Couldn't go to sleep last nite. Took a shaort nap at 6pm 'till ~ 7pm and they could not sleep until 3AM.

Wifey and the kids are home today. It was getting lonely in that house all alone. Daughter calls me crying because she misses me and wants me to come home. Then wifey gets on and rags on me because I forgot to do a couple of little chores that she had asked me to do.

I'm at work and feel like i pulled an all-nighter. Can't seem to work thru any technical issues this afternoon.

Drinking report for Driday. Recall that i was fairly hung over from Thurday nite at the in-laws. Sipped beers sporadically thrughout the afternoon and evening. didn't even finish all the beer in the fridge, a real display of self constraint fot yours truly. (hence the 3 yeunglings that i had last nite.)

went to bed around midnight and had now hangover yesterday. it is much easioer for to try to accomplish "moderation drinking" then jumping directly into cold turkey. perhaps i can get there slowly.

the internet connection on my PC is fine. Turns pout that my homepage is down. duh! that's the kind of goof up that makes one feel like an idiot but at the same time glad that it was not a complex problem.

Worked on computer projects for most of the day yesterday:
1) installed faxmodem in wifey's pc.
2) spliced together some old speakers that were laying around (the rotty had chewed thru the wires) and setup on wifey's PC.
3) installed win2k pro on wifey's old work PC, a p3 733mhz, 128MB RAM machine. This will now be my PC. Its faster than my old pII 450, tho the RAM 9is the same.
4) installed redhat linux 9 on pII machine. Ethernet card is not working right and KDE desktop seems to freeze after a few minutes. Very frustrating. All that I want out of this box is an apache web server to play with.
5) setup KVM switch for the 2 machines at my desk.

On the non-computer accomplishments include picking up the jeep (runs great now) and getting my father in law to help out w/ the kitchen wall and flooring. Need a fucking plumber tho. The 1 from Friday completely stood me up. I left a voice mail for him yesterday. Sears boiler guy stood me up also on Friday. Bastards.

Sat on ass w/ bro in law last nite watching the Brady Movie, always hilarious, and reruns of the family guy. Drank 3 yuenglin lites and a bunch of absolut and coke. Managed not to get 2 wrecked. Drank water and watched my absolut intake. absolut or vodka in general fucks me UP! It also gives me pains in my kidneys. I think that I may have kidney stones. I read that contributing substances to the formation of kidney stones include alcohol, coffee and nuts. I consume all 3 in large quantities on a regular basis. I am doomed...

only had 3 slim fasts all day. Then drank as described and came home at midnight, hungry. Was weak and made 2 mexican pizzas then to bed. i console myself from the guilt in that while driving home from bro-in-law's house, almost went to Wendy's or taco bell. driving drunk that far would have been a bad idea. you see, my bro-in-law lives 2 block from my house. i know, you're thinking "why did that fat ass drive there in the first place?" well, i kinda was expecting to make a food run at some point that evening but it never happened. wonder if i should try to go only slimfasts today...

today's agenda:
1) visit father and deliver cash and rent checks for next couple of months.
2) get linux machine running. Do not want to spend too much time on this tho.
3) make sure PC is working ok, i.e. net connection.
4) make setup for router and cable modem in wifey's office. Current situation is a mess of wires and devices. If anyone bumps into the modem, it resets and u temporarily lose your internet connection. This will likely require a trip to best buy. Will need extra CAT5 cables (maybe), long electricalextension cords, maybe a small switch for the 2 PCs at my desk and finally, a means to secure the router and modem out of the way of family traffic in wifey's office. Also, a small cross-over cable. All of this stuff is expensive at best buy vs. ordering from TigerDirect but i want it NOW, i.e. today.

why am i obsessed w. my "productivity" each day? If i exercised, would i feel less of a need to accomplish tasks? i like to be busy but the to do list never seems to end. where is the balance?

today is my last day off from work via my vacation. wifey and kids just left to go to mother in law's till monday. i am a batchelor for a few days.

right now i have a blh blah hang over going on. no pain, just a queasy stomach, drooping eyes (probably need more sleep) and a slowly retreating headache.

am trying to balance my body chemistry, particularly, caffiene, water, aspirin and aleve, blood sugar (a.k.a. food) and alcohol. that's right, alcohol. i am having a beer right now at 11am! when i have a queasy type hangover, i find a drink of beer (or whatever poison i was drinking the night before) eases my stomach and clears my head. i guess that is a sure sign of addiction...

freakin' plumber hasn't shown yet. he was supposed to be here between 8:30am and 9am. what is it w/ these contractors. they are never on time (sometimes months late) and they never even call to give you a heads up! bastards.

Drank too much last nite. Had pizza over at the in laws. Put my drunk foot in my mouth once or twice but hopefully nothing to terrible. This morning i have a headache though. Defintely dehydrated. I knew that going to the evening of scotch and beer yet couldn't resist.

During the day yesterday, dropped the jeep off at the dealer to get it looked at. Its been running very rough and the check engine light has been coming on. The dealer later called to say that it was clogged fuel injectors = $200. Not bad, was expecting worse. Picking up the jeep later this morning after the plumber comes over to give me an estimate on the work needed in the kitchen.

