Finally! Here it is, the sequel to "Jitterbug". It turned out to be a
*lot* longer than I'd anticipated, much as "Jitterbug" was longer
than anticipated. If this keeps up, I'll be writing full-length novels
soon.
Anyway, this story is dedicated to all you C/P fans out there who
were very aggravated at the way I left poor Chakotay hanging
before. I'd list your names, but I don't want to file through all the
e-mail to find 'em. You know who you are.
Enough intro ... let's get to it.
"AFTERSHOCKS" (Voy, C/P, NC-17, 1 of 4)
by Maisie (MaisieRita@comcast.net)
Disclaimer: Paramount owns everything and everybody
mentioned in this story. I own all the twisted ideas springing
forth from my head.
WARNING: This story contains explicit descriptions of
consensual sex between two males. If this offends you, or you're
under 18, you really shouldn't be reading it.
Feedback, as always, is warmly welcomed at the above address.
*****
Chakotay tried to keep his grin to himself as he walked onto the
bridge, en route to the regular morning briefing. Kathryn was
sure to notice it, and she'd be all over him in a second, pressing
him for details that Chakotay thought he'd rather keep to himself
for a while. Oh, he supposed he'd have to tell her eventually; after
all, it was due to her prodding that anything had happened at all,
but for now, he wanted to savor the memories privately. Think
gloomy thoughts, Big Man, he ordered himself silently, as he
walked into the briefing room.
Everyone else was already there. "Nice of you to join us,
Commander," Janeway said with a slight grin of her own.
"Sorry," Chakotay answered as he took his seat. "Am I late?"
"Not really," Janeway said, "but usually you're the first one here."
"Trouble getting out of bed this morning, Commander?" Tom
asked, an overly emotive look of concern crossing his face. With
laughter hiding just behind the blue of his eyes, he raised one
eyebrow ever-so-slightly.
Chakotay's good mood evaporated as he felt a hot blush rise past
his collar. Gods, not here in front of everybody, he prayed,
hoping desperately to force the blush away by sheer force of will.
"No," he answered shortly, not wanting to encourage Tom any
further by answering the jibe. Spirits, what had he gotten himself
into? Tom's favorite sport, besides pool, had always been teasing
Chakotay; the Commander had endured the ribbing with
moderately good grace because he'd secretly enjoyed it. But now -
- was every little comment going to affect him this way? He could
just imagine ... every remark, every grin, every look would force
him to remember the way Tom's lips felt against his, the way
Tom's muscles moved like coiled springs under silky skin, the
frantic little cries Tom made when the pleasure was building and
building ... shit. Stop it!
"You disagree, Commander?" Janeway's voice, filled with
surprise, broke into Chakotay's reverie.
"Ummm ... no, Captain," Chakotay responded, without the
slightest idea of what it was he was not disagreeing with.
"You were shaking your head," Janeway persisted.
Damn. Damn damn damn. "My neck's a little sore, Captain. I
was just stretching it out." Yeah, right. And Neelix is a gourmet
chef.
"Those late night work-outs can really be dangerous,
Commander," Tom said, and there was no mistaking the teasing
tone of voice now. "You should stretch before you exercise. I
always do."
Images of Tom, undressed, stretching with feline grace, jumped
unbidden into Chakotay's mind. Dammit, stop it already! Time
to shut him up before things get out of hand. "Thank you,
Lieutenant. I'll try to keep that it mind before my next work-out."
He eyed Tom pointedly, focusing his gaze relentlessly on the
younger man until Tom had the good grace to blush and look
away.
Chakotay chuckled silently and returned his gaze to Janeway, just
in time to see the last of a series of puzzled glances fly between
Harry and B'Elanna. Even Tuvok was looking at him curiously,
and Kes ... what was *that* expression supposed to mean? Oh
spirits, she's empathic. He sighed to himself. This was going to
be a very long day.
The meeting ended, eventually, and Chakotay was rather proud of
himself; there had only been three more occasions when he'd had
to drag his thoughts forcefully back to the topic at hand, and away
from Tom. He wasn't exactly sure how he was going to make it
through his bridge shift, unfortunately. The sight of Tom's
muscular shoulders had always been a distraction, even before
they'd slept together. Now... it was definitely going to be a
problem. Tom brushed past him on his way out the door, and
Chakotay felt his body leap in response. He sighed. A *big*
problem.
"Commander," Janeway called to him as he walked towards the
door. "May I have a quick word with you?"
"Of course, Captain," he answered, unsurprised. He hadn't really
expected to make it to the bridge.
Janeway waited until everyone else had cleared out of the briefing
room before she took her seat again. "Sit down, Chakotay." She
waited for him to retake his seat. "So, give!" she said, grinning.
"I take it things went well last night?"
"Yes, I guess you could say that."
Janeway waited patiently for more details, then pursed her lips
disapprovingly when she realized none were forthcoming. "You
don't really think I'll settle for *that* as a description, do you?"
"Kathryn, it's a little personal ... "
"Don't give me that. If it wasn't for me, you'd never have worked
up the guts to start any of this. I think that entitles me to hear a
little more than 'I guess you could say that'!" She leaned closer.
"I don't need a listing of all the technical details, Chakotay. Just a
general overview. He came over for dinner?"
She wasn't going to let him get out of it. Oh well. At least she'd
be discreet. "Yes. He came over at around 1900 hours. I served
some wine and soup -"
"Tomato?"
"Of course." He grinned at her. "Then some pasta. We talked.
He wanted to know when I stopped hating him. I told him, we
finished eating, and then we ... ummm --" Chakotay fell silent,
more than a little embarrassed.
"Don't stop there, Chakotay; you're just getting to the good part."
She paused. "I assume it's the good part. So ... what happened
next? You just fell into bed together?"
"No. Not exactly. He was a little uncomfortable. I guess that's
only natural. God only knows what I said to convince him, but he
decided to go through with it." Chakotay stopped speaking,
remembering the heat of the kiss that followed. "*Then* we fell
into bed together."
"And?"
"What, you want to know which positions we tried out? Really,
Kathryn, I wouldn't have expected it of you."
Janeway blushed slightly. "No." She shook her head firmly. "No,
I don't want to know which positions you tried out. I just want to
know if he's as good in bed as all the rumors say."
"Kathryn!" Chakotay was a little shocked. "*You're* not
interested in him, are you?"
"Don't be ridiculous. He's just a boy. I served under his *father*,
for heaven's sake." She paused, and a grin spread across her
delicate features. "I'm just curious, is all. You should hear what
Megan Delaney and Sue Nicoletti say about him in the locker
room."
"Oh."
Chakotay was barely mollified, but Janeway continued on,
undeterred. "So, tell me! How was it?"
Chakotay's mind was involuntarily drawn back to the night before.
He remembered the heat, and the longing, and the passion, and
couldn't stop the dreamy smile that spread across his face. "It was
perfect, Kathryn. Just ... perfect. He's so responsive, so aware of
every little touch and caress, and gods, he's so *beautiful*, it's
almost unnatural. I mean, he knows he's handsome, and he uses
it to his advantage, but when he's not *trying* to, when he's not
concentrating on it, he's even *more* beautiful ... I almost turned
the lights out, because looking at him was so damn distracting--"
Chakotay's voice was husky. "I couldn't stop staring at him. I
couldn't get enough of him. He was so *there* ... it's as if his
whole being was focused on what we were doing together. It's
been a long time since I've had a lover concentrate so entirely on
giving and receiving pleasure. It felt like I was burning up, and
he was on fire with me..."
