At the office. Been so bored today. Have spent the last hour reading Gus' journal Randomly Ever After. Been reading this off and on since 1997. Check in every once in a while when I am really bored and have an internet connection at hand.

Am so bored w/ work this week. Getting over this week long illness has drained most of my energy. Besides, the weather is beautiful spring time type and I feel like I am missing it. Also, after spending 4 days in bed last week, feel like I haven't seen my wife or kids in forever. Wish I could just leave work and take my daughter out in the kayak.

Today is my Mom's birthday. Happy Birthday Mom!

Last alcoholic drink was on February 23, 2004. Almost 2 months ago. Not missing it, really. Exhausted. Willhave to post another time.

Took the day off today. Boss let me use comp time which essentailly means that I have the day off for free. Went to my Mom's on Sunday for Easter lunch. Turkey and galic shrimp. Nice. Mom sisn't spend the entire time in the kitchen this visit! Uncle V. was there too. Been thinking about him lately. Its been a long time. He is 90 and frail now. He winced when I went to give him a hug.
Wifey hasn't been feeling well. He tooth is bothering her. Finally got her to the dentist yesterday and hopefully it will help. Her teeth are terrible cuz she neglects them. Add to the toothache her headaches and tiredness and she is misreable most of the time.
We are all going to the State Aquarium today. Taking the light rail for a ride of 50 mins each way. Kids are fired up and I am too.
Still haven't done anything about Dad's taxes...
Some pics from the great sunburn paddle adventure.

Here is the railroad trestle in Bordentown that spans Crosswick's Creek. Current was so strong directly in front of it that I was fighting to not get pushed backwards.


Another look at the bridge. spent a half hour contemplating how to get thru the bridge w/ the fast current. Tide was going out and current was parallel to the bridge. IF one wasn't careful, one could easy get slammed to the right into the nearest pilings.


A look into the monster's mouth. When the tide is high, no problem going right thru that opening in the center. Ended up going to the far left out of the picture.



Resting at the bank after working my ass off paddling upstream. Tide is down 4 feet or so revealing the mud bank at this part of the creek.


A look up from my resting spot on the mud bank. Sunny day resulting in sun poisoning for me for nearly 3 days.

yesterday went kayaking too. Had best time yet. Time had been going out for 3 hours and currents were strong. A beautfully warm and sunny day w/ temp ap[proaching sixty. Went to Bordentown boat ramp to head up the Crosswicks. A few folks were there trailering in their power boats. Hit the water and planned to paddle upstream in Crosswicks and then ride the current back down.

Finished the egg hunt and baskets an gifts. Kids are already sucking doen the candy.

Drain pipe on the way out. Note the water level, as the tide is going out.



The slough w/ the small industrial area. I though that might make a good putin but it is inaccessible and does not have easy water access, anyway. Notice the metal bulkhead.



Another view of the slough.





Looking out into the Delaware, downstream.



Note the water level at the pipe on the return trip. About 45 mins later than previous pipe pic.

Here is the put in point off Rte 130 to get to the slough. Its kinda nasty and assholes have dumped trash here. Very tidal spot w/ blocks of cement debris in the water and banks.





The party van and a look at some refuse at the putin point.




Heading out to the slough via a yet unknown stream. Straight channel so might be man "enhanced".



Another shot of the stream.

Hafta run and do the egg hunt. More later.

So went to Father-in-law's last night for an easter dinner. Didn't have any drinks. Wasn't hard either. Kids had fun in an egg hunt and lots of candy. Today we have an egg hunt here in a fewminutes and then another at my Mom's this afternoon. Candy and plastic eggs.

Went kayaking in the slough last wednesday after work. The wind (maybe tides) was creating some knarly swells going against the current. The tide was high but on its way out. did the northern portion of the slough and out to the Delaware. Sat at the moputh of the Delaware for 20 mins, taking it all in. There was a huge container ship and tug boat moored across the river at a terminal. I noticed that terminal on the 2002 orthos a couple of days previous. Another, smaller boat was in the middle ofthe channel. Looked like marine police of something. They just sat there the whole time. A pleasure, power boat zoomed by in the main channel, several hundred yards out, and sent a tiny wake to me. The kayak is much more capable when it comes to wakes and waves than a canoe.

Went down to Cumberland County yesterday for a work related meeting. We are trying to get that County to join our distributed network of GIs data providers. They generally liked the idea and we agreed to make a presentation to their freeholders in June.
Son and I will have this morning together yet no vehicle. I hope to spend time outside w/ him.

Is my time really my own? Sure doesn't feel that way. Work, kids, wife, goddamn dilipidated old house. Now that I have wrestled my spirit my self back from the bottle, what do I do w/ myself.

I find that I make myself think that I should always be something that I do not enjoy. That by doing such chores, I am somehow "being good." Or, even if I don't do the chores, I sulk around cuz iut wouldn't be right to enjoy myself. What the fuck is that? Where did I get all of this fucking guilt from.

