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| New York | The greatest city in the world |
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| Dave | The voice of the American worker |
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| PostMonologue | Stephanie's Labor Day story |
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| 2nd Bit | Message from USDA, Alan's Thoughts on Labor Day |
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| Top Ten | Things Overheard at President Bush's Labor Day Barbeque |
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| 1st Guest | Al Franken |
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| 2nd Guest | Grant Paulsen |
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| Sitting In | Kiva, The Grinder Girl |
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| Other | Clips from the Late Show picnic, George W. Bush Joke That's Not Really a Joke |
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| Audience Shot | People Who Were Already Not Working Today |
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| You can't beat pants |
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| New York | The greatest city in the world |
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| Dave | A man who's never dropped a dog in his life |
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| PostMonologue | Video Music Awards Quiz |
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| 2nd Bit | Everything's Better With Models, Awkward Presidental Candidate Moment, George W. Bush Joke That's Not Really a Joke |
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| Top Ten | Things You Don't Want to Hear From Your Teacher on the First Day of School (presented by teachers) |
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| 1st Guest | Craig Kilborn |
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| 2nd Guest | Dave Salmoni |
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| Music | Kings of Leon |
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| Other | Random table balancing |
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| Audience Shot | Late Show Tiger Announcement |
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| Bite me |
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| New York | The greatest city in the world |
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| Dave | The next governor of the great state of California |
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| PostMonologue | Biff Looks For Celebrities |
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| 2nd Bit | Latin Grammy promo, Awkward Presidental Candidate Moment |
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| 1st Guest | Tommy Franks |
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| Music | Rodney Crowell |
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| Audience Shot | If They Had John Kerry's Hair |
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| Worldwide Pants |
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| New York | The greatest city in the world |
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| Dave | A man who proves it's better to be lucky than good |
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| PostMonologue | CBS Mailbag (assisted by Bat-Stephanie) |
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| 2nd Bit | George W. Bush Tough Guy Lip Curl |
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| Top Ten | Schwarzenegger Debate Conditions |
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| 1st Guest | Nicolas Cage |
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| Cooking | Alton Brown |
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| Hot screaming pants |
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| New York | The greatest city in the world |
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| Dave | The straw that broke the camel's back |
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| PostMonologue | Stump the Band |
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| 2nd Bit | Will It Float? (cooler filled with gatorade, twine) |
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| Top Ten | Things You Don't Want to Hear From a Guy Working at Staples (with video) |
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| 1st Guest | Whoopi Goldberg |
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| Standup | Vic Henley |
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| Music | Ima Robot |
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| I need help |
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| New York | The greatest city in the world |
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| Dave | Holiday Inn Priority Club member |
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| PostMonologue | Remembering Warren Zevon |
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| 2nd Bit | A Day in the Life of the California Governor's Race, George W. Bush Clip of the Night |
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| Top Ten | Surprises in President Bush's Address to the Nation |
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| 1st Guest | Andy Roddick |
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| 2nd Guest | Jack Black |
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| Music | Repeat of Warren Zevon's last performance |
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| Worldwide Pants |
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| New York | The greatest city in the world |
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| Dave | A man who flits on gossamer ways |
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| PostMonologue | May We See Your Digital Photos Please? |
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| 2nd Bit | Is This Anything? |
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| Top Ten | Dr. Phil Weight Loss Tips |
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| 1st Guest | Salma Hayek |
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| 2nd Guest | Chris Elliott |
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| Sitting In | Rick Derringer |
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| Ahhh |
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| New York | The greatest city in the world |
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| Dave | Smart mouth punk |
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| PostMonologue | Back to School Warning Labels |
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| 2nd Bit | Clip from Tony Mendez Show (impersonations), Alan message about raising money for Iraq |
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| Top Ten | Things to Remember When Packing and Shipping Yourself |
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| 1st Guest | Sharon Stone |
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| Music | The Raveonettes |
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| Other | Random opera singing, Interview with the Man in the Crate, Vatican statement on The Passion, Charles Bronson for Governor, George W. Bush Attack Ad |
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| Nice pants Kenny |
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| New York | The greatest city in the world |
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| Dave | Debate club faculty advisor |
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| PostMonologue | CBS Mailbag (assisted by Yankee Stephanie) |