Janeway made a little distressed noise, and Chakotay stopped
speaking. After a short pause, he said, "Well, you asked,
Kathryn."
"I guess I did." She shook her head ruefully. "I have to go sit on
the bridge, now? And I'm supposed to concentrate?"
"If you didn't want to hear it, you shouldn't have asked."
"Oh, I know, I know." Janeway let out a little exasperated breath
of air. "It's my own fault, but to tell you the truth, I never thought
you'd actually tell me." She got up from her seat decisively.
"Well, they didn't give me that fourth pip for nothing. I am going
to go out there and pretend that my mind is *not* filled with
images of the two cutest men on the ship in bed together." She
shook her head again. "But it's going to be hard. Let's go,
Commander."
Chakotay paused at the door. "Kathryn?"
"Yes?"
"You really need to find a man."
"Tell me about it." Janeway motioned towards the door
impatiently.
"Kathryn?"
"Now what?"
"You think I'm cute?"
Janeway didn't answer except to snort, and wave Chakotay out
towards the door. He left in good humor, and spent the rest of the
day trying very hard not to think about Tom Paris, and being only
moderately successful at it.
Many hours later, after dinner, he found himself pacing restlessly
around his quarters. Only 2100 hours, much too early to go to
bed. He knew where he wanted to be. He'd gotten into the habit
of heading to Sandrine's at night, because he knew Tom would be
there and he could sit and watch the man, unobtrusively, for hours
on end. Sometimes he'd bring a padd, other times he'd get a
drink, or a late night snack, or even play a round or two of pool,
but each time, he'd spend the lion's share of the evening casting
furtive glances across the room.
He'd been pining hopelessly then, lusting after an unobtainable
goal, and it was sort of enjoyable, in a painful kind of way. Or
sort of painful, in an enjoyable kind of way, he wasn't quite sure
which. Now, though, it was different, and he wasn't sure he
trusted himself to spend the night in the bar without making a
total and utter fool of himself. Probably kiss the man again, in
public this time, and get punched out for his trouble. Damn.
Fine. He'd read. Settle down in this chair, pull out that novel he'd
been trying to get through and -- -- who was he kidding? As if
he'd be able to concentrate on a *novel*.
With a growl, he headed to his closet for a change of clothing.
Loose, baggy pants were definitely a necessity. No *way* was he
wearing his uniform, not unless he wanted to be on display for
half the crew.
Chakotay entered Sandrine's and was greeted by the familiar
sound of Tom's cheerful laughter, followed almost immediately by
a very feminine, very high pitched giggle. His eyes were drawn to
the pool table, where Tom was attempting to teach Megan
Delaney how to hold a cue stick properly. Shit.
"It's not a baseball bat, Megan. You don't need to hold it in a
death grip. Here, let me show you." Tom wrapped his arms
around her from behind, and placed his hands on hers, gently
moving them into the correct position on the cue.
"Tom," she said, in mock indignation, "if I didn't know you better,
I'd say you were trying to cop a free feel."
"Miss Delaney," he said, offended innocence evident in his voice,
"I'm shocked that you'd think I'd ever try to feel you up. For free."
"Tom Paris!" She whirled around, out of his grip, and crossed her
arms on her chest. "Lieutenant Torres is right. You are a pig."
She stuck her tongue out at him.
"Don't stick that out at me unless you intend to use it," he said,
laughing.
"You wish," Megan retorted, and twirled back around to the table.
The glowing smile plastered across her face could have powered
the warp engines for a week. She giggled as Tom's arms came
around her once again.
"Now, Miss Delaney, try to keep your mind on the business at
hand," Tom said, sounding serious. "If you want to learn to play,
you've got to learn how to handle a cue stick."
"Hmmm," she said, almost purring, "I always thought I handled a
cue stick pretty well. I don't recall you having any complaints last
time we played together."
Chakotay managed to choke down a synthale, watching the
flirtatious banter escalate rapidly into a barrage of undisguised
sexual innuendo. The thump of a glass on the table startled him
back to his senses. "Disgusting, isn't it, Harry?" B'Elanna said,
collapsing into a chair next to Chakotay. She glared across the
room to the pool table, where Megan was practically welded onto
Tom's body.
"Disgusting?" Harry sat down next to B'Elanna, and raised an
eyebrow in a fairly respectable imitation of Tuvok. "How so?"
"They may as well be having sex on the pool table."
"Now *that* I'd like to see," Harry chuckled. At B'Elanna's angry
look, he continued, "Oh, come on, B'Elanna. He's a healthy
young man, she's a healthy young woman. Neither one of them is
involved in a relationship, and from what Tom's told me, it's been
a while. Not everyone can suppress their sex drives as completely
as you, you know."
B'Elanna growled back at him angrily, and was about to start an
argument, when a clatter from the pool table forced them all to
turn and look. Chakotay bit back a curse as he took in the scene.
Megan had dropped the cue stick on the edge of the table, where it
had knocked Tom's glass of synthale onto the floor. Neither one
of them was in a position to notice the mess, Chakotay reflected
bitterly, since it seemed that Megan would need surgical help just
to remove her tongue from Tom's throat. The duo pulled apart
reluctantly as the first of several wolf whistles reached them, and
straightened up. Hands clasped loosely together, they headed for
the door. Tom maneuvered them past Chakotay's table.
"'Night, all," he said with a grin as he passed them. "Oh,
Commander, the pool table is all yours. Make sure you stretch
your neck properly before you play, though. You don't want to
hurt it again." He caught Chakotay's eyes with his own, grinned
his most irritating grin, and disappeared out the door, dragged by
an impatient Megan Delaney.
"What was that supposed to mean?" B'Elanna questioned, staring
at Chakotay.
"I have no idea," Chakotay responded, forcing his voice to remain
neutral. He swallowed the rest of his drink, and forced himself to
his feet. "I'm not much in the mood for Sandrine's tonight," he
said. "I think I'm going to go get some sleep."
"Weren't you going to play some pool?" Harry asked with
innocent curiosity.
"No. Not tonight. See you tomorrow." He headed for the door,
completely missing the curious looks that passed between Harry
and B'Elanna. What the hell *did* he mean by that? He was
teasing, clearly, but was it a deliberate dig? A reminder? An
invitation? Ack. He could think about it for the rest of the trip
home, and he'd probably still never get it.
Chakotay was grumpy as he got ready for bed. Trying to figure
out Tom Paris was as easy as recalibrating the warp drive with a
toothbrush. The man was probably doing this on purpose,
knowing that he was driving Chakotay up a wall, and loving every
minute of it.
Damn.
Chakotay stripped, got into bed, and turned out the lights. After
almost an hour, he fell into a restless sleep. An insistent beep
woke him. His comm badge? Still half asleep, he answered, "Go
ahead." There was no response, and a moment later, the door
chime rang again in the darkened room.
The door? What the hell? "Computer, what time is it?"
"The time is 0214."
The middle of the night. Whoever it is, they'd better have a damn
good reason for buzzing at his door. "Come in," he snarled,
angrily, and the door slid open. He blinked against the light at the
tall, familiar silhouette hovering in the doorway.
"Chakotay, are you awake?" Tom called hesitantly.
