| Monday, May 1, 2000 | |
|---|---|
| New York | Inspired by the Las Vegas casino |
| Dave | The head of gift and novelty importers association |
| Campaign 2000 | letterbox & bowling ball redux |
| PostMonologue | Mark Borchardt spends the day with Gary Bauer |
| Top Ten | Signs Disney has Gone Berzerk |
| 1st Guest | David Spade |
| 2nd Guest | Marion Jones (world's fastest woman) |
| Sitting In | Jimmy Webb & Glen Campbell |
| Hey, hey pants | |
| Tuesday, May 2, 2000 | |
|---|---|
| New York | A wholly-owned subsidiary of Time-Warner |
| Dave | America's favorite cubicle dweller |
| PostMonologue | Back to the Luggage Store |
| 2nd Bit | What's on TV This Week |
| Campaign 2000 | Rob's Playboy mansion story |
| Top Ten | Signs the Cast of Cats Just Doesn't Give a Damn Anymore |
| 1st Guest | Kim Basinger |
| Music | Oasis |
| Buy some pants | |
| Wednesday, May 3, 2000 | |
|---|---|
| New York | We reserve the right to limit quantities |
| Dave | Young Cuban refugee |
| PostMonologue | Dave's Record Collection (hand model) |
| 2nd Bit | Biff's Fun with a Stopwatch |
| Top Ten | Items on the Country Music Singer Application |
| 1st Guest | Dana Carvey |
| Music | Alison Krauss & Union Station - Forget About It |
| Other | Great bald men throughout history |
| Pants for life | |
| Thursday, May 4, 2000 | |
|---|---|
| New York | There's nothing we can do about it now |
| Dave | Unofficial mayor of Little Havana |
| PostMonologue | Know Your Current Events (bus driving instructor) |
| 2nd Bit | Pat & Kenny Read Oprah Transcripts (Whitney Houston) |
| Campaign 2000 | Bowling Ball in Slow Motion |
| Top Ten | Signs You Have a Lame Computer Virus |
| 1st Guest | Julia Louis-Dreyfus - Sixteen Going On Seventeen |
| Standup | Mitch Hedberg |
| Hello | |
| Friday, May 5, 2000 | |
|---|---|
| New York | Ask for it by name |
| Dave | Life-sized TV host |
| Campaign 2000 | TiVo and signed picture of Maria's sister |
| PostMonologue | CBS Mailbag (electric car & girl scout cookies) |
| Top Ten | Jockey Pet Peeves (presented by jockeys) |
| 1st Slot | Stupid Human Tricks (hot dogs) |
| 2nd Guest | Joaquin Phoeniz |
| Music | The Mighty Mighty Bosstones - Sad to Say |
| Hello pants | |
| Monday, May 8, 2000 | |
|---|---|
| New York | New zero-tolerance policy for ragweed sufferers |
| Dave | King of the prison rodeo |
| PostMonologue | New for the Late Show |
| Campaign 2000 | New Trick |
| Top Ten | Signs You're Watching a Bad Gladiator Movie |
| 1st Guest | Betty White |
| Music | Hanson |
| Other | Gladiator clip, Weatherman clip, Kentucky Derby winning jockey |
| Aren't pants nice? | |
| Tuesday, May 9, 2000 | |
|---|---|
| New York | Not responsible for typographical errors |
| Dave | Russian tennis starlett |
| PostMonologue | Would You Like to Win a Phony Check for $350 Million? |
| Campaign 2000 | Rob's Easter footage (Brought to you by cigarettes - Light 'em up and relax.) |
| Top Ten | Reasons McCain Endorsed George W. Bush |
| 1st Guest | John Travolta |
| Music | Cast of Kiss me Kate - Too Darn Hot |
| Other | Ways to beat the heat at the gas station, Late Show presents an Interview with the Next President of the United States |
| Have some pants | |
| Wednesday, May 10, 2000 | |
|---|---|
| New York | In the sun-baked San Fernando Valley |
| Dave | Scandinavian exchange student |
| PostMonologue | Mother's Day Cards |
| Campaign 2000 | Paul's nightmare, Richard Simmon's donation |
| Top Ten | Signs Your Husband has Secretly Won the Lottery |
| 1st Guest | Kelsey Grammer |
| 2nd Guest | Caroline Rhea |
| Other | Media coverage of Dave's jury summons, Clip from Kid Genius show |
| Pick up your pants | |
| Thursday, May 11, 2000 | |
|---|---|
| New York | Home of the Amish farming community |
| Dave | The toast of Kingston, Jamaica |
| PostMonologue | Know Your Current Events/Mexican Wrestlers... (cowboy hat) |
| Campaign 2000 | nothing |
| Top Ten | Signs Mayor Giuliani is in Love with You |
| Music | Kathie Lee Gifford |
| 2nd Guest | Debra Messing |
| ---- | |
| Friday, May 12, 2000 | |
|---|---|
| New York | Now with 5 inches more leg room |
| Dave | The West End's biggest impressario |
| PostMonologue | CBS Mailbag (The David Letterman/Tyler Gatlin Letters) |
| Campaign 2000 | Getting ready for Richard Simmons |
| Top Ten | Good Things About Being the Mother of Someone Famous (presented by famous mothers) |
| 1st Guest | Richard Simmons |
