Hey everyone! Here's another brain dump. Sorry I've got no personal story to add this time, but there's plenty of them on my blog; If you want to visit it, and add your comments, it's at http://blog.360.yahoo.com/ just click on "View Blog >>". --------------------------------------------------------------------- I THINK I'D KEEP BOTH NEW DELHI (Reuters) - An Indian businessman born with two penises wants one of them removed surgically as he wants to marry and lead a normal sexual life, a newspaper report said Saturday. The 24-year-old man from the northern state of Uttar Pradesh admitted himself to a New Delhi hospital this week with an extremely rare medical condition called penile duplication or diphallus, the Times of India said. "Two fully functional penes is unheard of even in medical literature. In the more common form of diphallus, one organ is rudimentary," the newspaper quoted a surgeon as saying. The surgery was expected to be challenging as both organs were well- formed and full blood supply to the retained penis had to be ensured to allow it to function normally, he added. The newspaper did not disclose the identity of the man or the hospital to protect the patient's privacy. There are about 100 such reported cases of diphallus around the world and it is known to occur among one in 5.5 million men, the newspaper said. It is caused by the failure of the mesodermal bands in the embryo to fuse properly. The mesodermal bands are one of three primary layers of the embryo from which several body parts are formed. --------------------------------------------------------------------- WHO'S YOUR CO-PILOT? LONDON - Women who are driving solo don't have to feel so alone anymore thanks to a new creation known as the "Buddy on Demand." This blow-up man fits in the glove compartment and inflates with the flick of a switch to provide women with a sense of security while driving. At least that's what the inflatable friend's creator, Sheilas' Wheels, is hoping. According to the company's research, 82 percent of women feel safer when someone is in the car beside them. "We're not saying that an inflatable man is the only answer but we do hope it will give women extra confidence and make journeys in the dark less fearful," said Jacky Brown, the spokeswoman for Sheilas' Wheels. --------------------------------------------------------------------- WHO'S YOUR DADDY? When someone puts in for Child Support, the proper thing to do is to find out who the father is and see why he is not providing support. The following are all genuine replies that Dallas women have written on Child Support Agency forms in the section for listing father's details. 1. Regarding the identity of the father of my twins, child A was fathered by Jim Munson. I am unsure as to the identity of the father of child B, but I believe that he was conceived on the same night. 2. I am unsure as to the identity of the father of my child as I was being sick out of a window when taken unexpectedly from behind. I can provide you with a list of names of men that I think were at the party if this helps. 3. I do not know the name of the father of my little girl. She was conceived at a party at 3600 Grand Avenue where I had unprotected sex with a man I met that night. I do remember that the sex was so good that I fainted. If you do manage to track down the father, can you send me his phone number? Thanks. 4. I don't know the identity of the father of my daughter. He drives a BMW that now has a hole made by my stiletto heels in one of the door panels. Perhaps you can contact BMW service stations in this area and see if he's had it replaced. 5. I have never had sex with a man. I am still a Virginian. I am awaiting a letter from the Pope confirming that my son's conception was immaculate and that he is Christ risen again. 6. I cannot tell you the name of child A's dad as he informs me that to do so would blow his cover and that would have cataclysmic implications for the economy. I am torn between doing right by you and right by the country. Please advise. 7. I do not know who the father of my child was as all blacks look the same to me. 8. Peter Smith is the father of child A. If you do catch up with him, can you ask him what he did with my AC/DC CDs? Child B who was also borned at the same time.... well I don't have a clue. 9. From the dates it seems that my daughter was conceived at Disney World; maybe it really is the Magic Kingdom. 10. So much about that night is a blur. The only thing that I remember for sure is Delia Smith did a program about eggs earlier in the evening. If I'd have stayed in and watched more TV rather than going to the party at 146 Miller Drive, mine might have remained unfertilized. 