"I am now." He pulled himself out of bed, oblivious to his nudity,
and walked towards the outer room. "Tom," he said tiredly, "it's
the middle of the night. What do you want?"
Tom looked at him, bronzed body gleaming in the starlight, and
caught his breath. "You," he breathed. "I want you."
Chakotay swallowed heavily. "Tom. You were all over Megan
Delaney tonight. You went home with her. Did you jump out of
her bed to come here?"
Tom flushed. "Yeah."
"I don't want to be one of your little sex toys, Paris. You'd better
leave. Go back to Megan. With any luck, she won't have noticed
you were ever gone."
"I don't *want* to go back to Megan. Gods, Chakotay, all night,
when I was with her, I was thinking of you. Even when ... even
when we were fucking, my body was with her, but my mind was
with you." He sighed. "I can't get you out of my head. What we
did last night, it was so incredible, I don't know, it was more than
just a quick fuck, you know? I mean, shit, most of the time with
Megan, or Jenny, or Sue, or *any* of them, I figure they're
already planning their next conquest before we're even in the
shower." He paced restlessly around the room. "They fuck me
'cause I'm convenient and I'm good at it, Chakotay, not because
they really want *me*."
"That didn't seem to have bothered you in the past," Chakotay said
roughly.
"No," Tom agreed. "No, it didn't. Hell, they wanted me for a
quick fuck and I wanted them for a quick fuck, no strings, no
commitments. It was the perfect arrangement. At least, I
thought it was." He shook his head with exasperation. "But they
never really *looked* at me, Chakotay, not the way you did last
night; it was so wild, I could have come from that alone, just
seeing that expression in your eyes. I want -- -- -- I want to see it
again."
Oh spirits. Chakotay's body couldn't help but respond to the need
in Tom's voice, to the look that was devouring him. A shred of
rationality remained, and he concentrated on it like a drowning
man holding on to a lifeline. "Tom. You said you don't want a
relationship with a man. Last night was an exception, a one-time
thing. You knew it, I knew it. It was o.k. then, you were curious,
I was horny, so we made love. But I don't think I can keep doing
it. You were right, yesterday -- I'm not into casual sex. If you
keep coming here, I'm going to need there to be something more
to it, to us."
"I don't know *what* I want, Chakotay. I sure as hell don't want
to analyze it at 2:30 in the morning." Tom moved closer, and
Chakotay's breath started to come a little faster. "All I know is
that I've been thinking all day about how good you felt in me, how
you made me scream, how you tasted when you came in my
mouth. I need that, again, now, and I don't want to stop and think
about why I need it or what it means." Tom was shedding his
clothing, quickly and efficiently. "I want to feel you on top of me,
covering me, I want to feel your cock hot and hard against my
skin, I want to hear you moan when you fuck me, and scream
when you come."
Tom reached out towards Chakotay's rapidly swelling erection,
and wrapped his hand around it gently. With his other hand, he
grabbed Chakotay by the shoulders and pulled them so they were
standing together, skin touching skin, Tom's breath warm against
Chakotay's neck. Chakotay shuddered with pleasure as he felt
Tom's erection bump against his own. "I want you, Chakotay,"
Tom whispered in his ear, stealing the Commander's line from the
night before. "I want you, and unless you tell me to stop, I'm
going to have you." He fell to his knees and reached out with his
tongue to lick Chakotay's cock, once, twice, a third time, before
pulling away and looking up at the older man, with humor and
desire mixing in equal measure in his eyes. "Are you going to tell
me to stop?"
Damn it all to hell. Was he really going to force the issue, with
Tom here, kneeling at his feet, undressed, eager, anxious for
*him*? Begging him to fuck him? A tiny, tiny part of his mind
held him back, but held him back firmly. Maybe he *would*
force the issue. Gods, Kathryn was right, it *was* about self-
respect, to some extent. Tom was using him, seducing him,
saying all the things he knew Chakotay wanted to hear. Maybe
some of them were even true, but still -- -- -- oh holy spirits. He
groaned aloud. Tom had given up waiting for an answer; he
plunged his mouth down over Chakotay's cock and began to suck
at it, firmly. Screw self-respect, Chakotay thought hazily, it can
take a flying leap out the airlock; I am going to fuck this man so
hard he won't be able to walk tomorrow.
With a growl, he pulled himself out of Tom's mouth, and fell
heavily to his knees next to Tom. Startled, the younger man froze
in place. Chakotay took the opportunity to grab Tom by the
shoulders and pull his head in for a deep, hungry kiss that left
them both shaking. "Careful what you wish for, Lieutenant," he
murmured, and was surprised to hear Tom chuckle in response.
No time to think about that; gods, he wanted this man, wanted
every part of him, all at once, and there was no time to move to
the bedroom, no, it was going to be here, now, on the floor ... so
what if he'd be bruised and sore tomorrow.
"Beautiful, so beautiful," Chakotay whispered, nipping hungrily at
Tom's eyelids, ear, and neck, working his way down towards his
collarbone. He stopped there for a few minutes, gnawing gently at
the skin there, then worked his way down to a nipple. He fastened
on, sucking hard and urgently. Tom was moaning and gasping,
all the while thrusting his hips rhythmically against Chakotay's.
Their erections were touching, gliding together, and Chakotay
heard himself moan.
Oh, gods, this was too intense, but he needed this, needed it
desperately. Last night hadn't been enough, it had just stoked the
fire, made it burn hotter and brighter than before. One hand
moved down to stroke Tom's cock, while the other snaked around
to his ass and started gently stretching the opening there. As his
first finger penetrated, Tom moaned and gasped out, "Fuck yes,
that's it, Chakotay. Gods, I need this." His whole body was
shaking with desire.
Chakotay added a second finger, then came to his senses with a
start. "Damn. Tom, we need a lubricant."
Tom shook his head, violently. "No, it'll be o.k., Chakotay, I'll be
all right."
"No, you won't. Trust me." Chakotay stood up, and raced into the
bedroom, returning seconds later with a small tube. "Good thing I
left this out last night, hmmm?" he said with a smile.
Tom, still kneeling on the floor, stroking himself lightly, looked
up at him with an expression so aroused Chakotay almost came on
the spot. All humor forgotten, he squeezed some lubricant onto
his fingers and returned his attention to Tom's ass. With the other
hand he removed Tom's hand from his erection, saying, "That's
my job." He wrapped his fingers firmly around the younger man's
cock, massaging gently until Tom was moaning again.
Spirits save him, he was lost, he needed this so badly, there was
no time to think. He brought his mouth back to Tom's for another
searching kiss, forcing his tongue deep inside Tom's mouth,
groaning when Tom sucked on it. He gently maneuvered Tom to
the floor, positioning him on his side, and was surprised when
Tom protested and turned over to his back.
"No, Chakotay," Tom gasped, "I want to see you looking at me. I
want to watch your face when you come."
"Tom, it will be harder for you this way. You're not very
experienced with this..."
"I don't care," Tom moaned frantically. "I need to see you fuck
me, Chakotay, that's why I'm here. Please don't make we wait."
He lifted his legs up, wrapping them around Chakotay's neck, and
his ass was positioned so invitingly Chakotay couldn't stop
himself. He gripped Tom's legs for balance, and eased himself
inside.