Also, washed and waxed both the canoe and the party van yesterday. It was an incredibly beautiful day. I love this weather, in the 60s - 70s. Today is overcast and cool. That's fine w/ me too. Anything but too damn hot.

Not sure what to do this weekend. Wifey and the kids are visitng her Mom outta state for nearly 4 days. I have some house projects on my honey do list but they always take longer than expected. Would like to do something fun that i otherwise wouldn't be able to when in my usual husband/daddy role. I've been meaning to purchase a kayak fo use around the river i the off season. hmmm...

I have some older posts from previous online journals that I have kept. Maybe i'll figure out how to post them hear as archives under the appropriate date.

Years ago i had online journal that ran for several months. wish i had a backup copy of it...

Been thinking alot about balance lately. Wife reminded me that i beat myself up to much about my drinking. Yes, i go overboard and drink too much and too frequently. BUT, if i can drinkat a more moderate level, what is wrong w/ that? It does not have to be all or nothing. I can drink some and still my pitiful life w/o feeling guilty about anything. Too much guilt.

This week off has been pretty great so far. Been trying to do things w/ the kids, be productive (chores and such) catching up on things that i can't do cuz i'm ususally at work, and taking some time for myself. don't miss work at all. was disappointed about not being able to go to Ocracoke for a week like we planned. Hurricane Isabel made sure of that.

Hoping that i can get my father in law to help me w/ some home carpentry projects. more like him doing the work w/ me as his helper.

This is test posting for my new blog.

The Next Whiskey Bar

This post is actually an email that I sent to a friend. This post was entered on 10/06/2005 and backdated to the date of the original email. Note the googy nicknames of my friend, 'Biko" and 'Huggida'.

Hey Huggida,

[ WARNING! Excessive rambling from one's high horse is below. Proceed w/ caution.]

Got your article via snail mail. Shit man, I've been struggling w/ the same issue for 12 years! While trying to figue it out, I've pretty much taken up a seat next to Jim's empty bar stool.

I've come to realize that most people just aren't even aware of the negative impact that we have on the earth, our mother. Recently, I had a conversation w/ my brother in law. He was all fired up cuz someone at this work had told him a little about how great organic food is. That organic food is healthier, less damagin to the environment, more humane to livestock and makes your shit smell like flowers. ( Read the book, FAST FOOD NATION and you'll cry and squirm.) He was so excited like he had found some new truth and could not understand why industrial agriculture existed and why people did not eat organic, why was the world such an evil place, etc. I was feeling peaceful that he had discovered his own truth. At the same time I was saddened that at 31, this was the first time he had ever thought about the planet and our role in it.

As an angrier, younger man, I used to be so pained by what humans (greedy consumer based societies like our own particularly) are arrogantly doing to the world around us that I often wished all people would go away. Evaporate. And thus leave the world healthy and pure.

Or at least, return to stone age times, i.e. pre-columbian native americans, when people lived more in harmony w/ the earth. Yet if I were living in a house made of sticks,scratching a living from the ecosystem around me, and worrying that my kids may not make it thru a long cold, hungry winter... And then a magic genie appeared and offered to "buy me a mercedes-benz", a cozy house in the suburbs, tv, liquor, Carmen Electra, central a/c, modern health care and a cell phone, what would I do? This is the exact question that the remaining neolithtic societies in the world are facing today.
Personally, I agonized over a much less dramatic situation, yet one that still haunts me. I used to work at a job in which i felt that i could make a concrete difference in the way that people treated their world. Whether i had any success depends on who you ask. BUT, I pretty much lived at subsistence level, while my peers were living large, doing what they do, w/o a thought to a cause that seemed so important and clear to me. Finally, i took a seat in the caboose of the money train and left my cause behind.
A colleague of mine at the time, used to call this process "going to Ikea". At some point, just about everybody who holds such radical ideas as anti consumerism and an earth centric (rather than anthro centric) world view, will eventually settle down and have to buy some cheap, pretty, modern, trendy furniture. Thus making that coming of age pilgrimage to the regional Ikea store. Welcome to America. As you an see, that experience left me quite bitter. Since then, however, I've been nursing this black spot on my heart.

Now I realize that humans are a part of the world. We have a right to live here just as the animals, trees, rocks, rivers and oceans do. We have a right to be successful as a species. If Biko goes camping in the forest, Biko will shit in a small hole in the ground. If a million Bikos live in a suburban megalopolis, where do they shit?

For me, there needs to be balance in how we live. Defining what "balance" means for a society in its relation to mother ocean/earth and father sky is the hard part. I'm pretty sure that greed has a very little part, however. These days I am a bit more optimistic. I feel that people really want to do what is right. Agreeing on what is right and the COST of doing right is a different story.

It would be perfect to close w/ "think globally and act locally". So true. Yet, that would be hyprocritical coming from moi. Gotta go, Biks. Hafta take a dump before taking the kids to McDonald's for lunch.