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| 2nd Bit | Clip from Tony Mendez Show (Sharon Stone) |
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| Top Ten | Reasons Jennifer Lopez and Ben Affleck Have Postponed Their Wedding |
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| 1st Guest | Regis Philbin |
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| Music | Seal |
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| Audience Shot | Lopez Wedding Announcement |
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| Worldwide pants |
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| New York | The greatest city in the world |
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| Dave | A great source of omega-3 fatty acids |
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| PostMonologue | Know Your Current Events |
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| 2nd Bit | Dave's a father |
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| 1st Guest | Cuba Gooding, Jr. |
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| Music | Simon and Garfunkel (2 songs) |
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| Other | Will it Float? (pasta maker) |
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| Audience Shot | The Cape (Tiki Barber) |
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| Worldwide pants |
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| New York | The greatest city in the world |
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| Dave | Gangster hero of the Austrailian outback |
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| PostMonologue | Bear in the kitchen story |
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| 2nd Bit | Emmy clips, Hillary Clinton candidacy statement |
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| Top Ten | Things I Want to Say to All Americans (presented by Miss America) |
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| 1st Guest | Dr. Phil |
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| Music | David Bowie |
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| Audience Shot | Late Show Announcement |
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| Stop calling me |
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| New York | The greatest city in the world |
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| Dave | Erratic North Korean dictator |
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| PostMonologue | Biff Henderson's America: Mayetta, KS |
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| 2nd Bit | Alan Kalter's What's On tv? |
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| Top Ten | Surprises in Bush's Address to the UN |
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| 1st Guest | Ben Stiller (tennis) |
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| Music | Elvis Costello |
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| Other | George W. Bush Joke That's Not Really a Joke |
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| Hey hey Brenda |
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| Cold Open | The Rock teaches Lynne Cheney some wrestling moves |
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| New York | The greatest city in the world |
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| Dave | The best back relief available without a prescription |
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| PostMonologue | Matt Bryant Kicking Field Goals |
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| 2nd Bit | Re-elect Bush Campaign commercial, Is This Anything?, West Wing Ad |
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| Top Ten | Ways Arnold Schwarzenegger Prepared For the Debate |
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| 1st Guest | The Rock |
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| 2nd Guest | Lynne Cheney |
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| Brenda, where's Kenny? |
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| New York | The greatest city in the world |
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| Dave | Joie de vivre personified |
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| PostMonologue | Know Your Current Events |
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| 1st Guest | Colin Powell |
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| 2nd Guest | Jennifer Garner |
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| Audience Shot | Alan Kalter's That's Annoying |
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| Worldwide pants |
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| New York | The greatest city in the world |
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| Dave | Six time body building champion |
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| PostMonologue | CBS Mailbag (assisted by Peter Pan Stephanie) |
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| 2nd Bit | Will It Float? (cookie dough) |
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| Top Ten | Bald Guy Pickup Lines (presented by bald guys) |
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| 1st Guest | Joe Pantaliano |
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| Standup | Kevin Nealon |
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| Music | Outkast |
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| Audience Shot | The Cape (Isabella Rossellini) |
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| Come on punk, try me |
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| New York | The greatest city in the world |
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| Dave | Ecologically sustainable rainforest product |
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| PostMonologue | George W. Bush video clip of the night, Segueway recall, Oldest Man passes away |
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| Survivor Loser | Ryan Shoulders |
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| Top Ten | Things You Don't Want to Hear in a Music Store (presented by Jack Black) |
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| 1st Guest | Denzel Washington |
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| Music | New York Philharmonic |
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| Sitting In | Randy Newman |
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| Give us a kiss, Kenny |
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| New York | The greatest city in the world |
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| Dave | A man who's caught in an updraft |
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| PostMonologue | How Many Guys in Gorilla Suits Can Fit Into an Eyeglass Store? |
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| 2nd Bit | NBC News Anchor Unfortunate Word Choice of the Night |
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| Top Ten | Things Going Through Laura Bush's Mind at This Moment |
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| 1st Guest | Tom Cavanagh |
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| 2nd Guest | Ray Wald (guy on fire) |
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| Music | Dido |
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| Other | George W. Bush Joke That's Not Really a Joke, George W. Bush Presidential Stammer |
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| Daddy wants a kiss |