"Oh gods, yes," Tom cried, "fuck me, please, now, Chakotay, I -- I
*need* it." He pushed himself onto Chakotay's cock, and moaned
wildly.
All thought flew out the window. No time to think, no time to
feel anything but the hot tightness clenching around him.
Chakotay began thrusting in and out of Tom, more excited than
he could remember being in years, loving the sounds of frantic
desire Tom was making.
"Oh yes, gods yes, fuck me, fuck me harder, please, oh gods, so
perfect." Tom was gasping now, tearing at the carpet on the floor,
staring up at Chakotay through darkened eyes. "GODS, yes, oh
shit, I need this so much ... need this, need you ... gods, fuck me!"
Chakotay couldn't help but comply. His lust-fogged brain had
tuned out, he was focused entirely on this one act of pleasure, and
oh spirits, it was too fast, he wasn't going to last long. In a daze,
he reached out for Tom's erection.
Tom moaned even louder, and brought one hand around to place
it on Chakotay's, speeding him up to the pace he preferred.
"Mmm, shit, Chakotay, fuck me, please, oh gods *yes*, yes ...
fuck, it's so good ... oh gods, fuck me harder, please, harder!" He
raised his hips to match Chakotay's thrusts, and groaned with
pleasure as Chakotay's cock sank deeper inside him.
Oh spirits. This was too good, too damn fast, he was going to
come and come hard, any second now, he could tell, he could feel
it building... he opened his eyes and gazed at the aggravating,
infuriating, beautiful man lying beneath him. Tom met his eyes,
stared into them for a long second, then gasped and drew in a
deep trembling breath as his orgasm hit. He exhaled, screaming,
shooting hot sticky semen all over his own chest. His ass muscles
clenched tightly around Chakotay's cock, and Chakotay moaned.
Oh gods, this was it, he was coming, he was going to ... going to
... oh shit, oh gods, damn damn damn he was going to come ...
*now* oh gods oh yes oh *yes*. He hadn't realized he was
shouting out the words until he heard them echo around the small
room. Oh. My. He forced himself to breathe.
"Thank you," Tom whispered faintly, falling back bonelessly
against the floor.
Chakotay smiled with satisfaction, and collapsed into Tom's arms.
"You're more than welcome." He lay there, contentedly, for a few
minutes, then teased, "You're not so hyped up this time."
"No olives," Tom joked back. "Besides, it's probably 3 in the
morning. I should have been asleep hours ago."
"Me too." Neither man moved. Chakotay lay in Tom's loose
embrace, soothed by the gentle caresses Tom was giving him.
"Tom," he whispered, after an indefinite amount of time, "we
should get off the floor." No answer. Chakotay listened to Tom's
deep, even breathing and realized that the pilot had fallen asleep.
He sighed. Oh, he was going to be sore in the morning. Ah well,
he was off duty tomorrow anyway. He'd go to the gym to work the
kinks out.
The insistent chirp of a comm badge brought him to wakefulness,
many hours later.
"Janeway to Paris." The Captain's voice was mildly irritated.
Chakotay shook Tom awake. "The Captain's calling you."
"Wha-?" Tom looked around, still groggy. "What are we doing
on the *floor*?"
"We never made it to the bed. The Captain's calling you."
As if in response, Tom's comm badge beeped again. "Janeway to
Paris. Mr. Paris, please respond."
Tom sat bolt upright. "Shit! Computer, what's the time?"
"The time is 0816."
"Shit. Fucking shit!" He cursed some more, and reached out
blindly for his uniform and comm badge. "Paris here, Captain."
"Lieutenant, you were supposed to be on the bridge 15 minutes
ago. Were you planning on showing up for your duty shift
today?"
"Yes, Captain, I'm sorry. I, uh--"
"Mr. Paris," Janeway's calm voice interrupted him. "The entire
bridge crew knows where you are." So don't make up any stupid
stories about the alarm, was the unspoken aside.
Tom took it in stride. "Commander Chakotay and I were just
going over the navigational logs, Captain. We must have lost
track of the time." Damn, Chakotay mused, the man is smooth.
He didn't even take time to think about it.
"I'm sure," Janeway responded dryly. "If you wouldn't mind,
Ensign Batehart would love to be relieved from his shift."
"Of course, Captain. I'll be there in 5 minutes."
"I hope so, Lieutenant." Janeway signed off.
Tom hopped to his feet. "Shit. I can't believe it. What the fuck
happened to your alarm?"
"I'm not on duty today, Tom. I'm sorry." He watched with some
amusement as Tom reached blindly for his uniform. "You *are*
going to shower, aren't you?"
"I wasn't planning on it. Why?"
"Well, no offense, but you smell like sex. You've got semen all
over your chest."
"Shit. God damn fucking shit. I should have stuck with women;
it's a hell of a lot neater." He stomped off into the bathroom,
muttering under his breath.
Chakotay chuckled to himself. Not a morning person, Tom Paris.
He managed to get himself up off the floor, groaning. Gods, you
are too damn old for sex on the floor, Big Man. He put on his
robe, and ordered up a cup of coffee, waiting patiently for Tom to
get out of the shower.
In less than two minutes, Tom came flying out of the bathroom,
hair unwashed but brushed hastily into some semblance of
neatness, his uniform still half open. He stopped in front of the
mirror and groaned, reaching for the fasteners. "Chakotay," he
said, conversationally, as he hurriedly closed his uniform, "my ass
hurts. I'm going to be walking funny all day."
Chakotay couldn't hold back a grin. "I warned you. Hell, you
wanted to go without lubricant. You'd have been so sore, you
would have had to call in sick."
Tom grinned back. "I can just imagine." He finished fastening
his uniform, then grabbed a swig of Chakotay's coffee. "I figure I
have about 30 seconds to get to the bridge, so no long tender
good-byes this morning. See you later."
"See you later," Chakotay responded to Tom's back. The pilot was
already out the door.
Chakotay spent the morning exercising, catching up on some
paperwork, and playing over the previous two nights' events in his
mind. Some time after lunch, he realized that the slight feeling of
unease that had been plaguing him since he'd woken up in the
morning was getting worse. It didn't take a neurosurgeon to
figure out that it had something to do with Tom, but he couldn't
quite put his finger on the problem.
Mediate. That's what he would do. Meditate and talk to his spirit
guide, and hopefully, emerge with a clearer sense of what was
bothering him. He cleared a space on the floor, and sat down with
his medicine bundle. Two hours later, he stood up in frustration,
no closer to understanding the problem than he'd been before,
mainly because he hadn't been able to relax enough to contact his
guide.
Damn. He really needed to talk to someone. He sighed and
tapped his comm badge. "Chakotay to Janeway."
"Go ahead, Commander."
"Captain, do you have a few minutes? I've got a few reports I'd
like to go over with you."
"Of course, Commander. Why don't you come to my Ready
Room?" Her amused tone of voice told him that she wasn't fooled
for an instant.
"I'll be right there." He signed off and walked out the door,
belatedly remembering to grab a couple of padds so he at least
looked authentic. Chakotay avoided looking at Tom as he crossed
the bridge to get to the Ready Room. One look was all it would
take to distract him, and he really didn't want to be distracted. He
rang the door chime, and entered upon hearing Janeway's cheerful
"Enter".
"Sit down, Commander," she invited. "What can I do for you?"
"I need to talk to somebody, Kathryn. About Tom."
