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| New York | The Greatest city in the world |
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| Dave | Scandinavian furniture designer |
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| PostMonologue | What's Your Problem? |
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| 2nd Bit | Mr. Fix-It with George Clark |
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| Top Ten | Things You Didn't Want to Hear From a Guy at the Bus Stop (presented by Will Ferrell) |
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| 1st Guest | Colin Farrell |
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| Music | Rosanne Cash |
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| Other | CBS News Confusion of the Night |
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| Try the veal |
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| New York | The Greatest city in the world |
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| Dave | A man who's gooned on anti-bacterial soap |
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| PostMonologue | Spring Break Quiz |
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| 2nd Bit | Will It Float? (birdseed) |
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| Top Ten | Things That Will Get You Kicked Out of Iraq |
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| 1st Guest | Helen Hunt |
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| 2nd Guest | Jeremy Suarez |
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| Music | Cory Branan |
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| Other | Geraldo commercial, Rumsfeld Unintentional Obscene Gesture of the Night |
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| Audience Shot | Millenium Roundup |
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| Mmm, pot roast |
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| New York | The Greatest city in the world |
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| Dave | A man who's polished to a mirror-like sheen |
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| PostMonologue | Biff at Yankee's Spring Training |
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| 2nd Bit | Fox news promo |
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| Top Ten | Good Things About Being Stationed in Alaska (presented by service members) |
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| 1st Slot | High-Jumping Dogs |
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| 2nd Guest | Vin Diesel (breakdancing) |
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| Music | Bo Diddley |
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| Audience Shot | Staff Member Birthdays |
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| Hello mama |
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| New York | The Greatest city in the world |
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| Dave | A man who is covered in exotic wood veneer |
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| PostMonologue | CBS Mailbag (Alan's long-lost sister) |
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| 2nd Bit | Is This Anything? |
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| Top Ten | Saddam Hussein Weekend Plans |
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| 1st Guest | Hilary Swank |
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| 2nd Guest | Jimmie Walker |
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| Audience Shot | The Cape (Kevin Spacey) |
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| Mmm, ham |
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| New York | The Greatest city in the world |
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| Dave | Ne'er-do-well Rapscallion |
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| PostMonologue | Priming Stephanie for her Survivor question |
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| 2nd Bit | Geraldo Apology, New Osama tape, Les Moonves on The Practice |
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| Top Ten | Things Overheard at Saddam Hussein's Dinner Last Night |
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| Survivor Loser | Dave Johnson |
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| 1st Guest | Adam Sandler |
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| Music | The Folksmen |
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| Audience Shot | Guess the Celebrity's Neighbor |
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| Hey hey pants |
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| New York | The Greatest city in the world |
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| Dave | Paunchy rotarian |
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| PostMonologue | How Would They Do in Prison? |
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| 2nd Bit | Ads - Masters, Hussein Hills |
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| Top Ten | Things Iraq's Information Minister Hast to Say About the War |
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| Music | Lisa Marie Presley |
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| 2nd Guest | Jamie Kennedy |
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| Other | Our Favorite Celebrating Iraqi of the Night |
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| Audience Shot | Do You Have a 40-ft Statue of Saddam Hussein? |
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| Let's buy pants |
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| New York | The Greatest city in the world |
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| Dave | Reformed Fedayeen |
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| PostMonologue | George Miller Story |
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| 2nd Bit | Masters recap, Saddam's Head Farewell Tour, Awarding the Green Jacket |
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| Top Ten | Messages Left on Mark Weir's Answering Machine |
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| 1st Guest | Jane Krakowski |
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| 2nd Guest | Jim Boeheim |
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| Music | Pete Yorn |
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| Other | Jubilant Iraqi Misspelling of the Night |
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| Audience Shot | Guess the Cable News Anchor's Hair |
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| Pants for life |
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| New York | The Greatest city in the world |
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| Dave | Court-recognized authority in economics |
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| PostMonologue | What's Your Problem? |
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| 2nd Bit | People We Are Guessing Haven't Done Their Taxes |
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| Top Ten | Signs Your Accountant Is Nuts (presented by accountants) |
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| 1st Guest | Tom Brokaw |
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| Music | Tom Russell & Nanci Griffith |
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| Hello |
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| New York | The Greatest city in the world |
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| Dave | A man who just woke up from hibernation |
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| PostMonologue | Ads - Syria, Saddam's DNA |
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| 2nd Bit | Bush Joke That's Not Really a Joke of the Night |
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| Top Ten | Excuses From the Guy Who Attacked an Umpire |
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| 1st Guest | Michael Douglas |
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| Music | Todd Rundgren |
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| Other | Is This Anything? |
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| Audience Shot | My Big Fat Greek Life |
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| Hello pants |
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| New York | The Greatest city in the world |
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| Dave | 13% tipper |
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| PostMonologue | CBS Mailbag (Alan's office) |
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| 2nd Bit | Will It Float? (baseball base) |
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| Top Ten | Reasons I Am Proud to Be an American (presented by military) |
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| 1st Guest | Anthony LaPaglia |
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| Standup | Brian Regan |
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| Music | The Exies |
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| Aren't Pants Nice? |
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| New York | The Greatest city in the world |
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| Dave | Central European basketball sensation |
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| PostMonologue | Misc - Iraqi death cards, Identity tie-in, chemical weapons testing, SARS public service announcement |
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| Survivor Loser | Alex Bell |
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| 1st Guest | Ashton Kutcher |
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| 2nd Guest | Jack Hanna |
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| Audience Shot | Late Show Alert |
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| Have some pants |
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| New York | The Greatest city in the world |
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| Dave | A man who's been notarized |
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| PostMonologue | What's Your Problem? |
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| 2nd Bit | Spanish Soap Opera Overacting Minute of the Night, Airport security tape |
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| Top Ten | Signs You Won't Win American Idol (presented by Carmen Rasmussen) |
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| 1st Guest | Ellen DeGeneres |
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| 2nd Guest | John Malkovich |
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| Sitting In | Sam Moore |
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| Pick up your pants |
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| New York | The Greatest city in the world |
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| Dave | Disgraced Wall Street analyst |
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| PostMonologue | World's fastest crocheter |
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| 2nd Bit | Group Handshake of the Night, Is This Anything? |
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| 1st Guest | Charlize Theron |
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| 2nd Guest | Sue Johanson |
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| Music | Minus 5 with Wilco |
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| Ha ha pants |
