the boundries between technology and art |
| Dave | Seasoned legal shark |
| PostMonologue | Travel Destinations (jokes graded by Ag Inspectors) |
| Top Ten | Hilarious Mafia April Fool's Pranks |
| 1st Guests | Steve Martin & Goldie Hawn |
| 2nd Guest | Jim Calhoun |
| Music | Joe Henry |
| Secret Word | Sociopathic |
| Pants are fun [mumbled] | |