11. I am unsure as to the identity of the father of my baby, after all when you eat a can of beans you can't be sure which one made you fart. --------------------------------------------------------------------- LEDGER IS THE JOKER IN THE DARK KNIGHT (Warner Bros. Press Release snippet) BURBANK, CA, 31 July 2006 – As a follow up to last year’s block- buster Batman Begins, Christopher Nolan is set to direct Warner Bros. Pictures’ The Dark Knight, written by Jonathan Nolan, based on a story by Christopher Nolan and David Goyer. The film will be produced by Emma Thomas, Charles Roven and Christopher Nolan. Additionally, Christian Bale will resume his role as Bruce Wayne and Academy Award nominee Heath Ledger has been cast as The Joker. --------------------------------------------------------------------- HOME LIPOSUCTION DEATH FRAMINGHAM, Mass. - A Brazilian man was charged with practicing medicine without a license after a woman died during liposuction performed in a private home in Massachusetts. Luis Carlos Ribeiro and his wife also face drug charges, the Boston Herald reported. The victim, Fabiola de Paula, died at MetroWest Medical Center in Framingham after Ribeiro brought her to the hospital unconscious. Middlesex County Prosecutor Lee Hettinger told the newspaper that Ribeiro could face more charges after an autopsy. Ribeiro was being held on $250,000 bail while a judge set $50,000 bail on his wife. Another patient was hospitalized when she developed a serious infection following liposuction, the newspaper said. The Herald said Ribeiro told police that he is a licensed plastic surgeon in Brazil and that he and his wife had come to the United States on short work visas. --------------------------------------------------------------------- TP STUNT CAUSES WOMEN TO BECOME COLUMBO NORCO, Calif. - Six California teens face felony charges of maliciously toilet-papering the home of a woman who out-sleuthed police in tracking them down over six months. In February, Katja Base, her husband and children awoke to find their front yard and vehicles covered in streams of toilet paper in Norco, Calif., east of Long Beach. At first amused, they discovered the paper hid smeared dog food and flour, which had damaged the paint on two vehicles. Base told the Riverside Press-Enterprise it took 13 people three hours to clean up the mess, and that's when she decided to launch her own investigation. She began by canvassing area stores asking them to look through records for unusually large purchases of toilet paper. She had luck at one store, where two days before the vandalism, someone bought 144 rolls of toilet paper, cheese, dog food, and flour. Using the store's security videos and a high school yearbook, she came up with names and went to police last week. The Riverside County district attorney's office will now decide whether to formally charge the teens and one adult with felony vandalism, the report said. --------------------------------------------------------------------- HISTORICAL HYPOCHONDRIACS Howard Hughes was so obsessed with health that he once wrote out nine-step instructions to his housekeepers on how to open a can of fruit. He used Kleenex tissues on everything, and refused to touch doorknobs or let other people use his bathroom. He even kept a urine collection, purportedly for medical testing. Charles Darwin was a life-long hypochondriac who kept a daily diary for six years that featured a running commentary on the state of his health. Napoleon Bonaparte had a lifelong fear and hatred of medicine. To combat his hypochondria, he took steaming hot baths, and developed meticulous grooming habits. He suffered a plethora of maladies, most of them the result of stress, including: skin disorders, ulcers, dysuria, and a nervous cough. Alfred Lord Tennyson was beset by seizures, fits and trances, which included seeing animals floating across his field of vision. He was obsessed with going bald and blind. Among the treatments he sought was a radical form of water therapy called hydropathy, which included being rolled naked into blankets and then plunged into water. Essayist H.L. Mencken suffered an obsessive-compulsive need to continually wash his hands. Among his real-or-imagined maladies was a chronic sore throat, hives, low blood press- ure, lumbago, sinus infections, ulcers, and hemorrhoids. --------------------------------------------------------------------- DRUNK PASSENGER DRIVING CARLISLE, Pa. - A lawyer for a Pennsylvania man who was charged with DUI while he was the front seat passenger says he expects the case to be thrown out. Last Dec. 26, a state trooper in Carlisle, in southern Pennsylvania, spotted a car swerving, and pulled the car over. The