| Tuesday, August 1, 2000 | |
|---|---|
| PostMonologue | Get to Know Dick Cheney |
| 2nd Bit | Unlabeled Canned Goods of the Night |
| Campaign 2000 | Paul does Bobby Rydell |
| 1st Guest | Nathan Lane |
| Music | John Pizzarelli Trio |
| Are you still up? | |
| Wednesday, August 2, 2000 | |
|---|---|
| New York | Off the rocky coast of Maine |
| Dave | Long time lover of Camilla Parker Bowles |
| PostMonologue | Republican Convention Quiz |
| Campaign 2000 | Proof that Dave is a Beloved National Icon |
| Top Ten | Announcements that Would Cause a Panic at the Republican National Convention |
| 1st Guest | Joy Philbin |
| 2nd Guest | Joe Lockhart |
| Other | Alan gets robbed |
| Boy, I'm sleepy | |
| Thursday, August 3, 2000 | |
|---|---|
| New York | Detailed by professionals |
| Dave | Embattled Secretary of Energy |
| PostMonologue | Know Your Current Events (Swedes) |
| Campaign 2000 | Jurvis from Survivor |
| 1st Guest | Al Roker |
| 2nd Guest | Craig Ferguson |
| ---- | |
| Friday, August 4, 2000 | |
|---|---|
| New York | Duh...Hello! |
| Dave | UFO Abductee |
| PostMonologue | CBS Mailbag (How to Rant Uncontrollably in Spanish) |
| Campaign 2000 | Response from Karen Hughes, Anti-Cheney ad |
| Top Ten | Signs You've Nominated a Dumb Guy |
| 1st Guest | Darrell Hammond |
| Music | Todd Rundgren |
| Damn, I'm fat | |
| Monday, August 7, 2000 | |
|---|---|
| New York | Where everything is a la carte |
| Dave | Supermodel emeritus |
| PostMonologue | The Final Months of Bill Clinton's White House |
| 2nd Bit | Generic Award presentation |
| Campaign 2000 | chiropractor connection |
| 1st Guest | Tom Selleck |
| 2nd Guest | Jordan (Exotic Dancer from Big Brother) |
| Other | Anti-Lieberman ad |
| I like pants | |
| Tuesday, August 8, 2000 | |
|---|---|
| New York | Still home to over 2 million Dutch settlers |
| Dave | Pretender to the British throne |
| PostMonologue | Iron Chef |
| Top Ten | Invisible Guy Pickup Lines |
| 1st Guest | Al Franken |
| Music | Guster |
| Other | George Clark checks on the heat |
| Is your name Connie? | |
| Wednesday, August 9, 2000 | |
|---|---|
| New York | That's right, you heard me |
| Dave | The columnist who coined the phrase 'nattering nabobs of negativism' |
| PostMonologue | Meet Al Gore's Staff |
| 2nd Bit | Biff counts sweaty guys |
| Campaign 2000 | Video documentation of agreement to come on the show, Send in the Clowns |
| Top Ten | Ways to Make Big Brother More Exciting |
| 1st Guest | Sam Donaldson |
| Music | Kid Rock |
| Other | Which Vice-Presidential Candidate had the Best Hair back in the 70's? |
| ---- | |
| Thursday, August 10, 2000 | |
|---|---|
| PostMonologue | Know Your Current Events (Ball State) |
| Campaign 2000 | Colleen from Survivor |
| 2nd Bit | Alan's message for Jordan from Big Brother |
| 1st Guest | Jennifer Lopez |
| 2nd Guest | Reggie Jones (73-year-old lifeguard) |
| Fix me a snack | |
| Friday, August 11, 2000 | |
|---|---|
| New York | No more calls, please. We have a winner. |
| Dave | Strict disciplinarian |
| PostMonologue | CBS Mailbag (Casey Gish's upcoming letters to the CBS Mailbag) |
| Campaign 2000 | Paul's travel worries |
| Top Ten | Signs You Have a Bad Travel Agent |
| 1st Guest | Vince Vaughn |
| Music | (The) Eels |
| ---- | |
| August 14 - 18, 2000 | |
|---|---|
| Monday | |
| Tuesday | |
| Wednesday | |
| Thursday | |
| Friday | |
| Reruns | |
| Monday, August 21, 2000 | |
|---|---|
| New York | Now with micro-printing to discourage counterfeiters |
| Dave | Deposed Pakistani prime minister |
| PostMonologue | Stiches story |
