"The Paris Plan"
by Maisie (maisierita@comcast.net)
copyright 2004
(Voy, C/P, Pg-13 for implied situations, but nothing actually naughty)
Website Address: http://home.comcast.net/~maisierita/index.html
Disclaimer: You know, after all these years, I still don't own 'em. Love 'em, but don't own 'em.
Warnings: Nary a one.
Notes: Eons ago, or so it seems, Sapphire and I were feeling museless, so I challenged her to write a story using 6 words that I pulled out of the dictionary at random. Her answer to that challenge was the delightful "Sea Horses, Seaweed and Tee" which can be found at: http://musings.slashcity.net/uncaged/seaweed.html. Sapphire of course turned around and popped a challenge back at me. And it's only taken me, oh, 10 months or so to finally answer the challenge. But here it is. Better late than never, right?
Challenge words
Tom: imagination, democracy, homosexuality
Chakotay: crisis, innocence, talent
Acknowledgments: Thanks to Sapphire for prodding my muses ... even though I was grumpy at my inability to finish this tiny little thing for so long.
Feedback: Please! Anything but flames gladly accepted at maisierita@comcast.net
Website:
Voyager fanfiction at: http://home.comcast.net/~maisierita/index.html
Highlander fanfiction at: http://home.comcast.net/~maisierita/hlfic.html
*****
Tom Paris smiled his most winning smile. "Come on," he wheedled. "When have I ever steered you wrong?"
"You want an itemized list?" Chakotay asked, deadpan.
Plastering a sulky pout across his face, Tom said, "Very funny."
"I wasn't joking."
"Liar. Think of all the things you wouldn't have tried if it weren't for me: peanut butter on bananas, Rigellian opera, real live gahk ..." Tom leaned closer and leered suggestively. "... homosexuality ..."
"Talaxian truffles," Chakotay countered with a pained expression.
"A fluke," Tom said airily, waving it away. "How was I supposed to know you'd be allergic? Anyway, you liked them fine before you broke out into hives."
"Which was about a minute later. And I ended up in Sickbay for two days."
"Oh, please. You could have gone home after an hour. You just liked having me wait on you hand and foot while you were there. Admit it."
"I never said the situation was without its advantages."
"Aha!"
Tom was grinning victoriously, and Chakotay sighed. "Look, I know you don't like to hear this, but Starfleet is a military organization, not a -"
"Oh god," Tom groaned, deflating theatrically and falling back on the couch. "Not the 'Starfleet is not a democracy' speech again."
"Well, it isn't," Chakotay said stubbornly. "Someone has to give the orders."
"Easy for you to say. You're the XO. That someone is usually you."
Chakotay flung him a nasty look. "That's not the point."
"I think that's exactly the point. You've been first or second in command for so long, you've forgotten how to interact with people on a purely social level."
"That's preposterous."
"Is it? Why else would you be so against this?"
"Because it's a bad idea."
"It is not a bad idea," Tom protested. "It's a great idea. Neelix is already organizing a party."
"You told Neelix?"
"Of course. He's the morale officer, isn't he? Anyway," Tom said, smoothly twisting around so he was lying on the couch, long legs draped carelessly over the side, "I think you're overreacting. I'm not saying we make it permanent. Just a few days."
Chakotay was already shaking his head. "And what if something happens? In a crisis, the chain of command has to be clear."
Offended, Tom said, "What, you think I'm stupid? Any situation that calls for an alert, ranks will be reinstated immediately."
"Eliminate ranks, but only when it doesn't matter? I guess I don't see the point."
Tom waggled his eyebrows. "Use your imagination," he purred. "Just think, three days when you're not the Commander, and I'm not the Lieutenant. The possibilities are endless."
Chakotay regarded Tom speculatively. "I've never noticed," he said presently, "that you were at all bothered by the difference in our ranks. In fact, when we're off-duty, you're pretty damn bossy."
"That's because you like me bossy."
Conceding the point with a wry nod, Chakotay continued, "Then I don't see why you want to get rid of ranks. You order me around all the time anyway."
"Not on the bridge."
"But you won't get to order me around on the bridge. The way you explained it, nobody will be ordering anybody around."
"Right."
"Then I definitely fail to see the point. What good is it going to do you?"
Tom sighed and sat up. "It's not always about me, you know. Or you. Or even me and you." He waved a hand around their quarters. "We've got it all worked out. On the bridge I call you "sir" and off the bridge I call you "snookums", and it works fine. Not everyone has our ability to compartmentalize, you know. That's why we need to get rid of ranks for a while. Get people to call each other by their first names and see past the pips."
"Uh huh," Chakotay said dryly. "So who exactly are you trying to fix up this time?"
"Fix up?" Tom said, blue eyes utterly free of guile. "Who said I'm trying to fix anybody up?"
"Don't go giving me that wide-eyed 'Mr. Innocence' look. I know what you're doing. Now that you're a happily married man you think everyone else should be in the same state of connubial bliss."
"Ooh, use some more big words, Chakotay. You know how it turns me on."
"Stop changing the subject."
Tom smirked. "In a weird way, I'm not."
"So you are trying to fix somebody up."
"Well," Tom hedged, "I am awfully good at it."
"Yes, it's another hidden talent," said Chakotay patiently. "You're a genius at matchmaking. So who is it?"
"I can't tell you. You'll give it away and screw it up. Matchmaking works best when the people don't know they're being matched."
Now it was Chakotay's turn to be offended. "I will not give it away!"
"Sure you will. You'll grin all goofy at 'em and they'll know something's up."
"I will not grin at them," Chakotay said through gritted teeth.
"Sorry. No can do."
Chakotay drummed his fingers on the armrest of his chair and frowned at Tom, who had dropped back down into his lazy sprawl across the couch.
Tom met his frown with an insouciant grin, and stared back, unperturbed.
"You're just trying to get me to beg you," Chakotay said. "I won't do it."
"Bribery works," Tom said helpfully. He shifted slightly on the couch, and there was a definite suggestion in the fluid movement of those long, lean limbs.
Chakotay groaned tolerantly. "It's the middle of the afternoon!"
Tom blinked at him lazily. "And your point is ...?"
With a huge sigh of self-sacrifice, Chakotay raised himself up from his chair and crossed the short distance to the couch. There was flurry of intense and noisy activity, and then a short period of satisfied silence.
Tom, his face still buried in Chakotay's neck, raised his head a fraction of an inch to whisper a single word in Chakotay's ear.
Chakotay lifted himself on his arms and stared down at his husband's flushed face and mischievous grin. "You have got to be kidding."
Tom shook his head. "Nope."
"Good luck," Chakotay muttered. "Who's the lucky match-ee?"
"It should be obvious."
Chakotay frowned. "Obvious? You never do obvious. You always pick the least likely people to ... oh no. No, no, no."
"Oh yes, yes, yes," Tom said, eyes twinkling.
"Not Neelix!"
"C'mon, Chakotay. They'll be perfect together!"
"You're insane. Certifiable."
"Am not."
"Are too. And it's going to take a lot more than eliminating ranks for a few days to get those two together."
"I know. That's only the first step of my devious plan."
Chakotay eyed him warily. "How many steps are there in this plan?"
"Five," Tom answered cheerfully.
"I don't suppose you're going to tell me about the others."
"Nope. Top-secret. Though," Tom added, running his fingers lightly over Chakotay's bare back, "I am, as always, very amenable to bribery." He grinned up at Chakotay from beneath lowered lashes. "Bribe me?
Chakotay grinned back and did just that.
~~~~~ Fin ~~~~~
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