driver was holding a sandwich with two hands, and Derek Pittman was sitting in the passenger seat. Pittman told the trooper he had been steering while his friend was eating his sandwich, and admitted he had been drinking, the Harrisburg Patriot-News reported. He blew 0.225 percent blood alcohol. The legal limit is 0.08. The report says the trooper spotted the car swerving. Records say the trooper felt a strong alcohol odor coming from the vehicle and saw the driver holding a large sandwich with two hands. The driver was neither tested nor arrested, but Pittman was charged with driving under the influence. --------------------------------------------------------------------- ELVIS'S TEDDY BEAR Elvis Presley's teddy bear, valued more than $75,000, met an untimely end in the jaws of a British hound dog charged with guarding the treasure in England. The rare 1909 Steiff bear named Mabel was bought at a Memphis auction by British aristocrat Benjamin Slade, who in turn loaned it to Wookey Hole Caves near Wells in Somerset, for an exhibition, the Sun reported Wednesday. No one knows what caused security guard Greg West's Doberman, Barney, to go "berserk," but when the carnage ended Tuesday night, more than 100 bears were scattered throughout the exhibit area and Mabel had lost her head, a Wookie Hole spokesman told the newspaper. "It's a disaster," he said. "The scene is just a horrific mess, with bits of teddy bear everywhere." --------------------------------------------------------------------- POLITICIANS AND TRAVEL From a former Washington, D.C. travel agent of over 30 years * A New Hampshire Congresswoman called to ask for an aisle seat so that her hair wouldn't get messed up by being near the window. * A Candidate's Staffer called, wanting to go to Capetown. I started to explain the length of the flight and the passport information then she interrupted me with, "I'm not trying to make you look stupid, but Capetown is in Massachusetts." Without trying to make her look like the stupid one, I calm- ly explained, "Cape Cod is in Massachusetts. Capetown is in Africa." Her response? Click. * A Senior Vermont Congressman called, furious about a Florida package we did. I asked what was wrong with the vacation in Orlando. He said he was expecting an ocean view room. I tried to explain that is not possible, since Orlando is in the middle of the state. He replied, "Don't lie to me. I looked on the map, and Florida is a very thin state!" * A Lawmaker's wife asked, "Is it possible to see England from Canada?" I said, "No." She said, "But they look so close on the map." * A Bush cabinet member's aide called and asked if they could rent a car in Dallas. When I pulled up the reservation, I noticed they had only a 1-hour layover in Dallas. When I asked him why he wanted to rent a car, he said, "I heard Dallas was a big airport, and we want the car so we can drive between gates to save time." * An Illinois Congresswoman wanted to know how it was possible that her flight from Detroit left at 8:20am and got into Chicago at 8:33am. I tried to explain that Michigan was an hour ahead of Illinois, but she could not understand the concept of time zones. Finally, I told her the plane went very fast. She bought it! * A New York lawmaker asked, "Do airlines put your physical description on your bag so they know whose luggage belongs to whom?" I said, "No, why do you ask?" She replied, "Well, when I checked in with the airline, they put a tag on my luggage that said "FAT." I'm overweight and I think that's very rude!" After putting her on hold so I could "look into it" (I was actually laughing), I came back to her and explained the city code for Fresno, CA is "FAT," and that the label was only a destination tag. * A Senator's aide inquired about a trip package to Hawaii. After going over all the cost info, she asked, "Would it be cheaper to fly to California and then take the train to Hawaii?" * A freshman Congressman called from the airport to ask, "How do I know which plane to get on?" I asked him what exactly did he mean. He replied, "You told me my flight number is 823, but none of these darn planes have numbers on them." * A lady Senator called and said, "I need to fly to Pepsi- Cola, FL. Do I have to get on one of those little computer planes?" I asked her if she meant "fly to Pensacola, FL on a commuter plane"? She said, "Yeah, whatever!" * A senior Senator had a question about the documents he needed in order to fly to China. After a lengthy discussion about passports, I reminded him he needed a visa. "Oh, no I don't. I've been to China many times and never had one." I double-checked and, sure enough, his stay required a visa. When I told him this he said, "Look, I've been