| Monday, April 3, 2000 | |
|---|---|
| New York | Where every day is April Fool's Day |
| Dave | Just back from hosting the Mexican People's Choice Awards |
| PostMonologue | Biff's Yankee Spring Training 2000 |
| 2nd Bit | Welcoming a new CBS affiliate |
| Campaign 2000 | Ticks - Sponsored by the US Census: We want to know who you are, where you live, and just what the hell you're trying to pull |
| Top Ten | Bad Titles for College Application Essays |
| 1st Guest | Brooke Shields |
| 2nd Guest | Oliver Platt |
| Music | Joni Mitchell - At Last |
| Other | NCAA Championship Dribble of the Night |
| ---- | |
| Tuesday, April 4, 2000 | |
|---|---|
| New York | Call today for a free consultation |
| Dave | Grossly overweight rapper |
| PostMonologue | Mujibar & Sirajul make a sandwich |
| 2nd Bit | Carson's book bit |
| Campaign 2000 | Maria's sister's restaurant's NY Times mention - Sponsored by Elian Gonzalez: Take me home, Fidel! |
| 1st Guest | David Duchovny |
| 2nd Guest | Joe Pistone |
| Music | Lou Reed - Ecstasy |
| I crave salty foods | |
| Wednesday, April 5, 2000 | |
|---|---|
| New York | Won't you let us overcharge you? |
| Dave | Legendary illusionist |
| PostMonologue | Rejected Commercial Characters |
| 2nd Bit | Gore Commercial - Sweat |
| Campaign 2000 | Letterboxed |
| Top Ten | Surprises in Falcone |
| 1st Guest | Bonnie Hunt |
| Music | Shelby Lynne |
| Other | Late Show Watercooler Talk |
| Rake the leaves, Kenny | |
| Thursday, April 6, 2000 | |
|---|---|
| New York | We'll chew you up and spit you out |
| Dave | Hillary Clinton's second husband |
| PostMonologue | Know Your Current Events/Fun Facts About Elian Gonzalez... |
| 2nd Bit | Census 2000 commercial |
| Campaign 2000 | Masters Golf highlight |
| Top Ten | Things Elian Gonzalez's Father Said on his First Day in the US |
| 1st Guest | Samuel L. Jackson |
| 2nd Guest | Jack Hannah |
| My brother's a jockey | |
| Friday, April 7, 2000 | |
|---|---|
| New York | Nice wallet, may I have it? |
| Dave | A man who's loopy on ginseng |
| PostMonologue | CBS Mailbag (Dave's Folger's commercial) |
| 2nd Bit | Staffer, Not a Staffer? |
| Campaign 2000 | Maria's cab story |
| Top Ten | Signs Tiger Woods is Overconfident |
| 1st Guest | Jon Stewart (bearing gift) |
| Music | Faith Hill |
| Sitting In | That guy from that movie (Stephen Tobolowsky) |
| ---- | |
| Monday, April 10, 2000 | |
|---|---|
| New York | Run, run as if your life depended on it |
| Dave | He's tan, he's rested, he's ready |
| PostMonologue | Why They Didn't Fill Out Their Census Forms |
| 2nd Bit | Biff's Sopranos Clip of the Night |
| Top Ten | Articles in Oprah's New Magazine |
| Campaign 2000 | Richard Simmons update |
| 1st Guest | Bill Cosby (caf or decaf?) |
| 2nd Guest | Sarah Vowell |
| I'm dizzy | |
| Tuesday, April 11, 2000 | |
|---|---|
| New York | Visit our website at wwww.hellonearth.com |
| Dave | The mayor of choke town |
| PostMonologue | Beat the Clock |
| 2nd Bit | Fail Safe clip |
| Campaign 2000 | Rob via phone |
| Top Ten | Signs President Clinton is Bored |
| 1st Guest | Jenna Elfman (pornographic horse story) |
| 2nd Guest | Jeff Altman |
| Performance | Children of Uganda |
| Who wants gum? | |
| Wednesday, April 12, 2000 | |
|---|---|
| New York | City held hostage by a mayor gone mad |
| Dave | The hapless hoosier himself |
| PostMonologue | Job Hunting Tips |
