| New York | Packed with information for the savvy investor |
| Dave | Everybody's psychic friend |
| PostMonologue | Know Your Current Events (Four Seasons manager) |
| 2nd Bit | Tourist Tips |
| Top Ten | Chapter Titles in Rudolph Giuliani's Memoirs |
| 1st Guest | Keanu Reeves |
| 2nd Guest | Tony Siragusa |
| God bless pants |
| New York | An all-inclusive beach front family resort |
| Dave | A name synonymous with fine dining |
| PostMonologue | CBS Mailbag (bonus letter) |
| Top Ten | Things Overheard at the Puff Daddy Trial |
| 1st Guest | Jack Black |
| Music | Aimee Mann |
| Other | Alan's message for Good Morning America |
| Pan-fried nappy |
| New York | Order now for guaranteed delivery |
| Dave | World famous opera tenor |
| PostMonologue | XFL discussion |
| Campaign 2000 | Kel Gleason - Survivor 2 loser number 2 |
| 1st Guest | Anthony Hopkins |
| Music | Erykah Badu |
| Other | Glass of slush - Survivor 2 Thursday promo |
| Boy, did that suck |
| New York | Ladies drink free on Tuesday nights |
| Dave | Oil-field roustabout |
| PostMonologue | What's on TV this week |
| 2nd Bit | Telemundo Soap Opera Update, Alan's message for Nicole Kidman |
| Top Ten | Things Dumb Guys Think J Lo Is |
| 1st Guest | Jennifer Lopez |
| Music | matchbox twenty |
| Other | Amazing desk screensaver, Inside the Osmonds promo |
| Dear sweet pants |
| New York | Home of the Knickerbockers & the Metropolitans |
| Dave | A man who wants to be your Culligan man |
| PostMonologue | New Books |
| Top Ten | Things Overheard During the Gore-Clinton Fight |
| 1st Guest | Marv Albert |
| 2nd Guest | Katie Holmes |
| Other | First attempt calling Australia |
| Which one's Dave? |
| New York | Based on the BBC series Helltown |
| Dave | Dot.com CEO of the Year |
| PostMonologue | Know Your Current Events (Irish concert pianist) |
| 2nd Bit | Late Show Prize Wonder Van |
| 1st Guest | Regis Philbin |
| Music | Rod Stewart |
| Press those pants |
| New York | Home of the hits |
| Dave | The toast of Paris |
| PostMonologue | CBS Mailbag |
| 2nd Bit | Do Australian's answer the phone G'Day? |
| Top Ten | Least Popular News Anchor Sign Off Lines |
| 1st Guest | David Boreanaz |
| Standup | Mitch Hedberg |
| Other | George Clark's Celebrity Interview (Ed Burns & Robert DeNiro) |
| Remove your pants |
| New York | Site of Scotland's greatest military triumph |
| Dave | Actor turned cosmetics model |
| PostMonologue | XFL Likes and Dislikes |
| 2nd Bit | Maralyn Hershey - Survivor 2 loser number 3 |
| 1st Guest | Kelly Ripa |
| Cooking | Jamie Oliver |
| Time for a kiss |
| New York | Please keep arms and legs inside the vehicle at all times |
| Dave | Fugitive financier |
| PostMonologue | Pizza Survivor (new location and reluctant contestants) |
| 2nd Bit | Martha Stewart's fingers, Temptation Island clip |
| 1st Slot | Stupid Pet Tricks (a dog, a duck, and a pig) |
| 2nd Guest | Tom Cavanagh (Mask of Death clip) |
| Other | Calvacade of CBS shows (on the desk) |
| Kiss me now |
| New York | The fat ex-president's retreat here |
| Dave | Talented son of Barbara Streisand & Elliot Gould |
| PostMonologue | Valentine Day's Cards |
| 2nd Bit | Streisand concert clip, Late Show office space for Clinton |
| Top Ten | Valentine's Day Plans for This Guy |
| 1st Guest | Chris Rock |
| Music | Spacehog |
| Buy me some pants |
| New York | Now accepting Euros |
| Dave | Inventor of the mysterious gadget known as "it" |
| PostMonologue | Know Your Current Events (Naval Academy football coach) |