She patted his arm sympathetically as she joined him on the
couch. "I know. I heard about that little scene in Sandrine's last
night. I'm sorry."
"Don't be. I knew what he was like before I ever kissed him. It's
just that ... he came to see me afterwards, at 2 in the morning."
Janeway quirked an eyebrow in wonder, but stayed silent. "He
said he wanted me, couldn't stop thinking about me ... gods, I
don't know, he said everything I wanted to hear."
"And?" Janeway inquired, her brows nearly up to her hairline.
Chakotay sighed. "Well, if he was trying to seduce me, it worked.
I couldn't stop myself. My hormones took total control of my
body. He was just ... it was so ... oh, I don't know what I'm trying
to say, but he was there, and he kissed me, and then we made love
and it was so *good*, again."
Janeway tried to shut her mouth, but couldn't quite manage it.
"My god, Chakotay. I had it totally wrong. When Tom was late
this morning, and I called for a location check and he turned out
to be in your quarters, I assumed he was there apologizing to you
for acting like an ass last night in the bar."
"No. Actually, it didn't even come up. He'd never apologize for
something like that, anyway."
Janeway nodded. "You're probably right. But if he came to see
you, if he said you were the one he really wanted, then what's the
problem? I thought you *wanted* a relationship with him."
"I *do*. Spirits, I do want a relationship with him. It's just that
... I don't trust him." He felt a great sense of relief as the tension
in his chest evaporated. There, he'd said it, and as he'd said it he
realized that *this* was what had been bothering him all along.
"Kathryn, he said *exactly* the right things to me. Nothing too
obviously insincere, nothing too ridiculously unbelievable; he said
all the things he knew would make me fall into bed with him."
"Oh, I see," Janeway said softly. "You think he didn't mean
them."
"I guess so." He shook his head miserably. "I knew it was too
easy, too good to be true. He said all along he was only interested
in sex, that he was curious about having sex with a man.
'Controlled experimentation', he called it. He must have decided
that telling me these things was the only way to get it from me."
"Chakotay," Janeway said, placing a hand on his arm, "you might
be right about this, but there's also the chance that you're wrong.
As much as I appreciate the fact that you trust me enough to
confide in me, I can't help you decide if Tom was telling you the
truth or not. You really should be talking to him."
"You're right. As usual. Thanks, Kathryn." Chakotay got up to
leave.
"You're welcome, Chakotay. Good luck."
"I'll need it," he responded, and left the room. He spent the rest of
the afternoon in his quarters, going over the previous evening's
conversation in his mind, trying to decide if Tom had been serious
or not. He wasn't able to convince himself one way or the other,
and grew more and more agitated as the afternoon dragged on.
Finally, at 1700 hours, the computer informed him that Tom had
just entered his quarters. About time. He reached for his comm
badge, then changed his mind. No, he didn't want to give the man
the chance to get out of it. They were going to have a talk, and
they were going to have it *now*, come hell or high water.
Chakotay hurried to Tom's quarters, and rang the door chime. He
walked in hesitantly as the doors opened.
"Tom?" he called out. He couldn't see him anywhere.
Tom poked his head out of the bedroom. He seemed a little
surprised to see Chakotay there. "Chakotay. I thought you were
Harry." He paused to reflect. "Except Harry never rings the door
chime." He shrugged, and for an instant Chakotay was jealous of
the easy intimacy the two friends shared. "What can I do for you,
Commander?" His voice was light but suggestive.
Chakotay wasn't going to let himself be sidetracked. Besides,
Harry was apparently due to come walking in at any minute.
"Look, Tom, we need to talk."
For an instant, Chakotay could see hurt etch itself into the
aristocratic lines of Tom's face, but then the emotion smoothed
itself out, and the familiar smartass mask returned. "Sure,
Commander. What do you want to talk about? You can't be
breaking up with me, 'cause we're not dating."
"No, we're not." He sighed. Somehow he'd already lost control of
the conversation. "Last night, Tom. I want to talk about last
night."
"What about it? If you want me to admit I was wrong, I will. We
needed the lubricant."
"Will you stop it for a minute? I'm trying to be serious."
"You're always serious, Chakotay. That's your biggest problem.
You need to loosen up more." His voice was laughing.
"Forget it. I knew this was a waste of time. It's like talking to a
ten-year old." Chakotay turned, and headed for the door.
"Wait," Tom said, "please, don't leave. I'm sorry. It's force of
habit; it's kind of hard to control sometimes. I'll be good, I
promise. Just don't go away mad, o.k.?"
Chakotay turned back. Dammit, he was nervous, and Tom wasn't
making things any easier. The worst of it was, Tom wasn't being
any more difficult than usual, this was his usual banter, and he
should have learned how to handle it by now. He took a deep
breath. "Last night ... Tom, you said some things, we both said
some things, and I don't know if you meant what you said but I
meant what I said, so you'll understand that I can't keep doing it
like this."
Tom was understandably confused. "What? Try that again, in
Standard this time, Chakotay."
Chakotay replayed it in his mind. Yes, that had been fairly
confusing. He tried again. "Look, Tom, you came to my door,
you wanted sex, so you said some things you knew I wanted to
hear to get me into bed. Fine, I let myself be seduced, but when I
said I'm not into casual sex, that I needed more, I was serious. I
can't keep doing this. You and me, together, it's too damn good, I
can't just fuck you a few times and forget about it. So I'm asking
you, please don't do that to me anymore. Don't say things like
that if you don't mean them, because part of me is going to believe
them."
Tom looked at him, and the hurt was back on his face. "You
think I didn't mean those things I said? You think I'd make that
stuff up just to get you into bed?"
"I think you tell people what they want to hear, yes."
"Shit." Tom was getting angry. "I know I lied about the accident
on Caldik Prime, *Commander*, and I'll never win any awards
for ethics, but telling lies just to get sex is really cheap, and that's
not my kind of game. You said it yourself, I'm an attractive guy.
I don't need to *lie* to get fucked, I just have to ask. There's
always somebody who's willing." His voice was getting louder,
and his tone was turning decidedly hostile. "Do you really think
I'd do that to *you*, after what you told me? You told me you're
interested in me, I know with you it's more than simple physical
attraction; do you really think I'd use that, use you, use your
feelings to get laid? Shit, Chakotay, I was already in bed with
Megan, if sex was all I wanted I would have just fucked her."
"Tom--"
"No. Let me finish." His eyes were flashing furiously. "I know
what you want from this, you want a relationship; what I don't
know is what *I* want from it. Fuck, last week I thought I was
completely heterosexual, I'd never been remotely interested in
sleeping with a guy, and I thought you fucking *hated* me. Now
everything's changed. My whole life is completely turned around,
so maybe I'm not thinking clearly, so maybe I shouldn't have come
over to your quarters last night, even though I couldn't stop
thinking about you all day, and I thought if you didn't fuck me I
was going to die." He ran his fingers roughly through his hair.
"So I like sex, Chakotay. I like it a lot. So what? It doesn't mean
that it's a game to me. You really think I'd play you like that?
You must not think very much of me."
Chakotay shook his head, backing down, grateful for the chance
to get a word in edgewise. "I think *too* much of you, Tom.
That's the problem. I think about you all the time. Before the
other night, in Sandrine's, I could control it, somewhat, but now
it's really out of hand. I was afraid ... "
"Of me? *You* started this, Chakotay." Tom was still angry.
