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| New York | The greatest city in the world |
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| Dave | The largest of its kind in the world |
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| PostMonologue | Biff's Fun With a Stopwatch |
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| 2nd Bit | Stephanie dances like her stupid ex-boyfriend (for the new year) |
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| Top Ten | Signs Your Neighbor is Making Clones |
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| 1st Guest | Michael Caine |
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| 2nd Guest | George Foreman |
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| Commercial Break | Dwight, The Troubled Teen |
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| Stop calling me |
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| New York | The greatest city in the world |
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| Dave | Inventor of Outback's Bloomin' Onion |
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| PostMonologue | Late Show Newsmakers |
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| 2nd Bit | NFL apology, Bill President, Is This Anything? |
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| Top Ten | NFL Referee Explanations |
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| 1st Guest | Richard Gere (Grease) |
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| 2nd Guest | Chris Elliott |
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| Hey, hey Barbara |
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| New York | The greatest city in the world |
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| Dave | Shameless self-promoter |
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| PostMonologue | New and Improved Items |
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| 2nd Bit | Will it Float? (cuisinart) |
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| Top Ten | Ways the World Would Be Different if Everyone Was Named Merv |
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| 1st Guest | Merv Griffin |
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| Music | Interpol |
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| Other | Celebrity Mole disclaimer - Baseball Hall of Fame |
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| Commercial Break | Home viewer of the week contest |
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| Brenda, where's Kenny? |
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| New York | The greatest city in the world |
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| Dave | Japanese pitching sensation |
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| PostMonologue | Stump the Band |
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| Top Ten | Ways the Army is Different in 2003 (presented by soldiers in Afghanistan) |
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| 1st Guest | Renee Zellweger |
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| 2nd Guest | Chuck Barris |
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| Other | A marriage proposal |
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| Commercial Break | Late Show Fun Fact |
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| C'mon punk, try me |
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| New York | The greatest city in the world |
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| Dave | Lipitor's Man of the Year |
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| PostMonologue | CBS Mailbag (Bachelorette Millionaire Boat Survivor Race Factor Idol) |
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| 2nd Bit | Pat & Kenny Read Oprah Transcripts (Mariah Carey) |
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| Top Ten | Ways Kim Jon Il Can Improve His Image |
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| 1st Guest | Andy Richter |
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| Standup | Rich Hall |
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| Other | Is This Anything? |
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| Commercial Break | The Cape (with John McEnroe) |
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| Give us a kiss, Kenny |
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| New York | The greatest city in the world |
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| Dave | A man whose motives are unclear |
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| PostMonologue | Reality Show Quiz |
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| 2nd Bit | Senatorial Combover of the Night |
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| Top Ten | Jets Excuses |
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| 1st Guest | Jimmy Kimmel |
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| 2nd Guest | Simon Baker |
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| Commercial Break | Dwight, The Troubled Teen |
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| Daddy wants a kiss |
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| New York | The greatest city in the world |
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| Dave | A man who's being investigated by the National Gaming Association |
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| PostMonologue | Another Reality Show Quiz |
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| 2nd Bit | Evil Dictators, Where Are They Now? |
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| Top Ten | Reasons I, Hideki Matsui, Signed With the New York Yankees (presented by Hideki Matsui) |
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| 1st Guest | Claire Danes |
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| 2nd Guest | Bob Sarlatte |
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| Other | 3-year heart surgery anniversary |
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| I'm packed with gas |
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| New York | The greatest city in the world |
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| Dave | Beloved high school shop teacher |
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| PostMonologue | Late Show Newsmakers |
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| 2nd Bit | CBS tribute to Dave's Heart Surgery, Man vs. Beast promo |
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| Top Ten | Ways Bush Can Improve His Image |
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| 1st Guest | Sandra Bullock |
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| 2nd Guest | Marv Albert |
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| Other | Is This Anything? |
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| Flip the switch, froggy |
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| New York | The greatest city in the world |
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| Dave | Italy's grand dame of the sea |
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| PostMonologue | A Day in the Life of Kim Jong Il |
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| 2nd Bit | Survivor Jihad |
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| Top Ten | Signs You Won't Be Winning Star Search |
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| 1st Guest | George Clooney |
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| Music | Soundtrack of Our Lives |
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| Commercial Break | New Cameraman |
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| I need a ride |
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| New York | The greatest city in the world |
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| Dave | Beloved local storyteller |
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| PostMonologue | CBS Mailbag (Pat & Kenny's Daytime Talk Show) |
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| 2nd Bit | Will it Float? (shellac, dishwashing liquid) |
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| Top Ten | Saddam Hussein Weekend Plans |
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| 1st Guest | Joan Rivers |
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| Music | Kathleen Edwards |
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| Commercial Break | The Cape (Bill Murray) |
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| Give us a kiss, cowboy |
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| New York | The greatest city in the world |
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| Dave | A man genetically engineered for better flavor |
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| PostMonologue | Stephanie Reviews Kangaroo Jack |
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| 2nd Bit | Kangaroo Osama video, Is This Anything? |
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| Top Ten | Signs Saddam Hussein is Moving to Your Neighborhood |
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| 1st Guest | Simon Cowell |
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| 2nd Guest | Topher Grace |
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| Music | Vienna Teng |
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| Commercial Break | Dwight, The Troubled Teen (featuring Susan Hum) |
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| Please touch me |
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| New York | The greatest city in the world |
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| Dave | French ambassador to the Netherlands |
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| PostMonologue | Goodbye to Mujibar & Sirijul |
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| 2nd Bit | What's on the Photocopier? (lasagne) |
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| Top Ten | Answers to the Question How Cold is It? |
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| 1st Guest | Regis Philbin |
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| 2nd Guest | John C. Reilly |
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| Other | Al-Jazeera Combover of the Night, Saddam commercial, Clinton anniversary commercial |
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| Commercial Break | Who Wants to Sleep with Alan Kalter? |
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| Who ordered clams? |
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| New York | The greatest city in the world |
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| Dave | Disgraced telecommunication executive |
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| PostMonologue | What's on Al-Jazeera |
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| 2nd Bit | Is this Anything? (Paul also tries it) |
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| Top Ten | Surprises on the Premiere of American Idol |
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| 1st Guest | Tina Fey |
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| 2nd Guest | Jonathan Ames |
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| Music | Johnny Marr & The Healers |
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| Other | Weather Channel clip, Pat Farmer's Gaffe Alert |
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| Commercial Break | The View |
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| God, that's tasty |
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| New York | The greatest city in the world |
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| Dave | A man who's still writing 1987 on his checks |
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| PostMonologue | New Military Items |
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| 2nd Bit | Local news update of the night, CBS Super Bowl promo |
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| Top Ten | Questions Received on the Chapstick Hotline |
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| Standup | Ellen DeGeneres |
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| Music | Zwan |
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| Other | Is This Anything? |
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| Is it gravy? |
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| New York | The greatest city in the world |
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| Dave | A man with a house full of monkeys and no bananas |
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| PostMonologue | CBS Mailbag (telemarketer) |
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| 2nd Bit | Will It Float? (football helmet) |
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| 1st Guest | Bonnie Hunt |
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| Standup | John Witherspoon |
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| Top Ten | Army Reservist Pet Peeves |
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| Commercial Break | The Cape (Michelle O'Callahan) |
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| Take me home |
