| Friday, September 1, 2000 | |
|---|---|
| New York | The capitol of the golden state |
| Dave | Perennial runner-up |
| PostMonologue | CBS Mailbag (Dave's marriage for money) |
| Campaign 2000 | Campaign format faxed to Bush camp |
| 1st Guest | Tim Robbins |
| Standup | Andy Kindler |
| Other | Calvert - Anna Kournikova Play of the Day |
| Pants! | |
| Monday, September 4, 2000 | |
|---|---|
| New York | Working hard and hardly working |
| Dave | Inventor of the useless Letterman maneuver |
| PostMonologue | Summer Memories |
| 2nd Bit | Bush Labor Day Ad |
| Campaign 2000 | Bush - the name-calling candidate |
| Top Ten | Signs You Had a Lame Summer |
| 1st Guest | Carson Daly |
| Music | Dwight Yoakam |
| Other | Calvert - Anna Kournikova Play of the Day - scenes from Late Show Labor Day picnic |
| Do you like pants? | |
| Tuesday, September 5, 2000 | |
|---|---|
| New York | Now in convenient gel caps |
| Dave | A man, a plan, a canal, a canamplanal |
| PostMonologue | Blood & Medical Mayhem (stitch removal) |
| Top Ten | Things Going Through George W. Bush's Mind at This Moment |
| 1st Guest | Renee Zellweger |
| Music | Bonnie Raitt |
| Other | Calvert - Anna Kournikova Play of the Day |
| I like pants [mumbled] | |
| Wednesday, September 6, 2000 | |
|---|---|
| New York | One hundred percent pure adrenaline |
| Dave | Big serving Aussie |
| PostMonologue | Where They Stand on the Issues |
| 2nd Bit | Tony Mendez's Candid Security Camera - Alan's 5th Anniversary |
| Top Ten | Good Things About Dating the President's Daughter |
| 1st Guest | Jamie Foxx |
| Music | Ben Harper and the Innocent Criminals |
| Other | King of Belgium - Anna Kournikova Play of the Day - US Open Tennis Ball Cam - Calvert |
| Pants are fun [mumbled] | |
| Thursday, September 7, 2000 | |
|---|---|
| New York | Original site of the Grand Canyon |
| Dave | A man who wants to put you in a brand new Pontiac Aztec |
| PostMonologue | Know Your Current Events (California vet school) |
| 2nd Bit | Hairigami Demonstrations |
| Top Ten | Signs the UN Doesn't Take Your Country Seriously |
| 1st Guest | Jesse Ventura |
| Music | Spinal Tap |
| Worldwide Pants [mumbled] | |
| Friday, September 8, 2000 | |
|---|---|
| New York | Where the rats outnumber roaches |
| Dave | Numerologist to the stars |
| PostMonologue | CBS Mailbag (Dave teaches elementary school) |
| 2nd Bit | Tony Orlando |
| Campaign 2000 | George W. does Regis |
| 1st Guest | Greg Kinnear |
| Standup | Jake Johannsen |
| Sitting In | Jose Feliciano |
| Other | Calvert - Anna Kournikova Play of the Day |
| Mmm mmm mmmm | |
| Monday, September 11, 2000 | |
|---|---|
| PostMonologue | Biff overinflates things |
| 2nd Bit | Firestone commercial |
| Top Ten | Questions on the Indiana University Basketball Coach Application |
| 1st Guest | Marat Safin |
| Music | Sting - Desert Rose (with Cheb Mami) |
| Time for a kiss | |
| Tuesday, September 12, 2000 | |
|---|---|
| New York | Yea, big time |
| Dave | Number 7 ranked amateur bowler in the world |
| PostMonologue | How many guys in cat suits can you fit into a coffee shop? |
| 2nd Bit | Secret Service preparations |
| Campaign 2000 | Bush tries to pronounce subliminal |
| 1st Guest | Chris Rock |