I'm adult and I can so what the hell I want. Oh shit. Now I am ranting and sound like an idiot. Haven't had a drink and am actaully straight while writing this.

Having a problem w/ the archive links of the main page of this blog. Try one and they are pointing to the wrong place. The archives are located in a sub dir called "/archives/" but the Blogger software doesn't include that dir in the anchor tag. It posts the archives in the proper dir via FTP and the archive pages themselves seem to work fine. Funny, when at home I turn into a computer idiot. Tho while at the office, I am an IT maniac.
Just finished reading the last 10 pages(yes on the pooper) this AM of Edward Abbey's Beyond the Wall. Pretty good. Fast reading. Abbey's style is pretty informal and blunt. I like it tho he sometimes comes off as arrogant. I hate arrogance. Read Desert Solitaire and The Monkey Wrench Gang shortly after we moved into our first apartment in Beaverton, OR. He is all I really know about the desert but his depiction is enought to make me want to go.

Went kayaking yesterday. Went into the slough of the Delaware that creates New Bold Island. Have a nasty put in/out spot that I've been scoping for almost a year. Put in as the tide was reaching crest and paddled out of the side channels into the slough. Was nervous about the currents and tides and wind coming off the main delaware. The side channel puts me out right into the middle of the slough and I went downstream towards the mill site to the delaware and back. About 1.5 hours paddling and boy were my shoulders getting tired. I was so beat when I got back that I crashed w/ my daughter for 45 mins(she actaully never fell asleep and got out of bed right away).
While in the slough, explored the intake from Crafts' Creek which wanted to suck me upstream into the creek. Went by the mill site and saw alod brick work trying to hold up the river bank. Also, an old railroad track that comes right down to the water. That's where I turned around and headed back in.
Was entranced by the size and scale of the open Delaware at that point. Wanted to continue into the river but was getting tired. The way back was upstream as the tide had flipped while I was on the water. The entire trip out I was anxious about the strength of the current, the wind and possbile powerboat wakes. See I am a complete novice and not yet comfortable in those situations. I am making progress w/ every outin though. Would really love to be able to handle any water/weather conditions that arise in ths area. Note that there is no whitewater in my immediate vicinity. Only widn, tides and current and power boats tocontend with. In the summer there is a lot of pleasure boats on the Delaware (including my own jet ski). This part of the river does have a deep water channel and large barges and freighters plow this part from time to time.

So far, the kayak is very stable and I have so much more control than in a canoe. The kayak I am paddling is a 2 person, Old Town Otter. Basic entry level but suits my purpose and wallet. A solo boat might be easier to manage.

I have a big guilt complex over mostthings in my life. Feel like I am not doing enough. Have alway felt that way. That'swhat used to make me such a good runner back in the day cu I would workout like a madman and push myself beyond logic. Drinking would temporarily take away the guilt during the brief drunk but the guilt would come roaring back the next day in an 18 wheeler thru my self confidence. I just sat down to type this and here are the things I am feeling guilty about Right Now(guilt cuz I have not done these things):
Clean the fish tank & move big fish from sall tank to big tank.
Do my Dad's txes.
Fix the fallen shutter on the outside living room window.
Find a solution to the termite problem.
Setup the loft.
Finish the blue bathroom.
Fix the ceiling in the red bathroom.
(Guilt cuz I have done these things):
Want to spend 3 hours kayaing again today like yesterday.
Ate a ton of pitachios yesterday and no veggies.
Want pizza today and no vegies again.
NAgging wifey about smoking when she has enough to worry about.

I think I am jewish or catholic w/ all this guilt. What the hell. My mom lways looked at the negative side of every situation. Something was never good, only everything had a bad side. I certainly am that way. If I could change my outlook than perhaps I could be at peace. At peace w/ life here and now. Not caring so much about what should be. Sometimes I am so happy just enjoying the moment, I wish I could feel that way always. I am getting older, one day my kids will be gone, life can turn on a dime. Am teaching myself to enjoy as I go rather than despising today while looking for peace next week.
Play Tball w/ the kids.

Dry and liking it. My real challenges will come at future social gatherings. Alcohol could often help make a miserable party bearable. So far, I have been to 2 small get togethers and made it easily w/o booze. Tho one does tend to get bored w/o the "make me dumber" element of a social lubricant.
Wifey is trying to quit smoking. That's right, she is 4 mnths pregnant and still smokes several per day. Currently she is taking nicorette lozenges but she keeps going back to smoking. Her sisters and all ofher friends smoke. (What is it w/ these women? They are all too smart to do something so stupid! This coming from an alcoholic.) The baby doctor gently encouraged her to quit. Her sisters are no help a they don't encourage anything but sit and puff wawy right in front of he. Do you eat piza in front of a starving person? I wish she would stop.
The baby's amnio prelim results are in and he looks healthy. Yep another boy. (Forgive me if repeat myself from previous entries. Since entering 1 or 2 times a week, I may not remember what I wrote previously. PErhaps I coud reread lprevious entries before entering a new one but that is too much work.)