"Hooman-what?"
by Maisie (maisierita@comcast.net)
copyright 2000
(Voy, C/P, 1/1, R)
A sequel to "Leola Root Latkes", in which Tom's minutely Jewish heritage was revealed. Silliness ahead. Rated R only for the mention of an m/m relationship.
Part of the "Sweet Dreams" series. :)
Feedback always welcomed at the above edress.
Disclaimer: I don't own Tom and Chak, and I don't own the holiday. More's the pity. ;)
*****
"Hooman-what?"
"Hamantashen."
"And they're what, exactly?"
"Cookies, Teddy. Triangular cookies with different kinds of fillings."
"Okay." Chakotay took a look at his lover, tall, blond and gorgeous, with flour on his nose and a smear of something sticky and yellow across one cheek. He reached out a finger to snatch a taste of the goop. Apricot.
"Hey!" Tom protested without heat. "I'm trying to concentrate. I already messed up a batch. You can either help me, or you can leave."
Chakotay subsided gracefully. "I'll help. What can I do?"
Tom shoved a baking dish at him, upon which lay a dozen doughy circles. A spoon was next, along with a bowl full of the apricot preserves. "Put some jelly in the middle of these for me while I cut out some more, okay?"
Chakotay paused, wavering. His lack of talent in the kitchen was legendary, and so he hesitated to do things that involved any discretion on his part. "How much jelly?"
Tom shrugged. "Not too much. A blob. Like this." He demonstrated, and Chakotay watched carefully, more than a little bit apprehensive. It didn't *seem* too difficult . . .
By the time he'd finished carefully placing the jelly on each of the circles, Tom had finished cutting out another dozen, and shoved them across the table, along with a bowl of dark jelly. "Prunes," he said concisely, and reached for Chakotay's original tray. He took a deep breath. "This is where I messed up before." Slowly, inexpertly, he folded up the edges of the circle and pinched three corners, bringing the dough up and around the jelly, leaving a gaping hole in the middle.
"Aren't you supposed to close that?" Chakotay asked curiously.
"Nope. Otherwise you can't see what you're getting." Tom worked diligently until the cookies were done to his satisfaction, then he started in on the batch that Chakotay had just finished.
Chakotay sat back and wiped his hands off on a towel. "Mind if I ask why we're making these hooman-thingies?"
"Hamantashen. Huh-min-tah-shen. You'd better practice, Big Man. I don't want you embarrassing me."
"Embarrassing you? In front of whom? You still didn't tell me why we're making these huhmuntish things."
"*Hamantashen*. For god's sake, Teddy, you learned to say 'latkes', you can learn to say this. We're making them for Purim." He paused, and glanced at Chakotay meaningfully. "Poor-im."
"Poor-im," Chakotay repeated with care, enunciating clearly. "And that is?"
"A Jewish holiday. Starts tonight. Ensign Abrams is having a party in her quarters."
"And she invited you as an honorary Jew?"
Tom grinned. "That's the funny thing. According to her, I really *am* Jewish. Nothing honorary about it."
"But you weren't raised Jewish. You're Christian, aren't you?" Sudden deja vu hit. Chakotay was sure they'd had this conversation before.
"Not really. I told you, I was raised Starfleet." Tom shrugged, grinning. "At any rate, it apparently doesn't matter how I was raised. Miriam was my mother's mother's mother, and *she* was Jewish."
"But your other relatives weren't."
"Doesn't matter. Rebecca says it goes by matrilineal descent. So I'm Jewish, but I can't pass it on to my kids. Well, not unless I marry someone Jewish. You're not Jewish, are you Teddy?"
"Is that a proposal?"
"Nah. Don't get your hopes up. I was just asking." He smirked. "Actually, since it's matrilineal descent, I suppose that even if you *were* Jewish, it wouldn't make any difference."
The sudden chirp of the timer interrupted them, and Tom turned to the oven, carefully pulling out the apricot cookies and placing them on a rack to cool. "Miriam would have loved these. She loved baking."
"She never made huhmishtan?"
"Hamantashen. Chakotay, the party is *tonight*. You'd better learn how to say it by then, or I'm not going to bring you with me." He placed the next batch of cookies in the oven and reset the timer.
"Miriam?" Chakotay prompted.
Tom nodded. "Right. No, Miriam never made them. Only latkes. She wasn't really Jewish, Teddy. I mean, I guess she *was*, but in name only. She didn't believe in any of it."
Chakotay nodded. "And you?"
"I don't believe in anything, Teddy. Just you." Tom wrapped his arms around Chakotay, heedless of the flour that transferred from his apron to Chakotay's uniform, and kissed him until the older man was breathless.
Chakotay took a step back and shook his head to clear it. He had a sudden urge to cover Tom with the remainder of the apricot jelly and then lick it off. He wondered if he could talk Tom into it. "What time is the party?" he asked hoarsely.
Tom grinned wolfishly at him. "1900 hours. Not enough time for what you're thinking."
"You don't know what I'm thinking."
"I have a pretty good idea." Tom stuck a finger in the apricot preserves, then licked it clean slowly and sensually. "Anyway, I need the rest of the jelly, so you can't have it."
Chakotay blinked and stared at him, then grinned. "No problem. I can always replicate some more."
"In your dreams, Big Man."
"You got *that* right."
Tom grinned back at him and Chakotay decided that it wasn't going to take too much persuading after all. "Anything else I should know about this holiday?"
"Well, we're supposed to dress up in costumes."
"Like Halloween?"
"Yeah, I guess. Oh, and we're supposed to get drunk."
"Drunk?"
"Drunk. I don't know why. I want to read up on it before we go, but Rebecca was very clear about it. We're supposed to get drunk. Not synthehol drunk, either."
"Tom-"
"Don't look at me! It's a legitimate religious observance!"
"Uh huh." Chakotay allowed his skepticism to cross his face.
"I swear, Big Man."
Chakotay chuckled. "Well, now I know why you're so eager to go to the party."
Tom pouted. "Not true."
"Oh no?"
"No. I want to go because she asked." He looked at Chakotay, suddenly serious. "She's Maquis, Teddy. I know it shouldn't matter any more, but it does, and she asked, and I want to go." Chakotay nodded silently, relieved when another impish grin crossed Tom's face. "The fact that we can get drunk is just a bonus." He pulled the second batch of cookies out of the oven, then took off his apron with a theatrical flourish. "All done. I'm going to take a shower. Wanna come?"
Chakotay raised his eyebrows. "I thought you said we didn't have time."
"We don't have time for what *you* want. We have plenty of time for what I want." He waggled his eyebrows suggestively.
"You're a bad man, Tom Paris."
"Come off it. You know you love it."
Chakotay sighed, and let himself be led away. "The worst part is, you're right."
*****
THE END
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