TITLE: Christmas Trek
AUTHOR: Lois Merritt
E-MAIL: OV_099@yahoo.com
FEEDBACK: absolutely -- just no flaming!
CATEGORY: All Trek series except Voyager, humor
RATING: PG13.
DISTRIBUTION: sure, just keep my name and address on it, and I prefer
to be notified.
KEYWORDS: none

SPOILERS: I guess anything in Star Trek would be considered a spoiler.

SUMMARY: Our favorite crew members are writing to Santa about what they
         want for Christmas.

DISCLAIMERS: Star Trek is absolutely not mine, it's all Paramount's.  I'm
             just borrowing for a little fun.

COMMENTS:  I came across an X-Files version of this way back when, so I
           thought a Trek version would be fun.  This is what I came up
           with.  They are purely opinionated -- feel free to agree or
           disagree with my thoughts.  Plus, I know this would never 
           happen in a million years, but it's just for the fun of it.
           Plus, the letters don't take place at the same time in the Trek
           universe.  But I think I can safely say they all happen before
           our year where First Contact came out, at least.  Definitely
           before when Worf goes to Deep Space Nine.  See, it was written
           a while ago, so I forget exactly, but I think you'll figure it
           out just fine.

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Dear Santa,

	I'm not exactly sure why I'm writing to you, but here I am.  You 
see, I pretty much have everything I want.  I got my starship, I got my
command, I am a well-respected captain. . . okay, I'm well-feared, gotta
admit, I like that, maybe more than the respected part.  I've pretty much
done every alien woman in the universe, but you know what I want?  I want
my old chair, the one that was on the original Enterprise.  I still miss
that sucker, and I got the perfect place for it in my quarters.  I 
realize this may be difficult for you, so if you need to set up your
reindeer for time travel, let me know; after all, I invented it.

Always taking a sleigh ride through the stars,
Captain James T. Kirk
USS Enterprise, NCC1701A

*****

OUTGOING COMMUNICATION: Claus, Santa

	I have been ordered to write to you for a Terran holiday known as
Christmas.  I find asking an invisible, non-existent being to bring a most
desired object for a holiday highly illogical.  However, as I had stated
earlier, I was ordered to do so.  Although I believe having is not so
pleasing thing as wanting, I do request one thing.  I would like to
experience emotions without any regrets, for one time in my life.  I do
not know how an individual can accomplish this, but I am willing to try.

Live long and prosper through the holidays,
Spock, son of Sarek

*****

Dear Santa,

	We are jointly writing this letter because we both want the same
thing -- for once, we want to be in command, and we mean really in command.
When Kirk leaves, it's always Spock or Scotty.  Even Sulu has been given
his own ship.  We'd love to show what we can do already!!

Do you know what we know?
Commander Chekov and Uhura

*****

Dear Santa,

	I don't want to ask you for anything this year.  What I want to do
is thank you.  You can't imagine how I am loving my own command.  I've 
always saw James Kirk on the bridge, and wondered like anyone else what
it'd be like, but actually doing it is better than watching.  Thank you
soooooo much!!!

Jingling those bells down under,
Captain Hikaru Sulu
USS Excelsior

*****

Dear Santa,

	I've been asking for the same thing for years, and although I know
you work in mysterious ways like God, I'm getting tired of the waiting.  I
want to get lucky Santa.  Once since I've been on this damn ship have I
had the woman. It's always been Captain Kirk or even Mr. Spock.  (I
apologize for cursing at my ship.  I did not mean that because I love my
ship.)  There must be one woman out there that prefers the engineer
instead of the captain!!

Decking the halls of my engine room,
Scotty

*****

Dear Santa,

	I know it's been a white since I've written to you, but I've been 
so busy after the Borg took me hostage and all.  My request may prove 
difficult to fulfill; but what the devil, right?  I would like to be more
aggressive, like my first officer, and my predecessor, James Kirk.  My 
dream is to punch more, fire the weapons more; over all, just show that 
I'm not a whimp.  Do you understand at all?  Oh, and I'd also love to have
some genuine earl gray tea, non-replicated.

I'll be home for Christmas,
Jean-Luc Picard

*****

To Mister Claus:

	Both Mister Worf and I do not understand the concept of your being
very clearly; however, we see that our fellow crew members are writing to
you, so we decided it would be wise to copy our friends.  First, Mister
Worf.
	Mr. Claus, I wish only for my son to be more klingon.  He is so
much like his mother. . . that is a compliment, because I loved her very
much, but for a klingon boy, that is difficult.  It's difficult to raise
a boy that doesn't agree with me, that doesn't accept his heritage as I.
I can't take it anymore -- it's supposed to be easy (even if my parents
said it was difficult raising me).  Now, Data will continue.
	Mister Claus, I would like to be human.  My only wish in this
universe is to become like my friends, to laugh and cry with them, under-
stand a joke, eat dinner and truly enjoy it. . . I just would like to be
one of them, even for a single twenty-four hour time period, known as a
day.

We wish you a Merry Christmas,
Lieutenant Commander Worf and Lieutenant Commander Data

*****

Dear Santa,

	Please, please, please -- I need your help Santa!!!  Everyone 
thinks I'm still just a teenage brain. . . I gotta find a girlfriend!
I gotta show everyone I'm not entirely work, and I can have fun too.
It's about time I made out with someone, don't you think?