to China four times. Every time they've accepted my American Express!" * A New Mexico Congresswoman called to make reservations. "I want to go from Chicago to Rhino, New York." The agent was at a loss for words. Finally, the agent: "Are you sure that's the name of the town?" "Yes, what flights do you have?" she replied. After some searching, the agent came back with, "I'm sorry, ma'am. I've looked up every airport code in the country and can't find a Rhino anywhere." The lady retorted, "Oh, don't be silly! Everyone knows where it is. Check your map!" The agent pulled out a map of New York state and finally asked, "You don't mean 'Buffalo,' do you?" "That's it! I knew it was a big animal!" * I had someone who wanted to stay at the Bob Newhart Inn in Connecticut. When I explained that the inn was fictional, the customer became very irate and insisted, "I know it is real, I see people check in every week!" --------------------------------------------------------------------- COULD YOU FILL IN FOR ME WHILE I RECOVER? MUSKEGON HEIGHTS, Michigan - A woman was so afraid that she would lose her boyfriend while she recuperated from surgery that she arranged for her 15-year-old daughter to have sex with him. Police were astonished to discover that the three had even signed an agreement that detailed the sexual services the girl would provide and what she would receive as compensation. The 37-year-old man and the girl had sex about 20 times over two months. The agreement was brought to police attention after the girl talked to another adult. "It's incredible that any parent would be involved in such a blatant case of abuse against her own daughter," prosecutor Tony Tague told The Muskegon Chronicle. --------------------------------------------------------------------- BIZARRE DEATHS IN HISTORY Tycho Brahe was an important Danish astronomer of the 16th century. His ground breaking research allowed Sir Isaac Newton to come up with the theory of gravity. In the 16th century, it was considered an insult to leave a banquet table before the meal was over. Brahe, known to drink excessively, had a bladder condition -- but failed to relieve himself before the banquet started. He made matters worse by drinking too much at dinner, and was too polite to ask to be excused. His bladder finally burst, killing him slowly and painfully over the next 11 days. Horace Wells pioneered the use of anesthesia in the 1840s. While experimenting with various gases during his anesthesia research, Wells became addicted to chloroform. In 1848 he was arrested for spraying two women with sulfuric acid. In a letter he wrote from jail, he blamed chloroform for his problems, claiming that he'd gotten high before the attack. Four days later he was found dead in his cell. He'd anaesthetized himself with chloroform and slashed open his thigh with a razor. Francis Bacon was one of the most influential minds of the late 16th century. A statesman, a philosopher, a writer, and a scientist, he was even rumored to have written some of Shakespeare's plays. One afternoon in 1625, Bacon was watch- ing a snowstorm and was struck by the wondrous notion that maybe snow could be used to preserve meat in the same way that salt was used. Determined to find out, he purchased a chicken from a nearby village, killed it, and then, standing outside in the snow, attempted to stuff the chicken full of snow to freeze it. The chicken never froze, but Bacon did. Jerome Irving Rodale was the founding father of the organic food movement, creator of "Organic Farming and Gardening" magazine, and founder of Rodale Press, a major publishing corporation. He bragged "I'm going to live to be 100 unless I'm run down by a sugar-crazed taxi driver," was only 72 when he appeared on the "Dick Cavett Show" in January 1971. Part way through the interview, he dropped dead in his chair. Cause of death: heart attack. The show was never aired. Jim Fixx, the author of the best selling "Complete Book of Running," which started the jogging craze of the 1970s, was visiting Greensboro, Vermont when he walked out of the house and began jogging. He'd only gone a short distance when he had a massive coronary. His autopsy revealed that one of his coronary arteries was 99% clogged, another was 80% obstructed, and a third was 70% blocked... and that Fixx had had three other attacks in the weeks prior to his death. --------------------------------------------------------------------- NEW ON SMORGASBORD Check out the website - http://home.comcast.net/~longo13/ Read (& contribute to) my Blog! - http://360.yahoo.com/capt_nutso What's new: * BLOG - new entries * SOFTBALL - Screwballs stats ---------------------------------------------------------------------