| Music | Emmylou Harris |
| Other | Calvert (in an odd position) - Anna Kournikova Play of the Day - CBS Special Report on Darryl Strawberry |
| No dice, Kenny | |
| Wednesday, September 13, 2000 | |
|---|---|
| New York | Major league cesspool |
| Dave | Disgraced figure-skating judge |
| PostMonologue | Banned From the Classroom |
| Campaign 2000 | Alan has a word for Victoria Gotti |
| 1st Guest | Sally Field |
| 2nd Guest | Eddie Irvine |
| Sitting In | Dinky Betz |
| [cut off] | |
| Thursday, September 14, 2000 | |
|---|---|
| New York | Not exactly what our founding fathers had in mind |
| Dave | Inventor of the internet |
| PostMonologue | Know Your Current Events/Horse X-Rays... (Texan) |
| 2nd Bit | Secret Service preparations |
| Top Ten | Rejected Gore/Lieberman Campaign Slogans |
| 1st Guest | Al Gore |
| Music | Crosby, Stills, & Nash |
| Sitting In | Warren Zevon |
| Other | Paul's black eye |
| Dear sweet pants | |
| Friday, September 15, 2000 | |
|---|---|
| New York | Based on the cutting edge comic strip |
| Dave | Official mascot of major league soccer |
| PostMonologue | CBS Mailbag (CBS wishes Dave a happy anniversary) |
| 2nd Bit | Biff's Unlabeled Canned Goods |
| Campaign 2000 | Hilary Clinton campaign ad (bad friends) |
| Top Ten | Things You Don't Want to Hear from Your New College Roommate |
| 1st Guest | Kate Hudson |
| Music | Supergrass |
| Other | Calvert |
| Do you know where your pants are? | |
| September 18 - 22, 2000 | |
|---|---|
| Monday | |
| Tuesday | |
| Wednesday | |
| Thursday | |
| Friday | |
| Reruns | |
| Monday, September 25, 2000 | |
|---|---|
| New York | Formerly Machu Picchu |
| Dave | Sommelier Extraordinaire |
| PostMonologue | Non-voting Republican flap |
| 2nd Bit | Biff's Fun With a Bullhorn |
| 1st Guest | Sylvester Stallone |
| Cooking | Rocco DiSpirito |
| Other | Bush 2000 Clearance campaign ad |
| Hallelulah pants | |
| Tuesday, September 26, 2000 | |
|---|---|
| New York | Rosewood city: have a golden time |
| Dave | The man in black |
| PostMonologue | Olympic Beat the Clock |
| Campaign 2000 | Nader scheduled |
| 1st Guest | Gabriel Byrne |
| 2nd Guest | Kevin James |
| Sitting In | Ian Hunter |
| You can't beat pants | |
| Wednesday, September 27, 2000 | |
|---|---|
| New York | You know. On the ocean, the Atlantic ocean. Across from New Jersey. Oh, forget it. |
| Dave | Table tennis silver medalist |
| PostMonologue | If I Were President |
| Top Ten | Signs an Olympic Athlete takes Steroids |
| 1st Guest | Denzel Washington |
| Music | Mark Knopfler |
| Bite me | |
| Thursday, September 28, 2000 | |
|---|---|
| New York | We guarantee you a good night's sleep |
| Dave | One of the leading intellectuals of our time |
| PostMonologue | Know Your Current Events (road rage) |
| 1st Guest | Ray Romano |
| 2nd Guest | Ralph Nader |
| Sitting In | Vince Gill |
| Hot screaming pants | |
| Friday, September 29, 2000 | |
|---|---|
| New York | Call us toll-free |
| Dave | NYC's new top cop |
| PostMonologue | CBS Mailbag (singing along in the car) |
| 2nd Bit | Alan deals with Streisand retirement |
| Top Ten | Australian Pickup Lines |
| 1st Guest | Jada Pinkett Smith |
| Music | LL Cool J |
| Ah, fresh pants | |