"I know. Maybe it was a mistake. I don't know. I want you all
the time, now, but I can't do it the way you want. I can't be
involved with someone just for sex. I need more than that."
"I don't know if I can give you more. Maybe."
"Or maybe not?"
"Or maybe not. Shit. I'm sorry."
"Don't be. Like you said, I started this."
"Right. And I'm ending it." Tom's face was set in stone, but there
was a slight tremor in his voice that hit Chakotay like a kick in
the teeth.
The swish of the door startled them both as Harry walked into the
room. "Commander," he said with some surprise. "I, uh, didn't
think -- uh, I thought you'd be alone, Tom." He flushed slightly.
"I should have knocked."
"It's all right, Harry. You know you don't need to knock." Tom's
voice was coolly casual. "Commander Chakotay was just
leaving."
Chakotay felt a heavy weight settle on his chest as Tom crossed
his arms and glanced pointedly at the door. He'd made a critical
error somewhere, somehow it was all going wrong. He'd come
here expecting to find out that Tom had been lying to him, he'd
come here expecting to be hurt, so how come it was *Tom*
looking wounded?
"Commander," Tom said, in a voice as cold as vacuum, "Harry
and I have things to do. If you wouldn't mind leaving..." Harry
glanced at Tom in shock, surprised at the pilot's tone of voice.
Chakotay looked at Tom for a few more seconds, and saw nothing
but steel resolve in his face. Damn. Without another word, he
turned around and left. He skipped dinner entirely, he wasn't
really hungry, and he didn't see how he'd be able to handle it if he
ran into Tom in the Mess Hall. Instead, he tried to calm himself
down and meditate, but it didn't work any better than it had earlier
in the day. At 2100 hours, he took a long, hot shower, and
dropped into bed.
Chakotay lay there, in the dark, for endless hours, unable to stop
his thoughts from running around and around his mind. Worse,
he couldn't get the image of Tom's face out of his head, staring at
him with the hurt shining so clearly in his eyes. Shit, Big Man,
you have *really* fucked this up. He wasn't lying to you, you
moron. You were staring into his eyes the whole time, you were
looking at him when you made love. Gods, he looked at you,
looked into your eyes, and came on the spot. Idiot! How could
you *doubt* that?
He called for the time, surprised to hear that it was almost 0400.
He hadn't slept a wink. This was awful. Just awful. He had to do
something, now.
Chakotay pulled himself out of bed and grabbed a robe. He was
almost to the door when he stopped, turned around, and took the
extra few seconds to pull on some clothing. He didn't want to be
fielding any questions from curious crew members as to why he
was headed to Tom's quarters at 4 in the morning dressed in a
bathrobe.
He reached Tom's quarters a scant few minutes later, and rang the
door chime. After hearing no response, he rang it again. Finally,
on the third try, he heard a groggy "Come in, already" from the
other side of the door. As he crossed the threshold, it occurred to
him for the first time that Tom might not be alone. Gods, *that*
he wouldn't be able to handle.
Luck was with him. Tom stood just inside the doorway, wearing a
comfy blue robe, and squinted at the light. "Chakotay?" He
groaned. "Shit, it is too goddamn early in the morning for this."
Chakotay didn't bother to apologize. "I couldn't sleep. We need
to talk."
"We *did* talk. Earlier today, don't you remember? There's
nothing left to say. I'm sorry you couldn't sleep. *I* was sleeping
just fine, and if you don't mind, I'd like to get *back* to sleep.
You know your way out." He turned his back to the door and
headed for the bedroom. Chakotay followed him in.
"Computer, quarter lights."
Tom cursed under his breath as the lights came on dimly in the
room. He threw himself onto the bed and buried his head in the
pillow. "Go away."
"No." Chakotay sat down on the edge of the bed, slightly
perturbed when Tom rolled automatically to the other side,
keeping his head firmly buried in the pillow. "Despite what you
may think, we didn't finish our conversation this afternoon."
"Sure we did. I distinctly remember throwing you the fuck out of
my quarters."
"You did, but --" Chakotay paused. "Tom, why do you curse so
much?"
Tom laughed into his pillow. "Because it used to drive my father
crazy. He couldn't stand it; his well-bred little trophy son had the
mouth of a Trikkavian longshoreman. I can curse in 15 different
languages. Want to hear some Romulan swear words?"
"No. I'm sorry I asked." Chakotay shook his head and forced
himself back to the main topic. "Look, I came here to apologize."
Tom rolled over and looked at the Commander. "Apologize? For
what, being honest? You don't have to apologize for the way you
feel, Chakotay. It's just the way it is. You want something I can't
give you."
"It's not that simple. I don't want this to be over."
"Too bad." Tom sat up. "You said some pretty harsh things to
me this afternoon, so you'll forgive me if I take a little while to
work through them." Chakotay looked at him with wide, pained
eyes, and Tom turned away from the force of his gaze. "Yeah, I
know. Surprise, surprise, Tom Paris has feelings hidden
somewhere underneath that no-stick surface."
"I'm sorry I hurt you. I never thought you didn't have feelings."
"Oh really? Then why did you tell me I lied to you just to get
sex?"
"Because I'm an idiot. Because I'm insecure. And, well, because
you *do* lie a lot."
"I do not!" Tom said hotly.
"Yes, you do. You're lying to Harry about your pool games, you
lied to Captain Janeway this morning about being late for your
shift-"
"You'd have preferred it if I told her the *real* reason I was late?"
"No. But you didn't even stop to think about it, Tom. The lie
came so easily to you, I thought, hell, maybe -"
"Maybe I lied to you when I came to see you."
"Will you let me finish a sentence, please?" Chakotay shook his
head in frustration. "You make it very difficult to have a serious
conversation with you."
"I know. It's part of my roguish charm." Tom looked at
Chakotay, saw the disapproving look, and bit his lip. "Sorry."
"Anyway, yes, I thought you lied to me just to get sex. It sounds
stupid, now. You're right, you were already in bed with Megan. I
should have realized it, but I wasn't really thinking. Now I know
how stupid I was to have believed that, even for a second. So I
want to apologize, and see if we can salvage any of this, whatever
it is."
"I don't think so." Tom's voice, for once, was fully serious.
"We're not in it for the same reasons, Chakotay, and frankly, I
don't see the point in dragging it out any further. It's just going to
make it worse. You don't really trust me to handle any sort of a
relationship, god only knows why you wanted me in the first
place."
"Why I wanted you? Dammit, Tom, you have *no* idea what you
do to me. You drive me up a wall, you keep me constantly off
balance. I never know what to expect from you, what you'll do
next, what you'll say next, what outrageous stunt you're planning.
You're so damn unpredictable, I can't understand it, and I love it."
"*I'm* unpredictable?" Tom laughed. "Who kissed who first? I
wouldn't have predicted that kiss in Sandrine's in a million years."
"Yeah, but it took me weeks just to work up the courage to do it.
If it was you, you'd have just closed your eyes, said what the hell,
consequences be damned, and gone for it."
Tom stared at him for a second, then let a long, slow grin creep
across his face. He reached out one hand, and ran a slender finger
down Chakotay's jaw, letting it rest at the chin. Tom then very
deliberately closed his eyes, said, "What the hell, consequences be
damned," and leaned in to plant a deep, lingering kiss on
Chakotay's mouth.