Put a little love in my heart,
Wesly Crusher

*****

Dear Santa,

	You know I've been a good girl, saving lives as much as 
possible. . .  There is one thing I would like -- I want Jean-Luc so
badly.  I want to show him what it's like to be in my quarters without
the breakfast tea and crumpets.  Can you lead him over here, drunk if
necessary?

Rocking around that Christmas tree,
Beverly Crusher

*****

Dear Santa,

	I've been asking for the same thing for years, and although I know
you work in mysterious ways like the universe, I'm getting tired of the
waiting.  I want to get lucky Santa.  Since I've been on this ship, I've
had a hologram and a married woman.  There must be one real, single woman
out there who can love the engineer!!

Decking the halls of my engine room,
Geordi La Forge

*****

Dear Santa,

	We are jointly writing to you on this because both of us are in the
same jam.  We can't get away from the Enterprise this holiday, at least
officially.  Would there be any way we can hitch a ride with you to Reise?
We'd really like some time to be alone. . . if you know what we mean.

Hoping to have a not so silent night,
Wil Riker and Deanna Troi

P.S.  Riker doesn't know about this, but is there a way you can convince
him to get rid of the beard?  I hate that thing -- kissing him is just so
weird with that beard!

*****

Dear Santa,

	What I want is really, really simple.  I want Dax to want me.  Is 
that so hard?  I'd be willing to give up 36% of my bar to you, no more,
but we sure can talk about less. . .

Just the little drummer boy,
Quark
entrepreneur, Quark's Bar

*****

Dear Santa,

	What I want is really simple, and I have not asked you for much
(just that one time when I wanted to get into Starfleet Academy, and when
I wanted to be valedictorian, but hey, I loved salutatorian, and when I 
wanted to come here, and that time I needed help on. . . never mind, I'm
sure you remember).  I want Dax to want me.  That's not so hard, is it?  I
would love to perform biology experiments on her underneath my tree, if
you know what I mean.  Can you help at all?

Just "frosty" without love,
Julian Bashir

*****

Dear Santa,

	It's amazing how long it's been since the last time I've seen you 
-- what is it now, one hundred and sixty-two years?  Do you still remember
that party I was giving on Earth with that host that you crashed?  I still
have the presents you gave me.
	So, this time, I'm not asking for anything.  I'm just inviting you
over to visit if you have the time.  Well, now that I think about it, can
you do a little something for me?  If you hear from Julian or Quark, just
ignore them.  I have a feeling I know what they'll be asking for.

Let it snow, for old times sake,
Jadzia Dax

*****

Dear Santa,

	I'm not entirely sure why I am sending a letter to you, as I do not
completely understand this whole concept, but everyone else is, so. . . I
need help.  I don't know how to tell or show Major Kira how I feel.  Can
you send me a book or something which gives advice or help on the subject?
I'd even start worshipping these prophets of hers if I got something that
worked.

Where do they lonely hearts go?
Odo

*****	

Dear Santa,

	Jadzia said I should do this, and she's usually right about these
Earth things, so. . . I've already had Shakaar, Bareil (may the prophets
take care of him), the parallel universe Bareil, all those people I've 
known in the resistance camp. . . I haven't had a steady lover for a while,
so can you send one?  I feel so lonely, and I got that itch that is not
going away!

Away on a station,
Kira Nerys

*****

Dear Santa,

	This Christmas, my wife is on Bajor.  I so dearly miss her, but I
know being there is what she wants, and needs.  Please, just give her
my love, as see that both her and Molly will always be alright.
	And, please, please, please, help me with this station.  You can't
imagine how much of it breaks down.  Can you send me some working spare
parts?

Something's in the chimney (again),
Miles O'Brien

*****

Dear Santa,

	First of all, please give my son an award-winning writing piece,
whether it is in journalism or fiction.  I'm proud of him, and he's very
good at it -- he deserves a break.
	As for me, first, I'd like Kai Winn to get a clue, specifically
at the fact that the prophets chose me and not her.  Therefore, I am
the emissary.
	Second, please try to get Bashir to keep his mind on work.  He's
still a tad bit too girl-crazy.
	Third, give O'Brien a break.  He works so hard on this station, 
a lot of the time without a decent break, plus missing his family.
	Fourth, I'd love a clue as to what might be going on in Odo's mind
at times.
	Fifth, I wish Dax wouldn't attract so many male eyes.  She 
sometimes has people not thinking about their jobs because she's just
so. . . womanly.
	Sixth, I wish Quark wasn't so much trouble so much.  His schemes
just get in the way, and on my nerves.
	Seventh, I wish Kira wasn't so prophet-crazy.  When I have my job
to do, it's just so hard to convince her that they don't always have a
place in it.
	Eighth, I'd love to have a vacation, where Bajorans and Cardassians
don't exist.
	Ninth, I'd love to see my wife again -- and not any parallel
universe version, either.  Just for five minutes, I can show her how our
son has grown.
	I know that's a lot; but it's been an extremely busy year.  That's 
DS9 for you.

Happy Holidays,
Benjamin Sisko

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