| 2nd Bit | Biff Henderson's America: Franklin, ID |
| 1st Guest | Stephanie Seymour |
| Music | Nelly |
| Other | Steve Direnzo jumps off the theater |
| Return to your homes |
| New York | Finance now at our low introductory rate of 8.9% |
| Dave | A man who's been banned by every casino in North America |
| PostMonologue | CBS Mailbag (four pretty good skits) |
| 2nd Bit | Dave's Henchmen Force a Price Waterhouse Executive to Reveal the Best Picture Winner |
| Top Ten | Rejected XFL Team Names |
| 1st Guest | Megan Mullally |
| Standup | Eddie Brill |
| Other | George Clarke's Celebrity Interview (Kelsey Grammar) |
| No dice, Kenny |
| New York | My doctor says it's normal |
| Dave | Tool-using primate |
| PostMonologue | Westminster Dog Show Quiz |
| Campaign 2000 | Mitchell Olson (Survivor 2 Loser number 4) - with theme song |
| 1st Guest | Julia Roberts |
| Is the show over? |
| New York | Take advantage of our express checkout |
| Dave | Replacement beach boy |
| PostMonologue | Please Stop Calling Me Puffy |
| 2nd Bit | Alan's message for Jennifer Lopez |
| 1st Guest | Samuel L. Jackson |
| 2nd Guest | Timothy Treadwell (grizzly bear expert) |
| Sitting In | Jimmy Smith |
| Other | Sports Illustrated swimsuit covergirl |
| I need help |
| Dave | Mr. Road Rage |
| PostMonologue | Who Asked For It? |
| 2nd Bit | Stunt Man getting knocked down by hockey players |
| Top Ten | US Secrets Sold to the Russians |
| 1st Guest | James Caan |
| Music | Nelly Furtado - I'm Like a Bird |
| Other | Tim Russert Hacking Cough of the Night |
| ---- |
| New York | Resplendant in its vinyl siding |
| Dave | A man who was pardoned by President Clinton |
| PostMonologue | Know Your Current Events (Australia and Holland) |
| 2nd Bit | George Clarke at the Grammys |
| Top Ten | Favorite Elementary School Excuse Notes (presented by Henry Kissinger) |
| 1st Guest | Benicio Del Toro |
| Music | Shaggy |
| Boy, I'm hungry |
| New York | An ancient druid sacred site |
| Dave | Neighborhood eyesore |
| PostMonologue | CBS Mailbag (audience gets in trouble) |
| 2nd Bit | High jumping canceled weather due to weather |
| Top Ten | Signs President Clinton Doesn't Care Anymore |
| 1st Guest | Bill O'Reilly |
| Standup | Jim Gaffigan |
| Sitting In | Sam Moore & Billy Preston |
| Other | Unenthusiastic Audience Member of the Night |
| Go call the cops |
| New York | Discovered by Dr. Ballard in 1945 |
| Dave | Obese Clinton in-law |
| PostMonologue | Nancy Agostini reads Nissan Open Highlights |
| 2nd Bit | Lunch with Les & Fidel |
| Campaign 2000 | Kimmi Kappenberg (Survivor 2 loser number 5) |
| 1st Guest | Kevin Pollak |
| Music | Dave Matthews Band - I Did It |
| Time for the medicine |
| New York | Reformatted to fit your TV |
| Dave | Inattentive carnival ride inspector |
| PostMonologue | A day in the life of Bill Clinton |
| 2nd Bit | Alan reacts to news of bacteria on Mars |
| Top Ten | Hugh Rodham Tips for a Happy Life |
| 1st Guest | Heather Locklear |
| Music | Alison Krauss, Gillian Welch, Emmylou Harris, & The Soggy Bottom Boys |
| Other | Survivor I and II comparison, Survivor accident promo, Paul's surprise |
| Do you like pants? |
| New York | May contain trace amounts of peanuts |
| Dave | Charismatic cult leader |
| PostMonologue | Observations on George W. Bush's speech to congress |
| Top Ten | Answers to the Question How Long was George W. Bush's Speech? |
| 1st Guest | Tom Brokaw |
| 2nd Guest | Leslie Bibb |
| Other | Lunch with Les & Fidel |
| My head hurts |