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| New York | The greatest city in the world |
| Dave | The largest of its kind in the world |
| PostMonologue | Biff's Fun With a Stopwatch |
| 2nd Bit | Stephanie dances like her stupid ex-boyfriend (for the new year) |
| Top Ten | Signs Your Neighbor is Making Clones |
| 1st Guest | Michael Caine |
| 2nd Guest | George Foreman |
| Commercial Break | Dwight, The Troubled Teen |
| Stop calling me |
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| New York | The greatest city in the world |
| Dave | Inventor of Outback's Bloomin' Onion |
| PostMonologue | Late Show Newsmakers |
| 2nd Bit | NFL apology, Bill President, Is This Anything? |
| Top Ten | NFL Referee Explanations |
| 1st Guest | Richard Gere (Grease) |
| 2nd Guest | Chris Elliott |
| Hey, hey Barbara |
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| New York | The greatest city in the world |
| Dave | Shameless self-promoter |
| PostMonologue | New and Improved Items |
| 2nd Bit | Will it Float? (cuisinart) |
| Top Ten | Ways the World Would Be Different if Everyone Was Named Merv |
| 1st Guest | Merv Griffin |
| Music | Interpol |
| Other | Celebrity Mole disclaimer - Baseball Hall of Fame |
| Commercial Break | Home viewer of the week contest |
| Brenda, where's Kenny? |
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| New York | The greatest city in the world |
| Dave | Japanese pitching sensation |
| PostMonologue | Stump the Band |
| Top Ten | Ways the Army is Different in 2003 (presented by soldiers in Afghanistan) |
| 1st Guest | Renee Zellweger |
| 2nd Guest | Chuck Barris |
| Other | A marriage proposal |
| Commercial Break | Late Show Fun Fact |
| C'mon punk, try me |
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| New York | The greatest city in the world |
| Dave | Lipitor's Man of the Year |
| PostMonologue | CBS Mailbag (Bachelorette Millionaire Boat Survivor Race Factor Idol) |
| 2nd Bit | Pat & Kenny Read Oprah Transcripts (Mariah Carey) |
| Top Ten | Ways Kim Jon Il Can Improve His Image |
| 1st Guest | Andy Richter |
| Standup | Rich Hall |
| Other | Is This Anything? |
| Commercial Break | The Cape (with John McEnroe) |
| Give us a kiss, Kenny |
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| New York | The greatest city in the world |
| Dave | A man whose motives are unclear |
| PostMonologue | Reality Show Quiz |
| 2nd Bit | Senatorial Combover of the Night |
| Top Ten | Jets Excuses |
| 1st Guest | Jimmy Kimmel |
| 2nd Guest | Simon Baker |
| Commercial Break | Dwight, The Troubled Teen |
| Daddy wants a kiss |
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| New York | The greatest city in the world |
| Dave | A man who's being investigated by the National Gaming Association |
| PostMonologue | Another Reality Show Quiz |
| 2nd Bit | Evil Dictators, Where Are They Now? |
| Top Ten | Reasons I, Hideki Matsui, Signed With the New York Yankees (presented by Hideki Matsui) |
| 1st Guest | Claire Danes |
| 2nd Guest | Bob Sarlatte |
| Other | 3-year heart surgery anniversary |
| I'm packed with gas |
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| New York | The greatest city in the world |
| Dave | Beloved high school shop teacher |
| PostMonologue | Late Show Newsmakers |
| 2nd Bit | CBS tribute to Dave's Heart Surgery, Man vs. Beast promo |
| Top Ten | Ways Bush Can Improve His Image |
| 1st Guest | Sandra Bullock |
| 2nd Guest | Marv Albert |
| Other | Is This Anything? |
| Flip the switch, froggy |
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| New York | The greatest city in the world |
| Dave | Italy's grand dame of the sea |
| PostMonologue | A Day in the Life of Kim Jong Il |
| 2nd Bit | Survivor Jihad |
| Top Ten | Signs You Won't Be Winning Star Search |
| 1st Guest | George Clooney |
| Music | Soundtrack of Our Lives |
| Commercial Break | New Cameraman |
| I need a ride |
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| New York | The greatest city in the world |
| Dave | Beloved local storyteller |
| PostMonologue | CBS Mailbag (Pat & Kenny's Daytime Talk Show) |
| 2nd Bit | Will it Float? (shellac, dishwashing liquid) |
| Top Ten | Saddam Hussein Weekend Plans |
| 1st Guest | Joan Rivers |
| Music | Kathleen Edwards |
| Commercial Break | The Cape (Bill Murray) |
| Give us a kiss, cowboy |
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| New York | The greatest city in the world |
| Dave | A man genetically engineered for better flavor |
| PostMonologue | Stephanie Reviews Kangaroo Jack |
| 2nd Bit | Kangaroo Osama video, Is This Anything? |
| Top Ten | Signs Saddam Hussein is Moving to Your Neighborhood |
| 1st Guest | Simon Cowell |
| 2nd Guest | Topher Grace |
| Music | Vienna Teng |
| Commercial Break | Dwight, The Troubled Teen (featuring Susan Hum) |
| Please touch me |
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| New York | The greatest city in the world |
| Dave | French ambassador to the Netherlands |
| PostMonologue | Goodbye to Mujibar & Sirijul |
| 2nd Bit | What's on the Photocopier? (lasagne) |
| Top Ten | Answers to the Question How Cold is It? |
| 1st Guest | Regis Philbin |
| 2nd Guest | John C. Reilly |
| Other | Al-Jazeera Combover of the Night, Saddam commercial, Clinton anniversary commercial |
| Commercial Break | Who Wants to Sleep with Alan Kalter? |
| Who ordered clams? |
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| New York | The greatest city in the world |
| Dave | Disgraced telecommunication executive |
| PostMonologue | What's on Al-Jazeera |
| 2nd Bit | Is this Anything? (Paul also tries it) |
| Top Ten | Surprises on the Premiere of American Idol |
| 1st Guest | Tina Fey |
| 2nd Guest | Jonathan Ames |
| Music | Johnny Marr & The Healers |
| Other | Weather Channel clip, Pat Farmer's Gaffe Alert |
| Commercial Break | The View |
| God, that's tasty |
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| New York | The greatest city in the world |
| Dave | A man who's still writing 1987 on his checks |
| PostMonologue | New Military Items |
| 2nd Bit | Local news update of the night, CBS Super Bowl promo |
| Top Ten | Questions Received on the Chapstick Hotline |
| Standup | Ellen DeGeneres |
| Music | Zwan |
| Other | Is This Anything? |
| Is it gravy? |
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| New York | The greatest city in the world |
| Dave | A man with a house full of monkeys and no bananas |
| PostMonologue | CBS Mailbag (telemarketer) |
| 2nd Bit | Will It Float? (football helmet) |
| 1st Guest | Bonnie Hunt |
| Standup | John Witherspoon |
| Top Ten | Army Reservist Pet Peeves |
| Commercial Break | The Cape (Michelle O'Callahan) |
| Take me home |