| Campaign 2000 | Sean from Survivor, Alan's musical interlude |
| Top Ten | Tiger Woods' Pet Peeves |
| 1st Guest | Wesley Snipes |
| Music | Dido - Here with Me |
| Sitting In | Hugh Masakana |
| Pants are fun | |
| Tuesday, August 22, 2000 | |
|---|---|
| New York | A lush, tropical island in the South China Sea |
| Dave | One of the original kings of comedy |
| PostMonologue | Pizza Survivor |
| 2nd Bit | Green Party campaign ad |
| Campaign 2000 | Tape of Bush grilled by reporter about debate |
| 1st Guest | Jon Favreau |
| Music | Stone Temple Pilots |
| Other | Democratic national convention clips |
| Put on your pants | |
| Wednesday, August 23, 2000 | |
|---|---|
| New York | Hey, survive this |
| Dave | A man about to be voted off his own show |
| PostMonologue | Survivor Quiz |
| 2nd Bit | Alan reacts to the end of Survivor |
| Top Ten | Things I Learned on Survivor Island |
| 1st Guest | Jack Hanna |
| Music | Wyclef Jean |
| Other | Out-of-Focus Celebrity Walk On, 911 call |
| ---- | |
| Thursday, August 24, 2000 | |
|---|---|
| New York | The island where everyone's a Survivor |
| Dave | Real-life Space Cowboy |
| PostMonologue | Know Your Current Events (former president Bush) |
| Campaign 2000 | Richard Hatch - brought to you by Hairigami |
| 2nd Bit | Pat & Kenny Read Oprah Transcripts (Tipper Gore) |
| 1st Guest | Shaquille O'Neal |
| Kilts are not pants | |
| Friday, August 25, 2000 | |
|---|---|
| New York | The land that time forgot |
| Dave | Swedish songbird |
| PostMonologue | CBS Mailbag |
| 2nd Bit | Dirty Republican campaign ad |
| Campaign 2000 | Making the debate a hot button issue, Biff's Unlabeled Canned Goods |
| Top Ten | Signs Your Kid's School is Too Crowded |
| 1st Guest | Charles Grodin |
| 2nd Guest | Donal Logue |
| Cute pants, sister | |
| Monday, August 28, 2000 | |
|---|---|
| New York | The city that loves you, for a price |
| Dave | Modern-day Johnny Appleseed |
| PostMonologue | A Day in the Life of the Presidential Campaign |
| 2nd Bit | Alan's Message to Anne Heche & Ellen DeGeneres |
| Campaign 2000 | Weather Channel & the Polar Ice Caps |
| 1st Guest | Mary Tyler Moore |
| Music | Papa Roach |
| Other | Anna Kournikova Play of the Day |
| Pantalonis | |
| Tuesday, August 29, 2000 | |
|---|---|
| New York | Site of the new blockbuster movie "Autumn in New York" |
| Dave | Clinton confidant |
| PostMonologue | CBS Store / Late Show Rat Challenge |
| Campaign 2000 | Weather channel apology / Climb Every Mountain |
| Top Ten | Signs You Won't be Winning the US Open |
| 1st Guest | Ricki Lake |
| Standup | Adam Ferrara |
| Other | Calvert - Anna Kournikova Play of the Day |
| Biscuits 'n gravy | |
| Wednesday, August 30, 2000 | |
|---|---|
| New York | Ask about your free tote bag |
| Dave | A man who's sleepy from all the anniversary cake |
| PostMonologue | Late Show 7th Anniversary Dancers |
| 2nd Bit | Biff goes to Summer Camp |
| Top Ten | Signs the New York Times is Slipping |
| 1st Guest | Rudy Giuliani |
| 2nd Guest | Laetitia Casta (diamond) |
| Other | Exploding cake - Anna Kournikova Play of the Day |
| Worldwide pants | |
| Thursday, August 31, 2000 | |
|---|---|
| New York | Let us be your last resort |
| Dave | The model for the original Mr. Potato Head figure |
| PostMonologue | Know Your Current Events/Cheetos Ingredients... (awful Cheetos joke) |
| Campaign 2000 | Paul makes something up |
| Top Ten | Worst Jobs |
| 1st Guest | D.L. Hughley |
| Music | Tony Bennett & Diana Krall - I Got the World on a String |
| Other | Calvert - Anna Kournikova Play of the Day |
| May pants be with you | |