Chakotay couldn't help but respond, and groaned when he felt
Tom's tongue questing gently around his mouth. He pulled away
reluctantly and found himself staring into Tom's sparkling eyes.
"Why are you doing this?"
Tom shrugged. "It feels good."
"And that's enough for you?"
Tom sighed. "Yes, it is. If you're looking for a declaration of
undying love, you're not going to get it here, tonight. I don't love
you, Chakotay. I'm sorry, but all I have to offer is a terminal case
of physical attraction."
Chakotay looked down at his hands. "I appreciate your honesty
with me, Tom, but I don't think you're being fully honest with
yourself."
"I'm not secretly in love with you, and denying it to myself, if
that's what you're hinting at."
"No. But I think it's more than just physical attraction."
Chakotay raised his eyes, and stared deep into Tom's. "You said
it yourself when you came in last night. When I looked into your
eyes when we were making love, whatever it was that you saw
there, it made you come."
"That, and the way you were jerking me off. You're really very
talented, you know." Tom tried out a jaunty grin, but couldn't hold
it, and he found he had to tear his eyes away from Chakotay's
searching gaze. "Fuck, you're making it all so complicated. Isn't
it o.k. to do this just because we enjoy it? Why do you have to
analyze everything?"
Chakotay chuckled. "A lifetime of spiritual meditation will do
that to you. It's a hard habit to break." He swallowed a yawn, and
ran his fingers through his hair. "I should go."
"Don't." Tom put his hand on Chakotay's arm, and turned his
head to face him. "Stay with me." He leaned in dangerously
close. Chakotay could feel Tom's breath warm on his neck.
"Tom, don't. I don't think -"
"Good. Don't think." Tom took a deep breath. " I'm not going to
lie to you and tell you that I love you, but ... I do *need* you. The
way you look at me, the way you make me feel, for *whatever*
reason, I need you. Can't we just screw around for a while, and
sort out the messy emotions later?"
"How long?"
"What?"
"How long is a while?"
"Would it make a difference?"
"Maybe. Yes. Yes, it would. Give me a time frame, Tom. I need
something to work with. I can't have sex without love
indefinitely, but if I know -- if I know that after a certain amount
of time, we'll talk, we'll take stock and see where we are, then
maybe I can do it."
Tom's blue eyes stared into Chakotay's chocolate brown eyes, and
he leaned in for a kiss, saying, "All right. We'll talk, eventually."
Chakotay backed away. "Not good enough. If you can't even
commit to a date when we can talk about it, there's no hope that
you'll *ever* commit to me, or to anyone else, for that matter."
Tom let out a muttered, "Shit." He grumbled for a few seconds,
then said, "Fine. You want a time frame ... umm ... four months?
How about that? Four months from now, if we haven't killed each
other first, we'll have a serious talk. About us. About if there
even *is* an 'us'. O.k.?"
"Four *months*? No way. Two months."
"Are you kidding? I hope to still be experimenting in two months.
Three months. Three months from tonight, and that's my final
offer. Deal?" He held out his hand.
Chakotay was silent for a long time, pondering. Can you really do
this, Big Man? Throw away the habits of a lifetime for some sex
and the slim possibility of an eventual relationship? Even for
*great* sex? He'd never done it in this order before. In all his
other relationships, there had been a core of mutual affection, and
the sex had been a physical display of that affection. On the other
hand, none of those relationships had worked out very well, really.
And he couldn't deny that he was still attracted to Tom; hell, just
that one brief kiss had been enough to bring his cock to attention.
Oh hell, let the consequences be damned.
"Deal." Chakotay reached out to take Tom's hand in his own, and
give it an official handshake. He looked up, into Tom's eyes, and
the current that ran between them was sexually electrifying and
intense.
"Gods," Tom breathed, seemingly captivated by Chakotay's gaze,
"what you do to me!" He glanced down at his robe meaningfully,
and Chakotay followed his gaze to the bulge beneath the blue
terrycloth. Tom tightened his grip on the older man's hand and
pulled him in close for a deep, deep kiss that left them both
gasping.
Chakotay was dazed. Holy spirits. Too damn perfect, the way we
fit together, the heat we generate between us. Like we were made
to be together. "Tom," Chakotay murmured, nuzzling the tender
hollow at the base of the younger man's neck, "I want you. Now."
Tom gave a low groan in response, a needful growl that set every
nerve ending in Chakotay's body on fire. Chakotay stared into the
other man's eyes again, and saw desire and arousal flare up in
them. Suddenly, without warning, Tom was all over him,
devouring him, kissing and sucking and biting. Tom's nails
traced patterns down Chakotay's back, scratching the delicate
skin. Tom's teeth nipped at him, anywhere and everywhere,
leaving behind little red marks that ached deliciously.
Somehow, Tom's robe had been discarded, and he was working
determinedly at removing Chakotay's hastily donned clothing.
Tom growled with approval when he saw that the older man
wasn't wearing any underwear. Chakotay moaned as Tom flicked
his tongue out to taste Chakotay's cock, and spread a little
moisture around. Oh, he needed this. What a fool he'd been to
think he could try this once or twice and stop. What an utter idiot
-- "Gods!" Tom had drawn Chakotay into his mouth, and was
sucking hard. His tongue swirled deliciously around the tip of his
cock, his teeth grazed over him oh-so-lightly, and gods, *what*
was Tom doing with his fingers? Playing him like a flute, oh
damn, the man is getting *good* at this.
He moaned his disappointment when Tom removed his mouth,
and opened his eyes to see Tom hovering over his groin, looking
up at him, with an impish grin on his face. "You're too damn
quiet, Chakotay, I can't tell if I'm doing it right. Let's hear some
noise."
Chakotay gritted his teeth. "I'm not comfortable being loud."
"You will be when I'm done with you. I like my lovers to be
vocal, Big Man; I want to hear you moan and beg, and scream so
loudly when you come that the neighbors start pounding on the
walls."
"I -- I can't, Tom."
"Sure you can. You make more noise than you realize, anyway.
All you have to do is turn the volume up. I want the whole damn
ship to know who I've got in here with me."
"Dammit, Tom, that's not funny. I don't -- oh, gods, *please*."
Tom removed his mouth from Chakotay's cock again, grinning at
Chakotay's sob of frustration. "You liked that. I know you did.
So beg me for more, Big Man." His hands squeezed gently at the
base of Chakotay's cock, and one finger sneaked around to brush
over his anus. Chakotay moaned. "That's it, that's what I want to
hear. Louder, Chakotay; tell me how much you want me."
Chakotay moaned again as Tom licked around the head of his
cock. "Gods, please, Tom, more, please." He let his voice grow a
little louder, and was rewarded with a firm pull on his straining
erection. "Oh, gods yes, like that ... " He moaned louder. Tom
brought his mouth down further on his cock, and increased the
pressure with his lips. One finger inserted itself into his ass, and
stroked him gently, in and out, over and over.
"Gods, so good, oh *gods* I need this!" Chakotay's cries were
becoming louder and Tom increased the pace of his ministrations.
"More, please, suck me, fuck me, gods yes, oh gods, don't stop,
don't stop..." Sobs of desire tore through his throat. He let his
inhibitions fall away; he didn't give a damn who heard him, this
was *so* damn good, and it was a sort of relief to be able to
express out loud all the feelings tearing through his body, he'd
never let himself go like this before -- "Oh yes, yes, more, please,
gods, *yes*!"