| 2nd Guest | Sarah Vowell |
| How about those pants? | |
| Monday, May 15, 2000 | |
|---|---|
| New York | Zero percent interest for the first 6 months |
| Dave | A man who's a ticking time bomb |
| PostMonologue | Where They Stand on the Issues |
| 2nd Bit | Alan's ode to mothers |
| Campaign 2000 | Rob steps down |
| Top Ten | Ways NBC is Planning on Cutting Back |
| 1st Guest | Gillian Anderson |
| Music | Foo Fighters |
| Sitting In | Peter Frampton |
| Other | Product placement in the Jesus show |
| Oh boy, pants | |
| Tuesday, May 16, 2000 | |
|---|---|
| New York | Call now to reserve your place |
| Dave | Inventor of the round hay bailer |
| PostMonologue | Nothing planned |
| 2nd Bit | What's the Deal with Old Guys and Giant Glasses? |
| Top Ten | Coach Bobby Knight Tips for Controlling Your Anger |
| 1st Guest | David Hyde Pierce |
| Music | Phish |
| Other | Previously on Jesus |
| Way to go Tubby | |
| Wednesday, May 17, 2000 | |
|---|---|
| New York | Europe's aerospace giant |
| Dave | The Indian guy on the new dollar coin |
| PostMonologue | Supermarket Finds |
| Campaign 2000 | Horse racing, CBS unveils new fall season |
| 2nd Bit | Alan's issues with Beverly Hills 90210 |
| Top Ten | Hillary Clinton Campaign Slogans |
| 1st Guest | Hugh Grant |
| Music | Carly Simon - Big Dumb Guy |
| Other | Uncertain campaign commercial |
| Deep dish pants | |
| Thursday, May 18, 2000 | |
|---|---|
| New York | Home of the world lap-dancing championships |
| Dave | A man who wants your used watch & calculator batteries |
| PostMonologue | Know Your Current Events (lawyer & her mom) |
| 2nd Bit | A Loving Tribute to Helen Thomas |
| Campaign 2000 | Rob announces his parting surprise |
| Top Ten | Restaurants that Failed the NYC Health Inspections |
| 1st Guest | Jackie Chan |
| 2nd Guest | Jim Gaffigan |
| Other | The biblical Les Moonves |
| More stone crabs | |
| Friday, May 19, 2000 | |
|---|---|
| New York | A riddle wrapped inside a mystery inside a flaky pastry crust |
| Dave | Deposed Pakistani Prime Minister |
| PostMonologue | CBS Mailbag |
| Campaign 2000 | Rob provides a surprise teaser |
| Top Ten | Things You Don't Want to Hear While Shopping at the Gap (with video) |
| 1st Guest | Ringo Starr |
| 2nd Guest | Jane Krakowski |
| Beat it | |
| Monday, May 22, 2000 | |
|---|---|
| New York | Soon to hold free elections under UN supervision |
| Dave | Recently retired 79-year-old UPI reporter |
| PostMonologue | Why They'd Make a Good New York Senator |
| 2nd Bit | Hillary's new campaign commercial |
| Campaign 2000 | Maria's personal best in sleep |
| Top Ten | Features of the NRA Restaurant |
| 1st Guest | Michael J. Fox |
| 2nd Guest | Richard Harris |
| Good night, Tubby | |
| Tuesday, May 23, 2000 | |
|---|---|
| New York | Now with our new hypo-allergenic formula |
| Dave | Green party presidential candidate |
| PostMonologue | Mujibar & Sirijul / Rupert NBA wager |
| 2nd Bit | Buzz Aldrin from the Daytime Emmys |
| Campaign 2000 | Felicia's hair |
| 1st Guest | Earvin 'Magic' Johnson |
| Music | matchbox twenty - Bent |
| Other | Late Show Water Cooler Talk (Hillary Clinton) |
| Hey you | |
| Wednesday, May 24, 2000 | |
|---|---|
| New York | Europe's aerospace giant |
| Dave | The computer virus that screwed up your email |
| PostMonologue | Biff Henderson's America: Calhoun, MO |
| 2nd Bit | James Earl Jones reads from Richard Simmons new book |
| Top Ten | Ted Turner Pickup Lines |
| 1st Guest | Nathan Lane |
| Music | Gloria Estefan |
| Other | Biblical Les Moonves pushes Survivor |
| Arlene! | |
| Thursday, May 25, 2000 | |
|---|---|
| New York | Ground zero in the garbage explosion |
| Dave | Founding member of Kool & The Gang |
| PostMonologue | Know Your Current Events (Nagadoches) |
| 2nd Bit | Biff's Fun With a Stopwatch at the NBA Finals |
| Top Ten | Signs Your Weatherman is on Drugs |
| 1st Guest | Sarah Jessica Parker |
| Performance | Penn & Teller |
| ---- | |
| Friday, May 26, 2000 | |
|---|---|
| New York | Buy a fake rolex with a counterfeit $20 |
| Dave | Failed leader |
| PostMonologue | CBS Mailbag (Simply Palm) |
| Campaign 2000 | New chair |
| Top Ten | Signs You've Rented a Bad Summer House |
| 1st Guest | Dan Patrick |
| 2nd Guest | Owen Wilson |
| Music | B.B. King |
| Sitting In | A guy who might be Rick Lazio |
| I can't breathe | |
| May 29 - 31, 2000 | |
|---|---|
| Monday | |
| Tuesday | |
| Wednesday | |
| Reruns | |