(Copyright 2002. The Tattoo. All rights reserved.)
Making a permanent impression since 1994
March 11, 2002
"Survivor 4" won't survive
By Kaishi Lee
Let me confess a weakness: Iím a sucker for realityTV.
But watching the debut episode of "Survivor 4:Marquesas" was just as alienating and tortuous an affair as sitting through the Grammys.
During the show, I managed to take several toiletbreaks, read the newspapers and channel-surf.
Basically, networks have strip-mined this genre andworn it out so that "Survivor" is just another gagfest Ė a little slow and full of yawns.
Start by cueing some warbling music and theaggravating Jeff Probst: "It's the ultimate challenge! 39 days! Sixteen people! One ... survivor!"
Of course, the blueprint of "Survivor" remains:Sixteen men and women are abandoned on the tiny remote island of Nuku Hiva in the South Pacific Marquesas archipelago with no rations of food or water.
Separated into two tribes -- Maraamu (Wind) and Rotu(Rain) -- they will contend against each other and live off the island.
They take part in challenges, and every three days,someone gets voted out. The last man standing gets $1million.
Because everyone is chasing that $1 million, the 16manifest a host of banal emotions and conditions that viewers simply want to tune out.
On the first episode of "Survivor 4," the 16 castawayswere forced to abandon a fishing boat ship and paddle several hours to their new homes.
Lots goes wrong, so letís just pick on the dialogue.
When Maraamu reached shore, Sean led a prayer withPeter and said, "We didn't do this on our own, God's hand was definitely under the raft guiding us."
Then more than 23 million viewers watched as Sarahmade stupid jokes and pranced around like a lunatic.
While she made dumb comments like "If I win, I want tobuy a monkey," Rob was right there with her, gushing, "Me too. I love monkeys."
And you know what? There are even more trite bits.
When Hunter took charge and assumed the role ofleader, Gina said, "Iím already in love with Hunter. Heís a great person and we have so much in common. Hunter knows a little bit about everything."
Over at the Rotu tribe, after a row with Kathy, Johnexclaimed, "I am Irish so I have a temper, and she sparked it. Now I became fixated with starting a fire to combat my outburst."
Still, I bet that after seeing the show, swarms oftourists will descend on the hitherto unspoiled island. Garbage carelessly tossed aside and harassed animals, an endless source of amusement for some tourists, will be the norm.
So consider that the the Tribal Council has spoken:"Survivor Marquesas" isnít just bad. It sucks.
For views on the first "Survivor" check out:
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