| New York | Home of 9 of the world's deadliest snakes |
| Dave | Former strong arm president of Paraguay |
| PostMonologue | Deli Survivor |
| 2nd Bit | Weakest Link clip |
| 1st Guest | Matthew Broderick |
| 2nd Guest | Brandi Chastain |
| Dear sweet pants |
| New York | Home of the world's deepest open pit copper mine |
| Dave | Just back from the post-apocalyptic wastelands |
| PostMonologue | The First 100 Days: Bush vs. Clinton |
| 2nd Bit | Stephanie's weekend |
| 1st Guest | Regis Philbin |
| Music | David Gray |
| Do you know where your pants are? |
| New York | Not tested on animals |
| Dave | Winner of the people's choice award nobel prize |
| PostMonologue | Final Night of Survivor Quiz |
| 2nd Bit | clip from Celebrity Weakest Link |
| Top Ten | Survivor Pickup Lines (presented by Survivor contestants) |
| 1st Guest | Bill Murray (Latin sensation) |
| Music | Stevie Nicks |
| ---- |
| New York | A fun, results-oriented camp for overweight youngsters |
| Dave | Why is it always my turn to dredge the harbor? |
| PostMonologue | CBS Mailbag (Tony Mendez: Man on the Street) |
| Top Ten | Signs a Miss Universe Contestant is a Man |
| 1st Guest | Joan Cusack |
| Standup | Andy Kindler |
| Sitting In | Shuggy Otis |
| You can't beat pants |
| New York | As seen in the breathtaking paintings of Vermeer |
| Dave | A man whose retro design reflects the original VW Beetle |
| PostMonologue | What Stuff Costs |
| Campaign 2000 | Tina Wesson (Survivor 2 winner) |
| 1st Guest | Kate Hudson |
| Music | The Blind Boys of Alabama |
| Other | Dave Johnson re-announcing the Kentucky Derby |
| Bite me |
| New York | Now serving breakfast |
| Dave | 3M Corporation's Chief of Adhesives Research |
| PostMonologue | Pat's induction into the Basketball Hall of Fame |
| 2nd Bit | Stephanie's weekend |
| 1st Guest | Uma Thurman |
| Music | Blues Traveler (much lighter) |
| Other | The Mummy |
| ---- |
| New York | Where Satan has a summer house |
| Dave | Your online source for snake and lizard supplies |
| PostMonologue | An intuitive guesses celebrity phone numbers |
| Top Ten | Things Never Before Said by a US Senator (presented by US senators) |
| 1st Slot | Kid Scientists (egg walking) |
| 2nd Guest | Juliette Lewis |
| Ah, fresh pants |
| New York | Enjoy our free coffee and pastries |
| Dave | Real-life Crocodile Dundee |
| PostMonologue | Mother's Day Cards |
| 2nd Bit | Comment on US productivity statistics |
| Top Ten | Signs You Have the Least Successful Show on Broadway |
| 1st Guest | Jenna Elfman |
| Music | Destiny's Child |
| Other | State of country music |
| Pants from space |
| New York | Waterproofed for all-weather use |
| Dave | The original space tourist |
| PostMonologue | CBS Mailbag (Kenny reviews Crocodile Dundee, ping pong balls) |
| 2nd Bit | Dave Mom for Mothers' Day |
| Other | Continuing Survivor promos |
| 1st Guest | Heath Ledger |
| Standup | Lewis Black |
| Pants, doctor? |
| New York | With express service to Atlantic City fun |
| Dave | Father of our modern technological age |
| PostMonologue | Biff Henderson's America: Whiting, Maine |
| 2nd Bit | Traffic tips |
| Top Ten | Little Known Facts about Jeb Bush |
| 1st Guest | Charlie Sheen |
| Music | Missy Elliot |
| Other | Apology to Columbians everywhere, Softball with Tv's "Ed" |
| Ahhh... |
| New York | With never before seen underwater footage |
| Dave | Former US Naval Observatory Astronomer |
| PostMonologue | George or Jeb? |
| 2nd Bit | Pat & Kenny read Oprah Transcripts (Gwyneth Paltrow) |
| Top Ten | Signs You're a Bad Talk Show Host |
| 1st Guest | John Travolta |
| Music | R.E.M. - Imitation of Life |
| Other | CNN season finale |
| Nice pants, Kenny |
| New York | Now with 300 free airtime minutes |
| Dave | The weakest link |
| PostMonologue | Who Asked for It? (Evanston, IL) |
| 2nd Bit | CBS's Ellen promo |
| Top Ten | Reasons I Love Spring in New York (presented by Rudolph Giuliani) |
| 1st Guest | Mike Myers |
| 2nd Guest | David Byrne |
| [kissing] |
| New York | No experience required |
| Dave | White House spokesman |
| PostMonologue | Know Your Current Events |
| 1st Guest | Andrea Noceti (Miss Columbia) |
| 2nd Guest | Jack Hannah |
| Music | Ricky Martin |
| I'm so fat |
| PostMonologue | CBS Mailbag |
| 2nd Bit | Out-of-Focus Celebrity Walk-on |
| Top Ten | Lessons I Learned in College (presented by Ball State seniors) |
| 1st Guest | Kelsey Grammar |
| Standup | The Smothers Brothers |
| Other | Gloria the harpist |
| Stop calling me |
| New York | Based on the 1960's Hanna-Barbera cartoon |
| Dave | Part-time school bus driver |
| PostMonologue | Stephanie's weekend |
| 2nd Bit | Alan's message for the 5 wives of Tom Green |
| 1st Guest | Ray Romano |
| 2nd Guest | Dennis Tito |
| Sitting In | Buddy Guy |
| Other | CBS special report, Regis |
| Hey, hey Brenda |
| New York | Filmed on location in Toronto |
| Dave | Half of the mother and son grifter team |
| PostMonologue | Psychic Sandwich |
| Top Ten | Pieces of Advice Bush Gave to Graduates |
| 1st Slot | Stupid Human Tricks (grill balancing, cheese face) |
| 2nd Guest | Ellen DeGeneres |
| Brenda, where's Kenny? |
| New York | You heard me |
| Dave | Obsessive-compulsive chess genius |
| PostMonologue | Warning Labels |
| 2nd Bit | College Grad tips |
| Top Ten | Signs Your Neighbor is the Monkey Man |
| 1st Guest | Alec Baldwin |
| 2nd Guest | Yogi Berra |
| Sitting In | Ray Benson |
| Come on punk, try me |
| New York | Delicious cold, straight from the can |
| Dave | Turncoat Republican senator |
| PostMonologue | How They're Conserving Energy |
| 2nd Bit | Tony Orlando's tribute to Memorial Day |
| Top Ten | Signs Your Senator Has Lost It |
| 1st Guest | Tom Brokaw |
| Music | Badly Drawn Boy |
| Give us a kiss, Kenny |
| New York | Nominated for six Tony awards |
| Dave | A man who speaks slowly and loudly to foreigners |
| PostMonologue | CBS Mailbag (ketchup stains, Monkey Man) |
| 2nd Bit | Currency contamination |
| 1st Guest | Danny DeVito |
| Standup | Larry Miller |
| Other | Sailors |
| Daddy wants a kiss |