| 2nd Bit | Celebrities who Don't Share Dave's Birthday |
| Campaign 2000 | Richard Simmons via phone |
| Top Ten | Signs Dave is Getting Old |
| 1st Guest | Paul Newman |
| Music | Pearl Jam |
| The pants people | |
| Thursday, April 13, 2000 | |
|---|---|
| New York | No money down for qualified applicants |
| Dave | The oldest living Civil War veteran |
| PostMonologue | Know Your Current Events/Al Roker Cartoons... |
| Campaign 2000 | Bald Audience Member Shot of the Night |
| Top Ten | Ways the NYPD Can Improve Its Image |
| 1st Guest | Matthew McCanaughey |
| 2nd Guest | Kelly Monteith |
| Music | Willie Nelson - Please Don't Talk About Me When I'm Gone |
| More pants, Chester? | |
| Friday, April 14, 2000 | |
|---|---|
| PostMonologue | CBS Mailbag (tuna & interns) |
| 2nd Bit | Libya tourist ad |
| Top Ten | Punchlines to Accountant Dirty Jokes |
| 1st Guest | Ben Stiller |
| Standup | Brian Regan |
| Sitting In | Mick Taylor |
| We got pants for you | |
| April 17 - 21, 2000 | |
|---|---|
| Monday | |
| Tuesday | |
| Wednesday | |
| Thursday | |
| Friday | |
| Reruns | |
| Monday, April 24, 2000 | |
|---|---|
| New York | Now with air purifying negative ions |
| Dave | Your wholesale source for reproduction Shaker furniture |
| PostMonologue | New & Improved |
| Campaign 2000 | More bypasses |
| Top Ten | Janet Reno Pet Peeves |
| 1st Guest | Jeff Foxworthy |
| Music | Vertical Horizon |
| Other | Leonardo/Clinton interview, Corky's reunited |
| Yours in pants | |
| Tuesday, April 25, 2000 | |
|---|---|
| New York | Our getaway cars powered by clean-burning methane |
| Dave | Darva Conger's new fiance |
| PostMonologue | Cuban Beat The Clock |
| 2nd Bit | Alan reunited with his son |
| Campaign 2000 | More bypasses & Oprah (Sponsored by Janet Reno - Don't get up, we'll let ourselves in.) |
| Top Ten | Inaccuracies in the Three Stooges Movie |
| 1st Guest | Kristin Johnson (raffle) |
| Music | Live |
| Other | D, Late Show Salutes our Favorite INS Officer |
| Get new pants | |
| Wednesday, April 26, 2000 | |
|---|---|
| New York | Now rats have cellphones |
| Dave | Real-life Erin Brokavich |
| PostMonologue | Flushing High School Reunion Quiz |
| Campaign 2000 | Bowling ball stunt |
| Top Ten | Purdue Head Basketball Coach Gene Keady's Tips for Looking Your Best |
| 1st Guest | Dennis Quaid |
| 2nd Guest | Nicole Sullivan |
| Music | Smashing Pumpkins - I of the Mourning |
| Other | Late Show Salutes our Favorite INS Officer |
| Look at those pants | |
| Thursday, April 27, 2000 | |
|---|---|
| New York | Free blimp rides for senior citizens |
| Dave | A man glued to the stars |
| PostMonologue | Know Your Current Events/Janet Reno Eyeglasses... (Idaho health club) |
| 2nd Bit | Alan Brings his Daughter to Work Day |
| Campaign 2000 | Rob live via satellite |
| Top Ten | Classes that Elian Gonzalez has Missed |
| 1st Guest | Salma Hayek (Salma's miracle) |
| 2nd Guest | Ray Romano |
| Oh my, pants | |
| Friday, April 28, 2000 | |
|---|---|
| New York | My head is throbbing |
| Dave | Embattled dot.com CEO |
| PostMonologue | CBS Mailbag (Biff's Wacky Sports Bloopers) |
| 2nd Bit | Staffer, Not a Staffer |
| Campaign 2000 | Maria's Video Store Story |
| Top Ten | Least Popular Baseball Anthems (presented by singing baseball players) |
| 1st Guest | Natalie Portman |
| 2nd Guest | Lennox Lewis |
| Other | Martha Stewart's Quote of the Day |
| Cute pants | |