He thought he might be shouting by now, but it didn't matter, all
that mattered was Tom's mouth on him, the warm wetness and
heat, the gentle fingers drawing in and out of him, rubbing
occasionally across his prostate, sending wave after wave of
unbearable pleasure through his body. He was gasping and
groaning, his heart was pounding as if he was running a
marathon, and he couldn't hear for the blood pulsing in his ears.
His entire being was focused on the urgent need to come, but Tom
was drawing it out, bringing him to the brink, then backing off
slightly until he could do it again. Gods, he was begging, he
could hear himself faintly over the pounding of his pulse, what
was he saying? "Please, oh please, oh please ..." He thought he
heard Tom chuckle, then there was nothing but a firm, insistent
pull on his cock, over and over; gods, Tom was sucking as if his
life depended on it and Chakotay shuddered as he felt the pressure
build up in his chest as it built up in his cock, he was going to
scream whether he wanted to or not, because damn this was so
good, it was unbelievable, and he was going to ... going to ... oh
gods, now, oh gods, *yes*!" The intensity of the scream torn from
his throat surprised him as his orgasm slammed into him like a
tidal wave, and the world went black.
Darkness. Silence. A faint rapid drumming, eventually
recognizable as the sound of his heart beating at twice its normal
speed. A panicked voice in the blackness. "Chakotay? Chakotay,
damn it, stop kidding around."
No energy left to do anything more than softly whisper, "Mmm."
A sigh of relief, somewhere to his left. "Shit. I almost called the
Doc. What happened?"
Chakotay cracked an eye open to see Tom looking down at him, a
worried expression on his face. "I passed out."
"Yeah, well, I'd figured that much out on my own. Are you o.k.?"
Chakotay chuckled. "I'm fine. It happens sometimes. It's
nothing to worry about."
A sarcastic laugh. "Sure. Whatever you say. Don't do it again,
all right?" Tom's voice was a little shaky.
Chakotay placed a reassuring hand on Tom's arm. "Really, it's
*nothing* to worry about. It only happens when the orgasm is
really intense. You should take it as a compliment."
"The way you screamed bloody murder was compliment enough.
Jesus, I thought you had a heart attack."
Chakotay was a little miffed. "Oh, come on. I'm not *that* old."
He looked at Tom more carefully. The younger man was still
trembling slightly. "Gods, Tom, I can't believe you didn't know
this happens occasionally."
Tom laughed a small choked laugh. "To be brutally honest,
Chakotay, until you came along, my sexual experiences were
entirely conventional. Numerous, but conventional. There's
probably tons of shit I don't know."
"Oh, so *that's what you meant when you said you still wanted to
be experimenting in two months." He pulled back. "What am I
here, your tutor?"
Tom laughed, more fully this time, and Chakotay was relieved to
see him relax. "If you like. Trust me, I'm a quick study."
"I can tell. That blow job was one of the best I've ever had."
"What, not the best ever?"
Chakotay chuckled. "Don't get cocky."
"Too late." Tom motioned with his hands.
"Ahh. Yes, I see. Very nice. We do have some unfinished
business to attend to." He rolled over, and pulled Tom into his
mouth, sucking hard and insistently. The suddenness of it took
Tom by surprise, and he fell back, gasping, and wrapped his
hands in Chakotay's hair.
Chakotay grinned to himself as he heard Tom start to moan, and
felt Tom's body shudder beneath him. This wasn't what he'd
planned, he'd been going to let Tom fuck him, but this was *so*
much fun, he was much more in control, here, and after the way
Tom had tortured him, he wanted to be the one in charge. He
licked and nipped and sucked and squeezed, loving Tom's groans,
ignoring Tom's pleas, dragging it out for delicious minute after
delicious minute until Tom was writhing desperately underneath
him.
"Gods, Chakotay, if you don't finish this, I'll kill you, I swear I'll
kill you, I will, oh gods, PLEASE, no ohgodsnogodsyes,
pleasepleaseplease..." Chakotay kept on taking his time, feeling
Tom's erection harden to almost impossible stiffness in his mouth.
Tom's hands had long ago left his hair, now they were clutching
at the sheets, clenching and unclenching convulsively, and Tom
was swearing under his breath. No, not his breath, you couldn't
really call what Tom was doing 'breathing', it was gasping and
sobbing mixed together, and it was wonderfully noisy. Chakotay
could see why Tom liked his lovers vocal, it gave him a thrilling
rush of power to know that *he* was the one driving Tom so
obviously insane.
"Please, Chakotay, ohgodsplease, I can't take this, it's too good, oh
*yes*, more, please, please, *please*, gods, I -- -- oh, oh gods, oh
*gods* oh shit shit oh gods, yesyesyes --" Chakotay finally
decided it wasn't fair to make Tom wait any longer, and he
fastened on with expert urgency. He was going to make Tom
come, hard, *now* -- "gods, oh gods, oh ... I ... oh gods ... oh yes,
that's it that's it oh GODS!" Tom ended with a screech as he shot
his load furiously, deep into Chakotay's throat. Chakotay hadn't
swallowed Tom's semen yet, and he enjoyed learning the sweet-
salty taste of him.
Tom had collapsed into a limp pile on the bed, his panting the
only sound in the room. After a few minutes, he raised his head
weakly. "How did you *do* that?" Chakotay quirked an eyebrow
at him, and Tom blushed. "No, I mean, how did you, you know,
take me in so far?"
Gods, it was so sweet, Tom's painful embarrassment, the galactic
playboy in reality turning out to be rather naive. Chakotay
grinned at him. Oh, but he was cute when he was blushing.
"There's a trick to it. It's called deep throating."
"Oh." Tom was quiet for a minute, then he said, hesitantly,
"Chakotay, are you going to be o.k. with this?"
"I think so."
"'Cause if you're not, I want you to let me know."
"I'm a grown man, Tom. You don't need to worry about me."
"I know, but still, I feel like I've talked you into something you
don't really want."
"What, you think I don't want three months of great sex? No
matter what happens, at least I'll get that."
Tom chuckled, and snuggled up close to the older man's body. "I
thought you weren't into casual sex, Big Man."
"I'm not. There's nothing casual about this." Tom started to raise
his head to protest, but Chakotay shushed him. "Don't panic. I
understand what this is to you, and you should understand what it
is to me. I'm o.k. with it, Tom, really, and I won't push you into
anything you're not ready for, all right?"
"All right." Tom was quiet again, for a longer period of time, and
Chakotay heard him stifle a yawn. "Chakotay?" Tom asked,
sleepily.
"Go to sleep, Tom. We've got to get up in a couple of hours."
"I know, but I need to ask you something. It's very important."
His speech was getting slurred.
"What is it?"
"Tonight, could you teach me how to do that deep throat thing?"
Chakotay laughed out loud. "You are unbelievable, you know
that?"
"Unpredictable," Tom corrected fuzzily, "and you know you love
it." He yawned, hugely. "G'night, Big Man."
"Good night, Tom. Sweet dreams."
"'s my line," Tom mumbled, half asleep.
"Not tonight," Chakotay said. "Now, go to sleep, Lieutenant." He
got no response from the man sleeping next to him. Chakotay
sighed contentedly, closed his eyes, and fell instantly asleep with a
smile on his face.
-----------
The End?