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March 2, 2006

-- Slice of life --

Trix are for higher test scores

By Molly Horan

"Molly, your school called."
"Whatever it is, I didn't do it."
"No, they just want you to eat breakfast."

My high school's sudden interest in my nutritional habits can only mean one thing: standardized testing is nearly upon us.

Click Here   Joe Keo/ The Tattoo

Suddenly the administrators, who just a few short days ago were simply concerned with avoiding bloodshed on school property, are making sure their students are well rested and fed.

All of this is because of the CAPT, an exam that is said to test all the knowledge we have received from kindergarten through our sophomore year.

My elementary school years are a blur of dinosaurs, Shel Silverstein, and a particularly scarring incident involving a laminating machine.

My middle school education involved a lot of READ magazines, the fine art of preparing instant mini-muffins and a lengthy science experiment in which we attempted to train a beta fish to jump through a hoop.

I'm feeling slightly unprepared.

We must be prepared for the test, however, or horrible terrible things will happen. This includes the very real danger of not being able to graduate.

This year, sophomores must pass the writing, reading, and math components of the CAPT to receive their diplomas.

The other horrors that await student who flunk the CAPT are left to the imagination.

So, with eight days of testing ahead of us, it's natural to want to vent.

My advice? Have fun with acronyms. Sure CAPT could stand for Connecticut Academic Performance Test. It could also be an abbreviated way of saying Cold-hearted, Atrocious, Pernicious Test, or maybe Crazed, Aberrant, Psychotic Turmoil.

Anything that properly expresses how you feel about those tiny little bubbles that you must fill in darkly and completely will work.


Joe Keo/ The Tattoo


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