Send As SMS

Tuesday, January 28, 2003

Did not drink at all past 2 nights and don't feel like it tonight either. May have a beer just for fun. Tommorrow is neglect nite and that always involves some alcohol. Would like to avoid a hangover, tho.

Trying to remember that Saturday when I I realized that my drinking habits really had to change. It was January 11th. I've slowly reduced my consumption since then to a point where I don't even want it anymore that much. Now there certainly is more time in the evenings tho I still like to chill and do brainless things like TV to relax. the real challenge is to see if this leads to some other change to fill the time and energy that sobriety is giving me. Hell, my buddha is even less likely to bust my pants than before. Its still big tho, gotta work on that.

I remember thinking that going thru life slightly intoxicated was the norm and that it was ok. Seemed that I could function well enough in most situations. At times tho, I would just want to be home, be alone and drink. That happened quite often, actually. Embarrassment, shame and complete lack of confidence are all feelings that we strengthened by the alcoholism.

Now, I'm amazed that most folks go thru life sober. It seems that things are more interesting when your brain isn't a numb bowl of grape jello.

Sunday, January 26, 2003

It's been about 2 weeks since I cut down on get getting smashed every night. GFeels like 3. Hasn't been as difficult this time as it has in the past.

So many freakin hangovers that I could barely live my life. It makes me a poor Dad. How long vefore the kids realize that their Dad is either drinking, waiting to start drinking or hung over from drinking?

When I started to feel abdominal pains in my sides and lower stomach, I got scared. At this pont, just trying to keep the drunk nights down to 3 a week. that's alot better than 7nights/week! I allow my self 1 drink a night, just to keep the edge off. That often is enough.

Hopefully, I will be able to keep this up. Find myself going for comfort foods more than ever, tho. Rationalization was like, "well, i'm not drinking the poisin and taking in the calories, hell I deserve to go to Taco Bell!"